I Love/Hate Living Alone

Last night I had a migraine, and it wasn’t all that bad, but bad enough that I felt rotten. When you have a migraine, “rotten” is a relief. It’s way better than other times when you pray for the good Lord to bring you on home.

The point is, because I was at maybe a 5 in the misery scale, I still walked Edsel, who in case you wondered is not an empathy dog. If I’m ever sad or sick, he just carries on with the part where he wants what he wants, which renders him kind of a dick, but mostly a clueless dick, so there you go.

So I walked him, and every step was like another rod going into my head, and I formed the thought that if I didn’t live goddamn alone, I could ask someone else to walk him. But if I didn’t live alone, I wouldn’t be guaranteed being left alone with my migraine, which is all I ask for when I have one.

This lead to me going to bed at 9:00 last night, awakening at 4:00, and resulting in me lying there listening while the first birds got up and ordered room service, and I came up with a list of the ways I love living alone and the ways I hate it. Here we go.

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All by my lonesome.

Reasons I Hate Living Alone

  1. Illness. Once I had a raging, please-God-take-me-now migraine, and I was clean out of meds, and had to drive myself to the pharmacy. Another time I could not stop throwing up (thanks, PEG) and dearly wanted 7-Up, and the person I was seeing at the time (THANKS, Tall Boy) would not go get it for me cause he didn’t want to get sick. So I had to lie there, parched.
  2. Money. When I run out before payday, as I am wont to do, I am out of luck. Hello, popcorn for dinner. There’s no one to say, “I still have $50. I’ll go get us some dollar burritos.”
  3. Cleanup. Oh, look. That pan is where I left it. No one magically cleaned it for me while I was gone. In case you’re worried sick about what the hell I’d use a pan for, it’s to cook my Franco-American spaghetti. Obvs.
  4. Murder. Remember a few months ago when I was jolted awake by someone whisper-screaming my name at 3 a.m.? Turns out he was calling his dog with a name similar to mine, a slant rhyme of my name, as it were, but still. It was horrifying. I’ve seen Edsel go into protective mode a few times, and that gay blade of a dog gets his fangs going and he’s scary, so I do feel better having him there even though he spends most of his time You Tubing Queer Eye, but I’d feel even protected-er if a man were there. Or a really big woman.
  5. Bugs. I recently saw La Cucaracha near my front door, and let me tell you what. He rested peacefully under my dictionary for a week, until a man came over and I had to say, “Can you, um, lift my dictionary and throw out the dead roach under there for me?” Also, whenever I say La Cucaracha, I think of my LA cleaning lady Alicia, who had a neighbor she hated and called La Cucaracha, which was horrible and hilarious all at the same time.

Reasons I Love Living Alone

  1. Illness. Okay, yes, having to go get my own stuff sucks, but mostly when I don’t feel well I want to be left completely alone. This is why Marvin’s predilection for …bothering me when I was sick was particularly charming. I do like being alone to moan pitifully, or to look like hell for three days, and not have to hear about it from anyone else.
  2. Money. Say, I just got paid. What say you take that money, spend most of it on rat poison that you jam into your forehead, and live on popcorn for two weeks? Okay! I can spend my money when I want to, how I want to. And I’m learning a thing: When left to my own devices, with no one to nag me to be responsible, I’m in fact more responsible. You start pursing your lips at me and telling me to do something adult, that’s exactly when I take my 401(k) out and buy a Birkin bag with it.
  3. Cleanup. I don’t have to get angry that there are black cords in all my drawers. I don’t have to walk in to chaos and dishes that I wasn’t prepared to see. I’m not CLEAN clean, but I’m pretty tidy when it’s just me. Mail gets put where it should, dishes get washed the same day, and okay. Putting away my clean laundry is not my strong suit. Why put it away when there’s a perfectly good dining room table for it to lie on? But guess what? I live alone, yeah-ahhh, with nobody else. No one complains about it, cause no one’s here to complain. Plus also, cats love to curl up on clean laundry.
  4. Murder. If I live with someone, there is a 70% chance that with my temper, one day I will murder him. It’s a wonder Marvin is still on this side of the grass, really. And Ned! How is he not dead man walking?
  5. Bugs. Other people bugs me.

I guess that’s it. Have you ever lived alone? How’d you like it?

49 thoughts on “I Love/Hate Living Alone

  1. I’ve lived alone since my divorce many moons ago (13 years, but who’s counting?). For the most part, it is the bomb diggity or whatever the cool kids are saying these days. I can leave my laundry in the dryer and no one is going to say a word to me about it. I can walk past that thing I leave sitting somewhere for days because no one cares. I can eat straight out of the pot I cooked in if that blows my skirt up that particular day. But sometimes I really wish I had a regular person to hug me at the end of the day, scrounge through the cabinets to try and figure out what awful thing we want to eat for dinner, and to keep me more social and less of a hermit on the weekends.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was also divorced 13 years ago! *high five*. I have to say the older I get the more I love living alone. No one to tell me “you can’t get another cat!”. Which is a plus. I guess. I pretty much love living alone about 80-80% of the time.

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  2. I lived at home, then moved out without a roommate for six years, then got married. I can say that when I lived alone I never felt like I wanted a roommate. In fact, a friend had to stay with me for a week while she was in between apartments and although she didn’t exactly do anything wrong, I couldn’t wait until she left. Even though that was thirty years ago, looking back now I think I still would have preferred to be alone.

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  3. It makes me sad to think about you being sick and alone but I get it. Before I had kids, I got to live by myself every time my husband deployed. And my favorite thing was the silence- no loud tv, no breathing while chewing, no snoring at night. Having three small kids now makes me want to vacation in a monastery. So much noise. Oh and I also loved not being judged for poor nutritional choices. Let me eat my cereal- for- dinner in peace.

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  4. I am married to perhaps the kindest man on earth, and it is still a wonder he’s still on this side of the grass, and I still miss living alone (which I did for many years) fairly often. When he goes out of town I’m all LA LA LA ICE CREAM FOR DINNER CLEAN UP AND IT STAYS CLEAN WOOOOOO! It’s a party. Living alone is the shit. In Faytopia, we’d live in sides of a duplex, and just convene for dinner and sexytimes sometimes.

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    1. Fay,
      I have long said to my new husband that I was with for 15 years- let’s just get a duplex, PLEASE! So now we live together (as married people are apt to do) and it is driving me a little bonkers, one bedroom with den ain’t enough for the tv and music noise. Only I would think a monastery wouldn’t be quiet enough. Here’s to Duplex living!

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  5. I’ve lived alone and lived with another and I’m back to living alone and soon I will live with another again. I have to say I’m good either way. This time living with someone will be easier because we both have similar levels of tidiness, and we both hate clutter. He’s a keeper. (But instead of killing bugs like a normal person he scoops them up and lets them go outside, even scary spiders, which is just stupid because you and I know they will just make their way right back inside. Minus one point for him.)

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  6. I’ve lived alone for 10 years – ever since I graduated from college – and I don’t know if I could ever live with another human. Even having the dog around annoys me sometimes.

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  7. I agree with y’all. I loved living alone and never thought I’d get remarried. I didn’t care I was happy. Now I’m happily married. If he goes before I do I doubt I will ever want to be in a relationship again. I’m over it.

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  8. I’ve never lived alone. In my fantasies I would live alone, but have friendly hired help to keep me company. I’d have a cook/housekeeper and a gardener/driver. I’d be Miss Daisy. I’d also be very wealthy.

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  9. This was one hee-larious post! All those times Marvin Made His Move when you were on your death bed. And they say Romance is Dead.

    I’ve never lived alone and all of my roommates have been a family member. My mom has lived alone for nigh onto 30 years and boy has she become a self-centered tyrant. Everything has to be done HER way and she’s pissed off more than a few people because of that.

    Am I the only one who just does not understand why the Birkin is supposed to be the Holy Grail of handbags?

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  10. I have literally never lived alone. Moved from my parents house to my college dorm room to an apartment with my husband, crnt. (the opposite of fmr.) And I agree with you on all of your pros and cons. All the things that bug me about living with someone as well as the things I adore. Like – hello! There’s a mouse in this kitchen somewhere! Someone (NOT ME!) needs to set the trap and dispose of said mouse when it is no longer mousing around! I also love a warm body in bed and someone to go out with on a moment’s notice – no plans necessary. All in all, I guess I’m OK with a constant roommate. If I were ever to be living alone it would mean my husband is dead, which – sad. Unless I murdered him, then HE HAD IT COMING!

    Glad your head is better. I’ve never had a more than a tiny headache – generally because I didn’t eat or spent too much time in the sun – and those are no fun, so I can’t even imagine a migraine. We had one of our boys to the migraine doctor – he had one bad one that sent him to the ER where they diagnosed him with a bleeding brain… thank GOD that was wrong! – but he told us that some people stop having migraines once they hit a certain age. Or was that just men?

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  11. First of all, Tall Boy is a butt hole. He could have brought you the 7-Up and left it on your porch.
    I don’t mind living alone. I much prefer it to some of the men I’ve lived with. Bugs? phfffft! they don’t bother me in the least and I love popcorn for supper. All in all, I think you have a great living sitch. uggh! Did I just say “sitch”?

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  12. The last time I lived alone, I was in my mid-20s and ready to sow some wild oats. While I didn’t have a roommate, I did have a steady roster of gentleman callers. Whenever they’d use my expensive shampoo, or drool all over my pillows, I couldn’t wait until morning when I could fling a pop tart in their general direction and lock the door behind them.

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  13. I live alone and LOVE it, except for the few times I’ve been really sick and want someone to go to the drugstore or check up on me occasionally.

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  14. I love living alone, and other than brief periods of time when the children have come home for a spell, I have lived basically alone for many years.
    BUT…
    I have a bed full of dogs who I am sure would scare away anyone who may want to murder me.
    I have a sister who will help me if I am sick.
    I’ve learned to adapt to no money.
    I love to clean, as long as it is any day that doesn’t end in Y.
    I can do anything I want to do, exactly when I want to do it, which includes vacuuming naked and singing to my dogs. It also includes eating yogurt in bed and waking at 4am and watching HGTV and not cooking and so many wonderful things.
    Once in a while though, it would be nice to have a partner. Let’s start a Partner on Demand business!

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    1. Agree with everything you said, kit. Lived alone for 3 years after my fiancee died. Living alone is a good thing. You can stay in your robe for 48 hours straight over a weekend and not even comb your hair, without getting a horrified look. The only thing I really did not like is that I was responsible for the yardwork – mowing, flower beds, snow removal. But now I can afford to pay a guy for all that.

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  15. I love living alone, mostly because I don’t people well. That being said I also love living with my Kahuna. He is a good sort. He is handy, he picks up after himself and cleans like a fiend. He isn’t stingy with love or money and he loves my dog. For the last couple of years we have lived together, apart. He goes off to work 4 days a week and comes back and it is honeymoon time all over again. He is about to retire which means he will be here 24/7 so you might want to ask this question again at a later date.

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  16. I’ve been alone for 5 years and I have recently become serious with a man who will spend a few days at a time at my place and I’m having a hard time acclimating. While I love companionship, I’m learning I need a day or two per week to not interact with anyone. A big thing is that I don’t mind my clutter but his things in my space make me a bit nuts. We are both only children so that does not help the situation. We are good communicators which is kind of new for me so that will be a plus as we continue because I don’t want to live alone forever.

    The little things get me like not locking the front door after himself and the need for everything to be at high volume. What is it with guys and high volume?

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  17. I suppose I’m lucky that I love living with my husband. BUT, BUT…I can’t tell you how titillated I get when he says he has to go on a business trip–and it doesn’t happen often, and they never seem long enough. And then, there were the times a few years back when we’d first moved to Washington, and I couldn’t stand the weather anymore, and I just grabbed my dog, drove to California to my dead grandmother’s house–which my parents still own, but now my dad’s there all the time, but back then he wasn’t–and stayed for a month. Oh lordy, that was HEAVEN!

    On a separate note: Love the new blog/website, but wish we could still click on the pictures and see them larger, the way we could on the old blog.

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  18. I lived alone for a year in my 50s and loved it. I would like to live with someone better if I didn’t have to be the wife. The only times I didn’t like living alone was when I felt terribly sick and needed help, when I got scared at night, or when I was out late in the evening and driving home through the countryside and then the city and realizing that if something happened (a) no one would know that I didn’t come home and (7) if I had car trouble I wouldn’t have anyone to call. The duplex idea sounds ideal to me. I can live for extended periods of time in my own head with my books and art and imagination. I don’t mind eating in restaurants alone or going to the movies alone. I rather enjoy it.

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  19. I have never lived alone except for the odd long weekend when my husband went away for busineess or pleasure I was not intetested in (camping, white water rafting , sking, etc.) I did enjoy the time alone. He works a lot, he always has so I feel like I have the best of both worlds. If finances were ideal I am certain I could live alone but I must admit I have had the wealthy live in staff fantasy too. Who wouldn’t want a mamacita like Joan Crawford has in Fued?

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  20. I have lived with my super sweet husband for 29 years. I love him very much. But, there are days that I just wanna sucker punch him for the clutter. His office is a disaster. I’ve cleaned it for the last time. He’s a boy that enjoys a varied mix of beverages. So, every time he goes to fill his coffee, or wine, or tea, or cocktail, this calls for a different receptacle. The resultant madness is that I, the queen of anal retentive cleanliness squelch the desire to scream at the top o m’lungs upon locating 2 or 17 items in the sink every time I breeze through the kitchen. Oh the madness. But, I try to keep perspective: this is certainly a first world problem. I lived alone for a couple of years in my very early 20’s. I loved being able to do what I wanted to do without answering to a soul. But, all in all, if I had the opportunity to live alone or live with my old boy, I choose the latter. Living together is a series of compromises, and for me present day, the good outweighs the bad.

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  21. I lived alone for several years after my divorce and was fine with it. That’s probably because I was dating Mr. Sadie for most of those years so had someone to call when I couldn’t get the stupid lawn mower to start. Yes, I killed my own bugs and mowed my own yard. And had a cat for company.

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  22. Husband went and died on me after 45 years so I lived alone for the first time in my life. I was kinda getting to like it after almost three years. Then family illness, so I traveled 2,000 miles to stay with the family which includes 2 young boys. Oh my, it has been a struggle to adapt. One point is good, I am forced out of my hermit tendencies. The boys keep me engaged, and sometimes exceedingly frustrated. This is where I need to be, but I hope some day to be able to go back “home.” At least for long visits. Living alone is very good, but not sure it was best for me. June, you are not a hermit, so I can see lots of positives for you for living alone. On the other hand, I understand the lonely. Just do not settle for someone who is not right for you.

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  23. I lived alone before I was a married and didn’t know enough to enjoy it. I wasn’t home a lot and when I was a was either sleeping or making plans to not be there.
    I’ve been married for almost 24 years. I’ve had children for 18 of those. My not-so-secret fantasy is to have a tiny house of my own in my back yard. My family recently went away for the weekend and I stayed home. The only time I didn’t fully enjoy being alone was when I would lock up and turn everything off downstairs before heading upstairs for bed every night. I wasn’t scared and I wasn’t lonely but that’s the closest emotion I can find for the feeling I had then… lonliness. But it only lasted for a minute or two, usually it was gone once I was in my bed, alone, watching what I wanted on the TV.

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  24. Since my divorce I have lived alone except for a brief time when I lived in my girlfriend’s basement. During that time I only had to see her or her son when I was entering or exiting the home. Very separate. I love living alone. I don’t like being single. I miss the smell of a man. The first time I had to take my luggage out to the car was a shock. Definitely when im sick I would like to have someone go to the grocery store for me. Sex? As so eloquently stated, “Nonce”. Help with the groceries? That would be nice. Wash my car? Sure. Stuff like that.

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  25. Oh it would crack me up when you’d be on your deathbed and Marvin would make his move! heeeeee.
    I lived alone for three years when I was in graduate school. After living at home and then four years in the dorm and sorority house, I was DEEEElighted to live alone. Sometimes I was lonely, but for the most part I felt soooo grown up (at the ripe old ages of 22 through 24). Mr. Texas and I have been married for nearly 24 years. He’s at the office a lot, and we have only one child. We prattle around in a fairly spacious house, so I have plenty of time to myself. Since Mr. Texas is the primary breadwinner (among other reasons), I’m happy for him to be here. He’s not really the sympathetic, nurturing, health-care-providing type, so when I’m sick, I’m kinda on my own anyway. I’m also the bug killer. So why is he around again? Oh yeah – the money!
    I KID! I really love him to pieces!!

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  26. Good reasons on both sides.

    I lived alone from age 34, when my roommate and I amicably parted ways, until age 36 when I gave birth to my daughter. Best two years of my life. I kid, but they were glorious. I could keep everything the way I like it (i.e. indulge my OCD), and not expose my moods to others, unless I invited them over. When my daughter and I moved in with my then-boyfriend/eventual husband, I was 39 and she was 3. It was the first time I’d lived with any man, other than my equally-OCD dad. It was a huge adjustment. I’m still struggling with it, 15 years later. When we bought our home, I pushed for a 2-family townhouse, so that we could each have our own space (ideal arrangement, in my view), but my husband wasn’t feeling it. All these years later, I bet he wishes he listened to me! I’m a pain to live with!

    Update: having a chronically sick son, I’ve had to get over myself.

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  27. I live at the circus. A honest to goodness house of bedlam. I’ve found myself fantasizing about living on death row. I know. If I could be sure there were air conditioning and a good library. Of course it would have to be in a state where they haven’t killed anyone in forever. ……….it’s sad how much thought I’ve put into it.

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    1. MissPam, you just cracked me up so bad!! Your comment is now officially in my top five favorite comments ever ever on Joob’s bl-website.

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    2. Love your comment, MissPam! My house is a bit of Crazytown, too. My nephew and his kids (12 and 16) moved in after I was alone for 3 years, and now the house is filled with NOISE! The kids have friends over all the time, so there’s always more than 2 kids sleeping at my house. And there are all kinds of motorized things coming in and out of the garage – mowers, go-carts, motorcycles, scooters, cars – at all hours of the day and night. The funny thing is that when they all leave every other weekend (nephew at his gfs, kids to their Mother’s), I can’t sleep because the house is too quiet. I miss their noisy selves!

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  28. I’ve lived alone for 12 years, and as I read your post I ruminated over my favorite things about it. I have two. No judgments?

    1. I can have explosive intestinal disturbances (rare, but they happen) that no one has to know about (except for now because I just told you). That is something I would hurt myself to hide if ever I experienced one, even if I were at death’s door.
    2. No one can tell me that pajamas at 5:01 pm are a bad idea.

    I’d love nothing more than to find my person but I often wonder if it would be worth it because then I’d have to share a bed and a closet. Also a bathroom. I’m not sure how keen I’d be on that this late in the game (44).

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  29. I lived alone for 6 years from 30 to 36 and I loved it. Now I’m married, but spend a lot of time alone. That’s OK except last year I began to realize that I can’t get to sleep when he isn’t in the house. That’s new.

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  30. Good timing! I’m on my own all week b/c husband and kids are visiting his family while on spring break. I loved living alone in my 20s and am loving it this week. I did realize last night that I don’t have the faintest idea what the gate combination is so I couldn’t get the trash can upnto the street. But stuff stays neat, it’s quiet … I love my family but most definitely am enjoying this too-short week

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  31. I’ve been divorced for 4 years and lived alone. I love it! I kill my own bugs, I have a heating pad if the bed is cold, and if I hear sounds at night I have a big ole gun that I know how to shoot. Somebody would have to seriously rock my world for me to let them into my space.

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  32. I have never lived alone. I moved from my parent’s house to our house when we got married. I can see the pros and cons to living alone. I do need space and time alone, but fortunately, my husband has a really nice workshop in the back yard that is warmer than the house in the winter and has A/C for the summer where he spends a lot of time. It would drive me crazy if he wasn’t busy around the house most of the time. His clutter does annoy, but I try to be more tolerant. I have a dear friend that lost her husband five years ago and she reminds me that I should be so happy to have the little annoyances associated with living with someone. It is nice to have someone that can help if I’m sick or if I have car problems. I also appreciate the fact that he works really hard to keep our house maintained, does most of the yard work and keeps the cars clean. I really do depend on him for so many things. The good thing, we both have interests and friends other than each other, which gives us both some space. So far, this has worked for us.

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    1. A very dear, very wise older friend of mine once told me how her husband had a daily habit of leaning over the bathroom sink and splashing water on his face when he was done shaving. He would leave puddles of water all over the counter. In the early days of their marriage she found it terribly annoying, but one day she decided that she would use the few moments it took her to clean the counter to be thankful for her husband and remind herself of one thing she loved about him. She said it was a relationship transformation. I’ve never forgotten that story.

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      1. That’s why I use his socks, left on the floor by the bed, to dust the bedroom furniture as I take them to the hamper. Also, too AA I told my husband the next time I married it was going to be for money. He was offended, I told him to stop and think about what I had said. I married him because I LOVED him, not for what he possessed or his money. Ha! When we married he had no money, a few nice clothes and a new car, with a car note, that I helped pay off.

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  33. Such good,thoughtful and funny comments today! No, never lived alone but I’m an extrovert and I like people around me. Husband says if something happens to me he is never ever getting married again. The first time he said that, I was totally annoyed and was like what the hell! Then it occurred to me that was super smart thinking.

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  34. I’ve never lived alone. Went straight from home to college, to roommates to live someplace I couldn’t have afforded otherwise, to marriage. I do like having people around, but I’ve often wondered about the luxury of staying up as late as I want to without bothering anyone.

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  35. I’m late to the party. I lived alone after I got divorced from my first husband, from age 23 to 25. My current husband (then boyfriend) moved in with me after I’d lived alone for 2 years and it took me a while to get used to him being around all the time. I loved living alone. I still miss it. I love my husband more than anything in this world, but living alone was just so nice. My apartment was ALWAYS clean, and it was just me and my dog against the world. I miss those days sometimes..

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  36. I lived alone for one year, the year after I graduated college and it was glorious. Since my girls were little (they are now late teens) I have encouraged them to be independent enough to live alone at some point in their lives. both of my sisters (one younger, one older) have never lived alone and it boggles my mind. No one to answer to, clean house stays clean, no one cares if it gets messy, I can stay up as late as I want or go to bed as early as needed, GLORIOUS. My mom and I have discussed it, and we both agree that should one thing or another happen to our significant others we will be perfectly content to live on our own and visit each other daily. I also enjoy going to movies alone, getting coffee and drinking it whilst I read a book, and perusing stores alone.
    On the flip side of that, when my daughters or husband aren’t home for a day or two I miss them terribly and can’t wait for their return. I’m a paradox.

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  37. I don’t live alone. I have a husband and a dog. I love them both, but they annoy the living heck out of me most the time. The BEST is when my husband is out of town for work and “granny” has the dog. Then I am in HEAVEN. I could live by myself no problem. No one talking when I want to read, critiquing my girly tv shows, snoring next to me on the couch-just go to bed!!! Ugh. I could totally live alone and love it.

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  38. I’ve never lived completely alone, I’ve always at least had a housemate. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my alone time, and I have to have it, but working from home means that I get about ten hours a day of it, so it’s nice to have someone to talk to in the evenings. If I lived alone I’d literally go days without seeing another human being.

    Also, I keep swooning over the photo of you and SD from yesterday. He is such a gorgeous cat!

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  39. Happy Easter (or holiday of your choice) everyone. SadieDog and I are off to visit Mom and my siblings which means Mr. Sadie will enjoy his alone time while we are gone.

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