I took this yesterday and just now noticed the cross growing out of my head. How'm I gonna wear my hats? Crap. I have an early doctor's appointment (finally going to the allergy place) so I've got to go. Talk amongst yourselves. I've got two things I've been wanting to ask you saved on the … Continue reading What’s the best cereal? When did you look your best?
I'm trying to think of what I did all weekend that kept me from blogging. Since blogs are out, shouldn't I come up with another verb? Website-ing. By the way, there's a woman at work who's our social person, and I don't mean she has the gift of gab and is a marvelous hostess. I … Continue reading June gets stuck on a thing
Yesterday I came home from work, as I am wont to do, and I was putting my many many goddamn bills away in my cute bill-holder '60s thing. I moved it with me all the way from LA. Cute bill-holder '60s thing. When I heard a nose from above. The attic door was opening! Okay, … Continue reading Turns out, brows really affect your look
Edsel stuck his paw straight up my nose this morning. Managed to get a claw in each nostril, and now m'nose hurts. So I gotta fit a trip to the pound in along with my regular duties. Maybe I could just do a whole drop-him-in-a-field excursion. He and Steely Dan are starting to do this … Continue reading Moo. Yakety yakety yakety.
"June." It was 4:00 in the morning, and I'd been half-awake already for whatever reason. ...did I just...did I just hear my name? I waited a second. Nothing. Maybe a cat moaned in a way that sounded like "June." As they do. "June!" "Grrrrrrr," growled Edsel, quietly. His lifted his head from where it has … Continue reading Terror, or a mild annoyance, in the night
Yesterday, I got up early to go to the allergy doctor. I hurried around, and tore over there to be on time, and when I got there, right at 8:00? They were closed. I walked up to the door and knocked. No lights on. They'd given me paperwork, so I opened it. "8:00," it read. … Continue reading Facing June Addiction
It's Sunday night, and while I should be watching The Wonderful World of Disney while my mother sprays Hair-So-New on my tangles and tries to roll up my June hair onto bristle-y rollers, instead I am writing you. Isn't it funny how some small, stupid thing from your childhood informs the entire rest of your … Continue reading 56. Steely Dan just walked across the dang keyboard and typed “56,” so let’s let that be our title
Well, I did it. I lived through my anniversary with Ned without caving and talking to him. It's now been 40 days since I've seen him. So basically he's Lent. I mostly just tried to not be swallowed by my gaping maw yesterday. To-Do List: Escape maw. We had a team-building thing at work, yesterday, … Continue reading Oh, I’d like to, but I have to translate Mandarin
[Insert song from Cats here. I know of none. Is "Cats in the Cradle" from Cats?] I took this of Lily yesterday when I was playing Blu with Edsel in the back yard. She's really an indoorswoman. Door's wide open and she doesn't care. SD was in his room eating lunch, but that will be … Continue reading Cats
I just let Edsel in from the rainy morning, and I watched as he avoided both--both!!--mud-trapping rugs I have laid out in the back room. Dogs. they're a pleasure. You know, I don't understand him. I can tell that he's bored, although he wrestles with Steely Dan a little. But he and Lottie would run … Continue reading Pan in the azz
The other day, I was doing some crucial cosmetics shopping with my equally deep friend Alex from work. (I ended up getting a color-correcting stick that makes me look like Kabuki theater, and a brown lipstick I thought would be delightfully nude but instead looks like I'm pooping straight out my mouth.) I had to … Continue reading Click here. You won’t believe what happens next.
Awhile back, I read a really funny article about a woman in an abusive relationship. As you do. You know how some things you read just stick with you, and 45 years later you're at the home telling your roommate, a 97-year-old apple doll who spends her evenings plucking at invisible threads and moaning anxiously, … Continue reading June would make heart hands, if heart hands didn’t make her want to kill everyone
As I was recovering from one of the 70,000 inevitable fights with Ned that I've had over the last five years, I asked him, "Do you feel like all the time there's this black, gaping maw of despair inside you, and all the time you're looking for distractions to avoid the maw?" "No," said Ned. … Continue reading June knows the code
Yesterday, I had to go to the doctor, because my throat is still bothering me. Do you remember about a year and a half ago when they put me out and checked my throat because it always feels like it's CLOSING UP on me? And they were all, "You have GERD." Yeah, thanks. Looking forward … Continue reading Lord, make me an instrument …that doesn’t gag me
My robe sleeves are wet (dishwasher and changing pet bowls) and now I have that pleasurable feeling of receiving teensy kisses from Satan every time I move m'arm. I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever, so let's begin. Friday We knew we were getting a winter storm, which for here is like … Continue reading June’s weekend. With special guest stars: pet photos
It's been a month since Ned and I broke up, part two of our endless breakup. The point is that, as I have alluded to before, my weight may have been mentioned, and I was shocked and humiliated. I went home (via cab) (cabdriver assured me that "any man could see you are not fat, … Continue reading Mere slip of a June
My friend at work, The Poet, has a birthday on December 31. Which is sort of cool in every way, except for the part where no one cares about you on your birthday. EXCEPT ME. I DID. But then I got my mysterious throat illness, and I was willing to still take The Poet out, … Continue reading WHAT?
I let Edsel out this morning, as I am wont to do, and 15 minutes later I was struck by his quiet-ness, a habit not usually reserved for Edsel. I looked out the back door... and he's eating a rabbit. How very French. He clearly just caught it--there's fur just everywhere. Oh, that poor bunny. … Continue reading Playmate of the month
Well, here we are. My favorite day of the year. No one expects us to be festive, and thank god for that. Do you enjoy my new sugar skull calendar? Remember when I had that vintage Better Homes & Gardens calendar that I was so obsessed with, and I made you look at the picture … Continue reading Suck zinc.