See You This Tuesday

Maybe other people would find it depressing to live alone in a pet-free house after a breakup, but I gotta tell you, I just loves it.

That's a line from The Color Purple. Celie asks Shug how Shug can stand to sleep with Mister, and Shug says, "I just loves it."

If you didn't see The Color Purple, that whole sentence was gobbeldygook. I know a person who constantly tells stories about people you've never heard of as if you should know who they all are. "Greg told me he's seeing a therapist." "Who the fuck is Greg?" "Oh, he's my dentist." I mean, HOW WOULD I KNOW THIS? Why don't you say, "My dentist told me…" or "My coworker said.."

Anyway, I just loves it. I don't know how YOU recover from things ("PJ says she recovers from things by…" "Who the hell is PJ?" See, I don't do that. I say "a reader." "A reader tells me she has sex with her husband six times a week."), but for me, the thing I do after is isolate. Preserve myself in amber. I mean, I'm in that HORRIFIC OPEN FLOOR PLAN all day, so people people people people all day long FUCK ME, and I did talk on the phone to my friend Nadja for the whole drive home yesterday, but then I got here and bliss. Silent bliss.

This entire time I've been blogging at you, my former spouse Marvin has been texting me weird names of people he keeps finding on Facebook. Someone with the last name Rotund-Tushmie. Someone named Janpledawarbaangerrujigu Angar-ijuut, and in parentheses she calls herself "Warba." "Why not just Jan?" asked Marvin.

"Janpledawarbaangerrujigu told me that she…" I told Marvin just now to stop texting me, as he KNOWS it's my blog time. He started this nine years ago. He should know.

Speaking of people texting me, The Tall Boy did so this weekend to see how I was doing. Which was nice. "Who's The Tall Boy?" "Oh, he's this person I dated for 28 days, like a menstrual cycle, and then we got over that and became friends."

Anyway, at some point in the coversation, he found his emojis on his phone. Emojis
I told him "rectangle back at ya." And then I found a rooster and a lollipop. Have a good weekend, [rooster/lollipop]," I wrote, feeling myself deeply. Seriously, I was giggling like an idiot. Fukemojis

Chicken pop. Good gravy. Feline cutlery. Emojis are stupid.

Oh, but the only thing is? She says, going back to the topic of living here completely alone like she hasn't talked about 80 other things since then, is I keep thinking there are cats. I hear the heater click and I assume cat walking somewhere. I see something out of the corner of my eye, and to me it's gonna be a cat. Kaye had two cats who lived here till they got old and died. I wonder if they haunt the place? I would love them. I would love the ghost kitties.

I like how my phone identifies Tall Boy as "Tall" when we're texting, like that's his first name. And we weren't talking at 7:30 on a weekend morning. It was more like 4:00. But that's when I took these screenshots. See what I do for you people?

Oh, and you asked to see what color I got at yesterday's pedicure, so hang on…

Feets

I'm so texting Marvin to tell him to be sure to read my blog today. Do we know anyone who has a problem with cankles? We should call him or her, too. Do you have any friends who have weird phobias or things they just can't stand? My friend Donna hates the word "toilet" and also "rash." She also hates rashes. Not just the word, the thing. Rashes, the thing. I should be a writer.

Henhenhen

Look what else Marvin sent! Along with another Facebook name: This one was Ms. Blazin Badonkulous. Anyway, Henry. Look at him. He's never taken a bad picture even once in his orange life. Oh, Henry. See what I did, there?

I'd better start driving to work. It takes 20 minutes from here, as opposed to 6 from my last house. My house that I own has a similar 6-minute commute, so I can't complain about that. Although I will. I'm really starting to plan my move back. Ima repaint the bookshelves, just to freshen them up, and one of the Alexes is gonna help me paint the bedrooms. I want to paint them a color I love and that everyone else will hate. Or at least that I love. Hooo care what anyone else thinks? No one's ever gonna see those bedrooms anyway, except the dogs, who are colorblind. I wonder, if I let Edsel and Tallulah pick the colors, what they'd pick? I feel like Talu would pick some goth, senstive, Pink Floyd Is There Anybody Out There color, and Edsel would paint his room tinsel.

I will talk to you later. I wish I could have covered more things in this post.

XO,

Blazin Badonkulous

80 thoughts on “See You This Tuesday

  1. It might be fb. Some people I never see their stuff because it reorganizes based on who you like, comment on, etc

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  2. FB drives me crazy. I don’t understand how it works. Could be friend has managed to miss the million posts about the break up.

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  3. Every time I look at sweet Henry, I want to pick him up and hug him. Would that be a safe thing to do? With Fran, I’d be risking life and limb unless he was seriously knocked out.

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  4. Chicken Pop. Oh, my gosh! I have gotten a new swear! Lizardek up there is acting like she is usually appropriate. Not true, she is 12 like the rest of us.
    Love your toes, June. And this post! Awesome!
    Lovely post, June!
    PJ–I updated you yesterday before the toes post. She is okay. Another Doctor’s appointment next week…Thanks for the love! And for the record, I totally know who Distinguished is… My grandma used to do that though: “Cora went out to her car last night and wouldn’t you know it? It was out of gas.” We would all be mouthing to each other “Who’s Cora???”

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  5. bwahahaha! I laughed so hard about chicken pop that my teenage son asked me what I was laughing at and I shared it with him. “So not appropriate, mom,” he said. HAHA!

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  6. It could be worse…I unfriended a whole bunch of old high school “friends” and they apparently haven’t even noticed. Try unfriending him/her and then when they ask what happend feign ignorance and say “FB fucks up all the time, I have no idea why it unfriended you!”

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  7. Oh yes. The accidental ground up view. It’s enough to make you google the face bra, amirite? Dreadful.

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  8. I really wish there was a Facebook for Dummies course. I looked at fb on my phone and got two pictures of friends that I couldn’t find later when I was on my desktop. Now I understand why I didn’t see them, but don’t understand why fb doesn’t show everything. And this hiding stuff, following or not, most recent option…I am so confused.
    I’m sorry about your FIRL fb ignore, and I’m still sad every day that you have to go thru this tough breakup. I’m glad you still have people like Marvin around you to make you giggle. Or snort. Chickenpop. Hah!

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  9. I dance a very careful dance of not deleting my whole entire friends list daily. People piss me off so bad on there. I would be so done with any friend that ignored me after I was there for them. Friendship is a two way street. If she’s busy and doesn’t have time to lend an ear, a nice awwwww…there, there in the form of a like would do just fine. Afterall, you were there for her in the same circumstance. That’s just me though. I’m kinda a beeyotch. Hard. Assholeish. Yep.

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  10. I’d be pissed that they couldn’t even like my damn post once or twice, just as an “I see you”. Not sure what I’d do about it, I’m trying hard not to unfriend everyone who makes me mad.

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  11. Oh, Anita, you ain’t just a’ whistlin’ Dixie on that one (looking down into a mirror.) I had my phone app open on my phone and looked straight down into it — it looked like my entire face was drooping off. Not my finest moment. Tried to tell myself no one would ever, ever, ever see me from that angle. *sob* And I’m “only” 48.

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  12. I didn’t even know there was a TOP STORIES / MOST RECENT option on Facebook. I am VERY OUT OF THE LOOP.

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  13. I didn’t even know there was a TOP STORIES / MOST RECENT option on Facebook. I am VERY OUT OF THE LOOP.

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  14. I didn’t even know there was a TOP STORIES / MOST RECENT option on Facebook. I am VERY OUT OF THE LOOP.

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  15. This post is one of my all time favorites. It is hilarious. It is excellent! Oh and I have a sister who does that thing where she throws out names of people nobody knows without any context whatsoever! It drives me wild! “Who the fuck is Greg?!” Dying.
    Also, I’m with you, June. I isolate.

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  16. On-Ree!!! I’m so glad he and Marvin are still roomies.
    Facebook is a dick. I have to click on “Most Recent” every time I blink. However, there are posts on “Top Stories” that don’t show up on my Most Recent feed and vice versa so there’s that.
    Did anyone else use to (or still does) pronounce it “Vise-UH versa?” Or just me? Or is that actually how it’s pronounced? I just don’t know any more.

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  17. 1. I don’t understand the Rules of the Face, so I am no help on what to do with self-absorbed idiots.
    2. Henri!!! Thank Marvin on our behalf for sharing a pic of that handsome sweet boy.
    3. I am sorry if I was out of line yesterday. I really didn’t mean to be.
    4. Fresh paint on the walls and bookcases is a good thing. I am very happy for that!

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  18. Have never seen The Color Purple. I KNOW.
    And while I love my job and am forever grateful to be employed (and away from that evil bank), I am too busy today to fart around on BBP and FB and the internet and : annoyed.

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  19. Have never seen The Color Purple. I KNOW.
    And while I love my job and am forever grateful to be employed (and away from that evil bank), I am too busy today to fart around on BBP and FB and the internet and : annoyed.

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  20. Have never seen The Color Purple. I KNOW.
    And while I love my job and am forever grateful to be employed (and away from that evil bank), I am too busy today to fart around on BBP and FB and the internet and : annoyed.

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  21. When you move home, are you going to make everyone mail back those posters that they won from the room where you used to blog? Or am I silly to assume that they ever got mailed out in the first place? Did they go the way of the inflatable pickle and bandaids?
    I will admit, though embarassing, when I read the word emojis in my head, it is always pronounced em-joys. And then I pause to ponder how stupid I really am.

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  22. See, that’s the illusion of FB that I operated under for a long time – that it showed you everything from everyone.
    Stupid Facebook.

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  23. Gawd, I’m glad I’m not on FB. I couldn’t handle the pressure of all the rules. It’s bad enough that I don’t comment on BBP when I’m out of town. Too much about me?

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  24. New colors at the homestead will be a definite perk-me-up. My condo is only 750 tiny sq ft, but I’ve got five(5!) different paint colors throughout. Love it! Happy to share if you like.
    It’s really nice to come home and walk through each room, and see how the colors flow from room to room. Each one evokes exactly the feeling I was going for. Is that too interior design-y for you?

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  25. I haven’t said anything because life has been similarly chaotic for me… Except that I do not handle breaking up in the sad, yet rational way you and Ned have. I am losing my fool mind. But we are on-off-on and so. I’m just here for the distraction. Not a FIRL so I am sure you aren’t talking about me. Just wanted to pipe in about why I haven’t piped in. 🐹🎏

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  26. PSS, as you know, I am not one to shy away from the crude. Still managed to get those words in there. Heeee.

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  27. Maybe that person is trying to not be the jerk who barges in all “What happened??” or is trying to give you space or is waiting for you to reach out if you want to talk to them specifically?
    I realize that sounds very Pollyanna of an outlook, but maybe it’s the case?
    And yeah, FB doesn’t always show things. I’ve suddenly wondered what happened to someone, and it turned out FB wasn’t showing me their posts.

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  28. *Note to self…avoid crude words in this comment, so as not to look like the a-hole that I am, after AA’s comment*
    What’s with the word “moist?” Makes my daughter cringe. I see she’s not alone.
    FB advice: if it’s a good friend, confront outside of FB (“hey, what’s up with that?”). Might have a perfectly reasonable explanation (remember, some folks don’t know WHAT to say, so they say NOTHING), or reveal him/her self to be an a-hole.

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  29. You clearly are not unlikable. Tall Boy is still a friend and he even saw your boobs. Now that’s a solid friend. Someone who helps a gal out even though sexy time isn’t involved.
    Is sexy time one of those phrases that make people cringe? I really wanted to use the word bang or boink or jump or hump or ride but thought they sounded crude.

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  30. No, its not you. It's someone I actually know in real life. I mean, I gave the person, like, how many breakup posts have I linked to? Twelve? How many Purple Clover breakup articles? How many just breakup posts in general on there? Really, you wonder why anyone would like me anymore.

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  31. there is so much going on here today i just don’t know where to start.
    first, tho, for me is, giiirrrllll paint those rooms ANY WAY YOU WANT. ima send you photos of my bedroom. i got a do over with the water damage and i’m in love.
    i never had ‘me’ time in a living space. from father’s house to living w/ ex. oh. and at home? my room was decorated they way my mother liked. so, yeah. nevertheless i am rolling in the thrill of decorating space for me.
    on’rhe. miss that pretty boy.
    Oh and you’re all up in the emoticons on your phone but throw down half a smiley face… so, here. 😉
    Facebook? Joob. you have so many friends maybe they can’t ‘follow’ you. sometimes i don’t post on the pie in the face, or whatever it’s called, because i don’t have time to get notified that 13 more peeps have commented. maybe that’s the issue.
    and moist is still a hated word around these parts.

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  32. True. Whenever my Uncle Jim would run into people they hadn't seen in awhile, and people would ask how Aunt Sue, was, he'd always say she was dead. Why God saw fit to give him cancer I will never know.

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  33. Someone told me during a majorly tough time not to hold it against other people when they don’t notice a major change in your life because most people are totally preoccupied with themselves. I realized that when my fiancée died. I would be out and about and see people and they’d ask how I’m doing, and then be all “and how is [my fiancée]”? What do you say to that? “Well, he’s dead, so………” Unfortunately, people are too busy dealing with their own heartbreaks and crises and stresses to realize that yours are going on.

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  34. I am the last one to give input on facebook manners. Insert insuffereable, know-it-all smiley face. Hey, maybe there’s an emoji for that. I don’t think I want to know what that would be.
    However, yay!!!! You get your house back and you will have a blank canvas to work with! In all seriousness, how many people get that opportunity to do that with their current house? And it is an adorable house and I’m looking forward to all the cute and quirky picture backdrops again. Even looking forward to that scuffed up painted concrete floor. Are you going to greet your new old house with Merry Christmas you wonderful old building and loan! And then do that in each room? Cause that would be cute and not weird.
    Dated 28 days. Like a menstrual cycle. *Shaking head*

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  35. I have a girlfriend who is frequently offended by words. Her latest hates are “moist”, “denim”, “duffle” and “squat. Yeah, I don’t know.

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  36. Do you know for sure that this person knows about your breakup? FB is weird and doesn’t show me everyone’s stuff on my timeline. If you don’t regularly interact with someone they stop showing up.

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  37. Okay, tell me what you guys think of this. There is someone I used to be quite good friends with, who I see posting on FB ALL THE TIME, who has said zero to me, zero, about my breakup, which is nearly a month old. This means this person is the kind of asshole who only posts stuff and never scrolls to see what's new of anyone else, OR this person has hidden me, BOTH of which annoy me royally.
    What would a normal person do? Because what I WANT to do is be like my grandmother and unfriend this person and never speak to said person again. Too diva?

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  38. Okay, tell me what you guys think of this. There is someone I used to be quite good friends with, who I see posting on FB ALL THE TIME, who has said zero to me, zero, about my breakup, which is nearly a month old. This means this person is the kind of asshole who only posts stuff and never scrolls to see what’s new of anyone else, OR this person has hidden me, BOTH of which annoy me royally.
    What would a normal person do? Because what I WANT to do is be like my grandmother and unfriend this person and never speak to said person again. Too diva?

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  39. I love the entire rainbow of La Croix! We say it “La Cwaah”, like you’re clearing your throat. And when I say “we”, I mean me and the frog in my pocket.

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  40. Oh Henry is uttered a lot around here.
    Lovely shade of not gray on your toes. You’re just shooting your feet at a bad angle. Like when you look down into a mirror. Mother of God, that is scary. Try shooting down at your feet a bit. Like when you pose with your hand on you hip your arms will look slimmer, it’s all an illusion. And I’m all for faking what I don’t have.

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  41. Berry wasn’t one of the choices. There were lemon, lime, and I don’t remember the third one. I tried the lime.

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  42. Lovely post, June. Many laughs. And Henry’s little mouth! Going back a few days, and because I just thought of it, I had a sample of La Croix (is that it?) at Sam’s Club a couple days ago. God help me, that stuff tasted just like Alka-Seltzer. I couldn’t even finish the tiny sample. Ptooie!

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  43. Way to welcome me back with an awesome post and an Airplane quote to boot! Yes, it IS all about me, right?
    I read BBP and all the comments every day while visiting family and so many times I wanted to comment, but had to do so only in my head.

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  44. No. I can't remember what it was called, but I'd remember that, because Eiffel. Kelly, if you're reading the comments, do you recall? You're organized. Remember when I donated that kidney?

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  45. As I said a couple of weeks ago, Distinguished has taken to asking me if June said anything funny today. (That is how we know all that anesthesia has completely altered his brain.) I don’t believe I will share this fantabulosalallapalooza post with him because I don’t want to throw him back into the blank stares I used to get when I read a hillariosabosa paragraph to him.
    Wait. I don’t have to explain who Distinguished is, do I? Well, let me back up…

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  46. As I said a couple of weeks ago, Distinguished has taken to asking me if June said anything funny today. (That is how we know all that anesthesia has completely altered his brain.) I don’t believe I will share this fantabulosalallapalooza post with him because I don’t want to throw him back into the blank stares I used to get when I read a hillariosabosa paragraph to him.
    Wait. I don’t have to explain who Distinguished is, do I? Well, let me back up…

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  47. As I said a couple of weeks ago, Distinguished has taken to asking me if June said anything funny today. (That is how we know all that anesthesia has completely altered his brain.) I don’t believe I will share this fantabulosalallapalooza post with him because I don’t want to throw him back into the blank stares I used to get when I read a hillariosabosa paragraph to him.
    Wait. I don’t have to explain who Distinguished is, do I? Well, let me back up…

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  48. Oooh, redoing house things!
    When I was a teen, I had this awesome attic bedroom. The previous owner’s pothead son lived in it before me, and there were black fuzzy polka dots on the ceiling and blacklight posters everywhere, which I thought were SO RAD. I made my Dad paint the rest of the walls red and I wanted black sheets. I will never forget how he looked at me and said, “Don’t you want something more… feminine?” No, because at the time I thought I was a 15-year old badass.
    Now, I want everything to be serenely greige or light light light blue. Have fun redecorating!

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  49. My mother, who's going to get mad that I'm saying this, is forever telling me she's never heard of my friends before. "I just went to get pedicures with Kelly." "Who's Kelly? You've never mentioned this person." She was my maid of honor and I donated a kidney to her, but that's not important right now.

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  50. Oh! An avenue to talk about my mom!
    My mother does that whole thing about “You know Jerry and Maude, the ones who live out on Pisgah Road. Well they blah, blah, blah, long story, and blah.” I have no idea who Jerry and Maude are, none, no clue. But Brian, who has been in the family circle for YEARS and lives less than a mile down the road and mans the grill every single solitary cookout we have ever had in the history over ever, Mom will say, “You know Brian? That’s Brian. B-R-I-A-N? He lives down the road about a mile and he’s short, maybe 5’6″. You remember him? Well, blah, blah, blah.” Yes, Mom. I had dinner with Brian and the Whole Family last night. I think I remember him.
    I love my mom.

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