Lime-a-Ritas with Laura Ingalls Wilder

I hate podcasts.

I’m SORRY. I’m sure your sister’s really is magnificent. I’m sure if I just tried [insert fucking podcast here]…or gave a listen to…or have I heard…?

Yeah, no. I’m not going to like any of those, either. And look, I WANT to like them. I’d love another way to waste time; are you kidding? But, for example, there’s one I came across this morning, and it was about Prince, and I’m riveted by anything having to do with Prince. Here are the following people I will drop everything (including your infant) to read about:

  • Prince
  • Carrie Fisher
  • Sarah Jessica Parker
  • Courtney Love
  • Princess Diana
  • Grace Kelly
  • Barry Gibb
  • Jackie Kennedy
  • Kate Middleton
  • Laura Ingalls Wilder
  • Nora Ephron
  • Freddie Mercury

I realize this makes me old, and so be it. The point is, today I clicked on a podcast about Prince, knowing full well that podcasts annoy the fuck out of me, and here’s what I heard:

[Theme music] (Okay, I’m already bored. I have no desire to sit through your theme music.) Heyyyyy, party people! Okay, uhhhhhhh, …yeah! Okay! Let’s get this, uh, party started, uhhhhh….

And I’m gone.

I’ve no desire to sit captive while someone gets his thoughts together. And I guess that’s it. I’m not interested in the rambling of some unprepared person.

Say, June, what do you think this blog is?

I KNOW. I didn’t say it was logical. I just said that’s how I feel.

I love reading Dear Prudence, the advice column in Slate (although between you and me, I preferred old Prudie), but that goddamn Dear Prudie podcast. Days I click on that site and it’s the goddamn podcast are like the times when my pets are all anticipatory and then I set down a bowl of disappointing water.

o. it be the watur. [clicks away]

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In other news, we had a company meeting and I forced unwilling people, as opposed to forcing willing people, to take meeting selfies with me. No one at work likes me.

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Also, The Poet, who does fake liking me quite a bit, bought a short dress for the first time in three decades. Look how cute with her stripy tights.

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Also, I had a date yesterday afternoon with someone I’ve seen before (Big Book of June Events). My date, and right now we’re gonna call him My Date (heyyyy, party people, uhhhh, let’s get this, uhhhh party, uhhhhh–oh, shut up. I am NOT an unprepared rambling podcast). Anyway, when I got to My Date, I told him how yesterday morning, I went over to my neighbor Peg’s house, because Peg’s daughter is over there packing and yes, it is sad.

“She’s the one who broke your vomit streak, right?” asked My Date, who’s a good taker of the important notes. Perhaps one of you could loan him your BBoJE.

“Yes, and now she’s moving in with her daughter, and anyway the daughter gave me all Peg’s hooch, because why move it with them, really. And here’s the problem: It’s mostly bad hooch.”

“Like what?”

“White zinfandel. Lime-a-Ritas.”

As you can see from our lunch spot, a spot My Date selected, snobby beer might be more his style. You have no idea how much pretentious craft beer surrounded us on this date. Holy hops. Anyway, I had to explain to him what a Lime-a-Rita was, and then we discussed ad nauseam me having a bad-liquor party, and then that segued into me having an everything-a-Rita party (hamburgers-a-rita, for example), and that devolved into having a Lime-a-Rita party with just the two women I know who are named Rita, and finally we gave up the topic because hello dead horse.

Later, we were discussing who we’d have dinner with, if we could pick anyone, and I was all set to say Laura Ingalls Wilder and Nora Ephron, just to see how a simple pioneer gal from 1867 and a cynical New York Jewish woman from 1977 would get along.

I was all set to say that till he said he’d dine with his great-grandfather, whom he’d never met, and then I felt like a dick.

But I went ahead and told him about my LIW and NE dinnier scenario anyway.

“That should be interesting.” he said. “You could offer Laura a Lime-a-Rita, see how that goes.”

And right then I knew, my podcast would be called Lime-a-Ritas with Laura Ingalls Wilder. Hey, pioneer people, uhhhh….

41 thoughts on “Lime-a-Ritas with Laura Ingalls Wilder

  1. I am reading all Carrie Fisher books at the moment, she’s a hoot………bet she’d have all kinds of fun Hooch! Your Date sounds like he “gets” your sense of humor.
    Happy Sunny Sunday!

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  2. The only time I listen to podcasts are on road trips. America’s Test Kitchen is a favorite. I think I read faster than people talk, so if reading an article or listening about the same subject in podcast are the options, I’ll choose reading the article. You can’t read while driving, obviously.
    Do you get bored when people tell you long stories, too, June? Podcasting seems to be like conversation that you just have to listen to and not be an active participant.

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  3. I know you hate podcasts. BUT. “The Hilarious World of Depression” has an interview with Dick Cavett. Dick Cavett! Also: “That Really Happened” is really interesting for those of us who like to observe other people’s lives from the safety of distance. There’s one titled something about somebody’s mom trying to cut her heart out. Dudes!
    I think June needs a podcast!

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  4. I abhor podcasts. I also hate videos about products and suchlike​. I prefer to read because it’s much faster and I don’t​ get bored waiting for the next snippet of information. But yeah, podcasts? Just say no.

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  5. Yes! Road trips are so much better with podcasts. Also, boring household chores (now there’s redundancy for you). I swear podcasts are the only reason I have managed to cook so many meals for my family without stabbing anyone. Walks are often improved by podcasts. I mean, I love my dog, but she’s not that great of a conversationalist.
    I could never just sit and listen to a podcast. It would make me itch all over, with the pace being so much slower.

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  6. Oh, I love The Poet’s stripy tights! And, I am sorry to tell you I like a good podcast. I like them because I can multitask and listen. Drive and listen too. But I am (suprise!) an NPR fan, which was really a place for podcasts…before there were even podcasts. I have lists of them, but I tend to listen to This American Life. Although, I loved season one of Serial. And, I don’t know if that counts because I tend to just turn the radio on. If it isn’t news…I win. So maybe I just am a radio fan?
    Anyway.
    Your Date sounds like he is well suited for you. My husband also likes pretentious beer. And I am not a beer drinker. So I get a ROOTbeer and we still go to those places…where they brew beer…um. Brew pubs? See, I don’t pay attention unless I care.
    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  7. Podcasts help my brain when I’m doing mindless but necessary or required work where I cannot read. But to each his own.
    Was there any April fool’s shenanigans with The Date?

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  8. The Poet is super cute and if my legs looked like that I would wear short dresses all the time. Well–if someone told me what to buy. I have no fashion sense. And your date sounds fun–I like that he can follow silly topics down whatever road the conversation veers. I don’t like when people won’t engage in silliness.

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  9. I really hate having anything read to me – not sure why. Not interested in podcasts. Not interested in video reviews. I much prefer to read my information. There’s a weekly update about a resort near us that’s having a major overhaul – I quickly grew tired of the hyper chipper voice and the repeated “So. Yeah.”. Is that a millennial thing? STOP IT, STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!

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  10. June, I was going to suggest that you make a podcast to make extra money but since I know that you hate them, I didn’t. But, I really think you should. There, I said it!
    It sounds like you hate poorly produced podcasts, I’m with you on that. Yours of course, would be well produced and hilarious!
    One podcast episode that I thought you would like was an episode of Criminal where the host spoke to a court sketch artist. This lady, who is now retired, admitted she wasn’t a great artist but she took the job in her because they weren’t picky and she needed a job and then just kept doing it. One day she was late to court and she asked a lady on the end of a row where she could see well to scooch over. The lady very condescendingly said no. Later when that lady was on the stand testifying, the sketch artist went to the row she wanted to sit in and began sketching. Extra bad. When the lady came back to that row and sat beside the sketch artist she glanced at the picture and alarmed whispered to her, “you can’t submit that!”, to which the sketch artist replied, “I only needed an inch” and turned away.
    Marc Maron interviewed Sarah Jessica Parker, you can skip to 13:30 to where the interview starts: http://www.wtfpod.com/podcast/episode-753-sarah-jessica-parker

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  11. In my industry everyone has their own podcast and no one has anything to say. And now they’ve started in with live facebooking. As if the edited version wasn’t bad enough. And some of them DRIVE while they stream. I can’t even.

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  12. Hi Megsie,
    Happy grey Sunday to you in B’ton, and it’s grey here by the lake.
    I am also a long-time NPR/MPR listener, and love TAL. I remember hearing David Sedaris doing the Santa/Elf piece back in the day, and I was hooked. The Moth and that other storytelling one are good too. All these people have such interesting, tragic & funny lives, compared to me, where I feel so beige.

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  13. I listen to recorded books on road trips to make long boring interstate drives interesting. I check them out of our library and have learned which readers are good and which ones I can’t tolerate.
    June, I’m sad Peg has to move. We are all going to miss her.

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  14. I don’t have the attention span for a podcast. The first time they were all “Uh…yeah”, I’d wander off and totally forget I was watching it in the first place.
    I luf The Poet’s stripey tights! She looks cute as hell in her short dress.

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  15. I don’t listen to podcasts. I’m like a lot of y’all, I don’t like being read to, I had rather read it myself.
    The Poet looks so cute in her short dress and tights.
    I was expecting to hear all about who fell for your April Fool’s jokes.

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  16. The one time I listened to a podcast, my eye started twitching. They are SO BORING! Listening to people drone on and on about something, even something I’m interested in, is not my idea of entertainment, thankyouverymuch.
    I can’t imagine listening to a podcast while driving. I’d end up falling asleep at the wheel. It’s the same with audio books.

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  17. I listen to TAL, Radiolab, Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me and most of the rest of the pre-recorded NPR shows, but didn’t know what a podcast was until someone mentioned here that I could listen to those shows whenever I wanted as a podcast. But I never find the time to listen to them when I’m not in the car. So I know nothing about any other podcasts, and it sounds like I’m better off that way. And I’m another one who reads much faster than people talk, so listening to books on tape is way too slow for me.
    Also too, I love the Poet. She is just too cute.

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  18. I listen to podcast when I can’t sleep. I have two that I love. One is called Hold On. It is basically a comedian tells a story and another comedian asks questions about the story. The funniest one was a female comedian whose gay uncles worked at a birth control factory. My second favorite is Mike Rowe’s That’s The Way I Heard It. I turn it down low and let him drone on about Campbell’s soup or whatever. It is like having him whisper to me in bed. I mean really Pillow Talk with Mike Rowe would probably be a bigger seller.

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  19. I hate podcasts (at least, the ones that aren’t replays of professionally produced radio shows). I’m all DO NOT turn on that microphone and then hem and haw and act like a seventh-grade girl phoning a boy for the first time. STOP WASTING MY TIME.

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  20. It makes me **nuts** when I see someone videocasting (Instagram or FB) while they’re driving. You know they’re going to run into someone at some point. hashtag don’t be stupid.

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  21. I like podcasts for driving and for helping my brain relax to fall asleep. So far, no falling asleep while driving. I’ve been doing the same commute for almost 18 years and need something to entertain me. The nice part about listening to podcasts is that if you zone out, you haven’t missed anything critical, unlike a book, where you might feel you have to rewind.

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  22. No patience for podcasts. I haven’t even tried.
    So sorry Peg’s moving. She’ll be missed.
    Also too, The Poet looks cute in her stripy tights. At first I thought it was just bad photography that was making them look like that.
    Furthermore, when my mother died 11 years ago, I thought I was doing a huge favor for a co-worker and offered him all the booze in the house. It was good stuff, too, all the top brands. Well. I should have known it was bad by then. I’m pretty sure my parents bought it back in the ’50s when they had neighbors over for Canasta.

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  23. Un Willing is mighty cute up there. And I envy The Poet’s height. If I wore a short skirt and stripey tights like that I would look like a cartoon character. She, on the other hand, looks striking.
    Dinner with a dead ancestor is a great idea. I’d go for whichever ones who made the daring decision to leave home and travel to Lady Liberty. I want to know if that is where I got my sea sickness gene. You know, some deep ancestral memory that is CELL MEMORY.

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  24. That is fabulous idea because all my grandparents died before I was born. It would be an easy choice, my father’s mother. The only thing he ever said about her was she was the original liberated woman.

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  25. The “Hold On” one sounds interesting but I can’t find it anywhere. Is that the full title, do you know the name(s) of the host(s)?
    One that’s fantastic for sleeping is “Sleep With Me”. I can’t even describe it properly but suffice it to say that the host suffered from insomnia so he has created a podcast to put people to sleep!
    Not one to put you to sleep but rather to laugh is “My Dad Wrote a Porno”. It is hilarious!

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  26. PJ, that is fascinating that you say that. I am deathly afraid of deep, dark water – like when you see submarines or bottoms of ships slicing through the water when they’re on the TV. I almost get a panic attack, and I’m SO not like that over anything else. I love swimming in pools. I love being at the beach – just not real fond of actually being in the ocean or any water that I can’t see through.
    I always joke with my family that one of my ancestors must have drowned or been in a shipwreck. Never really shared it publicly before though.

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  27. I am fascinated by all things Prince and Freddie Mercury too. Too geniuses gone far too young. Freddie was beyond what words can describe when he fronted at Live Aid in 1985. One of the top performances in rock and roll history.


    Here’s a summary of how that performance came together:


    There will never be another Freddie Mercury or even anyone close to comprable. Dave Grohl calls him the best front man ever.
    And Prince, it’s almost hard to comprehend he’s actually gone. It just isn’t right. Would love to see movies based on both their lives with super well written screenplays. Probably nothing could ever do either one of them or their work justice though. I love how Freddie’s band mates remain so extremely protective and respectful of their friend. I wish Prince could have had someone in his life who loved him unconditionally and challenged him and would not back down no matter what.
    This is my all time favorite Prince performance (other than the Super Bowl halftime) where he honors George Harrison with other musicians on While My Guitar Gently Weeps. At about 3:23 I love the expression on Dhani Harrison’s face (George’s son) when Prince begins to make his move.


    Commentary on that particular performance and how it came about. Fascinating.
    https://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/28/arts/music/prince-guitar-rock-hall-of-fame.html?_r=0
    Gawd, I love those two men.

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  28. AA, your comment came in just as the rain in arriving. I think I’ll just put feet up and watch the things you’ve linked to. Since I’ll be busy all afternoon I’m sure you wouldn’t mind cooking supper for me. And I’d love homemade peanut butter cups for dessert. Thanks.

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  29. I was poking June because she was bitching about cell memory or cell deep or cell something or other. But I think there may be something to ancestral memory.

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