Aura. And not one of mystery.

I have a ding-dang aura. If you are not a migraine person, and aura is this zigzag pattern in your field of vision, rendering you pretty much blind. It will go away after a while, but I literally can’t see the screen to type you. I’m speaking into my phone.

Also, Lily is in my lap, taking full advantage of the fact that I am prone.

Since I can’t see, talk amongst yourselves. What is the one thing in your life you wish you were doing differently?

92 thoughts on “Aura. And not one of mystery.

  1. I wish I was not getting a divorce. I like being married. Maybe not to him so it’s probably a good thing in the long run.

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  2. Eating right and exercising. Oh wait, those things are within my ability to change. I guess I’ll go with the motivation thing.

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  3. Sorry you’re not feeling great. I hope it is short lived. Is there anything you can do to cut them off, the migraines, I mean? I had migraines most of my life. I’ve previously written to you about how I’ve been delivered from them. When I would get an aura, if I stopped EVERYTHING and concealed myself into total darkness and quiet, I could sometimes head them off at the pass. I so hope you don’t suffer today. And what do I wish I was doing differently? I wish I had finished my educations as a nurse and wasn’t instead, pacifying rich, spoiled ladies losing their minds over the delivery date of their $1200 Louboutins. ::Sigh::

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  4. I can’t stop laughing at the vision of a cat taking advantage of a person in the prone position. I’m such a dick .

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  5. I get auras, but thankfully not the accompanying headaches. In fact, I got one at church on Good Friday because a lady near me had this OVERPOWERING perfume on and I could not catch a fresh breath. Neurological system not happy = wavy right eye. I hope yours goes away quickly!

    I’ve got some unfinished projects going on here, and I want to finish them. It just seems like other things keep cutting in line. Then I mentally shove everything to summer as if the world stops for summer to let Texas Kari catch up.

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    1. I have the same problem with the OVERPOWERING perfume. It makes me furious that I feel fine until I go to church and am exposed to perfume or moth balls. When I become dictator I’m outlawing perfume immediately. I’m thinking seriously about having a badge made to wear that says, “Your perfume is my poison.”

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      1. Dear God in heaven, please empty all perfume/cologne bottles 15 minutes before your worshipers start to get dressed to come to church, Amen .
        What is it about going to church that makes usually NORMAL women bath in scented bath stuff, cover themselves with perfumed bath powder, squirt cologne all over their nakedness, dress and THEN squirt themselves with perfume before going to CHURCH ??

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    2. I also have a very sensitive sense of smell. Perfume, cleaning supplies and the worst offender, clothes detergent all give me bad headaches. I also get the lovely migraines.

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  6. I feel your pain – I woke up with a migraine this morning. Ugh!
    When my husband and I moved back to my hometown (Jamestown) 26 years ago, I didn’t really think it through. Now I realize that we are the only family around here for my parents and, as they age, we are going to be/we are the ones who take care of them and make the tough decisions. There are many days I wish I lived somewhere else. I do realize I’m not a tree and we can move, but now our children and grandchildren live here, too.

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  7. I feel your pain – I woke up this morning with a migraine. Ugh!
    When my husband and I moved back to my hometown (Jamestown) 26 years ago, I really didn’t think it through. Now I realize that we are the only family here for my parents and, as they age, we will be/we are the only ones to help them and to make the tough decisions. There are many days I would like to move away and change my name. I realize I’m not a tree and we can move anywhere we’d like, but now our children and grandchildren live here, too.

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    1. Being a caregiver for your parents is probably one of the hardest jobs you will ever face. You do what you have to do to make sure they are safe. Later you will have no regrets. Just because you have siblings close does not mean they will help with the care!

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    2. I’m in much the same position and I know your pain. I’m with you in the running away bit, too. Have wanted to move for more than a decade but haven’t felt like I could.

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    3. I helped take care of dad , massive stroke, it is very hard, I was always glad his mind and sense of humor was still there, it was hard .He could do very little physically. Miss him.
      Now on the other side(husband’s mother) is a liar, user , funding his sister’s drug habit, tells untruths so people will feel sorry for her and it is all of her own doing. . We have had to cut ties with her for our mental and physical health. Life is better now. No regrets there either.

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  8. I’m sorry about your migraine with aura. I get them also and they suck. I would like to be traveling instead of working full time, only five more years until retirement.

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  9. I describe the aura as ice breaking in my eyes….makes you want to take an old fashion ice pick and finish the job! Hope your ice melts soon!
    One thing I would do different, study more, harder in school. I was a goof off, doing the least I could get by. Opportunities lost.

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  10. I love everything about my life except my weight. I know how to eat, have a gym membership AND USE IT, have gym equipment in my home AND USE IT, but the diet? Can’t get on track.

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    1. The Whole Life Challenge looks really good. Like something I can actually live with, mostly. I’ve made some of the changes they talk about already and feel worlds better. I’ve been looking for a way to take the next steps, this might be it.

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      1. There’s so much I love about it. Perfection is not required. So much becomes sustainable post-challenge. I’m playing for my 8th time in May, and learn things about myself, or burn in a different habit, each time. This just clicked for me…the perfect balance of structure and flexibility. If you decide to play, and need a team, you’re welcome to join the one I’m on. (Hamilton College)

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  11. I get those ALL THE DAMN TIME. I was told they are “eye migraines,” which I dispute as it’s not painful, just annoying AF.

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    1. That’s how mine are too, the vision part is the worst part, the headache part is honestly not that bad. I do always end up with what I call a migraine hangover the next day though, those are also a pain in the ass. The kind of headache that pounds every time you move. I sometimes get Aphasia with my migraines and that is also quite a pain in the ass.

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    2. I don’t get migraines but I get sinus headaches and they really mess with my vision. Sometimes they are so bad it hurts to walk.

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      1. I used to get migraines, but I haven’t in a very long time. I also haven’t had a uterus for very long time. Coincidence?

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  12. ugh. tough question today. only because yesterday was a mega shitty day. and when that happens i have a tendency to spiral down to the purpose of my existence. hello, mental health i have to manage. so, today i wish i hadn’t moved to texas but to north carolina to be near the ocean.

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  13. I wish I’d traveled more and taken more risks when I was in my 20s and single; I wish I’d been less afraid of other people’s opinions as a teenager; I wish I’d saved the money I spent on massage therapy school; I wish I’d studied or lived abroad; and I wish I could consistently get up in the mornings to go to the gym.

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  14. I first read that as “what do I wish I had DONE differently” and thought well, water under the bridge and all that. Then I read it again and I’m sitting here thinking of things I wish I was DOING differently (eating better, exercising more, reading more books/wasting less time reading dumb stuff on Facebook, being more aware of the people around me, etc) and realized those are all within my grasp. WHAT AM I WAITING FOR?

    Thanks for the kick in the pants, June. Hope your head feels better.

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  15. Hope you (and everyone else having the post-Easter migraines) are feeling better, June.

    Like everyone else, I wish I was managing my weight better. And relationships; I’m just not interested right now. No one seems that attractive. Meh. But at the same time, I terribly miss being a couple and being married, I miss most of all, having someone to run around with on Saturdays, and I hate having to do things like grocery shopping and stuff like that by myself. Oh, I take my nephew’s 2 kids along with me and they’re a big help, but it’s not like having another adult with you. So I wish I would be “out there” more like you are, June, and meeting the mens. That takes bravery to put yourself out there, and I just think I don’t have that right now. I find that thinking about dating again is exhausting.

    Besides, I keep thinking that I have these 3 cockblockers (nephew, 2 kids) living in my house right now, and what’s the point? If I bring a man into this craziness, he’d most likely run right back out the door. Also, although my nephew doesn’t seem to have a problem bringing his girlfriend to the house to stay every other weekend (yes, because we NEED another person here), I think I’m old-school and just feel that it’s wrong bringing a man into the house to occasionally stay overnight with the 2 kids here. Kind of creepy.

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  16. I wish I was standing up for myself more and not letting people take advantage of me so much. I wish I was better at not putting up with their bullshit and drama as much as I do.

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  17. I have more than one thing I wish I was doing/handling differently right now so I just won’t mention any of ’em. I will, however, enjoy reading everyone elses comments and empathizing. I do hope you feel better and quickly!

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  18. I wish I was wearing socks and shoes today instead of sandals. Is that profound enough? It’s spring and supposed to be warm today, but doesn’t look like it will be now. I can wear these pants with boots or sandals, but don’t have regular shoes that look good. It’s too warm for boots. Anyway my feet are cold and I wish they were not! Also what is up with the migraines? I had one yesterday. My aura is seeing things out of the corner of my eye that are not there.

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  19. If I was doing my life better, the ideas & beliefs & wants & wishes would be happening. I am too much prepare, and not enough execute. Saddens me, as the things I want are very doable. What’s holding me back? Answer: fear of failure/fear of success. My lifelong black shadow. Could this be the season where there will be changes that make an actual difference? I really truly hope so. One last fling of living my life as I want.

    My migraines don’t come with an aura, instead the piercing knife-plunge into my right eye. Then the orbital area is super-tender, sinuses are angry, and I have the twitchy squint with my eye, while it is leaking/weepy. No fun at all. We’re having big barometric weather changes today, but so far I’m good. Healthy healing to the rest of you.

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  20. I have aura’s too but mine also involve smell. I usually can tell when a migraine is coming because I start smelling cigars then the ringing in my ears amps up and I see what I call astrisks in my eyes. I hope you get relief soon June cause migraines suck. I had a doctor tell me I would outgrow them. WHEN? When I’m dead? I changed doctor’s shortly after that.

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  21. I wish I would stop _______________. I can’t bring myself to say it because it is (supposedly) in my power to do so. Also too, I feel I would be berated, as least mentally, by your readers. Feel better soon, Joon. Migraines are nasty.

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    1. Whatever you’re struggling with, Jeanie, I wish you strength to deal with it.

      Hey, I’d like to think this is a judgment free zone because we all have flaws and things we aren’t so good at dealing with. I know I do, so I really try to not be judgmental toward anyone else.

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  22. As for what I wish I could or did do differently. I wish I would have spent more time chronicling my ancestors histories while they were living. I wish I could erase the 14 years I spent with an abuser and give my daughter a different life.

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    1. I forgot to add what I wish I could or would do differently. Stop worrying about things I can not change. Worry worry worry, all the damn time and if I don’t have something to worry about, I worry that everything is too good. Need to be all about the grateful.

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  23. I wish I was speaking what is on my mind more and standing up for myself and not always being such a people pleaser. I am so much better than I was at this but I still have a ways to go.

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    1. DG, I’m assuming you’re relatively young. Maybe it will help to know that as I got older (40s and 50s), my need to please other people seriously diminished with each passing year. And I speak my mind all the time now – to the point where I kind of wish I had a filter! So some of that improves with age.

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  24. I wish I would get off my lazy ass and diet/exercise to get more energy and do something useful. When I retired, I retired everything!!

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  25. It’s interesting that we all wish we had maintained our health better. Better eating, exercising, etc. No one told me how I would wish for that when I got older. I am such a codependent wiener that I spent most of my life trying to please everyone else and leaving me and my health at the very fucking bottom of the list. At this stage of my life I am finding my voice and getting better about prioritizing me. I sure hope it’s not too late, that the damage done is reversable.

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  26. I wish that we had set ourselves up to be more location independent when it comes to income. We live a fairly out-of-the-box life in all other areas except for my husband’s current position within his company. It’s the only thing keeping us anchored here instead of living a more nomadic life, exploring the world with our kids before they head out on their own.

    Oh, and the eating better exercising more thing too.

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  27. I too have the whole eat right, move more thing. But also I wish I was braver. I am a chicken. My boyfriend loves to do adventurous stuff and I’m scared. For example, we’re going on a cruise in June and the excursions are kind of “meh” so he’s like HEY! We could rent a car and drive to this OTHER beach and snorkel! And I’m like ohhhhh but what if we get lost or the car breaks down or we get back late and the BOAT LEAVES US??? I need bravery.

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  28. I wish I knew where my energy went. About 5 years ago I went spectacularly crazy and ever since then all I want to do is nap and play video games. I used to be thin and loved to run. Now I have a huge rear end and a doctorate in sleeping.

    I also used to get auras but thankfully not migraines. They would start with some silver sparkles around the edges of my vision and eventually they would move over all of my sight until thats all I could see. One time I was driving and had to pull over on the side of the road to wait it out. We think it was just caused by stress. I hope you feel better soon!

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  29. I wish I had a passion for something, like one specific thing. I tend to pinball from one thing to the next because I get bored so easily. I’ve stayed with cooking for quite a while actually, now that I’m thinking about it. I like cooking. I can’t cook without a recipe but I do like it and love learning new things about cooking. That’s the longest I’ve stuck with something. I’m a curious person so I like asking questions (SHUT UP!) and learning about new people, places, things and experiences. That’s a passion, just not sure how that conveys into a career or hobby or something other than an annoyance, ha!. OH I KNOW. Studs Terkel. He had my dream job. I wish I was doing what Studs Terkel did.

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    1. AA, how about being a travel agent? I always thought that would be a cool job. You get to learn about places and people all over the world and get the inside scoop on great travel deals.

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    2. AA, I’m like you are with curiosity about people, and I’ve always thought it would be fun to write a book about all these people I’ve talked to, and it would be called “Everyone Has a Story”. You write so well, I’ll bet you could do that.

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  30. I have 2 things I think about doing almost daily – one is creating a cartoon of “rants” things that annoy me while I navigate through life…the other is becoming a fitness instructor and choreographing my own routines. I could start both today, but I’m still working and love my job (I’m a therapist) and it seems my energy runs out ….

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  31. I should be using my very expensive degree somehow. I’ve also been in a sugar and carbs binge lately that I kind of hate myself for.
    Sorry about the aura. My husband gets those at the most inconvenient times and places. Driving and working with heavy machinery.

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  32. I bought a book that my neurologist recommended called “The Migraine Brain.” I swear, I read it for an hour and it gave me a migraine. But I am learning a lot about them – including the aura stuff and the fact that my vertigo might actually be a migraine. It also speaks to triggers and how to avoid getting them in the first place. May be worth it to you guys who suffer to read it.

    I wish I had the energy and desire to learn new areas of the law and get a new practice started. But just the idea of starting over at my age, working for 11 hours a day, taking direction from a 35 year old baby boss, makes me want to crawl back in bed and call it a day.

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    1. I understand that motion sickness is often a migraine response, so I’m not surprised vertigo is right there with it. For people who get motion sick in certain conditions and not in others, it is often really a migraine, usually without the headache. I am far more likely to feel motion sick in the car on bright, sunny, hot days when the sun in beating in on me on one side of my body and the other side is in shadow and air conditioning. This happens to me A LOT and I am not a great car traveler because of it. Cities in Texas are very far apart, so I’ve had lots of opportunities to learn the travel nuances of Texas Kari that make me a pleasure of life in a car/bus/boat/plane/roller coaster. Dramamine is my BFF.

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  33. I wish I could fix all the migraines. My daughter has them, and got signed out of ROTC because of them. I can’t imagine what you are going through but I wish I could take it away.
    Differently in my life? I wish I had friends. Outside of my husband, I mean. You know, like girls night or coffee out or go to a movie. My two best friends in the world are my husband and my dog Lilly, and she died last week. So now I sort of wish I had human friends. You people and your Alexes, I envy that.

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    1. DCEAndrea, sorry about your sweet pup, Lilly. I know it is quite tough to go through. Healing thoughts for your peace of mind.

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    2. Andrea. I’m sorry to hear about Lilly. I hear what you say about friends; sometimes days go by without me talking to anyone but family (husband and kids). I think that’s why the Pieps are such a lifeline for me – even virtual friends are better than no friends.

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  34. Last week I had an aura without a migraine for the first time and that scared the shit out of me. Prior, I only had an aura with a migraine. Then the next day I woke up with a migraine. So this is new, now I can have one day that I can’t see and the next day with a migraine. Super! I hope you are feeling better now.

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  35. I just quit my job to go hike the Appalachian Trail, and then we’re moving to Colorado. I guess I’m having my mid-life crisis early. Jesus, actually, maybe it’s not early anymore? Anyway, I guess I’m happy with what I’m doing right now.

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    1. Your mid-life crisis sounds better than the one I had. Quit work and divorced. Moved across country. Went back to college to study Latin and philosophy.Really pretty much the only thing you can do with Latin and philosophy is paint cool philosophical sayings in Latin on your wall while you think WTF now?

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  36. I get that exact zig zag vision. I think it’s called an ocular migraine, but there’s no pain. If I sit quietly with eyes closed it might go away faster. It’s only happened about 5 times over the last 20/25 years, so I’m really fortunate, knock on the wood. So, maybe I just get the aura?
    June, I’m sorry for you. I hope it’s just the aura and not the migraine with it.
    Had a dream last night that SD barfed on your bathroom floor…3 six shaped barfs right in a row. Wtf?

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  37. I get migraines too. I occassionally get auras, but I’ve never called them that. I’ve always called them optical migraines. When I got my first one, I was at work and I thought I was going blind – just like Mary Ingalls! Seriously!! That is what I thought!!! I called an opthamologist and by the time I got there the aura was gone but a migraine had started. He told me I had experienced an optical migraine and they are not very common. I don’t get them often, but when I do, I know I need to take my migraine meds ASAP because if I don’t I will have a whopper of a migraine.

    Hope you feel better soon, June!

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  38. I’m mad at myself for not promoting myself better when negotiating salaries. Evidently, I’m too trusting, or plain naïve. Gender/age wage gap is real and I have experienced it twice in my professional career. I am worthy, smart, competent, and strong. I will overcome this nonsense and have to remind myself of this shit daily. Retirement can’t come soon enough, but unfortunately is some years away for me. [sigh]

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    1. I also wanted to add I hope you feel better soon, June. I don’t experience the migraines/auras but I do know many people that do and I wish there was some way to alleviate the pain. Hoping you find the cure.

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    2. Someone told me the other day that the wage gap is partially because women don’t stand up for themselves and ask for raises. I actually asked for a raise for the first time in my life after hearing that. My boss basically told me I’m worthy of one, but there are no raises in the budget right now.

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        1. Replying to Amy…so as not to be confusing……So, you told them screw it , I quit! and are moving to Colorado the land of the gods. Very gutsy woman. Good for you.
          Just proved you have big balls!

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