At the top of my new fancy blogging template is a button I click when I want to compose a new post. That button reads, “Write.” It has an icon of a huge pencil looming over a very square piece of paper.
Whenever I click on it, I think of Celie in The Color Purple screaming, “WRIIIIITE!!!” and Nettie screeching, “Nothing but DEATH could keep me from it!”
Which is how I feel about kissing kittens on the noggin.
Anyway, before I get scattered and forget, we said we were going to discuss your sex bucket list today, and go ahead. Go ‘head, girl. As for me, I have no desire for a three-way, and hello, mom. How’s everything? Good, good. It still cold there? Uh-huh. Ohhh! Um-hmm. Okay.
Anyway, too jealous. Cannot do. Ned and I were pretty, you know, let’s just say we had a lot of good times. But that I could not do. Had I seen another woman stroke Ned’s hand they both would have pulled back a nub. This was a cause of great consternation for poor Ned.
So, hey, mom, what’re your Easter plans?
By the way, I just had to call Ned to ask if it was okay that I said the above stuff. I had more, revealing-er stuff to say up there and he put the kibosh on it. But I got to leave in the “Would’ve been thrilled to have had a three-way” in, and as we were signing off, I said, “Maybe we should conference a third person into this call.”
Having a blog about your life. It’s hilarious. And not at all weird.
But here’s my thing. I have only ever slept with white men. That’s it. Almost all of them college-educated. White, college-educated men. Live a little, sister. So that’s on my list. Give me another sex, race or socioeconomic group just once, please.
You can sign in anonymously today, if you want.
And hey, did you see Dooce changed her blog too? Goddammit. She has to do everything I do. She is so jealous of my tens of readers. Let’s just look at it like she’s Starbucks and I’m the cute local coffee shop that offers so much of the special. It’s sort of underground.
This is a fabulous way to look at a failed blog.
I took my 3:00 walk with m’two coworkers yesterday, and you all know Austin already, and also there is Bob, who I used to sit next to and in the big move they tore us apart. Someone pointed out the other day that my blog is read by women, gay men, and Austin. Kills me.
I have a strict rule at work, and I don’t know how I get to make up the rules but I do, that you KNOW we walk at 3:00, so if you say AT 3:00 that you have to pee first that’s too bad. We’re not fucking waiting for you. Then finally it happened to me the other day and I had to run to catch up, because of course no one was gonna make an exception for me since I’d been a huge bitch about it before.
I have to go. I’ve not showered yet and I’m gonna be late. Let me put in one more old picture because I’m still not over them all being available on this new format.
HAHAHAHAHAHA. I love that comic.