You see those jeans back there, behind my gaggle o' pets? The ZIPPER needs FIXING, and I've had them splayed on that chair for months because I don't know how to sew. I wish I had skills at anything. Also, why can't Edsel just sit like a normal dog? Why must he gangle? Twelve seconds … Continue reading Linear
Hi, everyone!!! How's everyone's day going!!?? Sure have missed you all since yesterday!! : ) God, wouldn't it be awful if I were cheerful like that? I've always been what you might call a cranky person, and I have no problem with that. I do know some cheerful people who I like. The guy who … Continue reading June’s Cheer Blog
This morning I woke up and felt like I was getting a cold. "You realize you're always getting a cold, right?" asked Ned. I AM NOT! Okay, maybe I kind of always am. BUT THIS TIME IT'S REAL. Anyway, today I'm going to answer more of your questions that you asked me now 16 years … Continue reading Your dog is not a person. But she does leave photo captions.
Before I forget, because you know I always do, here is my latest Purple Clover article. It's full of fire and brilliance. Do you remember the early '80s commercials for the Blue Star Counterfeit diamond ring? "Full of fire and brilliance. And it comes in a man's style, too!" The man in that commercial was … Continue reading If you please
Ned came home right after work last night, so that we could take the dogs on a long walk, and also so that he didn't have to hear it from me about how he's always at the goddamn gym all night. Ned's job is super-stressy, and the gym is, like, how he unstresses, so basically … Continue reading Edsel Gardens, Murdery Pants
This is one of those days (remember that commercial for Midol, I think it was? "Are you having one of THOSE days?") where I sit down to type at you and have no idea what Ima talk about. God, what WAS that commercial for? Was it pills or pads or what? I just know that … Continue reading Opinion cookie
If Ned's not here, I have to walk the dogs separately, because if they see another dog, they attack each other like idiots. I do not know what drives them to do such a thing, other than they can't attack the dog they see, so it's the next-best thing. You know how sometimes people say … Continue reading The Color…Oh, You Know
I completely forgot about my Purple Clover deadline last night, and it is all Ned's fault. So now I must sweatily write it before my editor wakes up in LA, and that is why today's post is going to be one of those short, I ask YOU questions kind of things. These usually end up … Continue reading Ribbed questions. For your pleasure.
When Ned and I moved in together, he said he didn't want the dogs on the couch or in our bed. I agreed to this, although I was secretly baffled by such a rule. If it were up to me, I'd wear the dogs around my neck like a stole, which would smell fantastic. It'd … Continue reading Gategate
I've been out doing things all day, and in preparation for my evening, I just put toner on my face, toner that's supposed to clear away dull flakes to uncover skin that's fresh and glowing. Every time I put it on, I look in the mirror hoping to see the skin I had when I … Continue reading A remaining pip of toilet paper
My new iPhone will not make phone calls. Which, I know everyone forgets that smartphones are supposed to be PHONES for making CALLS, but that's what smartphones are. Just a little reminder from June. And I actually call people, still. So a phone that, oh, can be used as a phone would be nice. Does … Continue reading Probe June
Awhile ago, I got an email from my credit card company. Dear Jooooon, it said. The design on your credit card has expired, it said. The design has expired? We could send you a new card with a regular boring blue design, or you could pick one of these pictures if you want, or upload … Continue reading Got a photograph, picture of
Last night, Marvin and I went to the sandwich place for-- Oh, my god. Ned. NED and I went to the sandwich place, holy CRAP. I never once even tried the sandwich place with Marvin, and I know you think I made that error on purpose but I didn't. Have been awake 18 minutes. Good … Continue reading Free Cardinal
I abhor the people across the street with every fiber of my being. I have an abhorrence for them that I usually reserve for celebrities who bow in front of you with their hands in prayer position like they're saying namaste. Namaste my ass, you nincompoop. For six months, we had these kids living across … Continue reading Neighborhood Munch
The terse drive. We pulled up to the church--which was lovely, by the way. One of those big old beautiful ones, not one of those cinderblock churches that looks like it might have been a Goodwill at one point--exactly at 4:30. "Do you want me to--" "YES," I said to Ned, already climbing out. Yes, … Continue reading Get me to the church on time
It is Sunday evening, and I am on my computer while Ned is at his, doing his taxes. He just said, "Son of a bitch," and I feel like Ned is going to be a bit of a swearwolf tonight. I am having strawberries and cutting cheese, which always makes me snicker like a 7th … Continue reading Princesses Rule
On my way to Raleigh, to see my old pal Cardinal, who I haven't seen since 1999. We're gonna party like it's--oh, forget it. Last night, I went to a wedding, which I will tell you about in exhausting detail along with the details of seeing Cardinal. June, mature. And out.
It bugs me that I have ALMOST a thousand Facebook friends. Will you be my Facebook friend, so I can up it to 1,000? My name may or may not be Karen Sommerfeld, on Facebook. Not in real life. Nope. GO!
Yesterday I got a new phone, because I was finally eligible for an upgrade, and my current, now former (iPhone, fmr.) phone had a big crack in it, which is what SHE said, and also the flash on it had not worked for years. The point is, here is the first picture I took with … Continue reading YOU’RE a towel
Am 100% totally late because of Ned. We have a busy day planned: Tonight we're going to a Scrabble tournament with Marty Martin and Kayeeee, because nerds. Then at 10:30 tonight, the Louis CK show comes back on, and I am beside myself. Then I will be exhausted from going to bed that late. Yesterday … Continue reading Ask June. Old School.