June kvetches. How many posts start with that?

"That Santa is out in front of The Friendly Center," announced Ned on the phone. The Friendly Center is this outdoor shopping place that's probably been around since the '50s, and they keep adding elaborate stores like Apple and Anthropologie. Every Christmas, they put the same big waving Santa statue out that Ned remembers from … Continue reading June kvetches. How many posts start with that?

If you do not enjoy the F word, this is not the post for you

How long do you allow between coats of paint? I'm painting my windowsill today, and please to enjoy my fine photo of the windowsill. It's like you're right here with me. If you had glaucoma. I just finished it at about 5 to 4:00, but I want to do a second coat. So I write … Continue reading If you do not enjoy the F word, this is not the post for you

A 51-year-old woman complains bitterly about cat food. Which is not at all sad.

One of you was nice enough to send me a few cases of canned kitten food, which when I think about it musta cost a pretty penny and thank you again. The good news is that Steely Dan just loves it, and his fur is so gleamy and soft. Jesus. I thought I'd better get … Continue reading A 51-year-old woman complains bitterly about cat food. Which is not at all sad.

The house began to pitch. And I’m a bitch.

"Marvin's getting married this weekend," I told Ned, "I feel nothing." "See? That, right there. That scares the SHIT outta me. What if one day, after all this, you feel nothing for me?" I knew Ned was pointing at me dramatically, even though we were on the phone. He's in Kansas. Kansas, he says, is … Continue reading The house began to pitch. And I’m a bitch.

For six nights in a row

SCREEEEEEEEECH! That's what woke me up this morning, a few minutes before my alarm: SCREEEEEEEEECH! "That's actually coming from outside my head," I realized, and then I wondered if someone was being murdered. Exciting! "Coooo! Cooo! Cooooo!" I heard then, and right then I knew. Either Yoko Ono was gettin' some from my neighbor, Paul, … Continue reading For six nights in a row

“I Supervised June.” A scathing guest post by my boss, fmr.

When I first became June’s boss, she brought up the idea of me writing a guest post for her blog—a whole “I Supervised June” thing. I said sure. Now I’m not her boss, and I have time to write the post. Those two things are not related. I think June expects me to tell you … Continue reading “I Supervised June.” A scathing guest post by my boss, fmr.