Iris is on my lap, so…

I am speaking this post into my phone. I cannot imagine the horrificness that is going to ensue.

Iris is on my lap, and she is purring and starfish-ing her paws, and I do not have the heart to get up and put her aside to type on my real computer.

Since I can’t write much of a post today,  let’s talk about how we are weird about food. Yesterday I was speaking with faithful reader Fay, and by “speaking,” I mean we were on Google chat. The point is, she said she will not eat an avocado. There is just no way. But guacamole? She will eat the shit out of some guacamole.

Now, with me, I just love cheese. Really I do. (Name that cartoon.) I eat cheese all the time. Why so chubby?

I buy those little wedges of cheese, in the light version, and I can’t think of the name of the brand but it’s not laughing cow, because those laughing cow commercials really annoy me. Also, apparently my phone does not know that laughing cow is a brand-name. Nor does my phone know that brand-name does not need to be hyphenated.

The point of this riveting story is, as much as I love cheese, as much as I will go to a restaurant and ask them to make me a fruit, nut and cheese plate, do not put cheese on my sandwich.

You put cheese on my sandwich, you’ve ruined my whole day.

So what about you? What’s your weird food thing?

Eventually I am going to have to shower, and that means I’m going to have to move this happy little cat. But I don’t want to.

I will talk to you later. After we’ve had very pertinent discussions about food.

113 thoughts on “Iris is on my lap, so…

  1. I hate Seafood. Tried it a million times, because people who love Seafood cannot comprehend. My parents made me always try at least one bite of fish, or shrimp, or lobster, etc… Still to this day, as a grown damn woman, people will insist you try their perfectly cooked salmon or “delicious” shrimp and grits. That being said, I love (only homemade, never in a restaurant) tuna salad (cold, not hot. I’m told it’s the fishiest fish ever. I guess it’s the mayo, relish, and boiled eggs that is the game changer for me.

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  2. “My father’s family never met an internal organ they wouldn’t eat with gusto” is my new favorite saying.

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  3. Me too, yogurt, GAG me….wish I liked it because it seems like such a handy food. And usually thin people it eat. Huh.

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  4. I cannot stand fruit in my salad. I mean, who wants ranch or Caesar dressing on a strawberry, that is just gross. Just give me the greens and maybe a walnut and some shaved parm in my salad, don’t be all fancying it up with weird fruit thank you very much.

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  5. I can’t stand cranberry juice, but I love cranberry sauce and orange cranberry bread. I hate the bitterness of cranberry juice, but I love black olives, which taste bitter. I can’t be consistent about anything.

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  6. My husband swears he hates sour cream, but he rips through chive chip dip which is sour cream and chives. It isn’t even as if the sour cream is masked by heave spices or herbs.

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  7. I am the opposite. When I buy Hurricane supplies it’s canned tuna for him, peanut butter and baked beans for me, beef jerky for both.

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  8. I cannot touch raw meat either. Except bacon. It’s because I love bacon so much and I can’t figure out how to pull it apart without touching it.

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  9. I fear raw ground meat. When making meat loaf, my ex would just put his hands in the bowl and mix everything up together. I tried that once, felt the raw hamburger squishing through my fingers, and just about lost my lunch.
    I just about anything made with ground beef. Just don’t make me touch it before it’s cooked!
    I also hate peppers. Not so much for the taste, but for the fact that one tiny piece of pepper will give me the urps for days.

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  10. I love shrimp and grits! When vacationing in Nashville this past summer, I had that almost every night for dinner. We don’t get that anywhere in PA.
    I join you on the salmon hatred though. I detest salmon. Doesn’t matter how anyone makes it – still tastes like salmon. Ick!

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  11. Open the bacon package , use knife to cut the strips into short pieces as they are together, throw the slab pieces in skillet cover with water put on lid, seperate with fork while cooking , let all water boil out then it cooks to crisp…hocus pocus you have fried crisp bacon without touching it. Do the whole package , IF there is any left put in plastic bag in refrigerator or freezer. Reheat in microwave and it is still crisp.

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  12. Your cheese on a sandwich reminds me of a time that we all went out to eat, my mom, sisters, niece and daughter (Boomers Momma). Well Boomers momma ordered a hamburger and the waitress asked if she wanted cheese, she said sure what kind do y’all have? The waitress must have named about 25 fancy cheeses and my daughter looked up and asked if they have Kraft singles that are individually wrapped. I could not stop laughing because she was serious.

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  13. I guess I’m boring. As a picky eater as a child, there’s not much I won’t eat as an adult. My step-daughter, however, is a different story. She has that texture thing several of you mentioned. Won’t eat ham, celery nor any kind of pea or bean other than green beans. Her brother won’t eat mayonnaise. Before I knew of their dislikes, I served apple salad made with chopped celery and mayonnaise the first time they came for dinner. You can imagine how well that went over.

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  14. I feel the same way! Cucumbers & Vinegar = Delicious! Pickles = Body Puckering Evil.
    Same for peanut butter & almonds. Love them both but a peanut butter or almond cookie I cannot abide.

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  15. Mushrooms. I can’t stand cooked mushrooms, very slimy and just yuck! But I love raw mushrooms in my salad. Yummy!
    Seafood is gross, but tuna is the best! Why do I have to try your seafood? I know I’ll hate it. Going to Red Lobster? I’ll have the chicken please!

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  16. I am a horribly picky eater, so almost all of this is making me queasy. But my husband and son do a weird food thing by eating all of one thing on their plate at the same time and then move on to the next thing until everything is finished. For instance, they will eat the whole sandwich and then eat the french fries. How can you not mix the french fries with the sandwich? If you leave them all until the sandwich is finished, the fries will all be cold. Weirdos, right?

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  17. I’m with you there. The marshmallows ruin the sweet potato for me. I have nothing against marshmallows as long as they stay away from my sweet potato!

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  18. I really like watermelon, but watermelon flavored things like Jolly Ranchers, for example, make me gag. When I was a child a friend gave me a watermelon flavored Lip Smacker and I’m still not over it.

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  19. The salmon discussion above is right…ew. EXCEPT smoked salmon. I can eat that all day. I am a pretty picky eater. I don’t really enjoy vegetables, but I can do most, but don’t put a green pepper on my plate, or IN anything. Also, don’t put your cherries in my chocolate cake, or any fruit for that matter. School lunches used to do that and I am still mad. Many other examples above ring true as well. And Deb? I am one of the weirdos who eats my foods one at a time. But sometimes I mix the meat and the potato/rice…it just depends.
    I am over the moon that Iris is healing and happy.
    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  20. I do it too. Always have. Sometimes I mix it up a bit now but not that much. I really don’t want juices to run together either. Those bowls KFC was selling? The commercials killed me. Yes, I am weird that way

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  21. My biggest pet peeve? Over seasoned food. I HATE black pepper most and too much salt. There are shakers on every damn table. People can add it but no one can take it out!

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  22. Not one of you mentioned the only food pet peeves I have:
    1. I don’t eat onions. Ever. Not any, no way, no how. They gross me out. The smell reminds me of the girls locker room, all sweaty armpits and disgusting. And the sound of the crunch of them is exactly the same sound I hear when a cockroach is being squashed under a boot. Plus, they don’t like me and tear up my stomach something fierce. No onions, ever.
    2. Canned lima beans. So gross. Just like they are filled with talcum powder. All dry and powdery, and just gross.
    Other than that I like everything I have ever had. Some things more than others, of course. But I truly like damn near everything I have tried.

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  23. I feel like this about strawberries! Love the fake flavoured stuff or chinks in yoghurt or other desserts. As a fruit? Always disappointed by the taste- like they smell so much better than they are and tarter than I want.

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  24. Amen! The only way I can stand to mix meatloaf is by putting gallon size freezer bags on my hands before I begin to mix. As soon as the meatloaf mix is in a baking pan, I rip off the freezer bags, turn them inside out and immediately throw them in the garbage can. I then proceed to wash my hands several times even though I know my hands didn’t touch any meat. Ugh!

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  25. My texture fixation is all about fruit. My bananas have to be one day away from green, my apples so crisp they snap when I bite them, and my peaches and pears so soft they drip when I eat them. Soft bananas or apples, or hard peaches or pears, I’ll just take one bite and throw the rest away. And I am not a food waster, so this counts as a phobia to me.
    So happy for Iris that she’s feeling better.

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  26. Been married 34 years, since we were 15. We grew up together basically. One day, after 29 years of marriage, I realized husband does not like his food to touch each other on a plate. He would take his fork and separate everything and then eat. For some reason that pissed me off, he was always a picky eater but that just put me over the top and I divorced him.
    Okay, so I didn’t divorce him but I told him I was tired of all his weirdness and fuckuptness with food and textures and not eating vegetables, that it all stemmed from his childhood, he needed therapy and he could cram everything up his ass cause I wasn’t going to cook for him anymore, just for me, he was on his own from now on. I was completely, utterly serious. He knew it. He never separated his food again. And he started eating vegetables and is a good eater of all healthy food now, including vegetables in anything. He is still a freak about peas, but ya pick and choose your battles so I leave that one be.

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  27. I’m with your husband on the food not touching! I want a clear path between each item on my plate.Yes, I know they will all land in my stomach together, but till they do they must not touch. My husband sometimes reaches over on my plate and shoves stuff together, which I then very carefully separate. I get even but I won’t say how!!

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  28. I am late to the party but … it totally gross me out when people drink soup, regardless of whether it is a cup or bowl, I find it disgusting.

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  29. I love raisins in Raisin Bran, but won’t eat them enywhere else and avoid big fat oatmeal raisin cookies because I don’t want the raisins. Like nuts in chocolate chips cookies, won’t eat them either but will eat nuts in anything else or by themselves. Gimme a dried cranberry any day!

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  30. The homegrown ones are a totally different fruit sensation than the store bought ones…try your farmers market a little later this year.

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  31. Lobster and other sea food. Lobster is like eating a gigantic water spider. ick I have tried it many times over the years but it always tastes nasty and has the constancy of a bicycle tire. At MY birthday party after work guess what we had. Right. Seafood. Shows how well they paid attention at all those business luncheons.
    I would have settled for a Spam sandwich, which I know most readers cringed when they read that. LOL

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  32. I refuse to eat mayonnaise or anything with mayonnaise in or on it, which makes me a bad Midwesterner. But I love Caesar salad and pretend very very hard that Caesar dressing has nothing to do with mayonnaise. (Also, I argued with a worker at a café that if you don’t put Caesar dressing on it, it’s not a Caesar salad.)

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  33. When I make myself a sandwich with bread from a loaf, the pieces have to match together like they were in the bag. So if the pieces have a little jut-out at the top, the jut-outs have to match up when I put my sandwich together like mirror images, even though at that point the two pieces are so far away from each other that I’d never know. Except I’d know. And if I have to use bread slices from a loaf that has a big discrepancy between the size of the first slice to a slice in the middle, forget it. I’ll cut the middle slice in half so there is sandwich symmetry.

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