Lily is giving me the silent treatment. I like how SHE can go away for FIFTY-TWO days, without so much as a warning or a post card, but I go away for three measly days and I'm in the doghouse. Iris ran to the door to greet me, flopped and rolled and purred and followed … Continue reading June shows you a brassiere. You’re welcome.
"June, will you come stand at the basement door while I go down there?" Mom asked. "?" "Because at night I get scared down there. Harry usually does it but since you're here..." Why are children the indentured servant for life? "Like, you're afraid Regan from The Exorcist will grab your ankle from under one … Continue reading Typed while my mother and stepfather watch some sort of network news. You know what I never do?
In case you were thinking it was a nightmare to travel on Thanksgiving day, you would be wrong. WRONG! I hope this causes you to hang your head in shame, and perhaps the village will stone you just a little. Really, there was nothing to it. My planes weren't even full. The only thing that … Continue reading You know what I had today? Turkey leftovers. Read on for more fascinating facts.
That people stop using "journal" and "orgasm" as verbs. HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYONE! Luff, Juuuuuune
I'm hoping for a light day oval pad at work, seeing as it's the day before a holiday. Now that I've said that, of course I will do nothing but run around like I work in an ER without the doctor salary. Perhaps you're wondering what old June is gonna do for Thanksgiving, seeing as … Continue reading Turkey in the straw
Last night, I unpacked my batteries! Clock, back where it was. Well. I haven't unpacked any nails. So "back where it was" is an approximation. Do you know what Ned would do (WWND)? He was the kind of guy who would have set that clock there during a move, and said, "I'll hang this once … Continue reading More of a John Lennon Than a Paul McCartney
Look! Right?! Fewer boxes! Lots fewer! Also... Squeeee! I mean, I still have stuff to do to those shelves, seeing as I got rid of 14,000 books when I moved, took my year abroad. I think I'll move the top shelves down and put old-'50s-lady knicknacks up. Sure hope I can find some. BAH. Those … Continue reading June the liar
Last night, after I left the Tall Boy and the Naughty Professor, I came home and unpacked. I have these pretty yellow and blue glass dishes from the '40s, and I wanted to place them in the kitchen windowsill. Next to the plate of homemade wishes. I remember Marvin not allowing me to place those … Continue reading June French Presses On
eyeballs be oberrated. I love how all cats gravitate toward the window from the kitchen to the back room. The fact that their food's there probably helps. Once ALL THESE BOXES get unpacked--what the Christ--I'll have to put something under there so they can still jump up and down without eyeball-less incident. In this house, … Continue reading Silly String Theory
I should really get on trying to grow grass under the enormous tree in my back yard. My new lawn guy says if it snows this year, you put seed down then. He said birds won't get to it and it soaks into the ground. Who knew? Did you know? Is this one of those … Continue reading June discusses dogs
Twelve. That is how many meals Edsel had in this house before he stopped automatically running to the spot where I USED to put his dish. Twelve. Times. I should do a little experiment now, move Lu's dish and see how soon till she figures it out. I feel like me just thinking of doing … Continue reading The princess spinster
I know once I announce this, you'll all be gathered around your radios for further developments for the rest of today: I'm getting a cold. Try to carry on as best you can. It's so irritating. I eat right. Why the cold? And tonight's The Princess Bride at the old movie theater I like so … Continue reading The one where you say, Is June ever stoic
On yesterday*, Bitchy Resting Face Alex came over and helped me paint. "Helped" is a curious term. I was totally Tom Sawyer in this scenario. *When Marvin was a teacher, every Sunday night at 6:00 the phone would ring, back when people had phones in their house that would ring for all to hear, and … Continue reading Blue walls and yellow dogs
The day Ned and I broke up, which is more than two months ago now, and I know. You're all, "Really? It's been that long already?" Yeah, why don't you go cram something in your nethers. I've felt every nuance of the pain of these last two months, but I'm super glad it went quickly … Continue reading The one where June gets mad at the British, but not Kate. Kate will always be my boo.
Oh, look! We still have boxes in here! How do, like, Army people do this, where they move all the ding-dang time? It's so taxing. But it really is nice to be here, at home, rather than a whole 'nother place. This morning I thought about how when Ned and I got up, we'd open … Continue reading Can o’snake ass
Hey, what do you think?! I moved the office ("office." Pfft.) into the back room. I thought I'd keep the boxes exactly like this forever. It's a good look. And apparently there is a NEW dog in the adjoining yard out there, and I'd let Yellow and Mellow go back there with their Hello, My … Continue reading June is home, and making poop jokes
The movers will be at my old house, the one I shared with Ned, in less than an hour. My car is packed, and I'm sitting on Kaye's couch with a cup of coffee. I'm trying to think of things that are more tragic than this moment. I'm trying to be as dramatic as possible. … Continue reading Moving out today
My friend died. I just found out. It's weird; today at work I had a weird feeling about her, so I Googled her. I just had this feeling she was dead. And she was. I met M in 1997? '98? Somewhere in there. I was working at a publishing company in LA. It was a … Continue reading In pink, sparkly memory
When we last left off, I'd been out dancing with Marty Martin, and really, what more can you ask for in a weekend? Nevertheless, I persevered. On Saturday, I took myself downtown to do some shopping and general hanging around. I stopped at my friend Kit's vintage store, and Dear Kit: I purchased two rings … Continue reading When Irish June is smiling. Ish.
Yesterday at work, one of the coworkers sent an email to a bunch of us. "Anyone up for going to happy hour after work, for a bit?" I immediately screamed back an email: "GOD ,YES." An hour later, that same guy re-emailed. "So far, all I've gotten was a 'GOD, YES' from June. Anyone else?" … Continue reading Toot toot, heyyy, beep beep.