Last night, I finished a freelance project. This is good, as I had negative four dollars in checking yesterday, so.
The thing about having freelance work is you can never relax. I left work a little late because I wanted to get something all the way done by the end of my day. Then I came home and cooked a boring turkey burger with no bun (pounds lost so far: zero), and the whole time I was eating it and its equally riveting side dish, broccoli (pounds lost: still zero), I was thinking, I could be working while I do this. There’s no need to just eat and have a great time thinking about how thoroughly satisfying a plain turkey burger and plain broccoli is.
(Pounds lost: zero. YES STILL.)
So as soon as I was done with full-of-flavor dinner (pounds lost: oh, you get my drift), I commenced to proofreading my freelance stuff.
“Hey, you want to come have dinner?” asked Ned, at, you know, 6:30, when of course I’d already eaten.
“I have freelance.”
I gotta stop hanging around Ned anyway. Sure, he feeds me and wants to hear about my day. But it’s no longer romantic, and it sure as hell isn’t sexual, so I might as well be hanging around my grandpa.
The point is, at 10 o’clock last night, I finished that particular project (fortunately there’s more where THAT came from) with the screen door open to the cicadas and the breeze. I’m sure it looked very romantic from the outside, me just in the light of the computer screen on a summer evening. The fact that my shoulders were past my ears was beside the point.
I wish I could get a massage. Please see above re four dollars negative.
Oh, but that reminds me. On Pie on the Face yesterday, which is a page where people who read this not-blog gather to show dog photos and complain about poor grammar (email me here if you want to join. I think we made it private because every fake faker in the universe was joining to sell us Ray-Bans.)
Dear Every Fake Faker on the Internet: For fuck’s sake, no one wants Ray-Bans.
ANYWAY, on Pie on the Face, we started talking about being-poor food. Like, let’s say your ex-boyfriend whom you should stop hanging around loaned you $100 yesterday. Let’s say somehow as a result you have $96 left of that, for some reason, and not at all because you’re living like a college student who works at Subway.
So, you have $96 to last you till June 30. Your current situation is you have a few frozen turkey patties, three slices of bread, boxes of macaroni and cheese that your mother sent you because see above re college student.
What would you buy to eat for the next 10 days, with $96? What’s your favorite I’m-poor food? Do tell.
Poor Lily. What do you mean, “When you gonna paint your porch, June?” See above re -$4. However, the door paint came, and !!!!!! I have to wait till Saturday, and it’s killing me. Maybe I’ll take Friday off. I have, like, 47 days off and I’ve taken I think two this year.
But speaking of Steely Dan, he now has his own Instagram page, thanks to a faithful reader who yesterday on Facebook said, “He should have his own Instagram page.” He’s SteelyDanMagicCat. I think he has like 10 followers, as I have the 10 readers, so.
I feel like his newfound fame will likely go to his head, his jerky gray head. Perhaps he will even cop an attitude.
Those were long-distance shots with my long-angle lens or whatever it’s called. Is that what it’s called? My father is going to drive over and kill me with a long-angle lens.
Oooo! While I was doing all this, SD was asleep in the chair back here, the one that needs covering (see -$4, above), and Iris, of all people, sneaked over and bit him while he slept. SD JUMPED up and hissed, alarmed. It was all very dramatic and I wish you could have seen it.
Before/after. No one does miffed better than SD.
Really, if I ever do re-cover that chair, I’ll have to take it out of this room, as everyone comes in from outside and jumps right on that damn thing and gets ANIMAL FILTH all over it.
I gotta go. My toast just popped up, which I plan to have plain with what they call cocktail tomatoes on it. I have never once gotten remotely drunk from said tomatoes. Not have I seen any cock or tail. So.