Friends · June's stupid life · Times I Amused My Own Self

You just want it cause it’s gaudy.

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No one is in the house right now except for Steely Dan, and I admit to the tiniest thrill of fear. There is no other animal to come to my aid, should he decide this is the moment to reveal he’s a tiny perturbed man in a cat suit. Continue reading “You just want it cause it’s gaudy.”

Friends · June's stupid life

June’s outta touch, she’s outta time

Aw, heck. I showered, fed everyone with fur, sat down here to not blog and noticed I had a call from a 1-800 number. Remember last month when some ass stole my identity, because everyone’s dying to be me? I have an automatic withdrawal from my gym, and let’s all giggle for a moment about “my gym.” Wow, June, you and that gym. It’s like you’re one. Continue reading “June’s outta touch, she’s outta time”

...friend/Ned · Aging ungracefully · Busy busy busy busy. Thank heavens for Angie's List. · Friends · Hulk's sex life · June doesn't know any ugly people · June's stupid life

In real life, vowels are free

Even though I have allegedly set it up so that when I plug my phone into my computer–and there’s something anyone said, ever, in 1947–my photos should pop right up, they never do. They USED to. I’ve no idea what’s gone wrong. Continue reading “In real life, vowels are free”

I hate everything · June can't keep a man · June's stupid life

If only June would talk about doorknobs more

I noticed we weren’t guilted, yesterday, about celebrating Father’s Day on Facebook, as opposed to Mother’s Day. On that day, for every funny, cute or whatever mention someone had of his or her mom, there’d be a person kvetching that they HATE Mother’s Day, they can’t STAND to see other people celebrating it because of their personal WOES.

Lemme tell you something [pulls chair closer] [gestures drunkenly with cigarette]. Continue reading “If only June would talk about doorknobs more”

At Two With Nature · Film · Friends · June's stupid life · My pets

She ran callin’ fireflies

Because the first thing they teach you in kitten school is How to be a Pain in the Ass, my cats all want to go out in the morning, but they all want to go out at different times. Each one saunters to the door, and even if the back door is open and it’s just the screen door, the girl cats mew piteously till I open it. Continue reading “She ran callin’ fireflies”

...friend/Ned · Other people's pets

Adopt-a-Klwkttenfreer.

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Yesterday morning, Ned texted me this photo with no further comment. Dear World: He texted me. Did you note the “ed,” there, world? Because it seems like no matter what I do, I cannot stop hearing people say, “He text me.” Goddammit. Continue reading “Adopt-a-Klwkttenfreer.”

June's stupid life

One day God said, “Your Christmases were too great, Only Child,” and he invented the open floor plan

Several weeks ago–in fact, lemme look at the invoice…A MONTH AGO TODAY, I gave $244.82 to a dishwasher repairman who said I had to give him that much, he’d order the part, and I could pay him the remaining $87.50 when he returned.

I still don’t have the part, as he has not returned. He was not Daniel Day Lewis in that one movie. Continue reading “One day God said, “Your Christmases were too great, Only Child,” and he invented the open floor plan”

...friend/Ned · I am a pleasure of life · I am berserk · I am high-maintenance · I hate everything · June's stupid life · Neighbors of June

June sends loving thoughts to people who hold up the line

Last night I had a ridiculous dream. (Oh, good. Someone’s gonna describe their dream.) I dreamt I met a man and didn’t care for him at first, so when we first were introduced, I gave him my most sarcastic of smiles.

fucknatural.jpg Continue reading “June sends loving thoughts to people who hold up the line”

Health · June can't keep a man · June doesn't know any ugly people · June's vast love of eagles

Pain Bryant

I can’t really go into my headache study all that much, because of confidentiality and so on. But–and please don’t ask for more clarification, I can FEEL you all asking for more clarification–at the beginning of the study, I had to do a pain-threshold series of tests. Yes, they inflicted pain on me. Continue reading “Pain Bryant”

...friend/Ned · June doesn't know any ugly people · Other people's pets

Sweet Home Alabama

Yesterday, I went with Ned to look at houses for him to rent. As  you know, if you’ve kept your Big Book of June Events wide open–like your limbs, Trampy–you’ll recall that Ned’s landlord–gaylord–is moving to D.C. and for some reason feels the need to sell the house Ned rents, the house we used to live in together.

There was a short sentence. Anyway, the gaylord offered to sell it to Ned, for about 11 million dollars over what he should have probably asked for it.

Continue reading “Sweet Home Alabama”

...friend/Ned · Am British · Eyebrows Light and Dark · June can't keep a doctor · Music

It was the 3rd of June, another sleepy dusty Delta day. Volume XVIIIX934X

I’m only writing at you because it’s our day.

A few years back, when I sat next to my boss, fmr., he and I got into one of our 408-minute discussions about Things That Didn’t Matter and gee, I wonder why they split us up. That day, the discussion centered on what did Billy Jo McAllister toss off that bridge? Continue reading “It was the 3rd of June, another sleepy dusty Delta day. Volume XVIIIX934X”