835 Glorious Words

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This is my favorite time of year, because, for example, this is the view out my kitchen window. Every hour I spend dicing and sauteing, I see this. I also have a view of this:

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I accidentally typed "dicking" instead of "dicing," which is more like it. Although I never do that anymore, either.

Speaking of which, last night I was walking Edsel.

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I took this by accident, but I love it. I was really meaning to film The Watching of the Chickens.

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Although right then it was the Ignoring of the Chickens. You know, once Tallulah got sick and I learned it was terminal, I was getting her Gentle Leader on her that same night and I said, "You know what, Talu? Never again." And I put a leash on her like she was a normal dog, nothin' on her snout, and SHE WALKED JUST FINE. She didn't pull me like I was miming dog-walking. Edsel, however, would not be fine. He pulls even with the Gentle Leader. Remember when I took them both in for harnesses? Good gravy.

Anyway. We were at the park walking in the grassy knoll part, and I always call it a grassy knoll in my mind and I often think of the photo I took of my grandmother, at the part of Dallas where Kennedy was shot, where she's pointing to the grassy knoll dramatically, like the old pictures. Now I want to dig that photo up and this is why I'm always late for work.

ANYWAY. My phone rang, and it was Ned. "Are you walking the dog?" he asked, because he knows my moves. I assured him I was. "I'm near your house, can I stop by?" Ned had a stress test last week, because what stress, and he'd had chest pains because did I mention what stress? He's the fancy president of his company, and do you know what I would never like to be? Is a president of a company.

The point is, he was running on the treadmill and that all went fine, except he pulled a calf muscle really bad and I'm sorry that I think that's hilarious. So now he's STILL GOING TO THE GYM, but not doing anything on his bottom half. This means he was done with the gym spectacularly early, like 7:00!!, and wanted to pop over. HE STILL HADN'T EATEN, of course, and Ned's whole evening schedule has always irritated the crap out of me. I hate to inform you that I freaking love living alone. I really do.

Anyway, we were still in the grassy knoll when I saw his car pull up, and we ended up meeting on the bridge of the park, and when Edsel saw Ned he broke into an ecstatic run, and the whole point is, Ned brought me two bouquets of purple tulips. I hugged him and Edsel wrapped his leash Ned and me twice, like a lasso.

"I'm sorry you had a weepy weekend," he said, handing me the flowers. And no he's NOT trying to get into my size 10 pants and my very big bra. Would that he were. Ned won't just bang people willy-nilly. He has to be all stable and in a relationship with a person, and what a pussy.

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But he did come have a drink at my house. He had a beer. I had water. I was out of points for the day.

I just noticed that I'm typing this whole thing with a cat asleep on my arm. I hadn't even noticed. It's incredibly uncomfortable, and why the carpal tunnel, June?

I guess that's all I have to tell you, other than my job changed a few weeks ago, and I think I told you that, but as a result, I'm now someone who has to go to meetings all the time. I'm forever leaping up to go to meetings. The woman who sits next to me told me at the beginning of the day, she looks in her calendar to see what meetings are ahead of her, rather than just letting the meeting alert thing stun her with the info 15 minutes prior. She says that way she's "prepared" for the meeting.

Hunh.

She's like 27.

Oh, also. I will be intentionally vague about this, because I'd hate for anyone to feel bad. But a coworker found a horrific book that has never been published, and when he opened it in the middle of the book the first thing he read was a love scene, that said, "For five glorious minutes…" Oh, then it was on. We BEGGED him to bring the book in, and every day we have something we call Five Glorious Minutes, where we read the book aloud. It's so fantastically awful that we can't get enough of it. Five glorious minutes are never enough. It's so bad that it really should be published. Maybe I'll sell copies of Five Glorious Minutes. Can I get sued for that? Yeah. Probably.

Crap. It's 8:31.

Gloriously,

June

37 thoughts on “835 Glorious Words

  1. OK everyone – if you haven’t already, stop whatever you are doing and go back and read The Dog Shouterer. SOOOOO funny is our June!

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  2. Your “Dog Shouter” post was a hoot. And that last photo of Edsel. No one really fitted that dog for that harness. No way. And sweet Lu, literally all bark and no bite.
    I love that swirly photo with the touch of nose and tongue on the side. I hope everyone at the house is beginning to adjust to the loss.
    You know, tulip color is very important. Each color represents something different.
    And why is Iris (at least I think it is Iris) sleeping with her head on a sardine can?

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  3. “He had a beer. I had water. I was out of points for the day.” This just cracked me up, but you are doing well with the dropping of the lbs.
    How nice of Ned to bring you beautiful tulips.

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  4. Beautiful flowers there in the yard, June! The Five Glorious Minutes game sounds awesome. I would love that! Tulips are my favorite flower. My wedding bouquet was full of them.
    Lovely post, June!!

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  5. I ordered a sample pack of like 10 of the Jo Malone scents and wore a different one every day. Every stupid one of them gave me a headache. That makes me sad. Also? Did you pick a paint color yet??
    I love me some purple tulips. Especially from a cute boy.

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  6. When I was in the hospital a few years ago, a nice old lady from my church gave me a purple book with the title “Sister to Sister” and some lovely Georgia O’Keef-ish flowers on the front. She saw it at the library sale and bought me “a pretty devotional” to cheer me up. Have you guessed what genre it was? LESBIAN PORN! Of course, being bored and what all in the the hospital, I read it. They get to the action quick! So yeah, I redonated it back to the library!

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  7. Tulips are the best bouquet ever! How sweet of Ned-with-principles!
    I would totally listen to the June podcast of that book reading, 5 minutes at a time.
    You look lovely and thin today, June!

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  8. Several years ago, I was asked to write a book review for a magazine. The magazine’s editor sent me a copy of the book and I dutifully started to read it. It was horrible. I really tried to get through it but simply could not! Finally, I emailed the editor and told her I couldn’t finish the book because it was so poorly written. She let me off the hook. The book never was reviewed by anyone else in this particular magazine. I needed brain bleach after that experience.

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  9. I’m glad you and Ned are friend-ish as it seems to work out well for you. As long as he can bring you tulips and it doesn’t make you all weepy.
    Is the Five Glorious book as bad as 50 Shades?

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  10. my dad had a stress test and his doctor picked up on a small anomaly. thank goodness she’s thorough…he ended up with a quadruple bi-pass. and he had been feeling just fine. the stress test was routine.

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  11. Wait a minute. You didn’t finish the five glorious moments sentence. Now I’m intrigued. It could have been five glorious moments of licking melted chocolate. Was it lesbian porn? Cause that stuff gets real gloriously real, real quickly. At least it did 20 years ago when books and other some such paraphernalia would be dropped off in the donation box.

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  12. Also, I hope things are ok with his stress test. My husband had one last month. Scary indeed.

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  13. I will forever be a Ned fan. I realize I don’t know the gory details of what went down but he just seems like a good man to me. It’s good he’s still in your corner. You are so ding dang pretty, June. And so very lucky to have legions of people telling you so every day. Have a good day, June!

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  14. My husband found a book somewhere that was so poorly written it was hilarious. Makes you wonder how these books ever got published. Even in this day of self-publishing, didn’t these authors ever have someone proof their books to let them know how bad they?
    You’re so pretty, June.

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  15. I spent my Five Glorious Minutes smelling it last night in a catalog. I give it a thumbs up.

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  16. Like “101 Dalmations”. But only 1. And not a dalmation. Obviously. Also what’s better than roses on the piano? Two lips on the organ…
    You’re so pretty. And? Size 10? Biddy.

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  17. The picture of Lily posing for Ned cracks me up. And the live action shot of Eds and the grassy knoll must be what my mom’s world was like when she had vertigo.
    Dizzy, I’m so dizzy my head is spinnin’ like a whirlpool it never ends…
    Lovely post, June, and you’re so pretty.

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  18. I stand by my previous statements that Ned is a good egg. And that photo of he and Lily is great.
    Sadly, I look at my calendar in the morning to see what is planned, then I promptly forget all of it and am surprised when the reminder alert goes off.
    I can barely remember being 27.

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  19. For five glorious minutes I’ve been smelling my new sample of Jo Malone’s Wood Sage and Sea Salt and ???? don’t think I’m in love with it. Anyone else?
    Ned gets points for purple tulips, I’m a sucker for men who bring me tulips. Two lips, I crack myself up, I am 12 obviously.

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  20. The five glorious minutes I spent reading this post were truly enjoyable, what with all the azalea, Edsel, and Lily photos. If I wasn’t such an introvert, I’d wish for a fun workplace like yours, with friendly people taking walks and reading things aloud. You look pretty today, June. Well, every day, really.

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  21. Five glorious minutes sounds fun! I told myself NO INTERNET today, yet here I am. Taking a break before I have really started. I am SO behind, yet I don’t want to start. It is spring, it is sunny, it is 27 degrees. I am at work, and there are stacks to be reckoned with, but all I want to do is play.
    That picture of Lily and Ned is adorable!
    Lovely post, beautiful June!

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  22. You know how I know you’re pretty? There wasn’t a single photo of you in this post, yet I still think you’re stunning.
    You ought to record Five Glorious Minutes today and share in the Facebook group.

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  23. Edsel was Emma-ing you on the bridge. And I thought of the Miranda/Steve scene. Stop making me remember that stuff.
    Pretty flowers out your window, and the dizzy picture is, well, familiar.
    Lovely post, you’re so pretty!

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