You know how I enjoy the phrase "as you may or may not know," because it's so useful. But as you may or may not know, some years back, a reader created a Facebook page for fans of this blog. And really? You're a fan of this blog? You poor thing. The page is called… Continue reading Sandy Schwinkendorf, and other faithful readers
It's Sunday morning, although technically it's five to 12:00, so "morning" is pushing it. Ned warned me days ago that he is playing golf with his dad today, and that he'd have to be there by 12:30, and my first thought was, "Darn," but to tell you the truth then I kind of started looking… Continue reading June anticipates her alone time
"Ugly baby alert," said Ned, while we were at dinner. I perused the restaurant. "I don't see any babies at all." And thank god. There is no need to bring babies to restaurants. That's why god invented babysitters, y'all. "It's still inside the mother, but look at the parents. The world should brace itself for… Continue reading Moon Pie
I had to work from home this morning while the repair guy fixed my TV and Internet. We haven't had TV all summer. Just now, Bewitched came on! Apparently he fixed the TV and time. Hellooooo, 1971! Do I get my owl mobile back? Cause that thing rocked '71. Once he's done, I'll walk to… Continue reading June blogs to avoid seducing the cable guy
I still have no WiFi at home, and I had so many more pictures to show you. I know you are the Indian with a tear right now. This is as bad as litter. Since I can't talk to you, let's do this: What was the number one song on your 15th birthday? For me,… Continue reading What’s the matter with the clothes I’m wearin’
We are back in the South, where as soon as we opened the airport doors, the humidity hit us and it was impossible to breathe. However, here was our sky last night as we sat on the front porch. I slept like the dead last night and now it's 7:30 already, plus our WiFi is… Continue reading The Return of June
Really, the most exciting part of yesterday was when we saw the deer not 20 feet from us. See all three of them? The second fawn is sitting behind the bush, on the left. Oh, I kiss you all so bad I do!! When I get back and have time to bore you with my… Continue reading Oh, deer
I'm in the backyard at my mother's house, blogging at you from their fancy Mac Air laptop. I know! Remember how any other time I've ever blogged from here, I've been all, George Washington blogged here, so slow was their computer? And for years I was banished to the basement, like some sort of tortured princess,… Continue reading The smell of June is strong
For 120 years now, Griff has worked where I work, and his general cantankerousness has amused everyone who comes in contact with him. He has extremely strong opinions on things that don't matter. Such as, "Mango salsa pisses me off." In fact, he has so many opinions that I am going to intersperse some of… Continue reading Griff and the Shrimp-Shaped Pinata
This is one of those days where I have no idea what Ima blog about. What I'm saying to you is, prepare to be deeply bored. Here's Ned at lunch the other day. Some days we both come home at lunch. Some days we actually have lunch. And Dear Ned: We put that candle holder… Continue reading Everything and nothing
One fall evening back in 2012, Ned and I were at this local theater. It's got little round tables where you can drink and watch plays, and what's a better combo than that? We were still in the flush of new love and were relatively gross at that point, but I saw the Naughty Professor… Continue reading A love story with a happy ending. I know! Weird.
While Ned swept the house, I Windexed the mirrors so I can see myself, and also Soft Scrubbed the sinks. I got the ends of my robe sleeve wet, and I read once that getting the tips of your robe sleeves wet is like receiving tiny, terrible kisses from the devil, and I have never… Continue reading June blogs, naked and annoyed
[Boring who-reads-me stuff below, but scroll down and I show you where it gets interesting again. I mean, "interesting" is a relative term.] Hello, all 579 readers! Okay, I know I have more readers than that. Because the last time my old counter thingie, Sitemeter, told me I had just 579 visits in one day… Continue reading June. Read by 579 people since 2015. Or not.
I had to get to work early today, because my car. I had to take it to the shop, and Ned had to drop me off, which means I got here at, like, 5 a.m. So because I'm here I cannot blog, but can you help a sister out? Since 2007, I have used this… Continue reading Are you reading this dumb blog? Tell me!
Yesterday, I ended up working out for 100 minutes. I don't even know what to tell you. I got inspired. It was a dumb inspiration. My muse is an asshole. Before. I've no idea why I look like I'm preparing to be slaughtered. Except MAYBE I KNEW. After. Note the addition of a sports bra,… Continue reading I’m just a mirage in your kiddie pool
Ten days ago, I spent three hours and $165, plus tip, at the hairdresser, where I got new color that was supposed to be lighter and looks exactly the same as it did when I walked in, minus the gray roots. And just now, as I moved my hair aside to brush my eyebrows, I… Continue reading Let it go, but not in a Frozen way. Isn’t that a Frozen song? Why do I know that? Sad.
We just got a new toaster and butter dish, and I have a collection of vintage slips. I was wearing my coral slip--in which I look fetching if you ask me--Sunday morning when I went out to get the paper and got a brilliant idea. I ran in and grabbed the butter dish and held… Continue reading June talks about food a lot, but is not on the MaryJane, she swears
There's a woman at work, Susan, who found personalized Cokes for every single one of us. She left them on our desks yesterday and it was very exciting. Naturally, in that super-private open-floor plan, I could hear everyone's excitement as they discovered their bottle. "Wow! Cool! Who gave me this?" everyone would say. Every single… Continue reading Having a fit. Bit.
We spent $950,000 on a dog gate when we first moved in here, because one of us didn't want the dogs on the couch or the bed. I will let you throw caution to the wind and hazard a guess on which of us that was. We spent countless hours finding the just right gate,… Continue reading The one where Tallulah kind of acts like a jerk.
A rundown of my evening with no Ned in it... 7 a.m. till 5 p.m. I was so looking forward to having the house to myself for one night, just to come home and sit quietly and do nothing. Ned's a big do-things guy, and to tell you the truth, I am not that into… Continue reading Nary a Ned