I hate brunch. There's the part where you're expected to get up, WITH NO FOOD OR COFFEE IN YOU, and head to some crowded restaurant, then wait in a lobby for a hundred minutes. Then always--ALWAYS!!--some asshole party of 10 is just before you, because hey, what's more fun than a huge GROUP going to … Continue reading Oh, good. I get to read about someone’s trip.
Yesterday I got my 10,000 steps in, did 35 minutes of Tracy Chapman, and then sat down to watch Real Housewives with a bag of Fritos. And this is why I hate myself. Oh, also I walked Edsel yesterday, and the people on the corner have an 8-week-old BABY GERMAN SHEPHERD PUPPY. As opposed to … Continue reading House O’ Hurr
Today's another Astonishing June-Hair Day. Iris can't even look at me. See what I did, there? I really need a new back door. The bottom's all rotted off, and have I mentioned how broke? What unexpected car purchase? What two trips to Michigan in one month? What vacation to the beach that I can't really … Continue reading Pit act-shun
You know I hate to complain. But I barfed. You know how I am about that. If you're new here, and really? Barfing is sort of my phobia. New paragraphs let you know how serious I am. I just assume no one's new here. I mean, blogs. They're gone. No one's checking out each other's … Continue reading Hurl-y Girl-y
I had this snappy plastic lid that I used to cover the other half of Steely Dan's canned food, as he eats half a can at a time. Correction: he WOLFS half a can at a time. There's no trouble with SD's appetite. He is not a finicky eater. And every time he devours another … Continue reading Today I can’t think of a title. Post-migraine fog.
Well, I'm back. That was a whirlwind trip to Michigan. Here is the last photo I took in Michigan. My mother and I were waiting at the airport, and I went to take a selfie, and she decided she'd "look better" if she raised her eyebrows like an insane person. Okay, no. So now I'm … Continue reading Free puppies and a shot of tequila
No human has eaten more than I did today. People have won pie-eating contests and they consumed fewer calories than me. I am home, in Saginaw, for what would have been my grandmother's 100th birthday. We decided to celebrate it, and everybody came and it was a good time and also there was food. I … Continue reading At one with the nail salon. And food.
Lemme tell you how Ned has ruined me. In case you wondered, "Gee. How has Ned ruined June?" Today I was in the shower, and please try not to get too distracted by the hotness. Do you know she was 48 when she did this scene? That's Angie Dickenson, for anyone reading this who's 19. … Continue reading June gets on her soapbox
The jig is up: I'm going to Michigan this weekend, and then again in November. Dear Person I Am Not Related To Who is in Michigan: No, probably not, re seeing you. When I DO get there, I get booked with family things pretty fast. This coming weekend is what would have been my grandmother's … Continue reading June’s deep secret revealed
Would you like to know what annoys me? "Wait. June. Something annoys you?" When people use trite phrases. For example, remember in The Wizard of Oz, when they said, "Lions and tigers and bears--oh, my!" It bugs me when people paraphrase that. Linens and teacups and bags--oh, my! Hail and winds and rain--oh, my! And … Continue reading Pudding?
I probably shouldn't be workout buddies with my ex-boyfriend, but so what. If you'll recall, from your Big Book of June Events, Ned was complaining of neck pain, and with my medical degree and minor in psychology, I determined he had all sorts of repressed feelings that were manifesting in physical sensations, a thing I … Continue reading But the liver and child reunion is only a motion away
I'm trying to think of anything of note that happened to me this weekend after The Hair Incident of Saturday, but mostly I had migraines on and off. TAAA-DAAAA! Thanks, June. Thank god I'm here today. Took time out to visit yer ass. Yesterday was finally a nice day, after 46 days and nights of … Continue reading June’s going to kiss you. She won’t even wait.
So, it's hurricane-al here. I mean, it's raining nonstop and also hard and the park is flooded and it's blowy out and Edsel won't pee. I had to walk into the yard with him this morning, getting my pajamas wet, and stand there and force him to pee. I considered getting an umbrella for him … Continue reading Hurr-icane
Yesterday the power went out--a thing that made Edsel scared and I don't know why other than that he could feel my annoyance, probably. He formed a letter C over his breakfast dish and wouldn't eat till I told him to. Anyway, I had to wash my hair and then work from my couch, on … Continue reading June be stress
This weekend, I went to this antique shop I like-- ...aaaaaand I just bit my canker sore. GODDAMMIT. I've been eating a lot of tomatoes, so naturally then I got a canker sore, and it won't go away, till finally I went to CVS after work yesterday because I COULDN'T STAND IT ANYMORE, and got … Continue reading Sloe Gin. Take it easy.
If you could eat only three foods for the rest of your life, what would you eat?
I know you're sick of hearing me talk about how I'm eating the flaxseed muffins I made myself yesterday, with whole-wheat flour, which who even knew that was a thing. But lemme tell you, I outdid myself. They.Are.Delicious. I've been eating this damn healthy food for two weeks now, and you all keep asking if … Continue reading Removing the ’70s bush
The batteries have been dying on this keyboard for weeks, and every day my computer hysterically waves its arms at me and tries to grab me by the lapels so I'll listen. "Your keyboard battery is DYING. DO something about it, June!" [shake shake shake of my lapels] Of course I ignored it till I … Continue reading June has a dumb day