Yesterday at work I went back to copy editing. I asked if I could do so some months ago, and they said okay, but you have to wait till we get other editors in here, so I waited, and then without further ado or fanfare, it was all, "Can you copy edit this?" and by the end of the day I'd copy edited three and a half articles and three decks. I know that might mean nothing to you, but trust me, that's a lot.

Oh my GOD, it was wonderful. I didn't have one meeting to go to all day! Now, today, I have to write again, so it's a gradual process, but oh it was nice to see my old friend the AP Stylebook, and worry about spaces before ellipses and how do you punctuate an episode of a TV series, not the show itself.

I liked doing the writing, I really did, but the stuff around it was so stressful. Meetings and people wanting to consult with you all the time and having to be creative on demand in a loud room. It just wasn't me. It'd be like asking a chihuahua to do disaster rescue.

I need a quiet little job, where I can worry about teensy things like apostrophes. My insides are loud and chaotic enough as it is, without my outsides being the same.

And the good news is, I still get to do a wee bit of writing, which I did really like, but without the "Get to this meeting, get to this one, think of this idea NOW you have two hours, go" thing. So, best of both worlds!

I guess I'm kind of returning to my old life, aren't I?

I used to be a copy editor, then I switched, and now I copy edit again.

I used to date Ned, then I didn't, and now I do again.

I used to live here, then I didn't, and now I live here again.

I used to have a dog and three cats, then I switched it up to two and two like I was Chuck Wollery, and now I have a dog and three cats again.

God, I'm so retro.

I'm so 2009. Without the husband part. When do I get to the husband part?

And you know, I'm rethinking the husband part. Especially yesterday after you all told me the things that made you irrationally mad and so much of it was, "When my husband … ." I love comment days like that, and I know I irk the people who work around me when I read your comments and laugh out loud. I ell oh ell. I refuse to write those three letters even in jest.

But really, I am, you know, an irritable person. Maybe I'm better off living alone. I adore living alone. I can't begin to tell you how happy it makes me to come here and have my time to myself. Last night I got home with the intention of leaving again and going to the old theater I like and watching Rocky. I even had a brilliant idea: I'd go into the theater with my popcorn, pretend I was looking for a friend, and yell

ADRIAN!

YO, ADRIAN!!!

I was cracking my own self up, for a change.

But then I decided to stay home and do my goddamn stupid yoga DVD that really namas my stay. "Expand your heart, and root down with your shin bones."

What?

The shit they say during a yoga class is ridik. "Really plug into the back of your heart."

Okay, plug into the back of my dick. Can't they just say what they mean? Like, literally, where do you want my leg to be right now. Don't tell me to "root down" anything unless we're suddenly digging for truffles.

I'm the only person you know who gets even angrier when she does yoga.

The point is, I stayed in, and after "really bringing [my] glow forward" texted with my friend M, who comments here sometimes. I met M when we were both single and ready to root our chakras, and plug into our heart center, back last year. He lives in Florida, but he saw my profile, and when you have All This…

"I live in Florida, so we'll never meet, but your profile is great," he wrote me. What kills me is we both shut down our dating sites with a flourish sometime later, so neither of us knows our anniversary, but we know it's sometime in October.

Anyway, we've become friends. In much the same way you and I are, in that we've never actually met. I know all his stupid shit and he knows all mine, and there it is. Anyway, it was a fine evening, hating yoga and hating my friend M because he hates Say Anything, and how can I even be friends with someone with such bad taste in things?

So what do I want to get married for? I might not. I'll let you know if I do. I told Ned I might be just fine if we were just engaged and never went through with it, like Oprah and Steadman. I'm trying to still diddle Gayle, is the point.

Photo on 11-16-16 at 8.03 AM

The whole time I've been writing you, Sir Dickus R Puddingcup, over here, has been prancing past me, walking across the keypad and generally getting in my way, as cats are wont to do. Why do I always get the most jerky pets? This kitten is what Lottie was to puppies. Aka, world's most rambunctious. Look at his Great Horned Owl look, up there, and he'll get a REAL horned owl look when I throw him outside for pickup. Old Screechy outside will take this kitten to his nest.

Yesterday I was in the bathroom, and he ran in and leaped onto the shower curtain, and just hung there like a moth, just to see if he could. I watched him sway in the breeze a little, just hanging on the curtain.

IMG_3468
wee exhaust, mom. kittee exhaust.

I gotta go, but I did want to show you the photo Ned just text me. Here is the breathtaking view from his hotel room:

IMG_3475

Ooooooo! God. Lucky. I wish I were president of something and got to travel.

Okay, goodbye. Be sure to root down through your tailbone today. Namaste here and laugh at you when you do.

34 thoughts on “Retro June

  1. Linda .. the Aussie one says:

    Every time you mentioned root down I smiled .. wondering if y’all know that a root here in Australia is sex .. so if someone asks you if you want a root of course you eagerly say hell yeah! 🙂

    Like

  2. PSS says:

    I am never alone. I envy your solitude.

    Like

  3. Beth of the German Shepherds says:

    So glad you are happily copy editing again, even if momentarily. The things that make you happy are what we wish for you.
    Marriage is so yesterday. June is so today…pooh with the marriage thing, for now, anyway. (snark)

    Like

  4. Texas Kari says:

    How would an indoor cat even know what a snake is? Clearly I am not wise in the ways of cats. Regardless, the videos were hilarious.

    Like

  5. Linda in CO says:

    I love that you showed us the picture that Ned ‘text’ you. And congratulations on your voluntary demotion. Years ago when I was still working, the position above mine was open and the powers asked me if I was interested in applying. Nope, no way Jose. Give up all that fun programming/debugging and have to supervise people instead? Don’t need the money that bad.
    It sounds like you are going back to your happy place. And, as I said when you told us about Ned, I’m happy if you’re happy.

    Like

  6. Annette says:

    I used to feel marriage was a must. I am Libra, we come out of the womb humming the bridal march. I am not so sure anymore. I love my husband but he has always been a workaholic and with no children I’ve had my share of alone time. I like the endless engagement idea too. My one friend was never marrying again after a disastrous first martiage to a substance abuser. She lived with her decade younger second husband for at least ten years. He convinced her to marry him for his benefits and her security. He is a cop and if he gets killed she will be well taken care of. She went for the security with age. She has a good career but it exists on grants and she can loose her job and benefits more easily than some. I think people marry for those reasons a great deal. Some don’t remarry not to lose pensions and other benefits from widowhood or divorce. Age and life experience changes our views, I think.
    I am glad you are going to get your old job back. That stress level from the new one is not healthy for anyone. If it’s not a good fit it is torture, IMHO.

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  7. Annette says:

    Do you watch TRHW of NJ? Teresa Gudice is teaching yoga now. Oh please. The woman is the biggest spaz ever On the last episode they said she has joined up with Danielle Staub, the one she called a prostitution whore and flipped the table over on the first season. WTF?!

    Like

  8. Queen Marcy says:

    I am on my third marriage (one young and dumb and one stepdaughter from hell) and will never marry again. I loved being single, selfishly not having to think about the other person, not cooking, do anything I Please any time I want. My current husband is a saint and the sweetest man alive, but I would have been happier if we both kept our own places and just dated forever.
    If you have respect for the other person, you can sometimes make it work out again. But once you lose respect, there is no going back.

    Like

  9. Maddie cannot do replies to Amish Annie et al says:

    Aww thank you Amish Annie! Ya’lls comments make me giggle every day! And this kitten is a laugh riot. Currently she is surfing her Jackson Galaxy tunnel…she sorta runs at it from across the room, dives with paws outstretched (a la Slip N Slide), and goes where the tunnel takes her. Weirdest cat ever.

    Like

  10. Maddie cannot do replies to Amish Annie et al says:

    Aww thank you Amish Annie! Ya’lls comments make me giggle every day! And this kitten is a laugh riot. Currently she is surfing her Jackson Galaxy tunnel…she sorta runs at it from across the room, dives with paws outstretched (a la Slip N Slide), and goes where the tunnel takes her. Weirdest cat ever.

    Like

  11. Maddie cannot do replies to Amish Annie et al says:

    Aww thank you Amish Annie! Ya’lls comments make me giggle every day! And this kitten is a laugh riot. Currently she is surfing her Jackson Galaxy tunnel…she sorta runs at it from across the room, dives with paws outstretched (a la Slip N Slide), and goes where the tunnel takes her. Weirdest cat ever.

    Like

  12. Beverly says:

    This entire comment has made me laugh so hard.

    Like

  13. Kate says:

    I always miss good comment days! I too kind of hate living with my husband, but I do love sleeping next to him every night. I just wish I could come home from work to a quiet house and watch whatever I want and not have to talk if I don’t feel like it. Hope you guys find what works for you, because I love how Ned takes care of you. Also: when the F did kitten get so big?!

    Like

  14. Amish Annie says:

    Your comments are making me giggle today, especially your description of victorious kitten thwacks.

    Like

  15. June Gardens says:

    I think instinctively they think it’s a snake. I mean, because I’m such an anthropologist. I’ve never done it, mostly cause I abhor cucumbers so why would I own one with which to scare my cats? But it’s tempting.

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  16. Texas Kari says:

    Speaking of cats, a friend showed me this whole youtube series of Cats with Cucumbers. What is the DEAL with cats and cucumbers? Why so frightening?

    Like

  17. Maddie cannot do replies says:

    Assy! So classy!
    You will not regret Kong carrot for little Sid Vicious. You will get orange fuzz and feathers but Freedom Costs. (Btw don’t bother adding the included catnip.)
    Awaiting the videos.

    Like

  18. Lisa. Not THAT Lisa says:

    Personally I adore being married. Mainly because he has to put up with me forevah. And don’t I let him know it. What I’m saying is I got the better end of the deal. But I totally get the “I vant to be alone” desire too. It’s just that after raising five kids, just the two of us together feels like being alone. Plus – he knows how to use the remote. So.
    The image of SD swaying in the breeze will keep me smiling all day.
    You’re so lovely June!

    Like

  19. Texas Kari says:

    There’s a lady in my yoga class who occasionally wears a shirt that says: Namaste home with my dog
    Makes me think of you every time!
    My favorite weird yoga saying: Acknowledge your oneness with the earth.
    hunh?
    Congratulations on your new/old job! Will you have a new/old boss? Or a new/old desk?

    Like

  20. dancer says:

    i used to try and talk to women who were a generation older than me. they all said my 40s would be when i started to figure my shit out and then in my 50s life would really start humming along. (if i did the work in my 40s). i did lots ‘o work in my 40s and although i’m not where i want to be i now know where i want to be.
    i am ever grateful to have a job where am i paid every week. it wasn’t too long ago that i was looking for my next career move with any income. since being at this company i have realized that we are not a ‘fit’. so, now i can continue to look for my next career move AND get paid. much better.
    it is not worth working at a job that doesn’t fit me. it’s like it kills a little of my soul every day.
    as for marriage. i am conflicted. my faith would say that i should get married and not ‘live in sin’. but, after having a partner break their spiritual promise (death do we part) and their legal promise of the land…eh. i know i want a pretty party. and a ring. and a promise to do our best.
    and, yes, i love living by myself.

    Like

  21. Laura says:

    I’m so glad you were able to go back to copy editing at work!!! (And I’ll add, curmudgeonly, that I’m glad there are places that still pay attention to detail in the written word. Sometimes I worry about it becoming just an “ell oh ell” world.) I think the reason so many of the irk stories involved husbands is because people who live with you can be very irksome, but if you asked another day about things they do to be sweet, you could get a good list, too. No offense to the husbands, but it’s kind of like pets. You love them, they are sometimes a pain in the butt, and you wouldn’t want to live without them.

    Like

  22. Tee, who hates TypePad says:

    “… he’ll get a REAL horned owl look when I throw him outside for pickup.” FLUMP! SDS is so over you. That look on his face just cracked me up.
    So glad you are getting back to your roots, copy editing. What a relief, I understand completely getting back to a job you enjoy without all the pressure. When I was drug program coordinator I loved the required detailed work, but I HATED being on call 24/7, it was so stressful, so I requested to go back to my former job.
    How can Ned be so lucky with a view like that? Nice orange tree.

    Like

  23. My yoga video instructor would sing song “That’s good.” “That’s” in a high voice and “good” in a low voice. I yelled at her, how you know that I am even really doing what you’re doing! But sing-song “That’s good,” has at least come in handy as an inside joke.
    I live with my husband and son and very much envy you for your alone time. I adore any chance to be alone but sound like such a bitch when I ask for it.
    A colleague at work and I talked another colleague out of marriage when things started getting serious with her new boyfriend. She’s divorced with a teenage daughter. My other colleague was clearly in a rough spot with her husband and kept saying, “Don’t do it!” I told her she sounded too worried about dynamics in their relationship to get too carried away in the romance.

    Like

  24. Just Paula H&B says:

    Sometimes “backwards” is a good thing. I worked in a law firm for 20+ years. Then I was headhunted by a bank president at the same time my favorite lawyer was retiring, plus it was a shorter commute, so I jumped at it. Huge Mistake. Yuge. Bigly Mistakely. As you all have heard ad nauseum. Got laid off. The nerve! Returned to working in a law firm and am much happier. I used to do litigation and corporate and now I do estate and elder law, which can be much more tragic, but hey. Da Law is Da Law and Bankers are Assholes. And you can embroider that on a pillow.

    Like

  25. Just Paula H&B says:

    Sometimes “backwards” is a good thing. I worked in a law firm for 20+ years. Then I was headhunted by a bank president at the same time my favorite lawyer was retiring, plus it was a shorter commute, so I jumped at it. Huge Mistake. Yuge. Bigly Mistakely. As you all have heard ad nauseum. Got laid off. The nerve! Returned to working in a law firm and am much happier. I used to do litigation and corporate and now I do estate and elder law, which can be much more tragic, but hey. Da Law is Da Law and Bankers are Assholes. And you can embroider that on a pillow.

    Like

  26. Just Paula H&B says:

    Sometimes “backwards” is a good thing. I worked in a law firm for 20+ years. Then I was headhunted by a bank president at the same time my favorite lawyer was retiring, plus it was a shorter commute, so I jumped at it. Huge Mistake. Yuge. Bigly Mistakely. As you all have heard ad nauseum. Got laid off. The nerve! Returned to working in a law firm and am much happier. I used to do litigation and corporate and now I do estate and elder law, which can be much more tragic, but hey. Da Law is Da Law and Bankers are Assholes. And you can embroider that on a pillow.

    Like

  27. June Gardens says:

    Ooo! Ima get a Kong carrot for Assy Von Friskystein!

    Like

  28. Maddie says:

    We have a crazy kitten (now 1.5 yrs), too. Every morning she does battle with the water droplets on the shower curtain. Every morning *thwack thwack* until She emerges, victorious and with slightly wet paws.
    Have you discovered the Kong carrot cat toy? This is not advice. This is outreach. And amazon sells it for like 3 bucks. Our cats play with carrot all by themselves for hours. Carrot is to humans what Sat a.m. cartoons used to be to adults.
    They yodel to carrot. Yodel.

    Like

  29. Amish Annie says:

    I really thought there was going to be a breathtaking view. I really did. This explains why I ell oh elled so hard when I saw the actual view.
    Used to be director of several programs for years back in my former life. Was getting very crispy. One day I asked to go back to direct service. They allowed it after much discussion (no one had ever done that before). It was awesome. Life improved immensely. Probably mostly for the people I previously supervised.
    You’re so pretty, Joob!

    Like

  30. Maddie says:

    Yoga man. It’s just one Beastie Boys song after the next. What with their Namaste and now apparently Root Down. So…how you gonna kick it?
    Marriage. Eh. I never ever wanted to get married and my husband was like, “I’m marrying that girl” from day one. But my whole life I thought marriage was a trap…may be great for guys but for ladies? Trap. Then after shacking up with now-husband I realized marriage to him…not a trap. So things can change. Though no telling which direction.
    Also? Jimmy Smith is the man (had to be said). (I know. I know. These are not Saginaw songs….)

    Like

  31. Joan in Ohio says:

    My mother, who is twice divorced, finally found a wonderful, wonderful man, also twice divorced, and they were perfect for each other. That’s sounds odd- – they were perfect for each other because they were a great match, not because of the divorce thing. They never married, but had a decades long, happy, loving, and very committed relationship that worked well for both of them. Sadly, he died a few years back. I do not think marriage is a requirement to have a long term, happy, and committed relationship. Some people want marriage and some people don’t.

    Like

  32. Amy in Md says:

    I feel this so hard. I’m finishing a yoga teacher training program and they say those things. What? “Lean back slightly” is too prosaic? Instead you have to root through your heels. Oy.
    Also all my irritation things start with “When my husband”.

    Like

  33. Karla says:

    I am engaged with no plans on marrying. We live together though, and there is a lot of compromise required, mostly on my part I think. Anyway, we wanted to symbolize our commitment without getting married so we are indefinitely engaged and I get to wear a pretty ring.

    Like

  34. Ms.Melissa says:

    Marriage is over rated. It’s the death of fun and the death of great sex.

    Like

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