Saint of Saint Nightmare. Plus, prom.

I found a picture of the scary vampire clown!!! Awhile back, I wrote an article for Purple Clover about all the depressing art that hung in my childhood home, including a depressing red clown (shiver) and a vampire clown, who my mother assures me was a saint, and I say Saint of Saint Nightmare. Anyway, … Continue reading Saint of Saint Nightmare. Plus, prom.

Is it, like, the best sound you could ever hope for? Or what?

Today at 12:45 I have to have an ultrasound to look at the ovarian cyst they found while they were looking for my kidney stone and FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK FUCK FUCK. Ima ask them to take a gander while they're up there, see if they still see a kidney stone. I mean, they're ALREADY THERE, … Continue reading Is it, like, the best sound you could ever hope for? Or what?

The monkey’s off my back, but the circus is still in town

I have no idea if I've shed this boulder that's residing in my woo. If I see Indiana Jones running outta there, I can be assured the stone's coming next. When they told me I had a kidney stone, they didn't say, Oh, save the thing so we can analyze it, or Here's a nice … Continue reading The monkey’s off my back, but the circus is still in town

The June Gardens rose. Now with glitter!

Oh my self-love, you guys are KILLING me with the posts you're sending me for this book that will make me exactly as famous as Beyonce. June-on-say. Incidentally, I found an age spot on my eyelid this morning, which is also something Beyonce finds often. Is she even that much younger than me? How old … Continue reading The June Gardens rose. Now with glitter!

A fantastic and more fun in the great taste

It's finally nice enough that we can eat outside, and here you can behold Ned's depleted salad. Note he did not really eat the dressing. Good god. Did I go out LOOKING for someone who could make me feel bad about my fine eating habits? Not that I'll change them. I'll just feel bad about … Continue reading A fantastic and more fun in the great taste

Smooth

I just went to get the mail, and among the old-lady catalogs (Soft Surroundings, the catalog for night sweats) and a bill was a small, white package. Usually I get packages, but this time it was addressed to Ned. "Ned, you have a small package!" I yelled up to him. "Thanks, sweetheart," he yelled back. … Continue reading Smooth

Say, did you borrow my yellow shirt and burgundy slacks?

After what can only be described as a harrowing--harrowing!!--day, I am now upstairs in the safety of my room, where I wish never to emerge from again, blogging at you while Ned watches a sporting event downstairs. I was so stressed out and traumatized by the end of work that I got to yoga immediately … Continue reading Say, did you borrow my yellow shirt and burgundy slacks?