What are your feelings about being on time for work? Faithful Reader Paula H&B has been a, you know, faithful reader for something like 92 years. She might be the funniest commentor, and don't get mad at me cause you know she's funny. The point is, on social media, she's been complaining because a coworker … Continue reading We never see Fred Flintstone getting ON the dinosaur, just sliding off at 5:00 on the dot.
Yesterday I got a new doctor. If you consult your Big Book of June Events, you'll recall that I have some...trouble with keeping medical professionals. Doctors are my Spinal Tap drummer. I was a normal person with one regular doctor when I was a kid. Mine was Dr. Heavenrich, and I'm telling you right now … Continue reading Doctor Who?
Six years ago, when I interviewed for my current job, they said, "The other copy editor on this account is a poet! A fancy, famous, celebrated poet!" They said this like it was a good thing, all smiley, and I was all, Oh, fucking fuck. I mean, a poet. Who would hate me more than … Continue reading Been through the country with a dog with no name
Perhaps you're wondering, "Did our dear friend June expire? Is she on the other side of the grass? Feeling the silk?" It always kills me when I say that and someone out there doesn't get it. You're dead. In the coffin. The silk-lined--oh, forget it. Anyway, it's my head--it's been giving me trouble. Am on … Continue reading Pom wonderful
I have a ding-dang aura. If you are not a migraine person, and aura is this zigzag pattern in your field of vision, rendering you pretty much blind. It will go away after a while, but I literally can't see the screen to type you. I'm speaking into my phone. Also, Lily is in my … Continue reading Aura. And not one of mystery.
When we left off, it was only effing Friday afternoon of my Easter weekend and I decided not to torment you with more detail, so here I am tormenting you with more detail today instead. You're welcome. After I bought my new bat house Friday morning, I headed to another bat house---therapy. Bah! Am on … Continue reading The peppermint tea prossy
So far this Easter weekend I've had to call the emergency number for the gas company so that I wouldn't blow up, told Ned we have to not talk for a few months, put up a bat house, heard from two men from my past, and ordered two new bras. 36D in the howse! Actually, … Continue reading June plays it safe with an unoffensive title
Last night I had a migraine, and it wasn't all that bad, but bad enough that I felt rotten. When you have a migraine, "rotten" is a relief. It's way better than other times when you pray for the good Lord to bring you on home. The point is, because I was at maybe a … Continue reading I Love/Hate Living Alone
Yesterday, I discovered this site lets you create surveys right here, without having to traipse over to Survey Monkey or whatever. So I tried to embed one in my blog, couldn't figure it out, but DID figure out how to share my survey on Facebook, which means really I coulda just gone to Survey Monkey. … Continue reading A quarter of you are still Team Ned. Really.
This is the only picture I took yesterday, of me and one of the many millennials at work, during our first-thing-Monday-morning meeting. Which, who decides to have that? Me taking just one picture in a day is a clear indicator of what a SUCK-ASS BUSY day it was, although I got to proof a deck, … Continue reading Justice for Iris
[Floomps into your cubicle with her coffee.] You would not believe what all I've done this weekend. [Looks for boss.] Is he in yet? See, in real life this scenario would not be true, because my actual boss, Thousandman, is always in before me. He's very no-nonsense and industrious. You can imagine the joy he … Continue reading Three days, three men
At the top of my new fancy blogging template is a button I click when I want to compose a new post. That button reads, "Write." It has an icon of a huge pencil looming over a very square piece of paper. Whenever I click on it, I think of Celie in The Color Purple … Continue reading It’s like I saw only 7 movies and they influenced my whole life
A few days ago, Iris started showing signs that she wanted to go back outside. I really wanted her to rally, and be spirited old Iris, but between you and me I wanted her to be spirited homebody Iris. Yeah, not so much. So the first day, I went on the deck with her. She … Continue reading I hate it when I forget a title
"Hello, petty." That was a message I got from a tuxedo'd man on Tinder last night. Yes, now I'm on Tinder. It's not as hook-uppy as you'd think. I'm sure he meant to write, "You're so pretty, June" but instead he wrote "Hello, petty," and that sums me up so much better. Which is what … Continue reading That Crone is Thinner Than Me
Oh, hey! (I'm waving like I know somebody across the room, cause we're all such regulars here at WordPress. Oh my god, chicken skewers with peanut sauce again?) (You know what sounds really good right now?) So, among the many things that seem to be changing in my life, a few months ago our social … Continue reading Let’s just act like we’ve always been here.
Oh, hey, how did you find me here? I, um, I'm not cheating on you or anything! No! Lemme just, um, put m'clothes on, and... So, here we are. In a new blog spot that isn't Blogspot. A guy at work set me up on WordPress, cause I'm GETTIN' MODERN! and apparently I can only … Continue reading Oh my god, I am so fancy
I hate podcasts. I'm SORRY. I'm sure your sister's really is magnificent. I'm sure if I just tried [insert fucking podcast here]...or gave a listen to...or have I heard...? Yeah, no. I'm not going to like any of those, either. And look, I WANT to like them. I'd love another way to waste time; are … Continue reading Lime-a-Ritas with Laura Ingalls Wilder