Oh good, cat pictures

Last night, I finished a freelance project. This is good, as I had negative four dollars in checking yesterday, so.

The thing about having freelance work is you can never relax. I left work a little late because I wanted to get something all the way done by the end of my day. Then I came home and cooked a boring turkey burger with no bun (pounds lost so far: zero), and the whole time I was eating it and its equally riveting side dish, broccoli (pounds lost: still zero), I was thinking, I could be working while I do this. There’s no need to just eat and have a great time thinking about how thoroughly satisfying a plain turkey burger and plain broccoli is.

(Pounds lost: zero. YES STILL.)

So as soon as I was done with full-of-flavor dinner (pounds lost: oh, you get my drift), I commenced to proofreading my freelance stuff.

“Hey, you want to come have dinner?” asked Ned, at, you know, 6:30, when of course I’d already eaten.

“I have freelance.”

I gotta stop hanging around Ned anyway. Sure, he feeds me and wants to hear about my day. But it’s no longer romantic, and it sure as hell isn’t sexual, so I might as well be hanging around my grandpa.

The point is, at 10 o’clock last night, I finished that particular project (fortunately there’s more where THAT came from) with the screen door open to the cicadas and the breeze. I’m sure it looked very romantic from the outside, me just in the light of the computer screen on a summer evening. The fact that my shoulders were past my ears was beside the point.

I wish I could get a massage. Please see above re four dollars negative.

Oh, but that reminds me. On Pie on the Face yesterday, which is a page where people who read this not-blog gather to show dog photos and complain about poor grammar (email me here if you want to join. I think we made it private because every fake faker in the universe was joining to sell us Ray-Bans.)

Dear Every Fake Faker on the Internet: For fuck’s sake, no one wants Ray-Bans.

ANYWAY, on Pie on the Face, we started talking about being-poor food. Like, let’s say your ex-boyfriend whom you should stop hanging around loaned you $100 yesterday. Let’s say somehow as a result you have $96 left of that, for some reason, and not at all because you’re living like a college student who works at Subway.

So, you have $96 to last you till June 30. Your current situation is you have a few frozen turkey patties, three slices of bread, boxes of macaroni and cheese that your mother sent you because see above re college student.

What would you buy to eat for the next 10 days, with $96? What’s your favorite I’m-poor food? Do tell.

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Poor Lily. What do you mean, “When you gonna paint your porch, June?” See above re -$4. However, the door paint came, and !!!!!! I have to wait till Saturday, and it’s killing me. Maybe I’ll take Friday off. I have, like, 47 days off and I’ve taken I think two this year.

But speaking of Steely Dan, he now has his own Instagram page, thanks to a faithful reader who yesterday on Facebook said, “He should have his own Instagram page.” He’s SteelyDanMagicCat. I think he has like 10 followers, as I have the 10 readers, so.

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I feel like his newfound fame will likely go to his head, his jerky gray head. Perhaps he will even cop an attitude.

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Those were long-distance shots with my long-angle lens or whatever it’s called. Is that what it’s called? My father is going to drive over and kill me with a long-angle lens.

Oooo! While I was doing all this, SD was asleep in the chair back here, the one that needs covering (see -$4, above), and Iris, of all people, sneaked over and bit him while he slept. SD JUMPED up and hissed, alarmed. It was all very dramatic and I wish you could have seen it.

 

Before/after. No one does miffed better than SD.

Really, if I ever do re-cover that chair, I’ll have to take it out of this room, as everyone comes in from outside and jumps right on that damn thing and gets ANIMAL FILTH all over it.

I gotta go. My toast just popped up, which I plan to have plain with what they call cocktail tomatoes on it. I have never once gotten remotely drunk from said tomatoes. Not have I seen any cock or tail. So.

Bitterly,

Juan

52 thoughts on “Oh good, cat pictures

  1. I’ve tried seventy-eleven times to leave a comment. WordPressure is being particularly bitchy today. Maybe it will show up eventually, since it keeps saying “oops! Looks like you said that already!” Actually, I could use that warning in real life – my daughters tell me I’ve started repeating myself.

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  2. I wonder if It’s was doling out some payback?
    My cheap food is unhealthy things that can come in bulk/are filling like chips and salsa.
    If it’s summer and I can find a sale I like a good fruit and cheese plate. The cheese doesn’t have to be fancy, just chunk it up, add some grapes and chopped apple, it’s no longer a cheap meal but a Parisian delicacy that’s also finger food!

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  3. Pancakes, scrambled eggs with spinach, pasta salad (rotini, Italian dressing and whatever veggies look good/are on sale), your aforementioned turkey burgers, turkey chili, tomato pie, cereal, more cereal, Veg-All casserole, casserole made from whatever is in the pantry, peanut butter sandwiches, chicken dipped in ranch dressing and rolled in mashed-up cornflakes, … (thinking)

    I will report back as developments warrant, which they will, because in the past week we’ve been hit with a $500+ medical bill, $450 for driver’s ed, our lawn mower died yesterday (it followed the weed eater into the grave), and I live in fear for the fridge and water heater, which we inherited with the house 12 years ago and they were not new then. So I’ve a feeling we be eatin’ poor this summer. A lot.

    Sigh.

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  4. Pasta with butter is a favorite poor food and scrambled eggs and toast with margarine instead of butter as it is so much cheaper.

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  5. So I was actually a very, very poor single mother back in the 1980s. I distinctly remember coming home one day and all I had was a box of elbow macaroni, half a stick of butter, and some eggs. I had to feed my 4 year old. (Thankfully she was attending a daycare where she was fed two solid meals and two snacks a day.) I boiled the macaroni and egg then chopped the egg up into the macaroni and added some butter, salt and pepper. We had that dish more often than I’d like to remember. The irony is we survived, my kid grew up and as a 21 year old came home from college and asked me to make her that exact dish. She said it brought back such good memories of being a kid. Of course, this brought me to tears because she had no idea that’s all we had to eat. Basically it reminded me that while well-rounded nutrition is a good thing, we Americans really don’t “need” all the different types of food we think we do.

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  6. Being-poor food: Totino’s pizza, pasta and canned spaghetti sauce (you can spice it up with whatever spices you have at home, if any), peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, egg salad sandwiches, Ramen noodles, black beans and rice.

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  7. My poor people food of choice: pasta & sauce (can be mixed together and kept in the fridge to eat off of for days), tuna, eggs, canned beans, pb&j, and cereal. In college, most of my meals consisted of Cocoa Puffs and milk. Luckily, I worked at a pizza place and we got a free shift meal so I also ate A LOT of pizza. I wish I still had the metabolism that would allow me to eat nothing but kids’ cereal and pizza, but alas I do not.

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  8. I always look for whatever says “WIC approved” on it at the store. It helps me know whatever it is is good bang for the buck nutritionally. Do you have WIC there? It is the women and children food assistance program here. But really? I am with the black beans and rice lady. So good and filling. Get a bit of salsa or something and you’re set.

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  9. Chicken salad is very good on lettuce. Red beans and rice and you can freeze half. I lived on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when I lived with my dad.
    My poor food was fish sticks. I think my daughter and I ate the so much that I can’t stand to even see them at the grocery store now.
    Your budget of $96.00 is good, you can eat pretty well with that.

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  10. We are constantly on the brink of financial disaster. That said, we like Chef Boyardee. Also buttered pasta. Of course, the ever delicious Kraft mac and cheese also.

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  11. My Hillbilly heritage dictates eating Pinto beans and cornbread when times are tough. A pot of beans and a pan of cornbread would last you all week!

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    1. Some of my childhood was spent in Arkansas around some very poor people. There was a little girl in my fourth grade class who brought this very thing for lunch every single day!

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  12. I so feel your pain on the unexpected bills and repairs to our house! It never ends, does it?

    I would buy the fruits and vegetables on sale, tuna, chicken legs (aren’t they cheaper), eggs, bread, ingredients to make a big pot of vegetable soup and add some canned chicken, this can last at least a week and you can freeze it and bring it out as you want to eat it and I would try to get all this at Aldi, because they are so much cheaper than other stores. Oh my, I shop like this all the time. Aldi had fresh pineapples for $1.29 each last week and I bought two, they are about ready to cut and will be sooooo delish.

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    1. Chicken legs here are 4.90 for a ten lb. bag. Bake them or crock pot them and you have food for a long time. Mix with rice or beans and spices of your choice, grilled cheese w/ chicken, chicken in your noodles with butter, chicken salad, chicken soup.Chicken tacos, in flour tortillas with cheese,rice and salsa.

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    2. Tee, Pineapple question. How do you know when to cut them? I either get them too hard or when they are verging on the icky mushy part.

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      1. I know the ones I buy at Aldi are not ripe, so I wait at least three or four days before cutting them. When you can pull a leaf out of the top easily, it’s probably ready to eat.

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        1. When they get the wonderful aroma of pineapple they are ready to cut. Just another way to tell and they turn golden instead of green.

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  13. My favorite go to poor people foods are any kind of pasta, sauce or no sauce. I get fancy with it sometimes and make goulash (ground beef, macaroni, tomato sauce, onion). I will make hot dogs with frozen fries or tator tots. I also love baked potatoes with sour cream or, if money is especially tight, salsa.
    I also makes what I call stacked enchiladas. It’s not at all authentic but so good. It’s tortillas, a can of enchilada sauce and some shredded cheese. Warm tortillas, put one in baking dish, pour sauce on it, another tortilla, more sauce, another tortilla and sauce, top with cheese and a little onion and bake until cheese is melts and onion is softened.

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  14. i’ve heard you can do many things with top ramen. poor food is poor in health. it sucks big time. political rant? ugh. i forgot my ding dang breakfast this morning so i will eat my lunch…and then have to go out to get lunch. currently i’m eating jack in the box tacos. 2 for $1.

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  15. Eggs, chickpeas, bananas, rice. This are my go-tos, even when I am not poor. I eat chickpeas for lunch every day because I am a weirdo.
    Love all the SD pics. I’m one of his Instragram followers.

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  16. Echoing what others have mentioned — a starchy cheap food like pasta or rice is a great meal-stretcher. My Mom made tuna noodle casserole a lot when we were kids: egg noodles, cream of chicken soup, tuna fish. These days I might buy a healthier pasta, use cream of mushroom (ooh, fancy), and add peas. (I do know how to make a real sauce, but hashtag lazy.) I could eat tacos/burritos every night for supper and not get sick of them for a long time. Tortillas are cheap. Cook up brown rice & your protein of choice to have handy in the fridge, add salsa and cheese, veggies of choice. Toasted cheese sandwiches, can also add meat of choice.

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  17. I second the Aldi’s, everything is so much cheaper and still good. Dollar General has a lot of good stuff cheaper too, sold as their Clover Valley brand. I like eggs and toast, don’t mind margarine either, beans, pasta, hot dogs, etc. I can eat cereal for dinner as well. My smart sister goes to her supermarket on meat mark down day and gets family packs of ground meat and/or chicken which she breaks down and freezes. Her husband and son are big guys and can really eat. Her older son comes home for some mom food sometimes too.

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  18. My poor people food is fried potatoes with weenies and onions on white bread with ketchup, because no one should ever be too poor for ketchup.

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  19. College poor – Ramen and weenies. Generic “Beer.” And I had a roommate who worked at a pizza parlor and brought home leftovers. SD is da bomb! The shot in the grass kills me.

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  20. My son moved to the Bay Area with a friend when he was 20. I don’t know how they afforded the high rent. He called and asked how to make spaghetti. I told him how to make it using jarred sauce. Next time we spoke, I asked him how it came out. He said “Well, I didn’t have any spaghetti, so I used Top Ramen. And I didn’t have any sauce so I used canned chili. And I didn’t have any Parmesan so I used some cheddar I had in the fridge.” He said it was quite tasty and they dubbed it “Spaghetto”.

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  21. Frozen pizzas, hot dogs, canned soups (not the fancy kind, like chicken noodle), ramen, Vienna sausages and crescent rolls. Whatever fruit is in season. Spaghetti and homemade garlic bread (white bread, butter and garlic powder). Store brand/generic of whatever I can. That WIC idea is good, I have never thought of that.

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  22. Oh, I’m the queen of poor person food. Family of five, one teacher’s salary. I wish I had time to read all the comments, so I wouldn’t repeat, however, three kids.
    Do you have an Aldi nearby? If so, go there. I’ve fed my five on $40 for a week from Aldi.
    Buy a whole chicken. Approximately $5-6. Roast it (Google f-ing it). Eat whatever part of said chicken is your favorite that night with some rice. Then, you have chicken for everything you can think of for the rest of the week. Toss it with pasta and butter, maybe some parm. Use leftover rice, bag of $1 frozen veggies, soy sauce, you have fried rice.
    Bag of lentils, an onion, some spices, and a pot of rice makes awesome dahl. More interesting than just black beans and rice. A can of black beans, a pack of tortillas and a block of cheddar cheese can last a long time as burritos.
    Tomato soup and grilled cheese. Make your own soup and freeze the leftovers, makes it even cheaper (Takes maybe half an hour).
    Sucks to be so short on funds, good luck.

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  23. My friend came over and caught me eating crackers and peanut butter. He looked confused for a moment and then offered me some money. I was eating it because I like it, not because I was poor. Now I am poor though. A lot of store use apps now and you can find coupons that work really well in their apps. Eggs for 89 cents, bread for 75. I really like going to the sauce section by the flour mixes and buying things that will make many meals. Frozen chicken boobs are about 4.99 for a pound and I chop a couple of those up, mix in one of the sauces, and use frozen vegetables to mix in. Makes a couple meals and they are normally delicious. One of my favorites is the chicken pot pie.

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  24. Layer on a plate cooked rice, kidney beans, salsa and shredded cheese. Heat it in the microwave. It’s filling and delicious!

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  25. Eggs and oatmeal and peanut butter (not all at once). I just went to Aldi for the first time today, because grapes were $1 a pound and blueberries were also cheap. So if you’re dying for something fresh, go to Aldi’s and get the fruit that’s on sale. I know beans and rice are cheaper, but eating them constantly erases my will to live.

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  26. I would buy a low-cut blouse, go to a bar, chat up a drunk guy and make him take me to dinner. Order a lot of food, and take 1/2 home for dinner the next night. Rinse and repeat.

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  27. A whole chicken, either roasted in the oven or in a slow cooker can be used for multiple meals. A 5 or 10 lb bag of spuds is cheap and can go a long way. A baked potato topped with chili and shredded cheese is delicious. Chili is also pretty versatile and cheap to make. You can eat it on its own, scrambled into eggs, on a baked potato, dumped into a bag of Fritos with some shredded cheese on top. A jar of salsa or bottle of Sriracha can liven up just about any food, too.

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  28. Ramen of course, noodles with butter and parmesan cheese (the cheap one in the container), hot dogs, totinos burnt just a little are actually good, “baked” potatoes in the microwave with whatever on them. My mom made a lot of tuna casserole when we were little, or mac and cheese with cut up hot dogs in them. Not suggesting the last two options, but that was our “poor food” when I was little.

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  29. If you have a large Dollar Tree in your area, they carry some groceries and dry goods that at $1 are cheaper than the bargain grocery stores on some things. Today I priced tortillas (flour) at Aldi’s and it comes out 16 cents less at DT. Not worth the gas to drive there for only that item but if you curate a list and can batch stops, it works out. Cans of black beans, however are a better price at SAL/Aldi’s if you get their brand. I don’t know if that helps or is too down and dirty but bills are bills. I now even count the spare change I find in parking lots.

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  30. Toast with peanut butter or egg, or toasted cheese sandwich. Bean and cheese burritos. Tuna pasta salad (pasta, mayo, tuna, celery). Fruit. Baked potatoes or sweet potatoes. Hard boiled eggs for snacks. Rice topped with microwave veggies and soy sauce. Omelettes. Sandwiches of all kinds. I don’t have a regular stove, just a microwave and a toaster oven, but those two are plenty.

    Fun blog by an LA guy– The 99-cent Chef. He shops at the 99 cent store and makes recipes. http://the99centchef.blogspot.com/

    Steely Dan is quite the man. I won’t be surprised if he goes down the street one of these days and beats up those two mean dogs.

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