What’s the best cereal? When did you look your best?

I took this yesterday and just now noticed the cross growing out of my head. How'm I gonna wear my hats? Crap. I have an early doctor's appointment (finally going to the allergy place) so I've got to go. Talk amongst yourselves. I've got two things I've been wanting to ask you saved on the … Continue reading What’s the best cereal? When did you look your best?

Terror, or a mild annoyance, in the night

"June." It was 4:00 in the morning, and I'd been half-awake already for whatever reason. ...did I just...did I just hear my name? I waited a second. Nothing. Maybe a cat moaned in a way that sounded like "June." As they do. "June!" "Grrrrrrr," growled Edsel, quietly. His lifted his head from where it has … Continue reading Terror, or a mild annoyance, in the night

56. Steely Dan just walked across the dang keyboard and typed “56,” so let’s let that be our title

It's Sunday night, and while I should be watching The Wonderful World of Disney while my mother sprays Hair-So-New on my tangles and tries to roll up my June hair onto bristle-y rollers, instead I am writing you. Isn't it funny how some small, stupid thing from your childhood informs the entire rest of your … Continue reading 56. Steely Dan just walked across the dang keyboard and typed “56,” so let’s let that be our title

Oh, I’d like to, but I have to translate Mandarin

Well, I did it. I lived through my anniversary with Ned without caving and talking to him. It's now been 40 days since I've seen him. So basically he's Lent. I mostly just tried to not be swallowed by my gaping maw yesterday. To-Do List: Escape maw. We had a team-building thing at work, yesterday, … Continue reading Oh, I’d like to, but I have to translate Mandarin

Click here. You won’t believe what happens next.

The other day, I was doing some crucial cosmetics shopping with my equally deep friend Alex from work. (I ended up getting a color-correcting stick that makes me look like Kabuki theater, and a brown lipstick I thought would be delightfully nude but instead looks like I'm pooping straight out my mouth.) I had to … Continue reading Click here. You won’t believe what happens next.

June would make heart hands, if heart hands didn’t make her want to kill everyone

Awhile back, I read a really funny article about a woman in an abusive relationship. As you do. You know how some things you read just stick with you, and 45 years later you're at the home telling your roommate, a 97-year-old apple doll who spends her evenings plucking at invisible threads and moaning anxiously,  … Continue reading June would make heart hands, if heart hands didn’t make her want to kill everyone

Lord, make me an instrument …that doesn’t gag me

Yesterday, I had to go to the doctor, because my throat is still bothering me. Do you remember about a year and a half ago when they put me out and checked my throat because it always feels like it's CLOSING UP on me? And they were all, "You have GERD." Yeah, thanks. Looking forward … Continue reading Lord, make me an instrument …that doesn’t gag me

June’s weekend. With special guest stars: pet photos

My robe sleeves are wet (dishwasher and changing pet bowls) and now I have that pleasurable feeling of receiving teensy kisses from Satan every time I move m'arm. I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever, so let's begin. Friday We knew we were getting a winter storm, which for here is like … Continue reading June’s weekend. With special guest stars: pet photos