Family · Food and Drink · Fuck natural · June's stupid life

Party in a paper

"Did you ever take an actual copyediting class?" my boss asked me, and not in a mean way. We were talking about what we studied in college, and did it have anything to do with what we did for a living. I studied English, and at my school there were three tracks you could go… Continue reading Party in a paper

Food and Drink · June's stupid life · My pets

I hate it when I forget a title

I'm having a smoothie. It's migraine-diet approved. It involves frozen strawberries and blueberries, yogurt and milk and flaxseed, plus also special guest star: banana. This diet is a pain in my ass, because it involves not eating at the salad bar at the grocery store. And by "salad bar" I mean the crab rangoons over… Continue reading I hate it when I forget a title

Current Affairs · June's stupid life

Who you voting for? BE NICE.

My stupid computer is acting wonky, like Iris's eye, and now it's 8:23 and I'm just commencing to typing. So since I have to GO now, and THANKS, Internet, let's just ask... Who you voting for? For president, smarty. And why? Keep your answers civil. Anyone's mean to anyone else? Delete. I won't just delete… Continue reading Who you voting for? BE NICE.

...friend/Ned · Family · Friends · June's stupid life

Mrs. Robinson has a weekend

This weekend, I saw the most beautiful man I've ever seen, surprised Marty Martin, entertained my Aunt Mary, and saw my friend Marianne. It was a very M weekend. So, my aunt and uncle have been here since Wednesday, and before they got here I alerted them: Kayeeee had planned a surprise for Marty's 50th… Continue reading Mrs. Robinson has a weekend

Family · Health · June's stupid life

The headache study

Yesterday, I drove to--oh holy shit what the hell is this? Why. Why did the strike-thru key get depressed before I even got here? It's got the world by the tail! What's to be depressed about? So, I'm sitting here eating a flax/blueberry muffin, which was provided to me as part of my headache study… Continue reading The headache study

Family · Health · June's stupid life

Decaf June

I'm sitting here with my WATER, trying to drum up any personality with which to write you. Mostly, my personality is caffeine. Without it, you get this. Today I drive to damn Chapel Hill, and insert some sort of joke about a church and a hill here IF I HAD COFFEE TO MAKE ME FUNNY,… Continue reading Decaf June

Am British · I am high-maintenance · Money

June. No longer a Bug. Now more of a Mini. A chubby Mini.

When I woke up yesterday, I did not know I'd be buying a car. But there it is. Now my life is officially a country song: the man I loved done left, m'dog died, and my VW Bug up and quit on me. I just need a train off in the distance and a jail… Continue reading June. No longer a Bug. Now more of a Mini. A chubby Mini.

Faithful Readers · June's stupid life

Age/state/sex/kids/sass/crunch.

Yesterday, I got interviewed about my writing, because hashtag SoFamous, and the interviewer (pfft. My coworker, Austin) asked me about the "sassy Midwestern moms" who read my blog. Hunh. "Actually, I'm big in Texas and Florida," I told him. And it's true. Whenever I do a roundup of who you are, I get a lot… Continue reading Age/state/sex/kids/sass/crunch.

Chicken · June's stupid life

June tells you what she ate. Riveting.

Because you know how linear I am, I'll describe my weekend for you, Friday through Sunday, and how long do you give me to screw that up? Does it bug you, you Tidy Tess types, when I'm all over the place the way I am, or does it fascinate you, the way happy, well-adjusted people… Continue reading June tells you what she ate. Riveting.

Friends · June's stupid life · Neighbors of June

You wrote it you watch it

The other day, my friend Paula came to town, and I've referred to it so often now that you're probably expecting her to have a Pope hat. Paula was my coworker in Seattle, then my friend in Seattle, then my housemate in Seattle. The only thing we didn't do was fall in love. We are… Continue reading You wrote it you watch it

...friend/Ned · Food and Drink · Friends · June's stupid life

June talks. People ignore.

Yesterday, my friend Paula came to town, because of course Heart was playing somewhere in North Carolina, and you know how she follows around the band Heart. Big Book of June Events. Page 167. You also know (BBoJE page 796) I had a breakup anniversary dinner with Ned that I was going to tell you… Continue reading June talks. People ignore.

...friend/Ned · I am high-maintenance · June's stupid life

Post-Botox Edition

Woke up, got dressed, got Botox, went to the pharmacy for more migraine drugs and cough medicine, mailed my Stitch Fix rejects and came home and washed the floors and changed the litterboxes and threw in laundry and cleaned my shower grout. Relaxing. I have today off, and I woke up with a migraine, because… Continue reading Post-Botox Edition

Health · I am high-maintenance · June can't keep a man · June's stupid life · My pets

Her-dy-GERD-y

Here is what Edsel has done every morning of his damn life: He bounds out of bed, tears down the hall, and bursts out the back door. I open the big back door quickly and he uses his head to push the screen open. He hasn't got time to wait for me to open the… Continue reading Her-dy-GERD-y

...friend/Ned · Faithful Readers · Food and Drink · I am berserk · June's stupid life

Our Lady of Perpetual Calendars

I'm having some Greek honey yogurt with some almonds, and every time I eat Greek yogurt I feel like I'm eating just a teensy piece of Faithful Greek Reader Fay. Look how this blog has affected my life. When we last left off, what had I done? ...Oh, walked. Right. Fucking walked. I was Walker,… Continue reading Our Lady of Perpetual Calendars

...friend/Ned · Aging ungracefully · At Two With Nature · Death · Hair · I am a pleasure of life · I am high-maintenance · June can't keep a man · June's stupid life · My pets

It’s a pretty good crowd for a Saturday

Yes, I'm posting on Saturday. Hello! {hello hello hello hello} Echo! {echo echo echo echo} I don't know why I bother. But hello, one and a half people who are homebound for whatever reason. I guess now that it's half an hour away, I can tell you that I am supposed to be in New… Continue reading It’s a pretty good crowd for a Saturday

Health · June doesn't know any ugly people · June's stupid life

Shaved her legs and then he was a she

I think I've told you that for six months, I'm part of a headache study. I'm studying to get better at my headaches. Bah. Last month, I schlepped over to Chapel Hill to walk up a mountain to go to church, and BAH, again, apparently on fire today. The point is, they asked me a… Continue reading Shaved her legs and then he was a she

June can't keep a man · June's stupid life

Go ahead, use me to smear your Ten-O-Six Lotion on yourself.

Today I had to shower with cotton-scented hand soap. I smell like a big cotton ball. Mmmmmm. Yesterday I managed to use the last sliver of real soap till it literally washed away, and I told myself, "Don't forget to get soap today." Then guess what. GUESS. And I hate to be the one to… Continue reading Go ahead, use me to smear your Ten-O-Six Lotion on yourself.

I am berserk · June's stupid life

June and the lesbian kitten

Here's my problem. (I act like I have only the one.) I get bored, then I set up too much stuff in my life, then I get overwhelmed at the chaos and cut stuff out, and then I get bored again. What the Sam Hill is wrong with me? My job, since it changed, is… Continue reading June and the lesbian kitten

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life · My pets

June gets drunk, spends night with Ned, acquires kitten. Other than that, quiet weekend.

On Friday, we got out of work at 3:00, which is always exciting.  A big crap ton of us, and I think it was Jackie Kennedy who invented the term "crap ton," got together after work to say goodbye to one of our coworkers, who has the nerve to be moving back to New York,… Continue reading June gets drunk, spends night with Ned, acquires kitten. Other than that, quiet weekend.