No one is in the house right now except for Steely Dan, and I admit to the tiniest thrill of fear. There is no other animal to come to my aid, should he decide this is the moment to reveal he's a tiny perturbed man in a cat suit. When I look over at my… Continue reading You just want it cause it’s gaudy.
Aw, heck. I showered, fed everyone with fur, sat down here to not blog and noticed I had a call from a 1-800 number. Remember last month when some ass stole my identity, because everyone's dying to be me? I have an automatic withdrawal from my gym, and let's all giggle for a moment about… Continue reading June’s outta touch, she’s outta time
My GERD medicine annoys me. "Take in the morning, half an hour to one hour before eating." Oh, okay. Because everyone has an entire spare hour in the morning before they eat. "So I take this BEFORE I slop the hogs and bail the hay." I was out choppin' cotton and my brother was bailin'… Continue reading WHAT.
Last night, I finished a freelance project. This is good, as I had negative four dollars in checking yesterday, so. The thing about having freelance work is you can never relax. I left work a little late because I wanted to get something all the way done by the end of my day. Then I… Continue reading Oh good, cat pictures
Even though I have allegedly set it up so that when I plug my phone into my computer--and there's something anyone said, ever, in 1947--my photos should pop right up, they never do. They USED to. I've no idea what's gone wrong. This means that, every day, as opposed to everyday, I plug in my… Continue reading In real life, vowels are free
I noticed we weren't guilted, yesterday, about celebrating Father's Day on Facebook, as opposed to Mother's Day. On that day, for every funny, cute or whatever mention someone had of his or her mom, there'd be a person kvetching that they HATE Mother's Day, they can't STAND to see other people celebrating it because of… Continue reading If only June would talk about doorknobs more
Because the first thing they teach you in kitten school is How to be a Pain in the Ass, my cats all want to go out in the morning, but they all want to go out at different times. Each one saunters to the door, and even if the back door is open and it's… Continue reading She ran callin’ fireflies
Yesterday morning, Ned texted me this photo with no further comment. Dear World: He texted me. Did you note the "ed," there, world? Because it seems like no matter what I do, I cannot stop hearing people say, "He text me." Goddammit. The point is, to you it's just a bag on a landing. To… Continue reading Adopt-a-Klwkttenfreer.
Several weeks ago--in fact, lemme look at the invoice...A MONTH AGO TODAY, I gave $244.82 to a dishwasher repairman who said I had to give him that much, he'd order the part, and I could pay him the remaining $87.50 when he returned. I still don't have the part, as he has not returned. He… Continue reading One day God said, “Your Christmases were too great, Only Child,” and he invented the open floor plan
Last night I had a ridiculous dream. (Oh, good. Someone's gonna describe their dream.) I dreamt I met a man and didn't care for him at first, so when we first were introduced, I gave him my most sarcastic of smiles. But then, somehow, I realized I really liked him, so then I had to… Continue reading June sends loving thoughts to people who hold up the line
This morning, I woke up at Ned's. Look at me, trying to be all compelling. You won't BELIEVE what happens next! Actually, you will. I went home and let Edsel out. That's it. On Thursday, I took ridiculous Edsel to the vet, because he'd been chewing on himself and scratching and was driving me insane,… Continue reading Let me call you Megan, I’m in love with you.
I can't really go into my headache study all that much, because of confidentiality and so on. But--and please don't ask for more clarification, I can FEEL you all asking for more clarification--at the beginning of the study, I had to do a pain-threshold series of tests. Yes, they inflicted pain on me. "How much,… Continue reading Pain Bryant
Last night, I went to my old movie theater and saw Joe Jackson. Not that he was in an old movie. You know Joe Jackson from this song: https://youtu.be/6TzKSFbsh2Y But I like him for many other songs, such as this one, that I plan to play next time I walk down the… Continue reading Look sharp
I didn't write today because I became obsessed with this list of ridiculous reasons people broke up. I've sat here all morning laughing like an idiot. I, too, would break up with someone who thought it was "cold slaw." So.
Yesterday, I went with Ned to look at houses for him to rent. As you know, if you've kept your Big Book of June Events wide open--like your limbs, Trampy--you'll recall that Ned's landlord--gaylord--is moving to D.C. and for some reason feels the need to sell the house Ned rents, the house we used to live… Continue reading Sweet Home Alabama
I'm only writing at you because it's our day. A few years back, when I sat next to my boss, fmr., he and I got into one of our 408-minute discussions about Things That Didn't Matter and gee, I wonder why they split us up. That day, the discussion centered on what did Billy Jo… Continue reading It was the 3rd of June, another sleepy dusty Delta day. Volume XVIIIX934X
Several times now, like two, Ned has called me out of the blue. "Oh, hi, Ned. What're you up to?" "Just standing here panicking," he'll say. Ned's got some (wait for it) decisions coming up, and if you've read this not-blog before, you'll know decision-making is not his bailiwick. (Can you imagine? If this was… Continue reading Fifty-two is the kitten year
Yesterday, I got an overwhelming pudding craving. I was at the store, because I was out of everything. I was, for example, clean outta batteries, and the kitchen clock had said five minutes to 3:00 all weekend. I even saw it die, the clock, and how often does that ever happen? I'd been doing my… Continue reading June in June