Working and praying and living and dying in this town

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June reflects. Cause she's shiny.

There's a fine line between telling the truth as much as you can on a blog, which I try to do, and exposing someone else's story. Just because you choose to tell all your shit on a website (narcissistic disorder) doesn't mean everyone else in your life is signed on.

So yesterday I got on here and told you how–surprise!!!–my reuniting with Ned did not stick. And I told you a little about it, but then I went to work and felt like I had to take a Silkwood shower. As much as I'm not fond of Ned right now, I didn't feel good about exposing our terrible fight to the world.

So I took the post down. And I got on Pie on the Face (on Facebook) and talked to you about it. And remember, we decided to keep that discussion over there.

OVER THERE! OVER THERE! I DON'T KNOW THE RESTOFTHESONG! OVER THERE!

So, yeah. And the thing is, when we first decided to do 90 days, same as cash, I at first thought, "This is insane. I'm just prolonging my Ned agony. This'll never work." But then we spent all this time together, and it was great, and our vacation to the beach was perfect and I actually formed the thought, "Wow, this might really be okay this time."

Then boom. It didn't. So. But thanks for all your support on PieFace yesterday, y'all. For your support over there.

OVER THERE! OVER THERE! What the fuck. Is that song. OVER THERE!

We had our terrific ending on Friday night, Ned and I did, and I took a cab back to my house. A lovely man from West Africa drove me home, and I asked about his life, and why he prefers here to New York, which is where he first came when he got here. He was a very nice man who was probably delighted to be driving my crying ass home and has no excuse for not marrying me, which I suggested. He's probably already on his way back to any corner of Africa. Doesn't have to be west.

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Because I have 21 dollars till payday, and I had an empty tank of gas, I spent the weekend watching cat fisticuffs and binging This Is Us. Am obsessed now, like the rest of you. Who's your favorite? Gotta be the boyfriend of Kate, right?

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I also did my cards, and I don't mean I had sex with my cards. I opted for jaunty-as-fuck red birds on teal, as you do, and also what I call Christmas in Yer Fuckin' FACE.

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IT'S CHRISTMAS, YO. Wait. Wait'll you see the envelopes. If you were here yesterday for my special one-hour collector's edition post, you already saw the envelope, but I imagine you are still reeling. Hang on to your hat.

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I SAID CHRISTMAAAAAAS.

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[grabs your lapel] DO YOU NOT KNOW THE DATE?

Anyway, I got halfway done, and now I hafta finish my cards tonight with a tasteful charcoal reindeer etching, the polar opposite of GET HAPPY birds and HEY! Santa!!, above. If your last name is A–L, you're all, okay, June. Be more frenetic. If you're an M–Z, you'll think wow, is June ever sedate this year.

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I have a lotta people on my list, plus I feel compelled to write a personal note, because what's really the point of a card that's just all "Love, The Johnsons." Yeah, what about you, Johnsons? So I do stupid things like draw family portraits, and there's really no way to not make Edsel look like a rabbit. I guess his teeth are going the wrong way, aren't they? They should go up, not down. Why did I not pursue that career as a painter?

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Anyway, considering my relationship is over AGAIN and I was desperately trying not to break into that $21, it was a good weekend. I finally had to charge gas yesterday, as my car has a convenient notification system that tells me how many miles I have to go on that particular tank of gas, and it was saying, "GRAB THE CAN, SISTER."

Then I went to the movies. I am sorry, but seeing It's a Wonderful Life at the old movie theater is my joint, and it was on, and fuck it. So I spent that $7 ($14 left), brought my own popcorn and a bottle of water (shhhh), and even though I got there half an hour early, the parking lot was full. Goddammit.

There was one asshole in a white truck taking up two spots. He was still in his truck, looking at his phone. People looking at their phones pisses me off way out of proportion to reality. I mean, they aren't beating a hobo. Anyway, I got out my car and tapped on his glass. He startled.

Good.

"May I pull in? The lot is full."

"I'm savin' this for my mother-in-law," he said.

Wow. Which is what I said. "Wow. Okay." Roooood.

So I had to go to a lot and pay $4 ($10 left), but it was worth it. I sat in the polar opposite place that Ned and I ever sit, and the place was packed, and I was the first person to run out of there like a little bitch, so if, indeed, he was there, I got away with it.

Anyway, tonight I celebrate my love for you and also finish my cards. Just two more nights of not spending my last $10! Can she do it? Will June make it till Thursday morning?

Oh, and Thursday morning, I'll finally show you my damn 10-year anniversary video, now that it's done and I spent forever on it and it's riddled with photos of Ned. I see on YouTube that 10 of you already looked at it, you delayed-gratification-what's-that motherfuckers.
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we so bore of that veeedeo

I will talk at you tomorrow, unless I starve to death, and also, you realize Mr. Potter is Donald Trump, right? It hit me during his "lazy rabble" speech. And when he grabbed Mary Hatch's vagina.

Okay, talk at you.

Singularly,

June

81 thoughts on “Working and praying and living and dying in this town

  1. I didn’t get the whole story either, Beth. Alas! But even if I had … one person’s dealbreaker is almost never the same as another person’s dealbreaker. And then how often is it that when what you thought was your dealbreaker actually occurs, you find a way to not let it break your deal? It’s endlessly fascinating; I mean, people are.

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  2. But you’ll need Hulu to catch up on all the backstory (that’s what I’m doing so I’m current by January). It’s probably the best network tv show out there. I can’t have a favorite character – I love them all, warts and all (and some have more warts than others).

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  3. Tee, the show is on NBC and from what I understand can be found on HULU and other places. It’ll return for the new season January 10th. I think you’d really enjoy this fabulous show.

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  4. I loved the Christmas cards, especially the one of all the animules. Bunnies don’t have long tails and Iris looked like one of the Three Blind Mice.
    I’ve never seen This is US, is it on a cable network or regular TV.
    I love your glasses in the first photo. I haven’t cheated and watched your award winning videoooo.

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  5. God people dont jump down my throat. Just want her to be happy. I didn’t get details on the whole fight, just that weight was mentioned. It didn’t sound that bad from what I could tell. People fight and they move on if mostly they have fun together . He didn’t commit a crime or cheat or anything irreparable.
    Something more must have happened that I wasnt privy to since I am not on the facebook site. I am Not a troll, a daily reader and enjoyer of this blog.I have commented before. Love you June. I hope you can patch things up and you get an apology from Ned.

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  6. This Is Us is must-see t.v. As annoying as that stupid phrase is, it fits here.
    The other wartime song besides the Over There one that I know is this:
    Hitler has only got one ball,
    Goering has two but very small,
    Himmler has something similar
    But poor old Goebels has no balls at all!
    Sung to the tune of the whistling song from the Bridge on the River Kwai.

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  7. Sending warm wishes to you today, June. To all of you that love The Bishop’s Wife, Christmas in Connecticut, etc. Check out It Happened on 5th Avenue. I had never seen it before, but I ordered a DVD on Amazon last year that included my favorites, and this one was included. If you enjoy this genre like I do, you will love it!! Randall, Randall’s father (I can’t remember his name, that’s terrible), and Jack are my favorites.

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  8. My father used to sing that song, too. The only words he knew were “over there, over there”. He “da da da’d” the rest.

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  9. I just watched The Holiday for the first time, this past weekend. What a sweet movie. Jude Law is lovely. Cameron Diaz is even cute, and I don’t always like her. OK, I don’t see Kate Winslet with Jack Black, but other than that, it was a nice movie.

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  10. I did not see the comment that got deleted, but good Lord, beth, go away! I can’t even imagine why anyone would think they need to just spread negativity.

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  11. That Scene pissed me off too! Did they go to someone’s bedroom to do it? How rude! I would be pissed if someone went into my bedroom or even my kid’s room!!!
    Aside from that incident I do really enjoy the show and have cried many many tears while watching!

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  12. I love This is Us! We’re a couple of episodes behind though. I like Toby and Beth because they are funny.
    I feel bad for you that things haven’t worked out with Ned. I don’t need to know any details, but this I do know: you’re an awesome lady, and you deserve to be treated accordingly.
    June, your pet drawings are the best!

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  13. The only thing I have watched that is holiday-ee is Love Actually. As per direction from this here site. I still have all the others to look forward to. For next week. After this week. Finals are here. I am almost. done.!
    I am still hoping and praying that your step dad is healing. And that YOU are healing as well. All of this makes my heart sad.
    I know that you will triumph…you are too awesome not to.
    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  14. Also too I am watching Thisnis Us but tell me why I am more annoyed than entertained? That scene where two grown people go upstairs to have at it during a family gathering just sent me around THE BEND. Maybe because there are people in my family who have done the same thing. So ridiculous. So obnoxious. So annoying. Sure – we’ll wait to open gifts while you get your freak on. Grope a little in the kitchen and then just let it simmer people!

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  15. Watched White Christmas last night. Christmas in Connecticut is up next. Love both the Bishops Wife and the Whitney remake. What a voice!
    Love you June! Pretty pretty pretty!

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  16. A Christmas Story is the one that still makes me laugh the most every year. But It’s a Wonderful Life is on the to-watch list, though we’ll be watching it at home. I got Christmas in Connecticut (Barbara Stanwyck! Sydney Greenstreet!) for $5 from Amazon, it’s new to me, and am overly excited. My other favorite is the Bishop’s Wife cause a little Cary Grant is good for the holiday spirit.
    Hope your step-dad is feeling better today, and you too, Miss June Gardens.

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  17. Also, I love Edz’s bunny costume and Iris’s Stevie Wonder glasses.
    Also, Lily might need a dryer sheet.
    Even in sorrow, you’re hilarious June.

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  18. LOVE your post title. I don’t know what is wrong with my town, but when the movie theater shows “It’s A Wonderful Life,” approximately 15 people show up. Heathen.
    No, Dick Cheney in the wheelchair at the 2008 Inauguration was Mr. Potter.

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  19. I’m so sorry to hear that your and Ned’s relationshiop (tm beth) didn’t work out. There’s never any shame in taking another try at something that might be worthwhile. At least you won’t spend the rest of your life wondering what if.
    As I’ve said many times before, relationshiops are hard, yo.
    I’ve never watched This Is Us, even though everyone in the universe has told me that I have to. I am currently obsessed with Drunk History. How comes no one ever told me about this?!?

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  20. That song has been stuck in my head all morning. I could probably “sing” most of it from memory because my father used to sing it. (He passed away in 1975)
    Be strong, be safe, be you.

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  21. I LOVE TOBY. LOVE HIM. I similarly love Randall and his weed-stash-having wife, Beth. And William. And Jack.
    Joooooooon. Commenters can be poison to you, Joooon.

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  22. Thanks for the tip jar reminder for all who can give $10 for the 10th.
    I think is was Queen Marcy’s terrific suggestion, but apologies if it was someone else.

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  23. I’m so sorry for all the emotional crap you are dealing with again. Since I’m one of the faceless few, I had no idea of the what happened on Freakin’ Friday, but that was no way to treat a lady.
    I’m also sorry your stepfather is in the hospital. Sending healing thoughts and prayers.
    We watched It’s a Wonderful Life this weekend. We always watch it at least once during December along our other favorite Christmas movies.
    Looking forward to Thursday’s 10th anniversary video. I won’t peak until then.

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  24. may I be your friend? I’m not a stalker but have a similar Ned situation invited him to live with me, asked him to leave, contemplating inviting him to live with me again. I’m 73 for Pete’s sake or for G’s sake. You’d think I’d be wiser than this by this time in my life.

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  25. Maybe, just maybe, June knows what is best for her and doesn’t need advice from people who haven’t been dealing with the relationship.

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  26. Someone who says hurtful things to be mean and lets their girlfriend wait outside in the cold for a cab is not in a “relationshiop” nor deserves to be in one. Make whatever choices you want for yourself, “beth”, but your advice is so far off base it’s not even on the baseball field.

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  27. OHOHOH!!!
    Apparently I am hopped up on coffee this morning. So June’s blogvekfhpxwligokk is Thursday morning. We had all talked in the comments here last month about doing special for our Joooonie.
    Somebody (can’t remember who now) came up with the brilliant idea of hitting a dollar a year into the tip jar on Thursday. 10 bucks for ten years or any amount really, everything adds up, that would be our gift to our favorite blogger. I’m not sure if we were going to do something over at Pie on the Face too, maybe someone else knows?
    Anyway, the tip jar on this page is located up top, to the left, with the orange bullet button that says Donate, not to be confused with something else bullet shaped you can buy from Adam and Eve. What? shut up.

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  28. That’s funny! I don’t normally capitalize mine either (lazy) on here. But I did today after my browser cache was cleared. I feel so much taller suddenly. heh

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  29. I wondered why you had to take a cab. I didn’t realize it was from the side of a curb and because he was too big of an ass to drive you home. My God.

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  30. Well, she can’t even capitalize her own name, so that should tell you everything about the level of her self-esteem.

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  31. OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT SHOW!!! LOVE IT!!! Favorite character? ALL OF THEM!! ALL!! It’s hard to nail it down to one but Ima go with Rebecca or Randall. Randall, mmmmm, yummy, smart, complex, yummy.
    The fighting cats with that adorable vintage ski tray on the shelf is just too cute. So is the picture of you. Love the Christmas cards and the Needy Committee too.
    You’re so pretty, Joob!

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  32. I do think it was a dealbreaker.
    Just remember that the definition of insanity is… doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Move on….

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  33. I can’t believe someone knew the words. Also, the only place I went this weekend was to UPS to return my cable box to AT&T.
    If a cable company REALLY wants to compete, they’ll make it so they pick up the fucking cable box.

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  34. Don’t ask me how I know this, because I’m only a year older than you, but it’s “send the word, send the word over there. That the Yanks are coming and we won’t be back til it’s over, over there.” More random knowledge that’s taking up WAY too much space in my brain. Then I wonder why I have headaches.
    If you have Time Warner Cable and can get the On Demand channels, you can now see ‘Outlander’ which was originally on Starz. I started watching it over the weekend and ended up watching it until long past 1 am because I couldn’t wait to see what happened next. Talk about hot, hot, hot!!! Wow!!
    Sending good thoughts to your stepdad!!

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  35. Portrait of the pets is the bomb and I think it’s interesting that you didn’t buy many boxes of the same card. As for the emotional stuff, I’m genuinely sorry. Here is something to distract you with outrage: I have never watched more than fifteen minutes of It’s a Wonderful Life.

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  36. How do I become a part of your Facebook group? I love reading your blog and would like to continue reading on Facebook. Thanks!

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  37. I’ve been catching up on This Is Us. Oh! That show is addictive! Favorite character at the moment? Kevin. Zero self-esteem. Distanced from his emotions. So messed up, but slowly growing up as I watch each episode. The writers for this show are amazing with the intricate story lines and how they are woven together.
    And your Christmas cards and envelopes are the bomb. Excellent choices.

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  38. I wouldn’t have looked at the anniversary video, but I watched your lovely dancing video and there it was, just sitting there in the YouTube list. I couldn’t help myself! I thought you did a really good job on it, with not too much Ned.

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  39. Now I am sad I have been on a Facebook break because I didn’t get to say how sorry I am things didn’t work out. Really Pie On the Face and a couple other groups are all I miss.
    Anyway, we went to Seneca Falls, NY on Saturday for the It’s a Wonderful Life weekend. They say they are the town Bedford Falls is based on and they have the cool little bridge George jumps off and a bar called Martini’s. You would love it June.

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