This morning I woke up and felt like I was getting a cold. "You realize you're always getting a cold, right?" asked Ned.
I AM NOT! Okay, maybe I kind of always am. BUT THIS TIME IT'S REAL.
Anyway, today I'm going to answer more of your questions that you asked me now 16 years ago.
How long did it take you and Slutty Pancakes to walk 2.6 miles?
I don't know; less than an hour. We walked the entire hour yesterday, and Slutty had a sprained ankle, and it was three and a half miles, or something. Are we thin yet?
Wait. Did I already answer that? Good gravy.
What makes for a good home for a dog? We want to adopt this year, but I have such trepidation.
We have no experience with pet ownership, are away from home all day, are dealing with the distraction of a kid who isn't well, and we want to travel more. My kids and I desperately crave the love and companionship and feel a dog will bring us joy, but are we being selfish? Are we good candidates?
I say, unless you're going to literally be gone for 16 hours a day or something, get a dog and work it out. Hire a dog walker or take 'em to day care. Dogs need homes, and frankly, we're all getting so weird about them. Oh, he needs an ORTHOPEDIC bed! He needs an always-flowing water fountain!
He's a dog. He eats poop and sleeps on the gravel driveway by choice. He's not a person. Let me repeat that.
Your dog is not a person.
Get a dog.
I think Ned either works for the NC department of transportation or the phone company. Am I warm?
Hah! No. He works for his family's business. Ned is in organized crime.
Did you miss Facebook when you took your hiatus at Lent?
You know, no. Not so much. The LAST time I gave it up, the very day I got back on there, there was drama. Then this time, sure, some days I was bored and wished I could peruse Facebook, but day one. DAY ONE. Drama again. On stupid Facebook. So, maybe FB isn't such a good place for me. I feel like I need to be on it to promote this blog and my articles, but why do I even need to promote those? You all know they exist.
I haven't walked or worked out in two years and I'm still not thin. Am I doing something wrong, June?
Life is not fair. If a man even THOUGHT about walking, he'd shed seven pounds. If he walked to the store to buy walking shoes, he'd be a size four by the time he crossed the parking lot.
1. What's your middle name?
2. If you could only eat one kind of food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Michelle. Because 1965 called. I don't think June Gardens has a middle name, does she? Unless I've been all "Call me June Sports Gardens" or "June Rational Gardens, over here." That sort of thing.
Strawberries. I could eat strawberries till I grew seeds.
Oh. I see I answered that in the comments the other day:
"JUNE'S middle name, or my real middle name? I think June's middle name would be Fuck Natural, but my real middle name is Michelle. And strawberries."
At least I'm consistent.
I also already answered this one:
What will Don Draper be doing at the end of Mad Men??
I hope me.
If you could live anywhere on earth right now, where would it be? If you could live anywhere at anytime on earth, when and where would it be?
Somewhere warm and beachy that had a lot of cool old houses. I'd like a screened porch that overlooked said beach. And Paris in the 1920s.
What's one question you'd ask Howard Stern?
I think I'd want to know what really went wrong in his marriage, and why does his first wife seem to hate him so much. I think it's pretty cheeky to be resentful of someone when you're enjoying his millions.
Do you think Siren will ever come back to us?
Siren was a really cool, very interesting young girl who used to read this blog and comment here, and she was great. We all loved her. Maybe too much. I have talked to her and she isn't mad at us or anything, but she just went on to other things, I think. I also miss Matze, this hilarious foreign guy who read this blog and left great comments.
I have to go. It's late and I haven't showered, plus also this cold. This impending cold. At least you know if this DOES turn out to be a cold, I will be stoic about it and you won't hear a thing more on the topic.
I leave you with this:
Talu do Edzul impresh