Friends · Other people's pets

Been through the country with a dog with no name

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Six years ago, when I interviewed for my current job, they said, “The other copy editor on this account is a poet! A fancy, famous, celebrated poet!” They said this like it was a good thing, all smiley, and I was all, Oh, fucking fuck. Continue reading “Been through the country with a dog with no name”

Health · Neighbors of June · Other people's pets

Pom wonderful

Perhaps you’re wondering, “Did our dear friend June expire? Is she on the other side of the grass? Feeling the silk?” It always kills me when I say that and someone out there doesn’t get it. You’re dead. In the coffin. The silk-lined–oh, forget it. Continue reading “Pom wonderful”

Health

Aura. And not one of mystery.

I have a ding-dang aura. If you are not a migraine person, and aura is this zigzag pattern in your field of vision, rendering you pretty much blind. It will go away after a while, but I literally can’t see the screen to type you. I’m speaking into my phone.

Also, Lily is in my lap, taking full advantage of the fact that I am prone.

Since I can’t see, talk amongst yourselves. What is the one thing in your life you wish you were doing differently?

...friend/Ned · Aging ungracefully · Freaky Friday · Friends · June can't keep a man

June plays it safe with an unoffensive title

So far this Easter weekend I’ve had to call the emergency number for the gas company so that I wouldn’t blow up, told Ned we have to not talk for a few months, put up a bat house, heard from two men from my past, and ordered two new bras. 36D in the howse! Actually, 36D in the mail. Continue reading “June plays it safe with an unoffensive title”

June's stupid life

A quarter of you are still Team Ned. Really.

Yesterday, I discovered this site lets you create surveys right here, without having to traipse over to Survey Monkey or whatever. So I tried to embed one in my blog, couldn’t figure it out, but DID figure out how to share my survey on Facebook, which means really I coulda just gone to Survey Monkey.

Ooooo, and before I go on with that riveting story, Continue reading “A quarter of you are still Team Ned. Really.”

June's stupid life · My pets · Neighbors of June

Justice for Iris

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This  is the only picture I took yesterday, of me and one of the many millennials at work, during our first-thing-Monday-morning meeting. Which, who decides to have that?

Me taking just one picture in a day is a clear indicator of what a SUCK-ASS BUSY day it was, Continue reading “Justice for Iris”

...friend/Ned · Beauty products · Busy busy busy busy. Thank heavens for Angie's List. · June can't keep a man · June's stupid life

Three days, three men

[Floomps into your cubicle with her coffee.] You would not believe what all I’ve done this weekend. [Looks for boss.] Is he in yet? Continue reading “Three days, three men”

Dooce envy · Hulk's sex life · June's stupid life

It’s like I saw only 7 movies and they influenced my whole life

At the top of my new fancy blogging template is a button I click when I want to compose a new post. That button reads, “Write.” It has an icon of a huge pencil looming over a very square piece of paper.Screen Shot 2017-04-07 at 7.48.59 AM

Whenever I click on it, I think of Celie in The Color Purple screaming, “WRIIIIITE!!!” and Nettie screeching, “Nothing but DEATH could keep me from it!”

Which is how I feel about kissing kittens on the noggin. Continue reading “It’s like I saw only 7 movies and they influenced my whole life”

June's stupid life

I hate it when I forget a title

A few days ago, Iris started showing signs that she wanted to go back outside. I really wanted her to rally, and be spirited old Iris, but between you and me I wanted her to be spirited homebody Iris.

Yeah, not so much.

So the first day, I went on the deck with her. She sniffed the air, her fur blowing in the spring breeze. Continue reading “I hate it when I forget a title”

...friend/Ned · Aging ungracefully · June's stupid life · My pets · Neighbors of June

That Crone is Thinner Than Me

“Hello, petty.” That was a message I got from a tuxedo’d man on Tinder last night. Yes, now I’m on Tinder. It’s not as hook-uppy as you’d think. I’m sure he meant to write, “You’re so pretty, June” but instead he wrote “Hello, petty,” and that sums me up so much better. Continue reading “That Crone is Thinner Than Me”

Aging ungracefully · Current Affairs · June doesn't know any ugly people · June's stupid life

Let’s just act like we’ve always been here.

Oh, hey! (I’m waving like I know somebody across the room, cause we’re all such regulars here at WordPress. Oh my god, chicken skewers with peanut sauce again?)

(You know what sounds really good right now?) Continue reading “Let’s just act like we’ve always been here.”