I pity the Blu

7:28 a.m.

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I am currently drinking coffee–what addiction?–out of my Mr. Tea mug that Marty and Kaye got me some years back, that remains one of my favorites. Do you have favorite mugs? Do you wait till it's that mug's turn in the cupboard, or do you reach for it first if it's clean? I make my mugs wait their turn. Then all the shitty ones are way in the back and I'll have to be all, Crap. Really? It's thin-mug-that-burns-my-hand day?

When we last spoke, I was debating new shoes, because all of mine were peed on or slightly chewed or just old. Lottie really hasn't ruined any shoes yet, as I am careful to at least place them up high, when walking all the way to the closet is just too exhausting to contemplate.

The other day I was walking at work with Austin, and I told him how I woke up in the middle of the night recently with horrific pain in my back teeth. I knew I'd been grinding them and the pain was exquisite. If I owned aspirin, I'd have taken some. What I did instead was get up and put in my night guard.

"You have a night guard? And you didn't have it in already?" asked Austin, who has a full-time job, two kids, a house, a dog, a cat, a wife and does Cross Fit every single day. Plus he prepares 79 individual containers of healthy snacks for himself that he eats all day at work. You walk into the kitchen and he's, like, wolfing raw brussels sprouts out of a container he brought.

"I was too exhausted to walk to the bathroom to put it in that night," I explained.

The look he gave me was priceless.

Anyway, here. Shut up.

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Your basic black middle-aged-divorced-woman wedges. I once heard a group of young bitches teasing one of the other young women at the table for wearing wedges like she's a mom. I tucked mine under my chair. I'm not gonna teeter in pumps for no good reason. I put on a pump, there better be the promise of penis.

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Every day at work, we take a walk through the park, something The Other Copy Editor invented, daily walks, and we've kept going with it. But my cankles feel stiff in the morning now and I wonder if it's because I'm clomping around the park in divorce wedges. So. Got these. In my color. You'll see they're already soiled, as I walked the curs in them. The Black Mouth cur and the other cur.

And finally. The peace of resistance. How much do you like me right now?

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Ta-DAAAAA! I know, right???! Oh my god, so pleased.

I got to wear the basic black wedges to Alex's little party on Saturday. She recently bought a house and she had a get-together.

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"Won't you enjoy my…tomatoes?"

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All the Alexes were there. Also, microwaved flowers! Mmmmm!

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Not an Alex. But standing near an Alex!

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June basks in the rays coming from Alex's head.

When I was out…getting my iPhone fixed (which in some parts of the country is code for buying shoes), I stopped at Ulta ("I thought you hated Ulta, June") because my hairdresser is at the beach, and it's only been three or four weeks anyway, and what roots? Oh my god. Snow on the silver mountain. Rootin' for turnips.

Roots.

Root root rootin' for the home team.

If you catch my drift.

So I got some root cover, is what I did, because, roots? Root you talkin' 'bout, Willis?

The point is, they had hair powder for $4.99. They had bright blue, pink, and …

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lavender. So I sported that at the party, and I am not at all just wearing a bra in this picture. "Honey, You're such an exhibitionist." I can so hear my mom. Also, mom, I got your messages. I kept saying I would call you next, in my own head, in my mind, but then I was busy again. Mostly pulling Lottie off things. But also with this…

 

It all started yesterday morning, on Facebook, because middle-aged divorced woman. Anyway, I'm on two Edsel support group pages: American Dingo and Carolina Dogs. On one of those pages, we were all grousing about our weird dogs, and someone said her dog destroys every toy. And every other Edsel owner nodded sympathetically and we got up from our folding chairs and had a group hug.

That's when I mentioned Blu. To stop the group hug. "West Paw design makes a toy that's nearly indestructible!" I said, adding the link. "We're on Blu number three, and we're only on three because we left Blu Two somewhere."

I did not go into my own heartbreaking history of moving in with Ned and the tragic demise and how I forgot Blu in my fog of disappointment and agony. And that clearly Jesus the lawn guy tossed Blu, as it is just not in that yard any longer.

Jesus will take your Blu away.

The point is, after I posted that on Facebook, I started wondering how many pictures I could drum up of Edsel with Blu, and I started gathering them, then four hours later I'd made a whole stupid video. Do you have any idea how many "blue" songs I considered? Mr. Blue Sky, but it's really long. Tangled Up in Blue. Also a long song. Blue Monday, but come on.

But this song is perfect. It's kind of gay, plus they SAY gay, and it's jaunty like Edsel. Gay and jaunty like Edsel.

Could not get enough of self that Talu gets Blu in the end, and takes a bow. She only ever played with Blu to piss off Edsel. It was totally obvious. She's totally Lucy and poor Eds is Linus with his blanket.

I fucking love the song Blue Monday. Oh my god, I am so dancing at some bar in Saginaw when this comes on. I wonder if all the dancing I did then negated the 394949494 calories from all my white zinfandel? Probably, as I was 23.

Goddammit.

Anyway, that's all my news. I gotta put on my prick suit and get to work. I have no idea why I said that, except Andy Sipowicz used to say that and I always loved it. "Guy put on his prick suit this morning."

Andy Sipowicz is an excellent cat name.

Prick Suitedly,

Jooooon

34 thoughts on “I pity the Blu

  1. Love all the shoes, even the Nikes. Your hair looks great!
    My favorite mugs are heavy, diner-type, white with red checks around the top. I found them marked down 50% which makes them more favoriter.

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  2. First of all, that video is AWESOME. Secondly, those shoes are fabulous. Thirdly, I use my green glasses for my Dr. Pepper every day. If someone gives me a different glass, I am disappointed. I don’t have a mug, because I don’t drink coffee. I know. Sorry if I knocked you right to the floor with no warning.
    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  3. I love that show too. Why is it not on in syndication? Why can’t I find it on DVD? I miss it so much.

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  4. AA, I think you’re thinking about a movie Caruso made after he quit NYPD, after demanding (and being denied) a huge raise once he became the hot big thing. It was an erotic thriller that was trying to make the cha-ching off of his sex appeal (although now that I look at him in CSI, I wonder what all the kerfuffle was about?) He’s almost become a parody of himself. I forget what that movie was called.

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  5. My two favorite mugs are one with all the Disney villians (I get irked if husband uses it) and one that says “Bless your stupid heart”.

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  6. Life is too short for a thin-mug-that-burns-your-hand day. I use my favorite mug if it’s clean. Always. I won’t clean it to use it, but if it’s clean, I choose it!

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  7. That hair power looked so cute in your hair. Man, your hair looks great there.
    Party Hostess Alex’s caption made me laugh! She’s so ding dang cute.
    Speaking of cute, the Patrizia shoes, so pretty! They look like the pair of shoes a goddess would wear back whenever there were goddesses, when was that? What the hell is a goddess anyway? Okay, Cleopatra, the shoes look like shoes Cleopatra would have worn if they made wedges back in the day of the ancient times. I wonder if the chicks got tired of wearing sandals all the time back then.
    Pump penis connection. Can’t. Even. Dead.
    Oh I do love me the vintage mugs but they must be able to keep coffee hot. Have used an avocado green, drip glaze cup for years but be still my heart, I picked up a white Frankhoma mug and it makes me happy every single morning. I had the best time picking out vintage and modern mugs for a house that is being rented as furnished recently.
    NYPD Blue! Did you do that on purpose? Blue, blu. Why did I think Dennis Franz was on Hill Street Blues? I loved that show. On NYPD Blue, remember when David Caruso was the hot big thing for like a summer and he was splattered all over every magazine, newspaper and such. And didn’t he quit after the first year and become a porno actor or something? I think the heat done got to me officially now.

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  8. Prick suit!
    I love the weekends when you can get lost in a project and glance up and realize four hours of your life have gone by. Time well spent!

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  9. I constantly use the same 5 mugs over and over because they are huge and I like to drink a lot of tea in the morning. All the other mugs get no use at all because they are too small, and the rest of the family doesn’t drink coffee or tea. I really should give them away. Amish would be disgusted with me if she saw the waste of space.
    Andy Sipowicz said horrible, horrible things. I loved him.
    Your Blu video was priceless. How sweet they are when they get attached to a toy. My dog has a plush hedgehog that she has been loving on for 12 years. It has been resewn a hundred times. It’s basically all thread at this point. But she loves it, and has to bring it to bed every night or she won’t go to sleep. Every other toy/plush animal has been destroyed within 5 minutes of her getting ahold of it. They love what they love.

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  10. Jesus will take your Blu away!
    Ahh, NYPD Blue. One of my mostest favoritest shows ever. With Jimmy Smits, finest man in the universe.

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  11. I have four favorite big mugs in rotation. When all of them are dirty it ticks me off. (If I haven’t run the dishwasher). I will use a small and be annoyed. The small ones are largely sentimental. I need to weed them out. My husband liked the smaller ones but he now exclusuvely uses his stainless keeps-it-hot-for-hours one.

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  12. I only keep the mugs I love, but somehow unlovable mugs keep multiplying in the cupboard. Every now and again I go batshit on my mug cupboard and just start tossing them. Because really – why do I need more than one? I use it, I rinse it, I put it in the dishwasher, I use it again. We should do a “favorite mug” picture share on the Face.
    Love Edsel and his TLA Blu tribute. He’s a loyal boy.
    So pretty June – your shoes, your hairs, YOU!
    Happy Monday everyone!

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  13. Now I’m thinking of my unused mugs at the back of the shelf and wondering if they share group hugs, too.

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  14. I adore every darn one of my mugs. I ruthlessly culled mugs and kitchen whatnots a few years ago during move #1 with then boyfriend / now husband. Now everything is actual nice, sentimental nice or both.
    Cute shoes! Funny post! Love the Edsel video!

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  15. The Blu video, new shoes and lavender hair! What’s not to love this Monday morning? Who wants to go in on the How-soon-will-Lottie-ruin-the-new-shoes pool?

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  16. PJ is open carrying her flabby arms this morning because it's too hot for sleeves no matter how sensitive your young eyes are says:

    And I used to get envious when my friends got those “books” of Live Savers for Christmas.

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  17. PJ is open carrying her flabby arms this morning because it's too hot for sleeves no matter how sensitive your young eyes are says:

    The mugs must wait their turn, huh? I have three boxes of mugs. I rotate the boxes and thought this morning, just before I read this, that it’s time to pack up the current batch of mugs, move them to the #3 spot and replace them with the box of mugs in the current # 1 spot. Then within each batch I have a couple of favorites and the others just get pushed to the back where they get inferiority complexes and develop depression. Maybe they have group hugs back there in the back of the cupboard before I get up each morning and don’t choose them AGAIN.

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  18. I like your shoes! My daughter (12) loooooves wedges and kept trying to steal mine, but now her feet are a size bigger than mine. (In case it makes it better that they are cool with the middle school set.) Love the veedeo of Eds with his Blu. Thanks for posting — I’ve got the how-the-heck-is-it-Monday-morning-already blues and you made me smile.

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  19. Pumps for Penis…. you should make bumper stickers. Love all the shoes and the blue video. Eds reminds me so much of our dog who we always say is gay.

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  20. So I just choked on my raisin bran over the pumps for penis comment…
    You look lovely in Lavender, June!

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  21. One of my first jobs, a co-worker would trill “Am I Blue,” when she arrived instead of the more conventional “Hi.” I also remember that on Easter her family bought her and all her siblings rabbits. VW rabbits. Oh, was I impressed, obv. Forty-plus years later, I still remember. Do you think the cars were parked on fake Easter grass? (Eastroturf, we call it.) And surrounded by jelly beans and Cadbury eggs? (Dear Paula: It’s called “A Life.” Get one. Geez.)

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  22. One of my first jobs, a co-worker would trill “Am I Blue,” when she arrived instead of the more conventional “Hi.” I also remember that on Easter her family bought her and all her siblings rabbits. VW rabbits. Oh, was I impressed, obv. Forty-plus years later, I still remember. Do you think the cars were parked on fake Easter grass? (Eastroturf, we call it.) And surrounded by jelly beans and Cadbury eggs? (Dear Paula: It’s called “A Life.” Get one. Geez.)

    Like

  23. One of my first jobs, a co-worker would trill “Am I Blue,” when she arrived instead of the more conventional “Hi.” I also remember that on Easter her family bought her and all her siblings rabbits. VW rabbits. Oh, was I impressed, obv. Forty-plus years later, I still remember. Do you think the cars were parked on fake Easter grass? (Eastroturf, we call it.) And surrounded by jelly beans and Cadbury eggs? (Dear Paula: It’s called “A Life.” Get one. Geez.)

    Like

  24. “Am I bluuuuuu?” Your Edsel video was wonderful! The music was perfect!
    I am envious of your many talents, June.

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  25. Andy Sipowitz! Loved that character. A good cop show is the shit in my book.
    Cuuute shoes! Envious my old dogs scream with agony in cuban heeled micro fiber Life Strides. They like crocs and extra depth orthopedics. Talk about ugly granny shoes!
    Your Blu video is amazing!

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  26. Love the hair powder! You always look so pretty June. And thank you for the Bluuuuuuuuuuu veedeo this Blue Monday morning. Makes me feel good.

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