There are three things I wanted to tell you about: the turtle, my conversation and the intuitive. Which do you want to hear first? …Okay.
Remember last week, when a bunch of you donated to my coworker Alex so she could adopt that dog and set him up in the life to which he is about to be accustomed? First of all, he's home with her, and doing great. He totally wants to get up in the cat, in a friendly way, but they're still keeping them separated. She's waiting for a really good picture of the three of them to give me to show you, but is having trouble getting the dog to sit still for a picture and I have no idea what that's like.
Speaking of which, here's more of the Lottie-in-front-of-the-laundry-basket shots.
First one, about a month ago…
About a week after that…
She slowed down this week! She's still between the top three dots, depending on if you're measuring her head or her ridiculous ears.
Oh my god, none of this is why I gathered you here. SO ON THAT DAY, the one where you guys donated to Alex, I was excited so I called my mother. I knew she and my stepfather were driving to his doctor appointment kind of far away, so I called the mobile. Because British.
My stepfather answered. My mother was driving, but he offered to relay to her my story while she drove.
"Okay," I said. "Well, I work with this woman. Maybe like two years now, I've worked with her. She's amazing. Really smart and composed and way more mature than me, which there's a stretch. She's had a boyfriend just forever, and he just graduated college, and they wanted to get a dog after he got a real job."
"There's a woman at June's job," my stepfather said to my mother.
"Wow," I said, astonished at my stepfather's…brevity.
"Okay," I continued, undaunted. "But, so, they wanted to get a dog but they wanted to wait, and now he has a real job so for weeks they've been talking about it and saving up and she's been on PetFinder looking at dogs. There was even one she had her heart set on because she liked his funny name, I can't think of it now. It was one of those celebrity puns like Charles Barkley, but it wasn't Charles Barkley…"
"Her coworker's getting a dog," said my stepfather to my mother.
OH MY GOD.
So what I'm saying to you is my mother did not get to hear every nuance.
So that's that story. I'd love to hear my stepfather's riveting version of it.
As you know, Kayeeeee has me on a budget, which includes not ordering food to be delivered. I have stuck with that fucking plan, but yesterday I was clean out of food, and did not want to go to the grocery store till payday (tonight). So for the first time in ages, I called the Chinese delivery place.
The delivery woman came, and she was all, "Oh my GOD! You got a PUPPY! What does Edsel think?" The dogs were outside, and she walked to the gate to greet them. You know how easy it is to greet a puppy, because what wriggling?
Anyway, afterward, she said, "I really hope you don't think I'm weird."
I love any conversation that starts that way. I mean, I really do. I'm instantly intrigued.
"But, I'm an intuitive. And I've always loved delivering to your house. There's just such a good vibe. And it comes from both you AND the house. Just great energy," she said.
"You know, I've always felt this was a happy house," I said, because I'm as weird as she is. Anyway we talked a little about my fabulous vibes and so on and eventually exchanged numbers and we've already texted, and I kind of feel like I'm the only person these things happen to.
Last night I was taking the freeway exit to my neighborhood, and I saw a turtle on the side of the road. He was huge. And he was stuck on this bend of the freeway under an overpass thing. (Official name®.)
Oh my GOD, that was a turtle! I told my own self, which is sad.
So I screamed home and let Lottie out of her jail. I decided to leave Lottie with Edsel in the yard and I headed back to the freeway exit. It was less than a minute away, but once I got there I realized there was no way to get to the turtle. So then I pulled into an office area that I saw if I could walk behind like a crazy person, I might be able to traverse this snakey area and get to the turtle that way. In the meantime, I'm Googling "Snapping Turtles" on my phone so I don't grab one and get my arm snapped clean off.
Here's the office area. Annoying local readers will ask, "Where was this, June?" and WHO CARES?
Here's the snakey part I thought I might traverse, but there was no way to get to the other side without walking on water, which of course I can do but I didn't want to show off.
Here's me knowing I'm ridik.
Eventually, I got back in my car and drove the exit all over again, and slowed to a crawl, a turtle crawl, at the turtle spot. I was fully prepared to stop all traffic and lug him into my car.
He was dead.
Oh, poor Mr. Shel Gordon the Turtle. I can see how he GOT where he was, but he musta had no way to get out of there. I hate the thought of him suffering so.
So that's my sad story.
"June saw a dead turtle."
From now on, let's summarize my whole posts in stepfather speak. That will be your challenge as a reader.
Jooooooon and her vibes