Beauty products · Family · June can't keep a man · June's stupid life

I never promised you a June garden

My cousin Katy sent me new lipsticks!! I was really just thinking, I should go buy me a lipstick. Any time I buy a new one, I think THIS will be the color for me. THIS will be my signature color, and I'll wonder how I got along without it. I once read an article… Continue reading I never promised you a June garden

...friend/Ned · June can't keep a man · June's stupid life

Total Whine

The other day I was at Lowe's, because every time you move you have to go to Lowe's, it's the law. Anyway, across the street from Lowe's is this store called Total Wine, which Ned calls Totally Wine, and it's things like this that stick with you when you're trying to forget someone. Marvin always… Continue reading Total Whine

...friend/Ned · June can't keep a man · June's stupid life

God giggles at June

"I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life," Ned just said. I assured him he is not. "Who else am I gonna meet that's 50 and just as immature as me? Everyone else is grown up," he said. He has a point there. It's probably a sign from god that we should… Continue reading God giggles at June

Aging ungracefully · June can't keep a man · June's stupid life

My happy hour of need

The good news is, since I moved in here, my credit score has gone up 58 points. Fifty-eight points, dudes! My car is paid off, and two of my three credit cards are at zero. So that's a plus. On the other hand, I'm a year older with nothing to show for it but four… Continue reading My happy hour of need

Faithful Readers · June's stupid life

In which June starts comparing herself to Frida, which means she has really lost it

A faithful reader sent me a poem that allegedly Frida Kahlo wrote--I did not confirm that part. Here: "leaving is not enough; you muststay gone. train your heartlike a dog. change the lockseven on the house he’s nevervisited. you lucky, lucky girl.you have an apartmentjust your size. a bathtubfull of tea. a heart the sizeof… Continue reading In which June starts comparing herself to Frida, which means she has really lost it

At Two With Nature · June's stupid life

Aw, nuts

Ned took this picture of Lu and me last night, while I was taking a break from packing. Whenever Ned and I start talking now, Tallulah nervously enters the room and groans. Then she walks between us and puts her paw on either one of us. I think she's worried we're gonna fight, which we… Continue reading Aw, nuts

...friend/Ned · I hate everything · June's stupid life

June goes on a date with her ex-boyfriend Ned

When I was 11, we moved into an old, pretty house with a fireplace and an upstairs, which we didn't have in our old house, and after one month exactly, my parents got divorced and we moved out. I wonder if that's why I'm so incredibly traumatized about moving out of this house. It's a… Continue reading June goes on a date with her ex-boyfriend Ned

June can't keep a man · June's stupid life

Alone again, naturally

A week ago, Ned and I broke up. I felt like his absence on here has been remarkably conspicuous, but that's probably because I just miss Ned. We're here in this house together, for now. My tenants have till November 15 to move out, because I could not feel more guilty about kicking them out,… Continue reading Alone again, naturally

Friends · Hair · I am a pleasure of life · June's stupid life

Oh, sorry

We have a greenway near work, and one of the Alexes was walking on it when she stumbled upon a man having a time with himself. She didn't literally stumble upon him, thank god. Anyway, when she noticed him, he said, "Oh. Sorry." Sorry! He was the perv with the polite. "To be fair," I… Continue reading Oh, sorry

Friends · June's stupid life · Times I Amused My Own Self

Mikhail Gorbachev goes to lesbian taco

Along with 47 people named Alex at my job, there are also 15,000 men named Michael in my department. As a result, we call them all by their last names, and then anytime someone says, "Mike," I'm all, "Who?" One of these souls is Fewks, whose last name is not spelled "Fewks," but it's close… Continue reading Mikhail Gorbachev goes to lesbian taco

Health · June's stupid life · Other people's pets

Wherefore art thou, rodeo?

Sometimes I feel like I'm the last blogger. Back in 2008, everybody had a freaking blog. Now it's crickets out there. And let's face it, I'm not really that stick-to-it kind of a gal. But here I still am. Officially unfashionable. And to that I say hooo care? Yuu no that Lu line. That collar… Continue reading Wherefore art thou, rodeo?

Aging ungracefully · Hair · June's stupid life

Where Ellen DeGeneres gets on 20-year-old skinny June

My cousin Maria sent me this picture and I've never seen it before. I know from that nice perm that I am 20 years old there. This is the summer I met Marvin and he didn't like me. LOOK HOW HOT, despite the perm. Whatever, MARVIN. Plus, I had a kitten on my lap. What… Continue reading Where Ellen DeGeneres gets on 20-year-old skinny June

Faithful Readers · June's stupid life

Your rotten personalities revealed

It is almost 10 o'clock at night and I'm at work, still. I'll be here forever, I am not even kidding you, so I decided to tally and report your answers from the personality test I gave you while I'm waiting for more work to come. So, if you weren't here yesterday, I gave a… Continue reading Your rotten personalities revealed

Faithful Readers · Pieces of Wisdom

What stupid, horrific personality do YOU have?

Today we're all gonna take a personality test and report the results here. I will tell you what you all said tomorrow. Please answer me by 9 p.m. Eastern time today. Google "What time is it in Eastern time?" if you don't know what time Eastern time is. Yesterday I got invited to a concert… Continue reading What stupid, horrific personality do YOU have?

Friends · June doesn't know any ugly people · June's stupid life · Money · My pets

The one where June has too many pets

Last night, after work, one of the Alexes invited me to go to her apartment building to do yoga. I realize it's probably immoral to partake of free yoga when one does not pay rent to live in the building that gives you free yoga, but I'm a scofflaw. "I'm leaving to do yoga," I… Continue reading The one where June has too many pets

...friend/Ned · Current Affairs · Food and Drink · June's stupid life

ForgotTitle

When Ned and I weren't letting love lift us up where we belong this weekend, we were playing with an app. I know. We've turned into those people. We might as well get a leather sectional. It's called Karen, and she's a life coach, and she's, you know, like a live person. Well, not really… Continue reading ForgotTitle

...friend/Ned · I am high-maintenance · I hate everything · June's stupid life · Times I Amused My Own Self

June and Ned Get High

The holiday weekend yawned before us with nary a plan, which was delightful news because we'd both had harrowing weeks at work. "I can't TELL you how happy I am to be home with nothing to do," Ned kept telling me all of Friday evening, thereby rendering him a big liar, or at least inaccurate.… Continue reading June and Ned Get High

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life · Marvin

If Ned and Marvin got in a fight, who do you think would win?

Last night, I was still at work because HELLO BUSY when Ned emailed me. "I'm not going to the gym tonight; I'm coming straight home. Want to go out to dinner?" I guess he read my blog yesterday. Now I feel bad. BUT THAT DAMN GYM! I went home and there was Ned, which was… Continue reading If Ned and Marvin got in a fight, who do you think would win?