Aging ungracefully · Chicken · I am high-maintenance · June's stupid life · My pets · Other people's pets

Vonda Shepherd Mix

Last night I had a dream that I was signing Edsel up for the FetLife website. FetLife is, well, let me look it up because I don't actually know. ...Okay. FetLife is like a dating site for people with fetishes, and what saddens me is that I don't know what Edsel's fetish is, although I'll… Continue reading Vonda Shepherd Mix

June's stupid life · Other people's pets

June holds a kitten. Story at 11:00.

8:06 a.m. I woke up late, and now Faithful Reader Paula is going to feel nervous through this whole post because I have to hurry. I've showered, and selected what I'm wearing, and also I'd like to mention that when I opened the bathroom door, I fully expected Lottie to be flumped against the door… Continue reading June holds a kitten. Story at 11:00.

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life · My pets

The dingo ate my baby

So, this week I was sick, with some horrid Disease of the Coughs, where all I did was try to sleep but I couldn't because cough, and I had to sleep sitting up like the Elephant Man, which in case you wondered was not restful. Also, I was sad, because Lottie, and then because mean… Continue reading The dingo ate my baby

June's stupid life · My pets

Lottie is gone, and I am ruined

I didn't go to work today. I spent all night crying and coughing, and now I am just waking up from a migraine. As you know, Edsel was sometimes attacking Lottie, and that the trainer and the vet said this sort of thing happens at the beginning when you have an adult dog and a… Continue reading Lottie is gone, and I am ruined

Aging ungracefully · At Two With Nature · Death · Film · Health · Other people's pets · Snakes

Like I blister in the sun

First of all, I answered most of your questions you had yesterday in the comments, and I'll go back after this and answer the rest. I had to work more than I thought I would yesterday, and was unable to post at lunch. The lunch I DID have was scarily interrupted by a "You coming… Continue reading Like I blister in the sun

Film · June doesn't know any ugly people · June's stupid life · My pets · Television

June goes downtown, which is not a euphemism

Yesterday I had to go to a building downtown to attend an all-day meeting. This is the view from the balcony behind the building. Went out there to smoke my 'rette. Man, I was having a nicotine fit. It was really cool there. They took this whole back area and made it pretty. They took… Continue reading June goes downtown, which is not a euphemism

Busy busy busy busy. Thank heavens for Angie's List. · June can't keep a man · Lottie = El Diablo

Lottie and the Big-Girl Bed

Last night, when I headed to bed, Lottie was already in there, fast asleep. She looked so cute, and she's been doing so well with not going in the house, that I thought, "Maybe she can sleep in the big-girl bed tonight." Sadly, every night I sleep in that bed it's the big-girl bed. What… Continue reading Lottie and the Big-Girl Bed

I am a pleasure of life · June can't keep a man · Religion · Television

Undercover June

Morning. Do I sound intimidating? I've been watching a lot of Undercover Boss, and thank god my weekends mean a lot lately. Undercover Boss is where a CEO or president or whatever hoo-hah of a major company (7-Eleven, 1-800-Flowers, Waste Management, the Chicago Cubs) (not that I watched 109 of these this weekend or anything)… Continue reading Undercover June

At Two With Nature · Fuck natural · June's stupid life · Lottie = El Diablo

June Brought the Rose (Gold)

Last night, I got my rose gold color! It'll only last a few weeks, but here it is! I look vaguely like an aging Disney princess. But I like it! It's exciting! Also, I need lip enhancement so bad. Four hours I was in that chair last night. I screamed home after work and let… Continue reading June Brought the Rose (Gold)

Aging ungracefully · Gardening · June's stupid life · My pets · Religion

Say “mulch” one more time

I had ideas about what I was gonna write about today and then I sat down and ...blank. ...Oh! Mulch! Yes. I came home for lunch and there was poor Chris of Chris and Lilly, unloading m'mulch. With a big pitchfork, like he was the devil. The devil who made my yard so pretty it's… Continue reading Say “mulch” one more time

June's stupid life · My pets · Other people's pets · Television

[this space intentionally left blank]

There are two birds singing outside the window, and some sort of low-buzzing bug. Nope, there's a crow. So now it's three kinds of birds. Iris is quietly eating in the kitchen window. There's a plate of homemade wishes on the kitchen windowsill. And eight is enough to fill our lives with love. I'll bet… Continue reading [this space intentionally left blank]

Friends · I hate everything · June's stupid life · Lottie = El Diablo · My pets

11:40, a sacred time everyone knew about but June. Oh, also, kitten.

My problem is, I'm not attracted to wealth and power. Like, look at Candace Bergen. She married two men who weren't that pretty, but rich? Hells yeah, they were rich. And she must have slept with them, right? Or how else could she have a baby and/or kept that marriage afloat? Why can't I be… Continue reading 11:40, a sacred time everyone knew about but June. Oh, also, kitten.

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life · My pets · Other people's pets

Kitten Report 2016

Ima have to call AppleCare, which always puts me in a sparkling mood, because my computer keeps saying, "Update your iTunes!" so I do, then it says, "Cannot locate your phone." And I'm all IT'S RIGHT HERE UNDERNEATH YOU. IT'S ATTACHED TO THE BACK OF YOU, YA MO'. So that's something to look forward to,… Continue reading Kitten Report 2016

...friend/Ned · I am berserk · June can't keep a man · June's stupid life · My pets · Other people's pets

June survives horrific car crash, finds kitten. Story at–well, now.

I was going to hyperbole your hat off telling you about how I survived a car accident, escaping death as only June could do, but something so much more interesting has happened now. So, on Friday afternoon, I was headed back to work after lunch, and I was at a red light when BOOM! this… Continue reading June survives horrific car crash, finds kitten. Story at–well, now.

Film · Sports

John Wayne, Marco Polo and boredom

Yesterday, I was texting The Younger Man, who first of all needs a blog name. "What do you want your blog name to be?" I asked him, because he's not at all busy being in the Olympics or whatever. "Steve," he wrote back, and when your Olympics don't happen, you'll know this is why. "Head… Continue reading John Wayne, Marco Polo and boredom

...friend/Ned · Busy busy busy busy. Thank heavens for Angie's List. · Chicken · Food and Drink · June's stupid life · Not Grace Kelly

Hand Jumping June

Yesterday was ridik. I had to take my car into the shop, which I think I've told you now 800 times, and you'd think I was taking it in to get it tricked out. You'd think my car was transitioning. Do you know what I'd like? Is a little Fiat. I love those. In some… Continue reading Hand Jumping June

Aging ungracefully · Family · Food and Drink · Health · June's stupid life · Munchausen's by Proxy

The one where June is annoying

9:32 p.m. It's Tuesday night, as opposed to TOOOOOOOSDAY AFTERNOOON. What is that song?   The songs of my childhood are sad. Why'd I have to grow up in the drug era? Couldn't I have grown up in the nice '20s, when everyone was drinking illegal hootch? Or how about the cheerful '30s, when there… Continue reading The one where June is annoying

...friend/Ned · Hulk's sex life · June can't keep a man · June's stupid life · My pets

June’s privates

So how is everyone? I know most of you saw this already on Facebook, but here. Here is a snapshot of my life, below, except it's a five-second veeeedeo of my life, but still.   So that's how I'm doing. In case you wondered. There seems to be a lot of speculation about my love… Continue reading June’s privates

...friend/Ned · Ask Lu · At Two With Nature · I hate everything · June can't keep a man

(redundant)

I don't get why people like fantasy and science fiction. It's so not interesting to me. I don't see how you can get riveted by things that don't exist. Oh! There's a curse from the Land of Dumblethworp and it's going to affect all the Kasimotos! Who gives a fuck? I don't even know the… Continue reading (redundant)