And now Junie Jo McGardens has jumped off the Tallahatchee Bridge

Exhibit #28283a of why June should not be let out the house. If you have your Big Book of June Events before you, you may recall that about a year ago, I worked up ALL MY COURAGE and called the dentist and asked if they might hook me up with a different hygienist. The one … Continue reading And now Junie Jo McGardens has jumped off the Tallahatchee Bridge

Karl Not So Young

Hang on. I'm trying my refrigerator oats for the first time. ...Mmmmm. Okay, this is good. Refridge oats: old-fashioned rolled oats, so, like, oats that think you shouldn't have sex till marriage. You know what I hate? When people write, "old-fashion" and don't add the "ed." Old-fashion lemonade! Oh, fuck off. Anyway, you take a … Continue reading Karl Not So Young

June talks to you while she does her makeup. Wait. June wears MAKEUP?

I'm all out of sorts today. So what better way to cheer oneself up than to do one's makeup!? I know. Deep. Let's do a day where we watch me do my makeup, and in the meantime I complain at you. Oh hey, while you're up. Can you break me off a piece of that? … Continue reading June talks to you while she does her makeup. Wait. June wears MAKEUP?

June makes you do her decorating again.

What color should I paint the back room? Currently it's Sad Beige, a thing the previous owner seemed to stampede for. "Oh, is it beige or brass? Sign me up!" Here's the room itself. Look how horrible that door is. The bricks are sort of off-white and the walls are a beige that if you … Continue reading June makes you do her decorating again.

Lot’s Wife rolls around in the woods, probably gets ticks. Smell that.

Yesterday, someone brought a puppy to work. I knew it right away, because the whole office changed, and there were squeals, and I said to myself, "Please let it be a puppy and not a human baby person." Nike. Way back, like in the '90s, this poor soul named Pheiddipides had to run from Marathon … Continue reading Lot’s Wife rolls around in the woods, probably gets ticks. Smell that.