Moo. Yakety yakety yakety.

Edsel stuck his paw straight up my nose this morning. Managed to get a claw in each nostril, and now m'nose hurts. So I gotta fit a trip to the pound in along with my regular duties. Maybe I could just do a whole drop-him-in-a-field excursion.

He and Steely Dan are starting to do this play/wrestle thing that I really want to capture better on film. SD bats at Edsel's snout, and Eds does the bow play thing dogs do, but then he gets really excited and SD runs under a table or something. He's acutely aware of the size of his opponent.

But speaking of that dick SD, yesterday evening I heard a thump, and there was Steely Dick on the little shelf on the back of the house.

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So here was my view last night, without Steely Dan being INSIDE, but rather him being outside, on the little shelf.

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Here is the little shelf that's outside. Visual aids, by June. Also, I see the handyman left nails out. Thanks.

So there I was, going about my business, when I heard a FLOOMP, and there was SD outside, having just jumped on that shelf. "How the HELL did that cat get outside?" I was thinking, because HOW IS HE GETTING OUTSIDE, when

FLOOMP

He leaped from that shelf onto the roof. ONE LEAP.

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Shelf, Roof. Seriously?

I ran outside, and there he was, peering down at me with pride. He was all puffed up. "You know what? Fuck you, Buddy," I said, and went back inside, because kitten mom of the year. Twice I've stood outside in the cold like an idiot trying to lure that cat who WON'T STAY INSIDE off the roof. So I went in, fed everyone else dinner, and we had ourselves a fine evening, till

FLOOMP

he jumped down and onto the shelf again. reddy to come in!

Asshole. I shoulda named him James Taylor, if he's always going to be up on the roof.

In other news, Mary Tyler Moore is dead. Goddammit. When I found out, I immediately got the idea to take a photo of me throwing my hat, so naturally I asked my partner in crime, Austin, if he'd take my photo.

One thing I required, back when I was online dating, was that the person not say they are looking for their "partner in crime." Jesus Christ. It was even in MY profile. "If you do not have 'LOL' or 'partner in crime' written anywhere on your profile, write me."

Anyway, then I needed to find a hat, and the yoga girl at work has a knitted cap that reads Namaste, I am not even kidding, so then Austin, my P-i-C, and I headed to the parking lot.

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When I plugged my phone in last night, here was the first photo to load. Asshole. He might as well be Steely Dan.

Once I got Austin off the roof, we took a series of photos of me tossing a hat, such as…

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this and also

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I'm gonna make it (maniacally) after all.

And speaking of my coworkers, I know how you all get all Mrs. Robinson about my young coworker Ryan, who stopped by yesterday–he works on another floor now. He's all growin' his hair long and looks fairly Christlike.

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"WWJD–what's with Jesus's 'do?" I asked, then gazed at self fondly and told my family I'd met The One.

Speaking of which, and do you wish I'd stop saying "speaking of" all the time? Me, too. But speaking of The One, the other night I drove my own self to Winston-Salem and saw Jackie, which is not about Jackie Gleason but rather Jackie Kennedy. Wanted my money back but they wouldn't give it to me.

No, no. I adore Jackie Kennedy, as you know, and wish to be like her and could not be less like her other than we both have vadges, and you know what Jackie Kennedy probably said a lot? "Vadge."

The movie was riveting, and sad, and afterward the whole theater of maybe 15 people just sat in silence for about a minute. It was like in Mad Men, when Don Draper took his kid to see Planet of the Apes, and at the end the kid said, "Jesus." (see Ryan, above)

Am on roll today.

The point is, that's the first time since 2011 that I have gone to that theater without Ned. I told this to Faithful Reader Fay yesterday: You know in the Family Circus, how sometimes they show the grandma, and she's doing things and the perforated outline of grandpa is next to her, cause he's dead and so on? That's how I felt. The walk to the theater, getting the popcorn, driving home, it was all very Ghost of Ned.

I thought about how promising things were in the beginning. An old friend of his telling me, "I've never seen him look at a woman the way he looks at you." His relative telling me, "You're the one, I can feel it."

Of course, I also remember telling him that and him scoffing, so.

I'm still reading obsessively about the Love Addict/Love Avoidant, and I was IMing with a boyfriend from long ago last night, and we determined that we, too, had that dynamic. The woman he married ends up letting him be quite a bit, and it turns out that's exactly what he needed. But it was a nice talk, and he wasn't all, "You were a nutbar and I was delightful." Instead he acknowledged his part in things, and had nice things to say about me, which was lovely to hear.

I gotta go. Wearing my cute dress today, so look out, world. Or, alternatively, ignore me, world.

Photo on 1-26-17 at 8.31 AM #2

56 thoughts on “Moo. Yakety yakety yakety.

  1. That dress looks fantastic on you, very 1940s vixen.
    I have a cat that spends all day every day on the roof, and has ever since she was a kitten. She comes in at night, sleeps in bed with me, and the. Wants out the minute the sun comes up. We have a split level roof and she’s found a nook up next to the chimney. Even when it’s raining or snowing, she comes in perfectly dry and warm.

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  2. Ok, first, MTM death killed me. I am bereft. She was such a funny, classy lady. Second, you were supposed to twirl before you threw your beanie in the air. Third, I DETESTED Jackie. I thought it was awful in every way. I do not understand why it was nominated for anything. I watched it and could not even write a review of it because I disliked it that much. I did not have enough thumbs to down. And finally, you know that scene in Casablanca where Ilsa says “we will always have Paris”? Well you and Ned will always have Paris or Favorite Movie House in your case.

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  3. I was JUST about to post about that fantastic set of teeth that Austin has, my own self. They really are spectacular. I wore braces for an agonizing five years hoping to have such an appealing smile. I admit to having a tooth thing. It’s the first thing I notice about a person. I once dated a BEAUTIFUL manboy, but he had some really poor dental habits. Nope. Can’t be with that. Hurculean strength be damned…just couldn’t get past it. WHO doesn’t brush their teeth every day!? ( Well, besides that dude? ) Lovely post, June. I love the dress, and may I say not so lady-likely, damn girl your tittays look awesome in that dress!

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  4. You can stream the Dick Van Dyke show on Netflix.
    You can get the DVD’s of MTM thru Netflix but I think you can stream them on Hulu. Which if anyone doesn’t have Hulu and you want a free trial, instead of signing up for the one week free trial on their website, ask a friend who has a subscription to refer you because they’ll give you two weeks free instead (and your friend a free week too)!!

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  5. Ryan, pffft… Hello Austin!!!
    Your dress is cute June – the Lucy Ricardo, à la “I Love Lucy”, neckline is fabulous!
    I love that you went out and did the MTM hat throw!!!
    Who can turn the world on with her blog?
    Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
    Well it’s June girl, and you should know it
    With each blog post and every little movement she shows it
    Her words are all around, you need to read it
    You can never tell, why don’t you comment
    She’s gonna make it after all
    She’s gonna make it after all
    She’s making it on her own
    This world is awfully big, girl this time she’s got all her blog readers cheering her on
    But it’s time she started recognizing her talent
    It’s time she let someone give her the bone
    Her words are all around, you need to read it
    You can never tell, why don’t you comment
    She’s making it after all
    She’s making it after all

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  6. I love the people you work with. So fun! I also am sad about Mary Tyler Moore. I just can’t take it will all the deaths. There is a statue in Minneapolis of her, so she is immortalized, but I am sad she is not in this world anymore.
    I can’t believe that Steely Dan can jump so high! Crazy cat!
    That dress is so flattering on you. Wooo!
    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  7. Your second paragraph horrifies me to no end.
    I have to start looking for senior centers immediately.

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  8. The first photo to load made me laugh! That Austin, he’s naughty.
    That dress is down right, just ding dang cute on you!
    You’re so pretty, Joob!

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  9. Love the dress on you — that style suits you really well. Can’t believe SD could jump so high! It’s helpful to know that he can get himself down when he wants to come in. I felt a thump in the pit of my stomach when I saw the news about Mary Tyler Moore. The New York Times article contained links to a few videos, including the infamous “Chuckles the Clown funeral” episode of the MTM show.

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  10. My Belladonna has the same problem as Phyllis. We call her ground-bound. One time we found her on the kitchen counter and was very shocked until we realized she used a chair to get that high.

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  11. Just don’t leave Edsel in a parking lot. You’ll just find him again.
    Lovely post, June. Great dress. James Taylor!

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  12. My husband and daughter are huge Maryland lacrosse fans! My daughter currently plays on a high school team, hubby is a player, fmr.
    They wear their Maryland shorts and socks a LOT.

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  13. for some reason in that second picture it took me FOREVER to see that as a shelf and not just part of the deck. I thought I was missing something…clearly I am. My BRAIN.
    This might be my favorite line ever: “then gazed at self fondly and told my family I’d met The One.”

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  14. You better be careful with SD. He may just pick up that brick and throw it through the window. Don’t piss him off.
    Lovely dress. You should dance around the office singing, I feel pretty, oh so pretty!

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  15. Awww, Phyllis sounds like my cat Valerie. She was a little piggy bank on stumps. But she was such a good girl (probably because she couldn’t get up on anything to make trouble).

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  16. I never feel that my fiancée(fmr) is Family Circle ghosting beside me. And he really IS a ghost! That’s funny that you feel Ned, and he isn’t.
    I think fiancée(fmr) has stayed away because I was furious at him when he first died. He’s still afraid, 3+ years later.

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  17. Maybe SD is part Siamese. Albert is forever on something high, rarely on the floor. Maybe he lives his whole life as “Floor is Lava.” I don’t know. Now he’s taken to jumping on US, as well as furniture and shelves. Very disconcerting to suddenly be wearing a Siamese on your neck and shoulders.
    (Phyllis was gypped in the aerobics and leg department. She’s lucky to get on the sofa. Bless her heart.)

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  18. Maybe SD is part Siamese. Albert is forever on something high, rarely on the floor. Maybe he lives his whole life as “Floor is Lava.” I don’t know. Now he’s taken to jumping on US, as well as furniture and shelves. Very disconcerting to suddenly be wearing a Siamese on your neck and shoulders.
    (Phyllis was gypped in the aerobics and leg department. She’s lucky to get on the sofa. Bless her heart.)

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  19. Maybe SD is part Siamese. Albert is forever on something high, rarely on the floor. Maybe he lives his whole life as “Floor is Lava.” I don’t know. Now he’s taken to jumping on US, as well as furniture and shelves. Very disconcerting to suddenly be wearing a Siamese on your neck and shoulders.
    (Phyllis was gypped in the aerobics and leg department. She’s lucky to get on the sofa. Bless her heart.)

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  20. I was going to say the same thing, how do these people get such great teeth! Yes, I had braces but my teeth will never look that great!

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  21. Lovely post, lovely June and your reply to Hulk did me in. Glad I wasn’t drinking coffee at the time or I’d be cleaning up a mess about now.
    Shannon’s not knowing MTM dismays me. I keep forgetting part of your Greek chorus grew up without her and Sue Ann Nivens. They don’t know what they missed.

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  22. Do you think Natalie P. deserves her Oscar nomination? I watched Hell or High Water last night, and it was good, but not Best Picture good. But what do I know?
    When you go to that theatre, June, try to just think about the POPCORN.
    Mary was great.
    Lovely post, June!

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  23. Yowza, I love that dress!
    I am jealous that you have an ex that will speak to you about that stuff. I have one that I’d like to talk to from time to time but ever since he got married he cut off all contact with me. I guess I’m too dangerous.

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  24. you have a very full life joob. in a very MTM watch her go kinda thing.
    i can’t stop thinking of Jesus. and now i’m ruined.
    dress is fab.

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  25. Nice dress!
    Clearly the puma was misnamed. Houdini seems much more appropriate. So cute about the inter-racial wrestling!
    I didn’t know who Mary Tyler More was until yesterday but in the clips I’ve seen, her show looks far better than anything on prime time today. Why did we get away from TV like that?
    Lovely post, smart June.

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  26. What happened to my comment?!
    I SAID.
    That IS a cute dress and it shows off all THAT.
    Taking Eds to the pound. Flump. My cat gets on the roof of my husband’s workshop and we don’t know HOW. There is a tree that is not close to the building. Such a mystery. Cats are mysteries.

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  27. That IS a cute dress and is shows off all THAT.
    Dropping Eds off at the pound. Flump. My cat gets on the roof of my husband’s workshop and HOW? There is one lone tree that is not close to that building, so it is still a big mystery. Cats are mysteries.

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  28. Love the dress! Jealous of your workplace because I am really hating mine these days.
    Ah, the joy of pet ownership. Especially the moment you hear a huge crash in the kitchen, followed by three streaks of fur racing out. Then blaming each other.

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