Dood. Oh my god. I know I'm a high weight when my thighs touch at the tops, and lately they've been reaching out and touching someone, which bothers. I've been FEELING phat, too, but I've been afraid to weigh myself. Yesterday I did. Not just at my high weight, I'm at THE HIGHEST I'VE EVER… Continue reading New birth. New girth.
Today is my 8-year anniversary of finding Tallulah. Best day ever. I know this will probably be our last year together, but I'm trying to appreciate that she was up next to me when I woke up this morning, and is sunning herself on the deck as we speak. She seems to feel better since… Continue reading Putting the bitter in sweet
This came up on my Facebook feed the other day... Thanks. That's comforting. It doesn't bug me at all that there's an extra space before "handles." I really believe the man of color in the chef's hat is a real photo and not stock. And what about the little twink at the bottom of… Continue reading June forgets a title. Again.
Do you know what I hate? Oh, wait. I guess I shoulda told you to hang on to your hat. I hate something. Rare. I hate it when someone tells their woes, and another person answers back, "That's okay, I [insert whatever thing is worse in that person's stupid life]." "I have flames licking my… Continue reading June hates something
I have a first date tonight. I got asked out by someone who said, "Would you like to have a no-pressure drink with me?" I said the only way I'd go is if we had an extremely high-pressure drink--for example, a really, really carbonated beverage, or else coffee and marriage. After finding ourselves hilarious about… Continue reading Mini and Mickey Stroke
The pet photographer, not that he's my pet, sent me this early. He hasn't edited the other photos yet but he wanted to send this. If you're local, by the way, he's called Lucky Pup Photography. I mean, his mom doesn't call him that. You know what I mean. Look at Lu's big, beautiful head.… Continue reading Daugué for Women
Laundry, done. Oil change, scheduled. Lawn maintenance guy, phoned. I did everything I said I would last time I was here, except for that pesky work-on-my-book thing. What do you want from me? The best part of Saturday was when Tallulah and I drove to Winston-Salem together to have her portrait done with the devil… Continue reading Edsel Jean King
As you've likely surmised, pretty much every second of my existence in this house involves an animal near me or on me. At this point, I don't even really notice. This morning I was delving through the pile of mail I'd thrown in the bowl all week when I heard chittering. I knew right away… Continue reading Put a little birdhouse in your soul
do anywon ever tell mom that she boring as chit? I had so many things to do yesterday. Do you know what I enjoy? Anyone telling me what's on their "plate." I'll tell ya what you can do with that plate. First of all, they moved my desk yesterday, and I don't mean emotionally. I… Continue reading June describes her Thursday. Read on!
I had a migraine this morning, so I took a pill and lay back down, waiting for it to work. Edsel spent that whole time with his head pressed against me, wiggling ecstatically. Restful. Since I'm running late, let's have Ask June Anything day, and I will answer in the comments when I can. Go… Continue reading Ask June Anything Day
Sometimes I sit at this computer and think, "What the hell was I gonna say today?" This is one of those days. I was worried about Lu last night, as she was panting and moaning just a bit. Going outside, getting on the forbidden couch, and even treats didn't seem to lighten her load any.… Continue reading June’s fog, her amphetamines and her pearls
I was just cleaning up my desktop--and this is riveting, June! I can't wait to read on! And I saw a screen shot I took for you, because I wanted to complain about something. This is so unusual, June! I can't wait to read on! Usually you're so chipper! I pay most of my bills… Continue reading The one where June kvetches
Edsel doing his sled dog impression. Or his Mushmouth impresh. Whichever. It snowed again, which is very exciting for us here. My work is delayed a crummy hour. Given how much sliding down my street I did last night, I thought maybe they'd close the whole thing down. But no. I hope this weather won't… Continue reading The one where June makes hilarious Presidents Day puns
This fuckin' day, man. (c) Miss Doxie, who apparently spent all day yesterday making old Valentines hilarious. This is my first man-free Valentine's Day since 1996, and in 1996 I ended up getting secret admirer flowers. It's 3:28 p.m. It looks like I'm getting shit. No one secretly admires my ass, or even blatantly does.… Continue reading V-Day! Cupid’s arrow! Love! Lace! Flow–oh, screw it.
It occurred to me that maybe Tallulah and my vet are in cahoots on the world's most anticipated April Fool's joke. Wouldn't that be great? Dicks. Last night I was proofreading my riveting statistics textbook, as I do, once the deadline is hopelessly near, and started taking selfies of Talu and me. Groupies. Petpees. hay,… Continue reading I’m not kidding, Juney
If I'd have known having a sick dog would get me THIS much attention, I'd have offed her years ago. Look how her tail's still going, even though I know she's waiting for her pain pill to kick in right now. Oh, my girl. Please don't be offended if I don't answer your email to… Continue reading I hate it when I forget a title
Throughout this whole Tallulah-being-sick ordeal, she's been licking her girl parts like a champ. Everyone in my family has had hilarious jokes about this, and I'd like to take this moment to thank my family for being a big pack of dicks. I called the vet's office this weekend, knowing they were closed, and what's… Continue reading My brave money Pit
I never even ATE a brownie last night, but this morning I was pleased to see there were some left over and my guests left me an edge. Oh, HELL yeah. Brownie edge. I had a few people over for sports night, because sports, and I made a couple plates of vomit. Actually, this was… Continue reading Super Bowel
Say, guess who I won't leave alone? o for luff of god Good lord, I hate my nose. Can we please take up a collection to get that thing fixed? I'd be doing you all a favor, because you wouldn't have to look at the huge dick on the middle of my face. Do you,… Continue reading It’s annoying to have cancer around me
Would you like to know what annoys me? First of all, gird your loins: Something annoys me. "I heard a noise at 3 a.m. in the morning!" What do you think a.m. stands for, dillweed? It means THE MORNING. Why would we SAY "a.m." if it was just, you know, a meaningless couple of letters?… Continue reading Pee ditty