Last night I finally showered, at 8 p.m., and I didn't bother to wash my hair. It got a little wet, though, and that with the combination of my curls being in bed all day resulted in it drying into sort of dreadlocks. "You look like Perry Farrell," said Ned. Then he had the nerve to add, "What? He's a good-looking guy, right?"

Ned always has to confirm with you that a man is good looking. It's like if he were absolutely certain a man was handsome, he'd be in a bathhouse in the next 20 minutes. Why are straight men so weird about being gay? Even the gay-friendly men I know, which Ned is, are weird about seeming gay. Just this morning, Ned put on his purple shirt. It's a beautiful shirt, and I have never seen him in it before.

"Does this shirt look gay?" he wondered, like he'd just pulled on a tutu.

I mean, I don't really care if I look gay. Granted, I'd rather no one looked at me and thought, Oh, bulldyke, just because I try kind of hard to look girly and I'd hate to be that off base.


Look I'm going for.


Look I hope I'm not achieving. Although she looks adorable here.

But in general, you don't find women asking, Is this gay? Do I seem gay? And yet men seem scared to death of that label.

Why? Our society is stupid.

In other news, I got up today and took a shower and intended to go to work, but as I moved around I got hot and dizzy and my head is killing me. It's been killing me for more than 24 hours. I don't know if it's a migraine or a sinus headache or both, but I can't get rid of it.

In the meantime, I suggested to Ned that we change the sheets last night, because I laid in them all yesterday, contaminating them. This whole time we've been living together, we've used Ned's sheets, but last night I got out some of mine, which happen to be pale blue with sheepies on them, and each sheep has a number. Like you're counting sheep. Get it? Do you?

"You aren't serious," said Ned, as I spread the fitted sheet. "Oh, get over it," I said, throwing a pillow case at him. "Put a pillowcase on."

"Are these flannel? I'll sweat all night in flannel," he groused. "I'll cozy up right next to you if I get sweaty, just so you know."

Ned is so fussy, he might as well be gay.

And in case you were worried sick, he did NOT sweat in the flannel sheets, seeing as its JANUARY and all. Yeesch. What I did not tell him was I used to have matching pajamas, and I'd get into bed and ask Marvin, "Can you see me right now?"

I am a delight.

Okay, so, this has worn me out, sitting up and writing this post. I have an Iris on my lap and a Talu snoring on the bed, and I hate to tell her but she's getting joined by her mom and a blind cat in a minute. Yesterday while I was sleeping–that brief window–Iris and Lily got into the biggest tussle at the end of the bed. Lily was leaping on Iris over and over and biting her neck out and Iris was hissing. Then they'd stop and flump their tails at each other and do the thing where they raise their paws up and swing at nothing.

It was fun to watch other than the part where I lay dying.

Okay, I'm going to bed. For a change.

Oh, I forgot. On Monday, the night of our anniversary, I took a picture of us even though I was ill and looking awful.


0 thoughts on “You know I hate to complain

  1. BamaCarol says:

    Believe it or not Hulk there are folks down here that are Ohio State fans and we have heard it all over and over and over. So yeah, a lot more annoying than you and you national championship swag! Come back and see me after you get 14 more.


  2. Nithya says:

    Gosh Jan, that whole he’ll respect you more speech is a lot of carrot. My parents preferred the stick approach: “You’ll be ruined! Your reputation will be in tatters! Nobody will marry you and you’ll be sad old slutty spinster children laugh about!” OK, not their exact words, but the gist has been captured well.


  3. Tee, Typepad won't allow me to just be Tee says:

    process. (left this off the end of my sentence. WHY is my f sticking. I DIDN’T say f! y’all, just the f keeps not working.


  4. Tee, Typepad won't allow me to just be Tee says:

    Jan, good for you! You are a great mom. When they start leaving the house and he’s driving, MAKE him come to the door to get her and not just toot the horn in the car and expect her to run right out. You might want Brian to explain how the cow eats the cabbage, or Mother Jan can probably do a better job on the cabbage eating.


  5. Jan says:

    I meant down in above comment.
    Oh, Tee. I am TOTALLY going to repeat the words to my girls. My oldest daughter is 16 and has her first boyfriend. This far their only dates have been at my house watching movies. I’ve made it abundantly clear that it’s because there needs to be supervision. I’ve threatened to change our last name to Duggar and insist on chaperones at all dates. Her boyfriend uses Mr. and Mrs. when speaking to Brian and I; my sister asked me about it in front of him (because I’m usually pretty loosey-goosey with titles, etc) and my response was, “it’s appropriate”.
    All that said, I must tell you all my friends think all of this is HILARIOUS especially since most of them have known me since I was a teen. I have a salty mouth and was a bit wild when I was young. I just want my daughters to be better than me and make better and healthier choices than I did! Plus… I know all the tricks because I used them all on my parents. I’m wise to them!


  6. Jan says:

    I’m totally done for Ask Mother Jan!


  7. Hulk says:

    More annoying than me and my NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP SWAG?????


  8. BamaCarol says:

    I have to come to my Pie Peeps today and complain too. I have a new person across the wall from me at work and he is a tooth sucker. I am about to lose my mind completely. I have my headphones on and the classic rock cranked up but it is driving me nuts. Between that and the new baby voice near by it has become almost unbearable without noise cancelling headphones. Just had to vent today…it has been exceptionally bad this morning as the tooth sucker is usually in meetings but has not been today. Maybe I’m coming down with something to be so easily irritated today or maybe this person needs to be moved to the far reaches of the other building.


  9. Cheech says:

    Yep, it is definitely my Mom. Well you know what, Mom? I DID make him wait, and he agreed a little too easily, 25 years ago, and NOW HE’S GAY!!
    THANKS, Mom.
    I vote for Ask Mother Jan.
    Hope you’re better today, June!


  10. Jeanie says:

    And the Sacramento Kings!


  11. PJ says:

    Lisa. Not THAT Lisa. I’m sure he will be. This stuff that’s going around is really nasty.


  12. Lisa. Not THAT Lisa says:

    Purple is for girls. Oy. Someone better tell the Minnesota Vikings. And the Baltimore Ravens. And the LA Lakers. And the Colorado Rockies. And my three sons who wear purple on the reg. Geesh. All the colors are for all the peoples!
    I hope Uncle Leo is OK. (Did I do that right PJ?)


  13. Diana says:

    I was in line at the grocery store last night and at the next register a boy of about 3 or 4 was picking out a toy car. He selected a purple car and his mother kept yelling “No, not the purple car. Purple is for girls.” It was all I could do to keep my opinion to myself.
    Prince is quite fond of purple, and he’s had a passel of beauties!


  14. Amish Annie says:

    Jan’s Pearls: the gift of a lifetime.


  15. Tee, Typepad won't allow me to just be Tee says:

    Jan, are you going to repeat those words of wisdom to your girls?


  16. Outkast Lee says:

    You should, he’ll love you Forever. Plus I heard it cures pimples. And migraines.


  17. Lisa. Not THAT Lisa says:

    If you say it three times, Hulk shows up. Or maybe that’s “hooters”…


  18. Amish Annie says:

    Don’t judge me for saying hoot, it just came out.


  19. Amish Annie says:

    I think it would be a riot if there was an Ask Mother Jan Anything day and we submit questions and Mother Jan picks a few and answers them in a guest post. What a hoot!


  20. Texas Kari says:

    June, I hope you feel better soon. When I am sick I watch a LOT of TV. Maybe you will get all caught up on your shows.
    Also, Jan is hilarious.


  21. Sadie says:

    Dear June,
    I’m whispering so I don’t wake you from your nap. Hope it’s not the flu and that you’ll feel better soon.


  22. Carol in Mpls says:

    Shed the crud June. Then you can have a do-over on your anniversary special activities.
    Just returned from the doc and Target, with new Rx. Hoping to get my ears cleared so I can actually hear again. Felt bad for the gal at Target Rx, having a migraine for several days, and underneath all those nasty fluorescent lights. That would do it for me.
    Apparently, having a Cat in My Lap is the norm when being sick.


  23. Linda in CO says:

    I can see Jan is going to have a LOT to add to our Forever book club review.
    I love the anniversary picture.
    Get over this crud already, would you? (insert appropriate emoticon)


  24. dancer says:

    joob – do we need to entertain you? or are you sleepin with all dem sheeps?
    just asking cuz i loved to be fawned over when i’m sick.


  25. Jan the world's mother says:

    Cheech, let me add: if he loves you, REALLY loves you like he says he does, he will wait. He will be HONORED to wait because he will know you are saving yourself, the most precious gift a woman can give to another, only FOR HIM. He will wait and love and respect you more because of it.


  26. Cheech says:

    Mom? Is that you? I’m pretty sure that’s what she said to me, word for word, Jan. I was around 19 (and it was already too late, but we won’t tell her that).
    Such a sweet anniversary picture, June, even with the germs. Happy belated NedaJuneaversary.


  27. Amish Annie says:

    I KNOW PJ, I think so too! The whistles. Sighhhhh. It’s funny but that song was on the radio in my office a few minutes ago and husband walked over from the shop (we work together) and poked his head in and said he just wanted me to know this song always reminds him of me. Awwwwww. Maybe because I play it so much, ha!


  28. PJ never thought I'd say something like this about whistling says:

    When he whistles, Amish, in the beginning when he whistles. I just want him when he whistles.


  29. Kirby says:

    I have those sheets but pink! And you can use flannel sheets in Michigan till damn near June.


  30. Amish Annie says:

    Did I shut down comments due to my veiled threats of a hair pulling match with PJ? I’M SORRY PJ!!! We can share! Not at the same time, but something can be worked out with Tarzan.


  31. Amish Annie says:

    Unless you’re all hot and bothered by skirted Dave Navarro and his nipple ring or the blonde dude, then fan away.


  32. Amish Annie says:

    Back off, PJ! Perry is singing and climbing poles for ME and ME only. In Joob’s words, get off Perry! Well except Joob says GET OFF NED but you get the drift.


  33. Letha says:

    Ned is an HH. He is. Lucky you!
    Feel better, June.


  34. I give another vote for “That is a great picture, June.”
    My cats, Murphy and Seamus, do that fighting thing a lot. A couple of weeks ago I was having some difficulty getting out of bed when the alarm clock told me to, and right in the middle of my argument with it, Murphy got so pissed off that he launched himself off the bed and away from Seamus. Except that he used my neck as a springboard and punctured it several times. Needless to say, getting out of bed was no longer a chore.


  35. Mel says:

    I have an outfit that I know makes me look like a lesbian and I complain about it to my coworkers, who tell me I do, indeed, look like a lesbian in the outfit. What does “look like a lesbian” mean? We aren’t sure, but apparently I’m hitting all the marks.


  36. PJ says:

    Oh! Amish! That vee-de-oh! I am fanning myself.


  37. Pamela Soul Sister says:

    Nice anniversary photo.
    When my husband and I started sleeping together in 2000, not only did I buy new sheets, but I bought a new mattress, too. I needed to start fresh, with no connection to my ex. I’m weird.
    Feel better, Joob.
    I always feel so smug this time of year when everyone is catching colds and fighting flus and I’m not. Then March comes and I get hit with the worst of whatever is lingering out there. I never learn.


  38. Jeanie says:

    Hope you’re feeling better today, Joon. I love your sheep sheets. (Say that real fast.) I agree that’s a most excellent picture of you and Ned, but aren’t his glasses a little gay-ish? Oh, I kid.


  39. Jan says:

    Don’t give in to that pressure, June! Once you lose your virginity you can’t get it back. Your delicate flower is a precious gift you need to save for your intended.
    ADORABLE picture of you and Ned! Have I mentioned I enjoy the facial hair. Ned’s hot. I’m officially on Ned.


  40. Laura in Big D says:

    I think that’s the best pic of Ned I’ve ever seen, and I love the sweet kiss.


  41. Hulk says:

    Reason 309574847585 we never hooked up: flannel sheets


  42. Amish Annie says:

    Perry Farrell in this veedeo is so gorgeously sexy. I watch this at least once a month, mainly because I love this song, but even Dave Navarro in a skirt is skanky cute here and normally he creeps me out. And the blonde guy is cute too but I prefer a much dirty look if I’m going with skank, thankyouverymuch.
    Perry Farrell without dreads? No thank you but a tribal Perry with dreads…all day long.
    By the way, this song Jane Says, you have to click on at least to 2:45 to see the complete stud that is Perry. There’s a loooong intro here. Don’t click on the official veedeo for Jane Says that’s only 4 minutes long, it’s gross and features too many women and not enough of Perry.

    Hope you feel better soon, Joob!


  43. June Gardens says:

    Ned is excellent.


  44. PJ has taken note of your selfless self in posting to us as you die says:

    Every one of those pictures tickled me. You know that if I were in town I’d bring you a pot of steaming peppery French onion soup. Even if you didn’t like the soup, just inhaling the steam might make you feel better.
    You really do have the crud. And Ned sleeps with virus breeding you? In our house love has its limits.


  45. dancer says:

    ugh. i hate being sick.
    is ned a good nurse maid?


  46. LaUral, who cares not about the liver heading her way because she is concerned, says:

    Oh, fuck Typepad! It’s eating my posts!


  47. LaUral, who cares not about the liver heading her way because she is concerned, says:

    Have you considered getting tested for flu? What you have going on sounds a lot like my flu-infested coworker at the beginning of her illness.


  48. LaUral, who cares not about the liver heading her way because she is concerned, says:

    Have you considered getting tested for flu? What you have going on sounds like what my flu-infested coworker had at the beginning…


  49. Shannon says:

    Excellent painted image of the Feline Fight from the end of the bed.
    Hope the snoring does the trick and you’re feeling better soon!


  50. Megsie says:

    That picture is awesome! So darling of both of you. Even though you are on the brink of death.
    I hope today you rest enough that you feel better tomorrow. Sick is no fun. I have to keep that in mind because I kinda want to stay in bed today, too.
    Feel better! Lovely post, June.


  51. June Gardens says:

    He’s really been pressuring me to try sex, too, now that we sleep in the same bed.


  52. Outkast Lee says:

    Am I first? I wallow in my bed of unemployed disability, I need to start the day off right?
    You sleep in bed together? But you’re not married! I was thinking you had bunk beds or something!


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