Justice for Iris


This  is the only picture I took yesterday, of me and one of the many millennials at work, during our first-thing-Monday-morning meeting. Which, who decides to have that?

Me taking just one picture in a day is a clear indicator of what a SUCK-ASS BUSY day it was, although I got to proof a deck, and I know “proof a deck” means a whole lot to you, but trust me, I love to proof a deck. I just do.

A deck is usually a Power Point presentation, honey, and at my work it’s to sum up for a client what we’ve been up to or to entice them to try our new ideas. Also, if you are someone who presents things at work, can you do me a favor?

Can you NOT READ US THE POWER POINT PRESENTATION? We’ve been reading since we’re 5. We’re good.

SUM IT UP. Reiterate it using your own words. Give us the main points. But OH MY GOD don’t read it to us like we’re in nursery school.

I did take 20 minutes out of my day to scream over to the post office and get my MONEY CASH MONEY, because here’s what happened.

After those dogs attacked Iris, the Animal Control people went to my neighbors’ house to tell them what happened, to allegedly give them my contact info, and to warn them that if the dogs get loose one more time they’ll be taken away.

I never heard from them, so I sent them a letter that included copies of the vet bills. Later in the week I got an announcement that I had certified mail. So I signed that little salmon-colored slip the post office gives you and waited for them to re-deliver it.

I just spent the longest time trying to find an image of a salmon in a slip. Out of all the ridik things you can find online, a salmon wearing a slip is not one of them. I saw lots of pictures of sexy women in pinkish undergarments, though.

Anyway, I waited all week and that damn letter never came. Finally I called the post office, and they said, “Oh, it’s probably at the whoooo de blooo blooo post office, waiting for you. Want me to call and see?”

So they CALLED and I was TOLD it was there, so I drove there, and?

It wasn’t there.

“Oh, your mail carrier probably has it.”


So I waited, like they told me to, came back another day, got THE WRONG CERTIFIED LETTER (some other stupid place had sent me one), went home and there in the mailbox was the right letter.

This is fascinating, June, keep going.

The point is, the first letter from the neighbors said Animal Control hadn’t given them my contact info, but here’s a money order for $86, which was the amount of Iris’s follow-up vet bill. The letter said they were headed to the emergency vet to pay that bill.

Except I’d already paid it. You can’t get your pet outta hock at the emergency vet without paying the whole thing up front. I’d had to borrow the whole shebang from old moneybags Ned. And nothing’s more comfortable than borrowing $2,000 from your old boyfriend when you’re out dating new people.

You’ll be delighted to hear there was another salmon-colored slip [no, seriously, not one image of a fish in a slip at all, anywhere, on the internet. We’ve finally discovered the one thing that’s not online] waiting for me THIS Saturday, and both Saturdays that I’ve gotten these notices I’ve been out on dates, and hello, trampy.

THIS time I did not sign for the goddamn thing, but rather took my salmon in a slip and went to the post office myself, and there was another money order or cashier’s check or whatever (I’ve already deposited it) from the neighbors saying they went to the emergency vet and realized I’d already paid, sorry for the misunderstanding and hope the cat gets better. Last night I wrote a thank you back to them.


I am officially done taking questions about this particular event. Remember when Ann Landers said the toilet-paper-hanging-the-right-way issue garnered the most letters she ever got in all her years as an advice columnist?

This Iris thing has garnered more Qs. You have no idea how many questions people have about this whole thing, and I keep answering and it seems like as soon as I do, oh look. More questions.

So boom. Iris is good, I got reimbursed, all is well with the world, and yay. I kind of didn’t expect them to pay, and yet somehow I thought it would all work out. I gave Ned a check for most of it on Sunday and now that I’ve deposited that cashier’s check of whatever it was, I can give him the rest.

I just know someone’s over there dying with a question. No! Remember in the Sex and the City movie, when Mr. Big doesn’t come to the wedding, and he tries to run over to Carrie after, and Charlotte says to him, “NO!” Remember that? That’s me right now with your just-one-more-question question.

In the meantime, I’m doing more freelance work. I should make a little sidebar of how much damn credit card debt I have, and show you how I’m paying it off. I read an interesting tip somewhere that said to pay what you can on your card when it’s due, and then the NEXT pay period, make another payment. Somehow this helps with the interest charges. So each pay period I put an extra freelance-y $100 on one card on top of what I’m paying when the payment is due.

I’m so irked that last year at this time I was at zero debt. Well, by last year at this time, Tallulah was dead, so I had this debt then, too. At the beginning of last year, then. Yes, At the beginning of last year, my car was paid off, my cards were all at zero, and Talu showed the first sign that something was wrong on January 1. So.

Oh, hell, I’d better go. Edsel got a bath last night and he feels so soft and lovely. He doesn’t seem to have the same perspective, as he is not speaking to me currently. You’d think of all the dogs in the world, he’d be the most happy about looking dapper. But no.

IMG_6593 2.JPG
just need to process feeeeling, mom


46 thoughts on “Justice for Iris

  1. This is my promise to you, Joon. When I hit the Powerball Lottery, my first million goes to you. Pay down debt and then, move on.


  2. I am so happy to know that the neighbors did the right thing. Renewed faith in humanity and all that. And Edsel looks like he smells delightful. Which my dogs hate. They cannot get smelly fast enough.

    Also too – what happened to the poll? I have been denied my chance to vote! Where do I protest?


  3. Don’t read your PowerPoint presentation and certainly don’t underline and/or circle the words with your jerky laser pointer as you read. Have mercy!


  4. Edsel looks so clean and soft! Sweet Boy! Glad Iris is okay and you did not have to go to fisticuffs with the neighbors.


  5. Those power point presentations are reminiscent of being held hostage by people showing you their vacations photos. Two photos max, PEOPLE! Two photos, MAX!
    OH MY GOOD GOD, grandchildren too!! TWO PHOTOS MAX!!! And you wanna know what? All your grandkids look alike so you don’t need to tell me who goes with what parents. Not necessary. Don’t need to know that. Know why? They all look alike.

    But you can show me twelve plus pictures each of your dog, cat or llama.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. He certainly looks fluffy. Maybe he’s upset because you didn’t use lavender. You know how he likes floral.


    1. Tell Edsel for me that he is bootyful.
      And lavender is so calming. Maybe Anita is on to something there.
      He could be jealous of Slutty Pancakes’ hair color. His color is the best tell him… for a dog of his stripe.
      Brings all the boys to his yard.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. The slips in our town are banana and we have to go to the Post Office to pick up whatever it is, as well. Small town living; annoying.

    I’m happy to hear that the neighbors finally did the right thing and reimbursed you for their idiot dogs’ actions. I’m sure that threats from Animal Control probably persuaded them to do the right thing, but hey, whatever got the end result.

    I picture Edz in my mind as an Emo kid, who does not bathe or shower unless forced at gunpoint, dyes his hair purple, wears black high-tops and My Chemical Romance t-shirts all the time. Also, he listens to depressing songs all the time that make you want to kill yourself, just to get sweet relief from all the depressing songs! Oh wait, that might be the teenager currently living in my house. Edz is his spirit animal, I believe.


  8. I am glad you got justice for Iris.
    Edz is trying to figure out what he needs to roll in in order to get rid of fufu smell. Edz can roll in cat poop, dat be good. Or Edz can roll in dead bird, dat smells better dan oakmeal. Oh I know Edz roll in both cat poop and dead bird, I smell real good.


  9. yes. do NOT READ THE EFF’N POWER POINT!! good grief, major irk. and? and? your monotone voice? just stop right now. shoot me.

    this is not advice – just something i thought about a few days back and forgot to say.

    your financial sitch is shitty. totally agree there. but what if you had not been in zero debt when ‘Lu was sick? so much more complicated or so much more debt today. so there’s that. and congrats on the extra work.

    the one date i’ve had in six months? he shows up with a faux mohawk.. nope. right there. nope.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Fauxhawk. Nope.

      I have a 35-year-old child trying to pursue me right now. I’m 48. He keeps asking me if I want to come to his apartment and “hang out.” No. I want you to take me out and buy me a hamburger at the very least.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I just turned 38 so I am LOVING that 35 is still young. Thank you for that. “Hang out” has almost the same connotations as “Netflix & chill”. Is he cute? I mean… it could be fun!


      2. That’s exactly what he says, Heather! “Come over and hang out with me. I have Netflix and we’ll watch stand up. I have the new David Chappelle.”

        Liked by 1 person

    2. The faux hawk should go out of style around age 5. I’m happy you were reimbursed for the vet bills. At least there was some neighbourly decency there. Hope the weather is beautiful (it’s still cold here, sigh…damn prairies).

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks for the response. And when I see a sentence like that I think of such things as 9-11, Syria or people in pain etc..


        1. I’m not saying I understand why those things happened. But I do think there is a reason for it. I’ve just experienced so many things in my life that I KNOW I was supposed to experience, that would not have happened if something bad hadn’t happened previously. I can’t explain why I believe it so strongly, I just do. I guess in that way I can relate to those with strong religious beliefs that also really can’t be explained in any concrete way.


      2. Totally agree with Laurie from Greensboro, I’ve never been on to subscribe to the “things happen for a reason” or “you never have something happen that you can’t handle” type of statements/beliefs.


        1. I don’t believe in the whole “you never have something happen that you can’t handle” thing at all. I’m not a religious person so I don’t subscribe to the idea that “God only gives you wear you can handle.” However, I do believe there is a reason for all things. Death, terrorism, famine, natural disasters, everything. Bad things happen. But they happen for a reason. We might not know the reason. Maybe we never will. But there is a reason. Things happen in our lives the way they need to in order for us to become the people we are. It kind of goes along with chaos theory, e.g. the idea that a butterfly flapping it’s wings can cause a hurricane on the other side of the world. We are all connected and we all affect one another, our energies affect the world, and yes, I believe that there is a reason for everything that happens.

          I could go on about this for a long time but I won’t. I will simply say that I mean nothing negative and I totally understand that not everyone believes as I do. That’s the beauty of humanity, we are all different but we are all connected. We are all stardust.


  10. Edz will get over it. YES! I can read, so don’t read the PowerPoint to me! Irked. Any slip left by the postal carrier requires a trip to the post office. Irked more. Don’t get me start about the post office. Up until recently, we had an ongoing battle about the delivery of our mail. WHY, WHY can’t they just put the right mail in the right mail box??? Numbers are easy to read. And if you get your neighbor’s mail please read the address before opening their bank statement!!!!!!! Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Meetings should be banned from being held first thing on Mondays and Friday afternoons. I have spoken.


  12. YES!!! To the no reading of the deck and to the proofing of a deck. And the WTH with first-thing-Monday-morning meetings.

    Edz does look soft and lovely. And as though he’s been beaten, but that’s pretty normal. The looking, not the beating.


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