I found a picture of the scary vampire clown!!! Awhile back, I wrote an article for Purple Clover about all the depressing art that hung in my childhood home, including a depressing red clown (shiver) and a vampire clown, who my mother assures me was a saint, and I say Saint of Saint Nightmare. Anyway, … Continue reading Saint of Saint Nightmare. Plus, prom.
This morning I told you I'd blog at lunch and then I said, "What should I write about?" and WOW with the responses. Whatever with you guys. Oh, we'll just sit here and wait, June, in silence, June, while you do all the work, June. And be funny, June! Fortunately, Faithful Reader Slutty Pancakes spoke … Continue reading You wrote it, you watch it
What should I talk about? Oh, and here's my latest Purple Clover.
"I'm boyfriend-free this weekend," one of the Alexes at work wrote me. "We should do something fun." What does it say about me that as soon as you say "something fun," dancing at the gay bar is the first thing that comes to mind? It says I'm a big fat homo, is what it says. … Continue reading June’s Lesbian Adventure
Ned and I were out late last night; we went to see Lucinda Williams. Please remind me to tell you about the Excitable Roy who sat in front of us. He looked like my friend Roy--at first I thought it WAS my friend Roy, with his ginger hair and long beard--and you could be … Continue reading Tipsy Gypsy Nipsey
Today at 12:45 I have to have an ultrasound to look at the ovarian cyst they found while they were looking for my kidney stone and FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK FUCK FUCK. Ima ask them to take a gander while they're up there, see if they still see a kidney stone. I mean, they're ALREADY THERE, … Continue reading Is it, like, the best sound you could ever hope for? Or what?
Yesterday I went to the dick doctor. I snapped this picture and texted it to Ned right away. Because mature. "I had no idea there'd be so many posters of penises in here," I told the beleaguered nurse who took my vitals. "This is like my bedroom in junior high!" Probably nurses don't know what … Continue reading Highway to the transitional zone
I've decided we should have a bet of some sort. When will I pass this damn stone? It could be anytime between now and six weeks from now, or even longer. We could also have a guess for, "It will come out and June will have no clue that it did." What say you? And … Continue reading Babbling brook
I have no idea if I've shed this boulder that's residing in my woo. If I see Indiana Jones running outta there, I can be assured the stone's coming next. When they told me I had a kidney stone, they didn't say, Oh, save the thing so we can analyze it, or Here's a nice … Continue reading The monkey’s off my back, but the circus is still in town
Yesterday, I asked a nurse if she had something I could throw up in. And that was the least of my worries. Finding a barf container was low on my list, me, the barf-phobic person. If you're thinking, "You know what I've never done? Is have a kidney stone. Maybe I should look into one," … Continue reading June’s blog: Flintstones edition
At urgent care. They suspect kidney stone.
Oh my self-love, you guys are KILLING me with the posts you're sending me for this book that will make me exactly as famous as Beyonce. June-on-say. Incidentally, I found an age spot on my eyelid this morning, which is also something Beyonce finds often. Is she even that much younger than me? How old … Continue reading The June Gardens rose. Now with glitter!
Your suggestions are rolling in, not literally because how could a suggestion literally roll in, of which posts I should put in a book. They've ranged from you sending 20 from one month (Slutty Pancakes) to just one or two. This is great! Now I have to go read them and be all judge-y about … Continue reading What in the world
It's finally nice enough that we can eat outside, and here you can behold Ned's depleted salad. Note he did not really eat the dressing. Good god. Did I go out LOOKING for someone who could make me feel bad about my fine eating habits? Not that I'll change them. I'll just feel bad about … Continue reading A fantastic and more fun in the great taste
I was just in the break room discussing how I want to turn this blog into a book, and how this weekend I started reading posts from 2011 and planned to set aside any that were funny. But I must have lost my funny in 2011, because yawn. "Why don't you see if your readers … Continue reading A brilliant idea that I will take full credit for
I did not get to blog last night, as we did not go to a movie till 7:00 yesterday. This was my fault, as I wanted to nap. Sue me. Anyway, we saw Turner: I was really disappointed when it wasn't about Tina Turner. I was so hoping it'd be every nuance of Ted … Continue reading Givin’ Off Sparks
I just went to get the mail, and among the old-lady catalogs (Soft Surroundings, the catalog for night sweats) and a bill was a small, white package. Usually I get packages, but this time it was addressed to Ned. "Ned, you have a small package!" I yelled up to him. "Thanks, sweetheart," he yelled back. … Continue reading Smooth
After what can only be described as a harrowing--harrowing!!--day, I am now upstairs in the safety of my room, where I wish never to emerge from again, blogging at you while Ned watches a sporting event downstairs. I was so stressed out and traumatized by the end of work that I got to yoga immediately … Continue reading Say, did you borrow my yellow shirt and burgundy slacks?
Yesterday we had a contest to name the disgusting nail polish color I got during this past unfortunate manicure. Maybe I could have named it Focus. Anyway, the winner is... Silly Putty Fuddy Duddy, thought up by Deb, Who is Back to Being Deb. I have no idea who she used to be, but there … Continue reading Sandra Dee O A