June sees an abusive boy; goes Pit on his ass. Story at 11:00.

Edsel and I had kind of an upsetting night last night, and I just inexplicably typed his name "Edseul." He's now phoreign. That's "foreign" with an underbite.

We were on our regularly scheduled walk, and does your dog lose his shit every single day over the walk portion of the evening, even though it's the same goddamn blocks up and down, same stupid Puggle barking at you on the next block, same old lady taking up the sidewalk with her walker, and so on, and has been for the last six years other than one simple year abroad? Just to throw a scenario out there.

That poor old lady. But that's a story for a different day. I once worked with a woman who pronounced it "dimfrent." Also a story for a dimfrent day.

So, we're on our regularly scheduled walk, which is apparently so exciting for one of us that high-pitched whines and ear-splitting barks must be issued forth beforehand, during The Snapping of the Leash part of the event. Once I calm down, we commence the walk.

There's a small park near my house, and if you go in there, you can see several people's fenced-in backyards, including one yard that contains chickens. Not, like, barbecued but rather chickens all formal, in their feathers, struttin' their strudel. Edsel is riveted by the chickens. He doesn't bark at them or try to get them in any way. He stands stock still, not even wagging his incessant tail, and stares at them till I get over it and make him move along, nothing to see here.

We were on the chicken-staring portion of our evening when I noticed the two kids screaming on the playground weren't having fun. And they weren't kids, exactly. I was a ways from them, but they looked maybe teenager-y, or maybe early 20s. I'm so old now that these subtleties are lost on me.

It was a boy and a girl, and they were having an argument. First I just listened in for the sheer joy of hearing someone else's fight. I do have to say that these six months without devastating fights has been, you know, good for my psyche. I used to cry so hard during those fights that the next day my throat would hurt.

The girl was really screaming, and the boy was screaming back. I'd planned to walk past the playground and into the open, grassy part, but it felt weird to walk past that. When I started leaving, I turned around.; something made me look again.

The boy was leaning over the girl, who was on a swing, and he was screaming in her face. She kept trying to get up and he'd block her way. Eventually, she DID get up and he continued to block her so she couldn't leave the scene, and finally he pushed her.

Oh, that DID it. You fucking fuck-ass motherfucker. What I WANTED to do was scream, "HEY!" and old-biddy myself over there, but I was scared of him. He was livid, he was young, and I had Edseul with me, not an intimidating Pit. I feel like Edsel would've wagged at him and handed him his business card. Edsel Pretzel. Heer to luff you. Lu woulda ripped out his throat. And I'd have let her.

IMG_8702
heer to luff you

I turned to go knock on a neighbor's door, because I didn't have my phone, but someone was driving up the street right then. I waved the guy down–I did! I got out and waved him down, asked him to call the police, which he did, and then we waited for the cops to show up. The couple had moved to a bench and were talking quietly at that point, but I still wanted the police to show up to tell that

FUCKING ASSHOLE MOTHERFUCKER

that he can't do that to a girl. I wanted to take that girl home with me and feed her some Parmesan cheese, seeing as that's all I had. Today's payday.

Once I saw the police roll up, I got out of there. I'd been lurking in a bush anyway, while the guy sat in front of the park with his car. "They're just young kids, but that isn't cool," I'd said to the guy. "No, ma'am, it isn't," he'd said back.

That asshole kid. My instinct is to just go over there and punch him in the head, which I realize doesn't make me any better than him EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE I DIDN'T ACT ON IT. Asshole kid.

Maybe I need to get another dog. Like, a giant Rottweiler or a tough German shepherd. So I can whip them out during these situations. Maybe I need a shotgun. Just walk the dog with my shotgun. Hey, it's the South.

Oooo, a sword! Hanging from my belt! That won't look crazy. As opposed to the big-haired woman who stops to look at the chickens every day. When did having chickens become a trend?

All right, I gotta go. I'll let you know if I get up in anyone else's business today.

Gladys Kravitz-ly,

Jooooooon

67 thoughts on “June sees an abusive boy; goes Pit on his ass. Story at 11:00.

  1. I was thinking along those lines too, Heather! Take your phone! Take some Pepper Spray! Take a Smith & Wesson 9mm Shield!
    I have my concealed weapon permit, and am pondering how to have my gun painted. Ladybugs are cute…

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  2. You know what’s a thing around here? Beekeeping. Yep, because our neighborhood deed restrictions prohibit livestock. It’s Texas. Sometimes you have to specify that. I do not have any bees, but it’s a thing.
    June, I do not ever want your throat to hurt from crying ever again. No one should fight that much. I’m sorry that happened to you.

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  3. You were very smart to call the police. I, on the other hand would have jumped in there and likely be dead. Good call June.

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  4. I’m betting if you would have needed help Lu would have channeled thru Edz and helped him go pit on that MFer’s azz. But I’m thankful it didn’t come to that.

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  5. Chickens are delightful and ridiculous. They make lovely soothing noises as they search endlessly for bugs and other yummy snacks. And sometimes all of them will be on one side of the yard, and randomly one of them will take off running like mad for the other side, and so all of them take off after the first one, and by the time they all get to the other side, all of them have forgotten why they’re running, so they just falter and stop running and start looking for bugs again. Oh, how I laugh!
    We don’t have cable.

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  6. Wheeooo, heart in throat during the reading of this post. Glad you did what you did and no one got hurt (at least then, …sigh). What is it with people who can carry on so in public? Did he not see you watching or noticing what was going on or did he just not care? Edz might surprise you someday, though.

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  7. Glad you stepped up – I’ve done the same several times. We had some neighbors who we called the Bickersons – they fought like it was their job. I called the police on them more times than I can even recall. But in our state if the cops are called someone leaves in the squad car.
    Peace is so much better for the soul than tumult. In my earlier, dramatic days as a bride, I cried like that during fights. Then one day we just decided “this is so ridiculous” and we learned to fight like normal people. We were babies when we married so we did a lot of growing up together.
    Loved Fleetas’s piece on you! I mean, you didn’t mention me by name, but I figured she just cut that part from the interview.
    C.W. Post June! (Emily and Lovely had a brother…)

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  8. “I used to cry so hard during those fights that the next day my throat would hurt.” This made my heart hurt for you.
    North Carolina is an open-carry state just in case you are interested. I’ve seen some really pretty customized .380’s that are pink and some that are Tiffany Blue.

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  9. This was a great post. Yes, chickens have been a thing for about 10 years now. I would love to have some myself to work in the garden eating bugs and such but I have a giant pitty dog who would definitely kill them. Plus the various owls, hawks, raccoons, foxes and such in the neighborhood who would kill any who survived the dog. It’s sad when all our critters can’t just get along.
    I am so glad that you had the presence of mind to call for help rather than barge in. I might have barged in without thinking. Hopefully, I know better now.

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  10. You are a very caring person, Joob.
    Everyone has a role in ending domestic violence. Every person has a responsibility to speak up and hold the abuser accountable. The people who pissed me off the most when working in that field was friends and family who did NOT hold their friend or family member accountable for his (or her) behavior. They did NOT stand up to the abuser and tell him it is not okay, it is unacceptable, it is illegal and they will spill the beans on him. I have a lot more to say on that and could use much stronger words but my head is ready to pop off my shoulders so I’ll leave it at that. Those people AND the abuser are pussy cats less the cats.
    Having said that, I would have thrown that motherfucker in front of a cruising bus. No I wouldn’t have, I would have done what you did but the bus would have been Plan B.
    The car behind me coming into town yesterday, the girl was driving and the boy was in the passenger seat. He was yelling and pulling her hair so hard her head was sideways. We stopped at a stoplight and the hair pulling stopped with a big shove to her head and shoulders. I got the description and plate of the car and followed them a little bit into town but nothing else happened so I left it at that.
    And don’t even get me started on emotional abuse.
    Lovely post, June, although I feel like getting my CDL license and getting a job as a bus driver now. A bus driver with an attitude and an agenda. Sounds like a 70s tv show.

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  11. My heart was racing just reading that. Scary to hear that out in public and then wonder how it would be for her at home. Glad you and the dude called the cops.
    Edsel is a sweetheart. But didn’t you tell the story one time of how he surprised you one day by being protective of you while Lu hid behind you? Was it when those dogs charged out of their yards?

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  12. I’ve been on the receiving end of that sort of abuse. I was smart enough to get away permanently but some younger women don’t even know or think of that as abuse. You did good June.
    PSS, I’ve always said assaholic but I’m liking assholery.

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  13. I was already laughing at MTM’s link above and at the picture of Edsel and “heer to luff you”… but I want to write your little poem on a piece of paper and tuck it away in my purse for whenever I need to cheer myself up.

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  14. Yeah…when DID keeping chickens become a thing? My neighbors are talking about getting a few. I was all, “HUH?”
    Glad you called the police. Assholes need to know that people are watching their assholery ways.

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  15. Stepping up and acknowledging a situation like that is tough. I saw a guy follow his girl into an apartment after they had been arguing loudly outside for quite a while. I don’t remember his exact words to her but he was scary and angry,He went in through the window which scared me so I called the cops. They came and talked to both of them and left. Before they left I asked what was up and they said she refused to press charges and there was nothing they could do. It made me extremely sad.
    I want to snuggle Edsel so bad right now.

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  16. I like the idea of calling to her to see if she needs help. Time was I would have barged in with a string of obscenities at full volume that would shock the distinguished among us. Now you don’t know if he’s high on something making him crazy and violent.
    I hope she didn’t defend him when the cops came. I don’t blame you for slipping away. Your job was done.

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  17. Great intervening, June. I always think that when you witness things like that, that God put you there for a reason and made you look back.
    I was witness to a similar situation a few years back and was just about to go pit on the aggressor’s azz, when a very smart and calm woman who happened to stop and watch the situation at the same time I did, walked up to the girl who was being intimidated. The woman took the girl’s hand, said “come with me”, and walked the girl away from the situation, while not even acknowledging or engaging the guy. When she got her to a safe distance, then they called the police. l will always remember how that woman handled the situation, because she was a rockstar!

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  18. Dear Pie Friends whom I adore,
    Stop telling my virtual friend to carry her phone. She ain’t stupid and I’m guessing you’re pissing her off.
    Love always,
    PJ

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  19. Edsel Pretzel
    Brought to you by
    The letter C
    And L for Luff
    You stopped, you sought help, you stayed. I have a bracelet that says “Brave Girl”. I would let you wear it today.

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  20. You did the right thing by calling the police (waving some down who had their phone with them). If he treats her like that in public how is he treating her behind closed doors? Hopefully, she will wise up and dump his sorry butt.
    Chickens are very popular these days. I got a pink chicken for Easter when I was in 4th grade (my brother’s chicken died), we had her for years and she provided fresh eggs that my brother and I would not eat.
    Gurl, carry your phone.

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  21. I too applaud you for making the call to the police. Although I also agree that you should carry your phone with you when you walk. You don’t have to use it or answer it, just have it, Honey. Sorry, I was channeling Mother there for a minute.
    I have such a dog crush on Edseul.

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  22. Bystander intervention is much more powerful than we all realize. Good for you. Adrenaline alone would have helped you fend them off had they turned on you.

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  23. That picture of Edsel makes me want to kiss his cute nose. Being brave enough to get out of a bad situation is terribly difficult, but necessary. I hope that girl’s story has a happy ending. If he was that domineering and physical in a public space, he’s no good.

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  24. A few years ago I was at a playground with my son when all of a sudden a bunch of teenagers showed up and jumped another teenage girl. I don’t know what came over me but I ran over there right in the middle of it screaming on top of my lungs for them to stop, and for someone to call the cops. Afterwards I was so freaked out because my five foot three self could have done nothing had they decided to include me in their beating up activities.

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  25. Good call on your part notifying the police and not getting personally involved. It could have ended very badly. Also, your PC post was a very nice tribute.

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  26. Good for you June. I become ten feet tall and bullet proof when I see something like this. I butt right in. Luckily I haven’t been throat punched yet.
    Lovely post, June.

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  27. “I used to cry so hard during those fights that the next day my throat would hurt.” This broke my heart.
    Thanks for standing up for that girl. It will make it clear to her that his behavior is not normal as I have a feeling it probably wasn’t the first or last time for that to happen. Maybe one day she’ll stand up for another girl because you stood up for her.

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  28. You done good, June. I got my springer spaniel Harley when he was three months old because his owners said he was chasing their chickens. Well, whadda ya expect? Also furthermore, my neighbor next door had chickens that used to fly in my yard. A couple of them had unfortunate endings what with my killer dogs and all. I especially loved it when one of the dogs brought a chicken in the house to show me how proud she was.

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  29. Poochie is right. So often we do nothing thinking that someone else will take care of it or whatever. I’m so glad you called. The girl probably is too, although she has no idea it was you. Her fear was likely eating her alive. I hope she can use that as motivation to get out of that situation.

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  30. It was not a huge encounter. One night we were walking back to our hotel in Midtown and this guy on the other side of the street was yelling at a girl trying to walk away from him. He was being super loud and aggressive and my thinking is, if they don’t mind being that way in public, it can’t be good. So I yelled over to them to get their attention directing my comment to her if she needed any help or wanted me to call the cops. He stopped walking and glared at me and she said she was okay and was able to walk off.
    Not a big thing but sometimes just calling attention to the situation can help (I’m sure it can make it worse to but this was right on the street with other and they were on the other side.)
    People tend to have inertia and just keep their head down and that stinks.

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  31. You go girl!! But…if I can sound like your mother for a minute…you should carry your phone with you. It’s for your own protection. (thought about using “,” but I was using my stern mother voice)

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  32. Having chickens is a bad bad bad trend. Sadly all my hens/rooster have been because idiots don’t know what they are getting into and then they dump them so yes all of mine are refugee chickens.
    I would have gotten up in that guy’s face. SL hates it when I do that but f*#k if I’m going to stand by and watch that go down. I got involved in an incident one night in NYC. Obviously it didn’t escalate too far because I’m still alive.

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  33. Good for you for calling the cops! What a fucking fuck.
    Also, I don’t get the chickens thing. I EAT chickens, and eggs are already cheap. What do I need to house chickens for?

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  34. Maybe Edseul wants to scream at the chickens and push them but he has more self control than Mr. McAsshole. Relationship violence is a huge topic here on our college campus as well it should be. Thanks for standing up for the young lady. Also too, lovely post.

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  35. Good for you! I hope that girl realizes that when total strangers realize the guy is an asshole she should value herself enough to get away from him.
    And chickens must be a big thing. I see posts about them often on a neighborhood social media site I’m on and I’ve had 3 people stop me at my mailbox asking me if I raise chickens. I don’t so I’m not sure why people keep thinking I have some.

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  36. Absolutely you did the right thing in calling the police. I have a fake name I use when I do that, like it matters anymore. But back in the day, before all this caller ID crap, you could lie.
    Emily Post, June! (Lovely’s sister.)

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  37. Absolutely you did the right thing in calling the police. I have a fake name I use when I do that, like it matters anymore. But back in the day, before all this caller ID crap, you could lie.
    Emily Post, June! (Lovely’s sister.)

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  38. Absolutely you did the right thing in calling the police. I have a fake name I use when I do that, like it matters anymore. But back in the day, before all this caller ID crap, you could lie.
    Emily Post, June! (Lovely’s sister.)

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  39. I am so glad you called the police. Oh that girl needs someone to tell her what’s what before she gets in over her head. Scary. Edsel Pretzel. Oh my goodness. He is so flippin’ cute!
    Excellent post, June!

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  40. Oh my God, that is the sweetest picture of Edsel that I’ve ever seen. You’re not giving him enuff cred, mom.
    Chickens ARE a thing! “We need to return this dog. He’s perfect except that he’s trying to kill our chickens. Every day.”
    Good Pit mode. And controlling it in the presence of assholes is a real talent.
    Lovely post, June!

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  41. First!
    Also too, I noticed your category is “chicken”. Is that referring to the actual animal in the yard, or to the cowardly asshole pushing the girl?

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  42. I am so glad you called. I hope that girl gets far away from him.
    I vote for toting around a liver so you can whip it out and slap people as necessary.

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