Look sharp

Last night, I went to my old movie theater and saw Joe Jackson. Not that he was in an old movie.

You know Joe Jackson from this song:

 

 

 

But I like him for many other songs, such as this one, that I plan to play next time I walk down the aisle:

 

 

Come on. You know that’d be hilarious.

Speaking of not walking down the aisle, I went to the concert with Ned, who bought the ticket ages ago, and any time we purchase or plan something for ages from now, the assumption is we’ll somehow still be speaking, and we usually are. I think there was one concert Ned had to attend grumpily alone, as we were estranged. Estranged, I tell you.

Whatevs. I don’t know what to tell you about that whole scenario.

He was really good, Joe Jackson was. He was friendly without any of that “How’s everybody doin’ tonight!?!” crap. He’s British, so.

Here’s another song I like by Joe Jackson:

 

“Oh, I know that one, June.” Yeah, I know you do.

Also, I got Juned last night! Every once in awhile I run into someone who reads my…website, and they say hey and last night I peed with someone who reads me. And my website. She was cool! I mean, obvs. Look at her taste in…websites.

Also, Dear People at Work: You do not have to sit through one of my stories when you’ve already read about it online. You can say, “I read you, June.” Sometimes I see coworkers mentally hurrying me along, and I try very hard not to be one of those, “Wait, let me back up” endless storytellers. “Was it Friday? It must have been, no, Thursday…”

I try very hard not to do that.

So when I see someone kind of like, Yeah, I know this story already cause you told it on your goddamn not blog, just go ahead and tell me that. It’s not stalking. It’s here for you to read. It’s really okay. And I don’t want to be obnoxious, “Oh, did you already read this?” and have the person be all, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

So.

But none of this is why I gathered you all here today. I gathered you so you can help me slog through all the pictures on my desktop. When I got mad and said, “I AM NEVER WRITING AGAIN,” I had all these photos on my desktop for eventual writing about, and of course then I was in a huff and didn’t show them to you. I didn’t show you it.

And they’ve been here ever since, taking up just all kinds of room.Screen Shot 2017-06-07 at 7.50.58 AM.png

So let’s look at them. LOOK AT IT.

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What I really like about WordPress, JuicePress, is it takes 4 seconds to upload a photo. Typing on Pads took 87 years. Anyway, behold The Poet and my Boss, Fmr., and I realize I have 27 of those, kibitzing outside my desk yesterday in their purple. I just liked how good their ensembles look together. In case anyone was wondering, The Poet’s new dogs are settling in nicely, although one of them may be dropping a number two on the floor from time to time. I should play The Poet my Joe Jackson song, above.

If I talk this much after each photo we’ll be here all day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My animal companions (how much do you abhor me?) being cute at various points. Before I go to sleep, I’m usually reading my phone, and whatever happened to a nice book? Anyway, when the animals are being cute I take photos with said phone.

Last night I woke up and Steely Dan was wrapped all around my arm. He was holding my arm and pressing his head on me. Don’t tell him I told you that. Street cred.

Also, do you enjoy the blind he ruined, above? Dear Mom: You said you were sending me your curtains. Please do, tout suite.

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Me last night before the concert. I also take photos to check my appearance. Am sort of the worst. What I could have used was a phone to check my appearance when I was 22, and thought of absolutely nothing else. Sometimes I miss that…drive to look good. Now more often than not I have a touch of the hoooo care about how I look. Just a touch. I’m like 99% vain, still.

IMG_7963.JPGNew coffee bar downtown. It’s not even coffee, it’s, like, yerba matte or yerba ho or something. I spoke to the owner, and one kind makes you alert, one kind calms you down, one kind gives you euphoria. Guess which I’ll select first?

One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small.

Small, please.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things I did when we weren’t speaking. I went to a big-cat preserve, and this photo of the girl with thigh tattoos was the only photo I took. Oh, it was good there, though. I liked the Arctic Fox best, I think, but also I wish to own a jungle cat. Also, when I wasn’t at a big-cat preserve, I was at an adoption fair downtown. Basically, I leave my 45 animals, on my time off, to go look at other animals.

I think you can double-click on photos to make them bigger, should you wish to, say, stalk those puppies on the right.

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Sigh.

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Important talks with Hulk.

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At work, we had a brainstorm session that they sent us downtown for. Sometimes when they want us to think of new ideas, they send us offsite so we can be loud and annoy people outside of work. Anyway, after, I wandered to the bookstore and saw this. Put it on Facebook with the caption, “I wrote this.” “You ARE this,” wrote back my jerky pal Marty Martin.

“I edited it,” my Aunt Kathy wrote. True. True dat.

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When my ATM info was stolen recently (by the way, Ned was complaining last night about how dangerous “those ATMs are” when he meant ATVs, and I got over that quickly, as you can imagine), I got out $100 cash for the weekend and decided to photograph everything I bought, so that when Sunday night rolled around and I was all, What the fuck happened to that $100, I’d have my answer. I’m pleased to tell you that all I bought that weekend was carpet cleaner (someone of the dog persuasion may have barfed in the car. I always told Edsel to text me any time of night and I’ll get him from wherever, but still), coffee (see: addiction) and a tag and harness for Steely Dan.

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IMG_7664.JPGWho do you think thoroughly enjoyed being harnessed? Who really wanted to be fenced in, do you think? Much like his collar, that cute red Day of the Dead collar I found him, the harness lasted one day. I came home and he’d Houdini’d it. Asshole. It’s still there. In the hallway on the desk. Just waiting for one more try.

I mean, that cat. I have zero control. The other night, it was raining, and he wouldn’t come in. I kittykittykittied myself hoarse. I worried all night. As soon as I got up, I went to the back door and kittykittied again, and nothing, and when I turned around, there was SD in that window between the kitchen and the back room. He was already home. His fur was damp.

WHAT THE HELL HOW DID HE GET IN.

So I’d like for him to wear his reflective harness, but he wants me to quite distinctly go fuck my own self.

The battle rages. Sort of.IMG_7643IMG_7644IMG_7646I flirted with having a yellow front door for awhile (“Hey, yellow door. How YOU doin’?”), and if you’re my Facebook friend you know this what-color-should-I-paint-my-door conundrum all too well,

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but in the end, I’m still going with eggplant, which I have yet to purchase. What color should I spray my door hardware? They have metallic spraypaint for your hardware.

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Who’s sick of me? Is it all of you?

Believe it or not, I still have a million and four photos left but I have to go. Lemme just slap a few in with zero comment.

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Animals. And Alexes. Alexes lookin’ good. I said I wasn’t gonna comment, yet look at me.

Okay, I’ll talk to you later. Remind me to tell you about my headache study follow-up visit I went on yesterday. I clean forgot to tell you. I took zero photos of that, you’ll be glad to hear.

Briefly,

June

53 thoughts on “Look sharp

  1. That’s me with the thigh tattoos!
    It isn’t but how awesome would that have been? I now want to get temporary tattoos of something ridiculous on the back of my thighs….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I once saw a girl with two huge red bow ties on the backs of both her thighs.Like, the types of bows you put on presents…I never imagined there was someone else out there with similar ideas.

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  2. Are you caffeinated? Last I recall you were down to like 25% caffeine, but hello short attention span. I may have missed something.

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  3. How are you still breathing after that look from SD? Wow!

    Lovely post, pretty June. Thanks for sharing from your estranged time for those of us without Facebook.

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      1. Also, I should get over myself re ATM/ATV. I constantly refer to “Law & Order SVU” as “Law & Order SUV.” Like there’s that many crimes committed in Sport Utility Vehicles that they had to dedicate an entire police unit to it.

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  4. Re “animal companions.” Simon, my Siamese, fmr., refused to be referred to as a “pet.” His title of choice was “domesticated companion animal.” And that has stuck with the two Siamese, crnt. (Crt? Cnt doesn’t look nice.)

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  5. i wondered about the coffee as well. i still heart SD. he is such a dick but so adorbs. (hate me now?) loved the photo show.

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  6. I thought Joe Jackson was seeing a movie at the theater too, and you had a star sighting. Hello, slow on the uptake much?

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  7. My WiFi sucks today. It is annoying. I want to know how you did the grid of pictures. I don’t know how! It is probably really easy, but, Hello, it’s me. I can’t figure stuff out sometimes.

    I love your pictures. Steely Dan is just beautiful. I think it is funny that he is like a teenager, “So I’d like for him to wear his reflective harness, but he wants me to quite distinctly go fuck my own self.” Cracked me up. The photo of your front door with the stripe of yellow on it is so gorgeous…I am not talking about the yellow. I am talking about the tree and the sun and ohhh. It is just so pretty. And your screen shots of Airplane! were hilarious as well!

    Lovely post, lovely June!. I think it is funny that he is like a teenager, “So I’d like for him to wear his reflective harness, but he wants me to quite distinctly go fuck my own self.” Cracked me up. The photo of your front door with the stripe of yellow on it is so gorgeous…I am not talking about the yellow. I am talking about the tree and the sun and ohhh. It is just so pretty. And your screen shots of Airplane! were hilarious as well!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  8. Yay for the eggplant door! Do they have rosegold metalic paint? If that is way too twee, perhaps black?
    Lovely pictures!
    Small concert venue envy

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  9. Laughed all the way through this. I thought Joe Jackson was Michael Jackson’s father. The “Airplane” references particularly killed me.

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  10. So much to comment on, so little time. The Alexes are adorable, petses, you look awesome in that picture and round pictures now too. This new blo, er, website is cool.

    I never check myself before walking out the door, like never. Only for weddings or meetings with the banker. Went to a PT appointment yesterday with my hair looking like a rooster. Didn’t know it until I started getting out of my car. I vowed right then and there I would start checking myself.

    You’re so pretty, Joob!

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  11. I was up in Wisconsin a couple years ago and asked the cashier at the Piggly Wiggly where the ATM was. She had no idea what an ATM machine was. I started to explain it’s a machine that takes a card and gives you money and she looked at me really, really weird. Husband jumped in and said annoyingly A CASH MACHINE, ITS A CASH MACHINE! She said oh, right over there and then kept looking at me weird. I wasn’t the weirdo in that situation. At the same grocery store on a different visit another cashier rang up my stuff and then said “Beg?” I said what? She said beg? I said what? She said beg? I said I’m sorry, I have no idea what you’re saying. She annoyingly pointed to the plastic bags and enunciated very loudly and slowly BEEEEEEGGGGG. Asswipe.

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    1. They say card really weird in WI, as well. It’s kind of like kerd. We experienced the same thing in New England, except they didn’t have a clue what these southerners were saying. They didn’t know what a buggy was (grocery cart), or grocery store (market)????

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  12. Love this post! SD will always win, so you might as well give up on that cat being harnessed. Just chip him, he can’t get out of that. The photo of him with the light falling across him is really a beautiful photo. You know I loved all the photos of the animals. And YOU look beautiful.

    Why do you want to paint the hardware on your door? Just leave the door knob and key hole, but you can probably clean the door knocker with something like Brass-o (do they still make Brass-o?) assuming it is made of brass, which it probably is considering the age of your house. Or Bar Keepers Friend will work on brass surfaces. The knocker can be removed while painting the door, makes it much easier and you can tape around the door knob and key hole.

    Amy, who’s back now, I saw a woman, a large woman, a very large woman, in Walmart the other day that had tattoos all down the back of her legs, from just below her butt to her ankles. Did I say she was wearing short shorts? I almost took a photo, but I thought that might be a bit obvious.

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  13. I love Joe Jackson. I saw him at The Majestic Theater in Dallas in the early 90’s, and to date it is still one of my favorite shows of all time. I recall him being both musically brilliant and really funny. You know what bugs me about some shows ( among other things, ha ) is when the artist doesn’t interact with the audience. I mean, I did just pay you half a month’s rent to come to your show…you could at least act like I’m here, Bob Dylan! Of course I exaggerate, but really what is up with ticket prices? We go see quite a lot of live music; hoo care about retirement savings? Anyway, I really enjoyed all the photos lovely June, and I am also so glad you’re back blog-, erm, web-siting!

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  14. I want to hear about the headache follow up, so I’ll definitely remind you. Still thinking of getting my daith pierced. Thinking, not acting.

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  15. I missed the picture of tattoos on the thighs first time through. It made me think of tattoos on the back of my thighs. I was picturing, oh, elephants or rhinos. Then I went back and enlarged the thigh tattoo pictures. Bows! Pink bows! WTH? Pink bows?

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  16. Great post, June. I love how frequently a picture of one companion animal has another random companion animal (or part thereof) in the background. I think companion animal is a fine term. More dignified than pet.

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  17. Your skin is so flawless! Am jealous as my old skin somehow always looks worn and blotchy. I guess it would help if I wore makeup but in the Deep South here during the summer it is ridiculous to even attempt that. Love SD, would like to kidnap him and bring him to Alabama. Thanks for the update and that you are still keeping your website going.

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  18. Oh June, concerts and carpets. You are all over the place this morning and that is so odd for you. Usually you are on topic. Don’t you hate when someone tells you “stay on topic”. NO THESE ARE ALL TOPICS.

    Eggplant and black hardware. That’s my 2 cents.

    Also and too…. You look awesome June.

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  19. Wisconsin accents are odd. They have funny names for things too. They call water fountains bubblers. We were out there for my brother-in-law’s wedding years ago. It was great fun watching my Trenton, NJ future sister-in-law get in to it with the future WI sister-in-law over that word. WI sis-in-law, “MY mother taught me to call it a bubbler!” It is rather boring there though pretty. This was a form of entertainment for us. Eating fried cheese curds and ice cream was good too. It’s the dairy state.

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      1. Now wait a minute, Tee. That’s what we called them when I was a kid. Well, our bobbers were white with red on the top and I would will it to go underwater when my brother and I went fishing with my dad, but mine never did. (Meaning, I didn’t catch a fish on that trip.)

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  20. Please play the “Number Two” song to Titi and Minka until one of them confesses. When I find the evidence, they say “She did it.”

    Please come over with your mad animal companion photography skilz and take pictures in which my animal companions do not look like the mountains of Hades by night.

    What a pretty pretty check-your-appearance photo.

    And while I’m changing the subject, please cover your door with patches of paint in different colors and leave it that way. So cool it would be.

    Like

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