Iris is on my lap, so…

I am speaking this post into my phone. I cannot imagine the horrificness that is going to ensue.

Iris is on my lap, and she is purring and starfish-ing her paws, and I do not have the heart to get up and put her aside to type on my real computer.

Since I can’t write much of a post today,  let’s talk about how we are weird about food. Yesterday I was speaking with faithful reader Fay, and by “speaking,” I mean we were on Google chat. The point is, she said she will not eat an avocado. There is just no way. But guacamole? She will eat the shit out of some guacamole.

Now, with me, I just love cheese. Really I do. (Name that cartoon.) I eat cheese all the time. Why so chubby?

I buy those little wedges of cheese, in the light version, and I can’t think of the name of the brand but it’s not laughing cow, because those laughing cow commercials really annoy me. Also, apparently my phone does not know that laughing cow is a brand-name. Nor does my phone know that brand-name does not need to be hyphenated.

The point of this riveting story is, as much as I love cheese, as much as I will go to a restaurant and ask them to make me a fruit, nut and cheese plate, do not put cheese on my sandwich.

You put cheese on my sandwich, you’ve ruined my whole day.

So what about you? What’s your weird food thing?

Eventually I am going to have to shower, and that means I’m going to have to move this happy little cat. But I don’t want to.

I will talk to you later. After we’ve had very pertinent discussions about food.

113 thoughts on “Iris is on my lap, so…

  1. When I make myself a sandwich with bread from a loaf, the pieces have to match together like they were in the bag. So if the pieces have a little jut-out at the top, the jut-outs have to match up when I put my sandwich together like mirror images, even though at that point the two pieces are so far away from each other that I’d never know. Except I’d know. And if I have to use bread slices from a loaf that has a big discrepancy between the size of the first slice to a slice in the middle, forget it. I’ll cut the middle slice in half so there is sandwich symmetry.


  2. I refuse to eat mayonnaise or anything with mayonnaise in or on it, which makes me a bad Midwesterner. But I love Caesar salad and pretend very very hard that Caesar dressing has nothing to do with mayonnaise. (Also, I argued with a worker at a café that if you don’t put Caesar dressing on it, it’s not a Caesar salad.)


  3. Lobster and other sea food. Lobster is like eating a gigantic water spider. ick I have tried it many times over the years but it always tastes nasty and has the constancy of a bicycle tire. At MY birthday party after work guess what we had. Right. Seafood. Shows how well they paid attention at all those business luncheons.
    I would have settled for a Spam sandwich, which I know most readers cringed when they read that. LOL


  4. The homegrown ones are a totally different fruit sensation than the store bought ones…try your farmers market a little later this year.


  5. I love raisins in Raisin Bran, but won’t eat them enywhere else and avoid big fat oatmeal raisin cookies because I don’t want the raisins. Like nuts in chocolate chips cookies, won’t eat them either but will eat nuts in anything else or by themselves. Gimme a dried cranberry any day!


  6. I am late to the party but … it totally gross me out when people drink soup, regardless of whether it is a cup or bowl, I find it disgusting.


  7. Note to self: Sh*t.
    If Joob allowed smiley face emoticons here, there would be one.
    Although I’m kinda scared now.


  8. I’m with your husband on the food not touching! I want a clear path between each item on my plate.Yes, I know they will all land in my stomach together, but till they do they must not touch. My husband sometimes reaches over on my plate and shoves stuff together, which I then very carefully separate. I get even but I won’t say how!!


  9. Been married 34 years, since we were 15. We grew up together basically. One day, after 29 years of marriage, I realized husband does not like his food to touch each other on a plate. He would take his fork and separate everything and then eat. For some reason that pissed me off, he was always a picky eater but that just put me over the top and I divorced him.
    Okay, so I didn’t divorce him but I told him I was tired of all his weirdness and fuckuptness with food and textures and not eating vegetables, that it all stemmed from his childhood, he needed therapy and he could cram everything up his ass cause I wasn’t going to cook for him anymore, just for me, he was on his own from now on. I was completely, utterly serious. He knew it. He never separated his food again. And he started eating vegetables and is a good eater of all healthy food now, including vegetables in anything. He is still a freak about peas, but ya pick and choose your battles so I leave that one be.


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