Edsel and I had kind of an upsetting night last night, and I just inexplicably typed his name "Edseul." He's now phoreign. That's "foreign" with an underbite. We were on our regularly scheduled walk, and does your dog lose his shit every single day over the walk portion of the evening, even though it's the… Continue reading June sees an abusive boy; goes Pit on his ass. Story at 11:00.
You know what's gonna happen today? No one will comment. That always happens after a 200- or 300-comment day; it's like you're all so exhausted. "Oh my god, I just wrote 15 words to June yesterday. I'm all in." Did your grandma used to say that? "Heavens to Betsy, that party was long. I'm all… Continue reading The state of things
There're a brief few days every spring where Peg's dogwood meets my redbud across our driveways, kind of a Hands Across America of blossoms, and it's so pretty, but it's been so cloudy that I wasn't able to capture it well. I hope it's sunny today. I never check the weather. I'm always stunned that… Continue reading Served by Mr. Salty and Buddha
If you're a parent, lemme just ask you something hypothetically. Let's say you're, oh, to throw a scenario out there, at Target with your kid on a busy Saturday afternoon. Let's say your kid is crying loudly in the cart, and keeps screeching, "WANT TOYS! WANT TOYS! WANT TOYS! WANT TOYS WANT TOYS WANT TOYS!!!!"… Continue reading The Saturday that feels like Sunday
Well. It's over. If you're my Facebook friend you'd have no way of NOT knowing this, as I think I updated my status 3949943 times yesterday. And it's way awfuller than I thought it would be. I mean being my Facebook friend. And losing Tallulah. Where did I put her last? Tuesday evening, Ned called… Continue reading You’ll never guess what Ima write about
Tomorrow, Wednesday, is Tallulah's last day. Her nights are always restless now, and there are other details about her health that I will spare you. Today she's gonna go to dog daycare, a thing I can ill afford at present, because it turns out getting your house power-washed and your mortgage paid during the same… Continue reading My sweet Tallulah, who was often not remotely sweet.
My mood is sparkling. Did I mention that? My computer has been a DICK all weekend, and I hate everything right now. This is my third attempt at writing something, and we'll see if it even sticks. Did I mention I hate fucking everything? Did I mention how much I was on the phone with… Continue reading June is in a sparkling mood
I schlepped my ass all the way to the doctor this morning for some labs, because yes, my doctor is giving away free Labs, and you know if that were true I'd go. No. I was supposed to have labwork done. "Okay, but can I get in right at 8:00?" I asked. "I have to… Continue reading Black lab
Aye! See, I want to talk Irish to you but I keep sounding like a pirate. Ahoy! It's St. Patrick's Day, matey! Arrrrrr! As I told you yesterday, with my cliffhanger headline, my Aunt Mary sent me a box of pants. She loves to shop, see, it's kind of her hobby, see, and now she's… Continue reading Literally wearin’ the green
I saw the Snowflake children. If you're a longtime reader of this blog, and really? You poor thing. Has your family told you you can't mention me anymore? Anyway, if you are, you'll remember three very loud, very blonde children in my neighborhood who were forever playing outside like it's 1969, whom the dogs and… Continue reading I didn’t even get to tell you that my aunt sent me a box of pants
I was just uploading photos from my phone onto my computer mom boreeng and I saw among the photos a video on there that was half an hour long. "?" I asked myself. seer y uslee, we so ober this story I clicked play. It was a blank screen the whole time. You could hear… Continue reading June accidentally records her life. As opposed to this tome.
Every time I woke up last night, there was an ear in my face. I'd usually kiss it, because big velvety Edsel ear, and then try to, you know, sort of tuck it under my face. Then I'd wake up again. Hail, hail, the gang's all ear. Fitbit told me I was restless 11 times… Continue reading Let’s ear it for the boy
No time to blog today. Tell me... Your favorite smell Your favorite color About your favorite person Smell ya. (See what I did, there?)
Oh my GOD, why do I have all these pets? The second the alarm went off, Tallulah started groaning, and how bad do you feel hitting snooze and making cancer dog wait. So I got up. So then the cats started mowing for food, and then Tallulah wanted back in, and in the chaos of… Continue reading Why so chubby, Big Cheesecake?
Enclosed please find one photo of my fairly absurd coworker, who Ima go ahead and call Texas Pete. He may or may not be a fan of hot sauce. The jury's out. Yesterday was a ridiculous day, which Ima tell you about, and apparently "Ima" is the word of the day. Remember on Pee Wee,… Continue reading Hag
I have to drive my car to the fix-my-car place, get it inspected, the oil changed, the taillight fixed and possibly have those eyelashes put on the headlights the way some people do, and because of all that, I gotta get up early tomorrow, which is my favorite thing. Man, do I love the morning.… Continue reading June drinks wine and blogs
I got up this morning, swept 950 pounds of pet hair, then started noticing all the things I wanna do around here. I photographed them for your viewing pleasure. Or, alternatively, your viewing boredom. I see that the camera chose to focus on Edsel rather than my Eiffel Tower tattoo, and it's probably just USED… Continue reading June shows you all her chores, big and small. June is a riveting individual.
Yesterday morning I had to dig in my bathroom trash for the old empty deodorant I'd thrown away, and desperately scrape what was left on myself because guess who forgot to buy more. There goes my mother in my head: "Make a list, honey." I was also clean out of coffee, which is always incentive… Continue reading I don’t know if you know that much about life if you think “lifeclass” is one word
Enclosed please find a video of Tallulah, the most stubborn cute dog in the world. Minutes before, she'd been moaning at me to go out, and when I lugged my day-at-work, half-hour-of-Tracy-Chapman, 10,000-steps-on-top-of-that self off the couch, she didn't want to GO out. And yet here she is, asking to go out again minutes later.… Continue reading Her self-regard was a tad misguided