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Last night, after I left the Tall Boy and the Naughty Professor, I came home and unpacked. I have these pretty yellow and blue glass dishes from the '40s, and I wanted to place them in the kitchen windowsill. Next to the plate of homemade wishes. I remember Marvin not allowing me to place those teensy cute plates in the windowsill, "because they'll fall." Everything was a potential TRAGEDY with Marvin. Something dreadful was going to happen at every moment.

"You know what? Fuck it," I said, and that should be my epitaph. So far you guys have about 11,000 things to write as my epitaph. I set the pretty yellow dish up first, and was reaching for the blue, when

CRASH!!!!!

It came down. Fell right into the sink. And ONTO MY NEW COFFEE POT. MY NEW COFFEE POT THAT I LOVE!

That damn Marvin.

When I moved here, you guys told me to make a wish list and you'd get me stuff off it and I'll be damned if you didn't. I think my favorite thing was my new Bunn coffeemaker. Oh, I just loved it. Now the pot. In pieces. Hence today's french press, followed by a trip to Amazon's site to see if I can get a replacement pot. Goddammt.

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I freakin' put 'em up anyway, the little plates. I won't be kowtowed. Gonna get some earthquake putty today. And thank god I had a french press at hand. I also have an old-timey metal coffeepot, but could not find the plug. Keep in mind how MANY DAMN BOXES I had to dig through last night to find either thing. 'twasn't attractive. What coffee addiction?

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So before all pot hell broke loose, I got up with the Tall Boy and Naughty Pro last night. One of them had a crisis that would make excellent blog talk, but said person did not SAY I could reveal his innermosts, and I am such a magnificent person that I will not. But suffice it to say we'd all be gathered 'round offering our opinions for a change.

Tall Boy looks like Disapproving Jesus, which I assure you is the look Jesus gets every time he thinks of me. "Oh, June? June Gardens? Yeah. [See look above]."

I know you may be wondering, "How did June DO all this with that cold?" and I was wondering the same thing about myself the whole time. I actually left work at 4:00, with the promise that I'd get something done this weekend, so I could nap and get my strength back for a night on the town with NP and TB. MY name should be TB, what with the hacking.

We had a good time, though, and I know they'll both enjoy the cold they caught from me. I'd invited Ryan to go with us, but he is sick with the same cold, and why don't you go ahead and be like everyone at work and assume Ryan and I made out at some point, like, say, when I time traveled to his age?

The point is, I wasn't feeling stellar and wasn't looking stellar, either. I mean, it's hard to quash this natural beauty but I think I managed to last night with my sniffing and so on. Also, I'd thrown on just anything once I emerged from my sick bed.

So naturally, that is why Area guy showed up right then. In he walked, alone and handsome, being all square-jawed and slightly unshaven.

"OH HOLY FUCK, IT'S AREA GUY!" I whisper screamed to TB and NP.

"?" said TB and NP, who are terrible blog readers. So I had to explain to them how for SEVEN YEARS I've had a crush on Area guy, even back when I was married, and how every so often I see him and turn into an idiot. I don't know if y'all remember, in your big book of June events, that I also saw Area guy back in October, at a bar, but I so did not care, because Ned heartbreak.

I mean, I still don't care, but I cared, you know, a smidge more. Every time I was ever with Ned and we saw Area guy, he'd say, "He just looks like a dude to me."

"He just looks like a dude to me," said Tall Boy, but Naughty Pro, Team Gay Naughty Pro, was on my side of things. He can see the appeal of Area guy, as can any person with any remote amount of taste, says June, insinuating that two men who have picked her at one point or another have, in fact, no taste.

Anyway, Wes grabbed my phone.

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Here, in a historic moment never before seen on Bye Bye, Pie, is June's first picture with Area guy. Don't we make a lovely couple? Good lord, is that an AGE SPOT on my hand?

"Just looks like a melanoma to me."

Goddammit.

Love,

Jooooooon

0 thoughts on “June French Presses On

  1. Bobbi says:

    Loved me some Sam Merlotte !!!

    Like

  2. Amish Annie says:

    Melvie said intercourse.

    Like

  3. MissusB says:

    I love that Tall Boy and Naughty Pro are now besties. I agree that you look pretty good for having been so deathly ill. You are obviously a trooper. I have age spots on my hands, and I can tell you with certainty, that you do not.

    Like

  4. melvie says:

    Loverly post, June. Don’t know how you keep up the swirly social life with the dreadful head cold and all. You keep good company! TB and NP are great friends to you. I’m married and all but I never had all the mens even when I was young, single and skinny. Midcentury guy is totally hot and for goodness sakes will you just go up to him and say hello and can we engage in the intercourse?!

    Like

  5. Mrs. Gumby says:

    June, here’s a bloop de bloop sports moment.
    Dear Bald Steve,
    Your Michigan State Spartans beat my Ohio State Buckeyes. I am very sad now.
    Sadly,
    Mrs. Gumby

    Like

  6. Chrissy says:

    You have some really good friends! Sorry about the coffee pot.

    Like

  7. You totally need to go sofa shopping over at his store.
    And you look lovely even after suffering all week long with the consumption or the ague or whatever this dreadful illness is.

    Like

  8. Late to the party….I thought you were talking about the gray haired guy in the suit….
    showing my age (the age I’d like to be dating)

    Like

  9. LinCA says:

    Freckle…which is sexy. It is not a age spot.

    Like

  10. Terri R2D2 says:

    I don’t know how you do it, but you seem to pick really good men. You make friends with them/date/hang with/work with/live with/marry/love them and they all still stay friends. I don’t know how you do it! PS: i also don’t have any friends that I’ve known more than 15 years. i might be projecting some

    Like

  11. Texas Kari says:

    Disapproving Jesus!
    June, you go through coffee pots like you go through doctors.

    Like

  12. LaUral says:

    Oooooooooooooohhhhhhh … So that’s what he looks like! Yes, definitely second the couch-shopping motion.
    TB and NP make me happy. Partly because they are both so darn adorable but mainly because they make you happy and are good friends to you.
    And you don’t even look sick. Not. Fair.

    Like

  13. Deb who is back to being Deb says:

    When I get ill, my nose gets all red and peely and disgusting looking. So you are lucky you look normal.
    I hate when (ex) husbands are right. You know Marvin just did a little snicker in his head.
    Your hand looks fine. That’s a freckle. Age spots are much larger. Trust me.
    Living in earthquake country I know – get a good putty. Some are better than others. Quake Hold works well.

    Like

  14. Carol in Mpls says:

    Museum putty. OK, sorry, short attention span (the squirrels are hovering close by). Didn’t read full post. Jumped right to the comments. Problem solved.
    MCMM is of the English persuasion?!!!!! Well now. GO.FOR.It.

    Like

  15. Carol in Mpls says:

    For your decorative plates: museum putty. Get it on Amazon, or at Lowe’s/Home Depot.

    Like

  16. Amish Annie says:

    YAY, a Saturday post!!! Joob’s tens of readers, all 16% of them on the weekend, are lucky!!!
    Area Man: Fine, okay.
    Buuuuuuut…
    Naughty: Team Naughty, always have been, always will be.
    However…
    Tall Boy: [Shaking head] Dude’s fucking hot. Plus he looks sweet and kind. And funny, he seems like he has a great sense of humor.
    Could you post a picture every week of Naughty and Tall Boy together? That’s anybody’s dream team right there.

    Like

  17. Danna says:

    I absolutely love this! Holy hell he looks hot. Break June off a piece of that. Also, you look really pretty in this picture. It’s probably my favorite. Of course I say that in a non stalker manner!

    Like

  18. Tee, who hates TypePad says:

    You NEED a sofa from area man’s store. That way you can let him know you are available. He looks very available now, alone at the bar. AND he qualifies wearing the plaid shirt and all.
    Another hilarious post.

    Like

  19. Katy says:

    I was so going to comment on how beautiful your hand is. You are lucky you do not have the bad-skin, Irish blood from my mother on your body. I look like a leopard. However, I am getting a full chemical peel in January. The doctor says it will make me look 15 years younger. Yeah!

    Like

  20. darla says:

    Ooh area guy… Hunk a hunk a burnin love.

    Like

  21. June Gardens says:

    Mary Ellen, his midcentury store is named "Area." YEESCH. Where's your big book of June events?

    Like

  22. Sadie says:

    “Spreading the Typhoid there, Mary!”
    June, beware of the coffee-pot-killing vintage plates. While they are deceivingly pretty in the sunlight, they are actually waiting to attack unsuspecting victims in the sink. Quick, get the white sage and bless your kitchen.

    Like

  23. Mary Ellen from Napa just trying to keep up, here says:

    Wait…is AREA guy the same as Mid Century Modern guy? If so, when did his nickname change?

    Like

  24. Barbfrommilwaukee says:

    He is hot and you do keep good company as well. It’s snowing the pretty kind, that sticks on trees.

    Like

  25. Greensboro Laurie says:

    If you’re still in the market for a sofa you should stop by Area guys shop for some couch testing! Because, wow!

    Like

  26. Vic says:

    NP is so very pommes frites there.
    Also, Tall Boy. He is my equivalent of Area Guy with respect to the swooning.

    Like

  27. Carol in SC says:

    Although you had just emerged from your sick bed, you looked very pretty.

    Like

  28. Anita says:

    It’s a good plaid. Some are better than others.
    You know what sucks? Other than a broken coffee pot that is. It’s when you wake up before the timer on the coffee pot goes off. Then you have to WAIT for coffee. I don’t know why I was up so early but I will be looking dreadful for a party I have to go to tonight. Like my dark circles aren’t bad enough on a well rested day.

    Like

  29. Queen Marcy says:

    Yummy, that man is yummy…..

    Like

  30. Lisa. Not THAT Lisa says:

    Addressing the plaid are we? I will then avoid that topic.
    I was clutching my pearls the whole time you were discussing the plate in the windowsill. And right then. I knew. Marvin, you were right again. Wait kin enough and something bad us sure to happen.
    Glad to see you out spreading the Typhoid there, Mary. But you do look amazing. And Area guy is everything you said he would be!
    Happy Saturday! We got like 14 inches of snow overnight. I’m in for the winter now, as my grandma used to say.

    Like

  31. Mary Lou says:

    Pffft. You looked thrown on lovely.
    I’d be all over that in a Greensboro minute.
    Plaid shirt. Heart be still.

    Like

  32. Fay says:

    Oh, I see Letha already addressed the plaid. Great minds.

    Like

  33. Fay says:

    Your forehead looks awesome in that photo.
    Is Area Guy wearing plaid? Appropriate.

    Like

  34. hot in az says:

    ah, all i gotta do is leave my comment brewing for awhile and i won’t be first.

    Like

  35. hot in az says:

    i cannot possibly be first. hmmm, guess people are sleeping in today.
    i got you that coffeemaker. if you want me to replace the pot, put it up on your wish list.

    Like

  36. Cyn in FL- committed says:

    Also, I already have a New Years’ resolution ready for 1/1! I’m going to comment on BBP daily! I’ve been reading for like a zillion years and comment once in a blue moon.
    I will not let things like my job or my children get in the way!
    You know…priorities!

    Like

  37. Letha says:

    You clearly ARE clever, Cyn.

    Like

  38. Cyn in FL- Plaid is so 90's says:

    SHIT! I thought I was so clever. Damn it Letha!

    Like

  39. Cyn in FL- Plaid is so 90's says:

    First?
    And hot profile. Get on it! Clearly, you like a nice plaid.

    Like

  40. Letha says:

    Let me just say that I, for one, am so pleased that we are back to saying goddammit when something is bad, instead of when something is good.
    Area guy is wearing…plaid.
    Lovely post, June!

    Like

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