So, as you know, if you've been following June's Big Annoying Book of Events of June by June Oh June, I was scheduled to get me a pit bull puppy this weekend, tentatively named Mrs. Flossie Fern StellaLuna Rosenkrantz. Last weekend, I drove two hours and 20 minutes each way to see her, and I … Continue reading The Beagle has landed
I just got my labs back. I'm officially menopausal. Hot.
I am buried in work, both at work and at home with my freelance stuff. Ima take a few days off from blogging just to keep on schedule. The puppy will be here late Sunday (long story), and as soon as she's here I will certainly get back on here, if I haven't done so … Continue reading Okay, shhhh
By the way, here are Flossie/Lizzie/Poppy's parents. Dad. So now we know where she gets her spotty spots. Mom. hullo. i be seeryus pit. heer be my big pitty face. not to fuk with pit. So, really, they BOTH have spotty spots, and I know you hope I keep on sayin' spotty spots. They look … Continue reading Spotty spot
What I did yesterday was schlep all the damn-ass way out to the country to look at puppies. As you do. Like, seriously, a long damn-ass drive into the country. But when I finally got there, it was like, Did I die on the way here? Because the woman I met up with has four … Continue reading “Puppies!” June is Cruella DeVille.
I just sprayed root cover-up on my legs instead of tanning stuff. Hashtag being a natural woman is hard. Edsel doing his guillotine impresh. One day this needy animal is gonna snap his head clean off. I realized it'd been two entire years that I'd taken the cats to the vet, other than the time … Continue reading Purple robe, purple robe
Killing season is taxing. Speaking of which, Eds and I were in the park last night, after Chicken Watch 2016, wherein this time Eds put his paw up like he was some sort of pointer, a thing he almost never does, and I wonder if he's finally realizing chikkens be reel. Oh my god with … Continue reading June Gardens, first responder
Exhibit #28283a of why June should not be let out the house. If you have your Big Book of June Events before you, you may recall that about a year ago, I worked up ALL MY COURAGE and called the dentist and asked if they might hook me up with a different hygienist. The one … Continue reading And now Junie Jo McGardens has jumped off the Tallahatchee Bridge
I've been thinking a lot about why I got that puppy, who I STILL MISS and think about ALL THE TIME. Why'd I do that to myself? Ned used to accuse me of creating drama in my life, and it annoyed me, but now I'm starting to wonder--am I some sort of chaos addict? It … Continue reading Chaos theory
Hang on. I'm trying my refrigerator oats for the first time. ...Mmmmm. Okay, this is good. Refridge oats: old-fashioned rolled oats, so, like, oats that think you shouldn't have sex till marriage. You know what I hate? When people write, "old-fashion" and don't add the "ed." Old-fashion lemonade! Oh, fuck off. Anyway, you take a … Continue reading Karl Not So Young
I charged my Fitbit last night, so now I don't know how I slept and HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE LIKE THAT? Also, I only remembered to put it on once I got here, to the computer, where it was charging, so I missed out on all those valuable let Edsel out and back … Continue reading Edsel and the Pussycats
I'm all out of sorts today. So what better way to cheer oneself up than to do one's makeup!? I know. Deep. Let's do a day where we watch me do my makeup, and in the meantime I complain at you. Oh hey, while you're up. Can you break me off a piece of that? … Continue reading June talks to you while she does her makeup. Wait. June wears MAKEUP?
This is my favorite time of year, because, for example, this is the view out my kitchen window. Every hour I spend dicing and sauteing, I see this. I also have a view of this: I accidentally typed "dicking" instead of "dicing," which is more like it. Although I never do that anymore, either. Speaking … Continue reading 835 Glorious Words
What color should I paint the back room? Currently it's Sad Beige, a thing the previous owner seemed to stampede for. "Oh, is it beige or brass? Sign me up!" Here's the room itself. Look how horrible that door is. The bricks are sort of off-white and the walls are a beige that if you … Continue reading June makes you do her decorating again.
I had a puppy and now I don't, and I am devastated and it's all my own fault. "Hey, June, I know a woman who's got puppies. They were born under her porch and she raised them and got their shots and stuff. You want one?" someone at work asked me. Did I want one. … Continue reading Stanley Steamer Saga
My hair made a little heart on the right side of my head. I just noticed it on the drive home from work just now. Anyway, I'm here. I'm back home after a hard morning plowing the hearth or whatever people did when they used to really work hard all morning. And in fact, I … Continue reading Beneath my wongs
I'll write you at lunch. Incidentally, in unrelated news, I abhor computers.
Yesterday, someone brought a puppy to work. I knew it right away, because the whole office changed, and there were squeals, and I said to myself, "Please let it be a puppy and not a human baby person." Nike. Way back, like in the '90s, this poor soul named Pheiddipides had to run from Marathon … Continue reading Lot’s Wife rolls around in the woods, probably gets ticks. Smell that.
Dear ProPusyEater, I don't see us creating a future together. Honestly, do men just 100% not understand women? Does the person who picked that for his OK Cupid screen name (then had the nerve to come look at my profile) think any woman in America would be all, Heyyyyy! You seem like a gentleman! I … Continue reading Let the innards be a surprise
I need you to understand how much I hate eHarmony. I had a friend who joined it, and it would never be a site I'd have considered had he not joined and met an actually cool woman. I see it as sort of a site where I'd never meet anyone I had anything in common … Continue reading Dear eHarmony, I hate you. Luff, June.