Today, I was supposed to go to work having fasted, and have blood drawn for our health insurance thing at work. Then 40 minutes later, I was supposed to go to my new doctor and have even more blood drawn for my initial visit with him in a week, unless of course he dies or quits before then. Or I die of italicizing.
The point is, I didn’t feel like it.
I got up early today, because this weekend I put up an announcement on my NextDoor app, asking if anyone wanted to go walking in the mornings around 6:45. I got like 8 people saying, “I can go at 5:00!”
5:00. In what world are 5:00 and 6:45 even remotely close?
So I ignored all those early-bird motherfuckers until a normal woman emailed to say she could do it. Then I woke up this morning and it was raining. Goddammit. But because we’d agreed to meet, we both schlepped out there in the rain to meet each other to say, “No way are we walking in the rain.” It was all very romantic, us walking toward each other in the early-morning rain, not able to live without each other.
And due to tonight officially being Gone With the Wind night, we’re gonna meet Thursday rather than tomorrow. I probably won’t get home till 11:30 tonight as it is. I done tole ya and tole ya to wear a shawl. Catch your death out there in the damp.
I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I so need a Mammy to shake her head at me disapprovingly. I know I’ve also mentioned before that you are all my Mammy, and I realize that. Can any of you start sporting a white turban? And forcing me to eat breakfast that includes ham?
Anyway, after my neighbor and I met on the rainy street and made our plans and she agreed Edsel could come on all future walks, I came home and really wanted coffee. So all lab plans have been rescheduled till later.
I know. Shut up. And it’s barely even caffeinated anymore, my coffee. It’s barely legal. But still, it was dark and raining and I had some blueberry flax muffins I made (shut up again) and just the thought of two damn labs in a row and starving till 10:00 sounded awful.
I have tomorrow off. When I left the message for my new doctor, who as you can imagine is probably already all, “Welp. Here’s gonna be a handful.” When I left a message for him, I said I can come in tomorrow morning, so we’ll see what they say. Probably yes because it takes five minutes to do labs.
The reason I have tomorrow off is–oh, you know what? I think I took only the afternoon off. Well, crap. I should probably look that up.
The REASON I took it off was because I’m going to my old workplace tomorrow afternoon to meet with a team because I’m gonna do some freelance work for them.
Careful, ancient readers will recall my former coworker–my coworker, fmr.–called Tank the Miracle Angel Baby. He recommended me for this freelance project, and then the guy in charge was all, When can you meet the team and I was all, Meet the team? I’ve never had to do that before, and I’m hoping this is like some kind of $20,000 freelance project, because that would cover everything I’m trying to pay off or purchase, with the exception of a nose job, which is a far-off pipe dream I cannot hope to achieve.
I feel stalled, y’all. Stalled financially, and no matter how I cajole or beg or speak to the powers that be at work, I appear to be doomed to my current position there. I’m still making less money than I was 10 years ago in LA, doing the same job.
I’ve been a copy editor for 20 years and I’d like to branch out somehow. Well, first I was a proofreader, and then a copy editor, but there’s little difference. I wrote for awhile at this current job, but now I’m back to copy editing. And I know I turned that other job down recently and I don’t regret that. It was gonna be super corporate and it involved travel, which I know you all LOVE to travel, everyone LOVES to travel. But guess what. I don’t.
Here are things I don’t love that everyone else does, and I know this because I’m on 3949493 dating websites and I read these same goddamn lists of what people like:
- The outdoors
- Live music
- Color runs
- My kids
And while I know zero single men are reading this–actually, wait. The guy I went to 9th-grade prom with told me he reads, so Dear Guy I Went to 9th-Grade Prom With: If you’re filling out your dating profile, don’t drone on about your kids. Look, of course we want you to like your kids, but as soon as you utter anything resembling “My kids are my world,” we are out of there. First of all, no one wants to be anyone else’s world. The most well-adjusted people I know had parents who practiced benign neglect. I’m serious.
Also, if that’s the case, then it’s unfair of you to be trying to date. Say, these other beings are “my world,” but why don’t you go ahead and get attached to me? See how that works out?
Not that I have any idea that my 9th-grade date is on a dating site. I mean, maybe after our stunning night of attending prom in our gym, set to the theme of Sharing the Night Together by Dr. Hook, maybe after that he gave up, because it was just going to be downhill from there.
Anyway. I am also stalled romantically. I’ve dated 16 men since Ned and I broke up, and zilch. I did like this one guy a bit as of late, but he lives more than two hours away and it’s just fizzled. He was nice. He was a librarian who was also in a band. He never once mentioned color runs.
Also, I’m old. I’ve gained 16 pounds this year. I mean, it might be over for me. How do you tell yourself, “Well, romance is over” and not get sad about it?
Oh my GOD, I just noticed I’ve already written 1,024 words, which is weird because Gone With the Wind is 1,024 pages. So.
Talk to you tomorrow, when I will have zero GWTW references or anything. I’m sure Ashley’s manliness will not be touched upon. With a lacy glove.
In inertia’s grip,