I am outside in my pajamas and a raincoat. You would not believe this day already.
Last night I went to the grocery store and got a whole bunch of ground turkey meat and a whole bunch of stuff to make blueberry flax muffins. I spent more than an hour making the turkey into individual patties and putting it in the freezer in freezer bags, and then I made the blueberry flax muffins and also put those in the freezer.
I was doing laundry at the same time, and all of a sudden the washer started thumping around like the bed in The Exorcist. THUMP THUMP THUMP.
Does anyone remember that scene in one of the Little House books were Laura rocks the desk? It was like that.
Apparently the comforter I was washing was unbalancing the machine. By the time I got everything situated, the washer and dryer combo were clean across the room.
I took the comforter and all the other items out of the washer and put them in the dryer, only to check in there awhile later and find that the tube or whatever had disconnected from the wall, which meant all the drying was happening IN THE ROOM and it was the tropics in there. And not in a good way. Not in the piña colada way.
All of the clothes in the dryer were still completely wet, so I took them all out and started draping them wherever I could think of across my house, and I put the bedspread, that wet bedspread, on my shower curtain, only to have the entire shower curtain thing come crashing down. It’s a fancy connected-to-the-wall kind.
So now I have a washer and dryer clean across the room, the tube thingy disconnected from the wall and drying on the inside of my house, a broken shower curtain rod, and wet clothes everywhere.
I called Ned. Of course. “Can I come spend the night over there and take a shower in the morning?” I asked. “Of course you can,” he said. “I’m watching baseball.” Oh, good.
I know that sounds scandalous but it actually went without incident. This morning, I took a shower with his bony old cat. I hate to say it, but she really was pretty perky. She jumped on the sink and wanted me to turn the water on so she could stick her head under it, then she jumped on the bathtub and wanted me to point the shower at her so she could stick her head under that. That cat has always been weird.
Ned said he would help me fix the shower curtain rod this weekend, and I drove home pretty smug, thinking it was before seven and I was already showered and yay.
Then I came home here and smelled a gas leak. Honest to God. Fucking fuck. I believe that when the dryer disconnected from the wall, and somehow gas came out.
So I called the goddamn gas company, and while they were telling me not to turn anything on or off, I eyed the coffeemaker lusty and realized I had no power.
Honest to God. Fucking fuck.
I called Duke Energy, from the comfy confines of my front porch where I am regaled until the gas man gets here, and there is a power outage throughout my neighborhood. It rained really hard last night. Now I’m worried that all my flax muffins and all my turkey are going to be ruined. How long does frozen food stay good when the power’s out?
So, to review, I have wet clothes all over my house, I disconnected dryer, a washer that’s really mad at me, a gas leak, no power, possibly ruined food that I spent forever preparing, and now Iris is out here eyeing up at cardinal.
Well. “Eyeing” up.
P.S. The gas man had to shut off my meter due to the power outage, AND they have to reconnect some line for $200. I spent my last $200 on groceries that are now ruined.
P.P.S. Since all my clothes are draped everywhere, I just caught Steely Dan chewing my sweater.