WHAT.

My GERD medicine annoys me.

“Take in the morning, half an hour to one hour before eating.” Oh, okay. Because everyone has an entire spare hour in the morning before they eat. “So I take this BEFORE I slop the hogs and bail the hay.”

I was out choppin’ cotton and my brother was bailin’ hay.

That reminds me, yesterday on Pie on the Face, which many of you have joined as of yesterday and welcome. Welcome to my nightmare (to join, Facebook friend me and I will get you in. I have an in there). But yesterday, on PoTF, we discussed changing songs so that they become grammatically correct. Let me offer a few for you, as they were giving me the giggles last night.

I have you, babe.

Lie down, Sally.

What’s love have to do with it?

Papa has a brand new bag.

Is it your preference to be starting something?

You put the lime in the coconut and consume it entirely.

Women with ample posteriors make the world revolve.

Excuse me, what is the price of that dog on display?

Julio and me in proximity to the schoolyard.

If you want a woman who acts accordingly, you must be a man who also acts accordingly.

Anyway, I giggled. Oh, but I forgot to tell you my favorite one. Faithful Reader Lisa Ruffles Huaraches wrote, Please, pass the biscuits. And then I wrote, Billy Jo’s ability to be sensible was questionable at best.

Oh, we’re all hilarious.

I just realized that the entire time I’ve been writing you, Lily has been meowing. Meows fall on deaf ears, generally, around here. I imagine for people who have kids, the sounds of screeching children eventually become background noise, whereas for me, it jars. Perhaps if you were here, and that would be weird, you’d say, “June, the cat is meowing,” because jarred, and I’d be all, she IS?

Anyway, I finally noticed, said, “What.” because nurturing, and really she didn’t want anything.

I put her outside.

Oh, and also, last night I schlepped over to a part of town I’m never in, the cheatin’ side of town if you’re Harris Teeter, because for the first time I went to ALDI, at your suggestion.

Oh, that was riveting.

First of all, and you know you’re in trouble when I start with “First of all.” There’s gonna be a lotta follow-up “all”s after that. I really think it’s possible that one of the worst things America has to offer is its women’s endless stories. Why can’t women just shut the fuck up? This is why I don’t hang AROUND them much.

Anyway, I got to the parking lot of ALDI, and I was looking at my phone because I’ve turned into that person. There was a tap on my window.

WHAT,” I thought, because nurturing.

“Would you like this cart,” asked an absolutely stunning young woman of color with long braids and a maxi dress. Holy cats she was stunning. “I know you’re in there looking for a quarter.”

I wasn’t, of course, because NONE OF YOU TOLD ME I NEEDED A QUARTER, and thanks. Good nurturing. You know how nurturing I am. Can’t you return the favor? Anyway, I got out, took her cart, considered lesbianism, and how I’d show you all my new 25-year-old girlfriend of color, and who’d have a fit that I was now a lesbian, and I was writing you off individually and thinking about how intolerant you were of my new hot young girlfriend and would she let me borrow her maxi dresses when boom.

I was in there. Not the girl, the store.

It was so different. I was riveted by brands I’d never heard of, and how they made the cereal sound like the name brands we know.

Fortunate Luck Talismans, with Marshmallow!

Uncommon K!

Good-Mood-I-Os!

I bought some blueberry vanilla granola for, like, eight cents, and then I got some yogurt at 33 cents apiece, which I just now realized means three for a dollar. NOTHING GETS PAST ME. I also purchased a big old box of pasta, some negative-three-cents sauce and a bag of pizza rolls. Why so Rubenesque?

tdy_mor_partridge_140117.today-inline-vid-featured-desktop

Anyway, my tally, Mr. Tallyman, was something like 54 dollars. Do you think maybe it’s rude to refer to someone as Mr. Whatever-Their-Job-Is and then “Man”? Seems a bit hostile, doesn’t it, Miss ReaderWoman?

Oh, and finally, they don’t give you bags. I’m serious. No one told me THIS, either. I mean, you need a little training before you go in there. So I schlepped everything out individually, which was ridic, then I got home and confused the pets by taking an empty shopping bag out to the car.

After my successful-if-weird journey to ALDI, I took Eds on his evening constitutional, wherein we admired Peg’s magnolias.

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Edz haff idea! Let’s steal magnolia! hahahahahahaha!

That sums me up. Except for the fact that I may have broken into my bag of tortilla chips from ALDI as the evening wore on. My TostNeatOs.

Talk at you,

As she is a jolly good fellow,

June

 

 

77 thoughts on “WHAT.

  1. I have never been to Aldi’s but I hear great things about its cheapness so one day, I shall venture forth.

    But mostly I want to tell you (all) a story (’bout a man named Jed) – bc only June’s readers will get the true meaning of this. My office building includes a few floors rented to those who serve and protect the president. Those persons are, naturally, in pretty damned fine shape. It is hot as blazes here in your nation’s capital. Those persons still need to work out, on the regular. Sometimes, it means that those men are going to be working out without shirts, as it turns out. And when said person is a fine specimen of a man, and of color, and sweaty… well, June, I think I found you your next lovah.

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  2. So my Mr. HusbandMan has a family who are a wee bit cost-conscious. Hence, they all adore ALDI. To the point that they would bring me a watermelon from 9 hours away because it was a $2 less than we could pay for a watermelon at the store 15 minutes away. (If this comes out disjointed please know I’m at the airport where a loud siren is going off and no one else seems to have noticied). Anyway…
    My dear Mr. CerealObsessed loved his ALDI cereal. I bought real cereal. Asked him if he liked it. His response was, “it’s a lot less gritty than my regular cereal”.
    [They got the siren to stop then someone opened up that same door and right then I knew what the siren was indicating…]

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  3. Aldi has recently opened two stores in my area and I’ve been to neither because people around here are crazed and the lines are ridiculous. But because of social media (i.e. bitchin’ on Facebook) I knew about the quarters and the bags. I will go prepared if either one of those stores ever calms down. Otherwise Ima just keep paying 75 cents for my yogurt.

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  4. You can normally buy bags for like 10 cents a piece. But yes, we should have warned you, Aldi needs a bit of splanin’

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  5. My kids crying still jars me. I wish I could push past it, but I can’t. And I miss magnolia trees!
    Oh, and I’d still read and be excited for you if you fell for a beautiful lady of color. I can just picture the colorful maxi dress in my mind.

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  6. “It’s a lot less gritty than my regular cereal”. I need to work that into a conversation today.

    Here’s what I didn’t know on my first trip to Aldi’s:
    392. Have a quarter for the grocery cart.
    ABC. Have CASH! They only accepted cash or a debit card at the time. I was digging through my purse for CASH since I normally use a credit card. Have they changed their policy to accept credit cards now?
    XIV. Bring your bags to bag your own groceries.
    789. Bring your patience as the lines can be long.

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  7. I love Aldi. There are certain items I’ve tried and not liked as much as the name brand equivalent but those instances are few and far between. I also try things, thinking I’m only spending $2 and if we don’t like it I won’t feel awful throwing it out.
    My top favorites:
    Queso dip — the best I’ve ever found at any store.
    Restaurant style tortilla chips.
    Brownie mix.
    Chocolate. Trust me. The Aldi chocolate, any kind, is the best chocolate. At Easter and Christmas they sell cocoa dusted truffles, for like $4.99 a box, and I would marry them.
    The coffee is pretty good and for those of you with a Kuerig, their K cups are good and cheap.

    The produce can be hit and miss but their meat is always good. It’s also a good place to stock up on the staples.

    I could go on forever but I’ll stop. You’re welcome.

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  8. Ours does accept cash, debit and credit cards now. As for the lines, once you’re familiar with your store and area you get an idea of the busiest and slowest times.

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  9. I, for one, would not be judgmental if you started dating a hot 25 year old woman of color. As a matter of fact, I’d encourage it. Pictures please! 🙂

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  10. June, you will need a quarter for a buggy (cart) and your own bags. Sorry, I’m guilty of not sharing this bit of information with you. You passed up the Belgium chocolate? I shop at Aldi all the time and save a bundle. Only problem? When you find something you really like they don’t always have it when you want to purchase more. Last year I found some great butter flavored coconut spread, then BOOM, it was gone. A couple of weeks ago they had the coconut spread, I bought four cartons.

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      1. I KNOW!!!!! As is the chocolate!!!! AND I FOUND LACY COOKIES LAST CHRISTMAS!!!!!! I stocked up on those cookies and they are rationed out one at a time. I have them in the freezer in the basement so they aren’t so accessible.

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    1. Tee – Some items are seasonal. They are mostly marked as “Special Buy”. Also, the staff @ my Aldi advised that if an item doesn’t sell well in that store, it may not be reordered but the store in the next town will still get it.

      I love the Fig Jam, so when it’s sold, I buy enough jars for the year.

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  11. Let’s see how bad WordUnimpressed hates me today.

    They built an Aldi (or is it ALDI? Aldis? Aldi’s?) a mile from my house two years ago – still haven’t been. I went to one years ago and it was all plain white labels with black writing. So Communist Russia in my mind. Wait, is there another kind of Russia? Isn’t Aldi the result of a falling out between the Trader Joe’s guy and his brother? I do love Trader Joe’s. Joes? Joes’? OH NEVER MIND!

    Rubenesque – BAH! Did you all read that David Cassidy was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s? Or was it dementia? My own dementia prevents me from remembering. As well as recalling if we already discussed this subject.

    Pretty magnolias. I hope Peg is doing OK. I bet she misses her magnolia.

    Lovely post lovely June!

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  12. We do not have Aldi’s in our area. I’m not sure if there are any in California. What we do have is the bring-your-own-bag rule at all of our grocery stores. Or you can buy their plastic (sometimes paper) bags at ten cents each. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen works/ed at one of our Ulta stores. She is a woman of color with absolutely perfect features, including a perfect figure, about 25 years old. I wanted to take her picture so bad. I mean, she was gorgeous!

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    1. I Googled Aldi to see if there were any near me in Southern California. While there is one in my town, it’s not nearly close enough to make it worth my while. Having to take the freeway and then drive a few miles after exiting the freeway just to save a few cents would be the equivalent of stepping over a dollar to pick up a dime.

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  13. Your beautiful magnolia pictures reminded me of trying to explain to a northern friend why I couldn’t just press one and send it to her so she could see one. Like I did with my pansies. She could not comprehend a flower that you could not press. Tuck one of those babies in your Bible. Did your grandmothers have little flowers pressed here and there in their Bibles?

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    1. My grandmother DID have a Bible, in between some ceramic praying hands she glazed, because she liked a theme. When she died, the minister or priest or whatever cloth man he was came to the house. I remember her sister and aunt and so on saying, “Nita was such a good Chritian (she was) and she always had her Bible (she didn’t). They got said dusty Bible from between the praying hands, shooed the moths off it, and opened it.

      “To Johnny Mike, for his confirmation.” Johnny Mike was my atheist dad. Gramma was his ex-mother-in-law. I have no clue how she got that Bible, but clearly it was all to show off her fabulous glazed praying hands. Which would be a good band name.

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  14. We now have an Aldi and it has made a HUGE difference in my food bill. I buy almost everything there except meat because it’s usually on sale cheaper somewhere else. We love the $.25 dozen eggs!

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  15. I apologize for the failure to explain the rules of Aldi. I have been shopping there for about fifteen years so it is old hat to me. I keep bags in the car. Their plastic bags are great, so good my husband steals them from my car. I have to keep rebuying some. I like their big canvas bags too, great for all the boxed and jarred staples. I am with Tee on the chocolate, it is fantastic. Their cheap snacks help keep my sister out of the poor house. The lines stink, I have learned to ignore the stink eye because I tend to stock up when I go there. It’s worth it for the prices.

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  16. Many of our local supermarkets have the same pay a quater for a cart thing. It annoys but there are less car dings in the parking lots.

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    1. And the buggies are in better shape, like the wheels actually roll and all four tough the floor at the same time, unlike the other stores. We have discovered that if we go early on Thursday mornings it is so much less crowded, usually, but we are retired and can go during the week and not have to fight the weekend mad house.

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    1. That quarter thing might be a deal breaker for me. I can’t remember the last time I held real money in my hands. But maybe I can just sit and wait for a lovely girl to approach and offer me her cart?

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      1. We need a loonie (Canadian dollar coin) for carts at most grocery stores where I live. I just keep one under the little mat where I put my coffee cup in the car. I put it under so my husband doesn’t see it and use it for paid parking or whatever. Then it’s always available. And we have to pay for plastic bags or bring our own. Aldi sounds amazing, we don’t have one here where I live, but I believe they are in some of the bigger Canadian cities.

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      2. Lisa, the good news? You get your quarter back if you put the buggy back, so you can recycle it (the quarter not the buggy).

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  17. Never heard of Aldi’s and it sounds like I need one. We did just get a Chik-Fil-A (seriously? That’s how you spell it?) and people were absolutely insane for that thing. Can anyone tell me why? People lined up in their cars around the block all day long. It was was like the Krispy Kreme Frenzy of ’07. Lovely post. Lovely magnolias. We have them here, but that was months ago. Now it’s so hot, all the flowers look like they’ve been dried and pressed in Gramma’s Bible.

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    1. For the longest time, I just did not get the name “Chik-Fil-A” and thought it was pronounced, “Chick FillUh.” I know. It also took a few decades before I actually ate at one. I know eating at a Chick Filluh is very politically incorrect these days but dammit, it’s so good!

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    2. Chick-fil-A. Usually, when a new store opens, the first few customer gets free Chick-fil-A for a year, so that is why people camp out days before the opening. I don’t think they have changed that policy.

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  18. Oh, and one of our Office Depots won’t let you take the cart out of the store. A little annoying when one is buying a case of copy paper…

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  19. Well there are some very enthusiastic Aldi’s shoppers here! My city has Aldi’s, but they are all out in the ‘burbs and I am way in the middle of town, so I’ve never been. This will be a fun summer field trip – all in the name of cheap eggs. I’m going! But not today because, tropical storm.
    Gorgeous magnolia, June/Peg!!

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  20. I have never been to Aldi either. One is right next door to my favorite grocery store, so. I may have to go, just so I can be “in” here on this website. Here is my news: I just finished my class! My last class to get credentialed in English. I am over the moon–so over homework. I have to lead a book club on Monday, and then? I am not beholden to ANYONE. I can do what I want! FREEEEDOOOMMMMM!

    Okay. Love the cat pictures of yesterday when I was working on my LAST paper. Love the tips about bags/quarters from today. Love, love, love the magnolia.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  21. You’re right about tuning out the screaming of children. But just my own children. If someone else’s children are screaming I’m all, “The fuck?”

    They have frozen garlic knots at Aldi that are amazing, if you’re into that sort of thing. The yogurt was a good choice. Their yogurt is delicious. Their low-calorie yogurt is similarly delicious.

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  22. Aldis had the best cheese cake a couple of Christmases ago. Never had anything so good. Unfortunately, it never came back. I checked often. Also, at first I was put off by the quarter thing, but now I love it. For one thing, you get it back when you return your cart, for another, people give each other quarters as they pass each other to pass the cart to the next person, for yet another, people are kind and give you their cart if you don’t have a quarter. It is a feeling of community I like. It reminds me of going “downtown” when I was a kid and the bathrooms in Kresges and Woolworth were coin operated. People got around that by just holding the door open for the next person. Of course, someone had to make the initial payment of five or ten cents, but still, if felt good to help someone else out and the beat the system. Oh, Aldis also have very good cheese and other deli items from time to time and sometimes there are brand names too. I love the magnolias. Is there a way to send Peg a picture?

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  23. I ASSUME you wrote “bailing hay” as a joke. Or else the hay was very wet? And, yeah, I knew I needed bags at Aldi, but I spent a long time staring at those carts and wondering how to unlock them before someone told me the secret.

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  24. We had our first Aldi shopping experience yesterday, too! A friend gave me a coupon for $10 off a $40 purchase so off we went as I’m a sucker for a coupon. We know to bring bags here in southern CA. It’s almost the law now, or maybe it is the law. Anyway, we didn’t know about the quarter for a cart thing but a nice gentleman in a Mercedes was driving off, stopped and told us he left his cart in the parking lot if we wanted it. Good thing as I never carry change. The bargains are amazing. 50 cents for an avocado. They are $1.69 at Trader Joe’s. Baby spinach, cheap. Lemons, cheap. Grapes, cheap. You get my point. We had a hard time buying enough to get up to $40 for the coupon. And, yes, their fresh pizza is delicious! Only one checkout lane was open but there was no line. Will definitely go back. That’s all.

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  25. I love Aldi since it reminds me of Germany. Over there we actually have Aldi south and Aldi north, depending where you live. None of the grocery stores give out free bags, have not done so in years and years. Now it had gotten to the point where no store will even sell bags!! Completely ridiculous! Last year on vacation I went to the drugstore to buy my favorites to bring back to the us and had to cram everything in my purse. I ended up buying one of the multiple use bags for like 3 $ when I ran out of purse space. I’m all for reducing waste, but that’s just ridiculous.

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  26. Edsel emerging from the magnolia blossom like Buddha from the lotus* is my new favorite photo.
    * Or am I thinking of Anne Geddes?

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  27. “Whatever cloth man!” My husband the pastor has a new nickname. I always pass my cart on. It’s a good deed for a quarter! I love their bags. Am wondering where Aldi coupon came from? $10 off is great coupon!

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  28. That magnolia photo is prize-worthy! Just gorgeous.

    And I am thrilled beyond everything that I have a blog name! I am going to try and change it here and see if it takes.

    Texas Kari and any other Gulf Coast people, please stay high and dry!

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  29. Aldi is a German company. I think it’s interesting how the cashiers get to sit down while they’re working (unlike the usual U.S. mode of standing cashiers). So German!

    And, yes, the chocolate at Aldi is delicious!

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  30. I went to Aldi once for grilled cheese fixins. I bought a loaf of Lovin’ bread and a package of Happy cheese. My boys thought those brand names were hilarious. I’ll have to look for one now that we’ve moved. It’s all ShopRite all the time up here.

    Love, love the photo of Eds and the magnolia.

    I think I was SteelyDanMagicCat’s 110th follower.

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  31. So, I had to Google Aldi’s…for your edification, it is short for Albrecht’s Discount. And, as others mentioned, it was part of a bigger German company run by two brothers, who split the company in two over a dispute over selling cigarettes. One brother kept Aldi’s, the other became Trader Joe’s. I feel so educated today. We have no Aldi’s here in Colorado, just recently got some Trader Joe’s. I love everyone’s stories. I’ll bet I would love Aldi’s; I’m a sucker for a bargain. It sounds like you did some good shopping, June.
    Lovely post, June. Beautiful magnolia picture. I had no idea they were that big. Magnolias are another thing we don’t have here in the arid west.

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    1. I did not know that about my favorite store, Trader Joe’s. So for people who have shopped at both TJ’s and Aldi, are they pretty much the same?

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  32. We love Aldi’s. You will too once you get the hang of it. All of their chips are better than the name brand, especially their version of Doritos, cheesier! And yes their Queso and Restaurant Tortillas are awesome. Their Iced Oatmeal Cookies, and their version of Girl Scout Cookies(Smores, PB Patties & Thin Mints) awesome! Their Chex Mix called Party Mix is great and I think better than Chex. Our family loves all of their yogurts, and cheeses. Their Orange Juice is wonderful too. I do not buy my meats(my dear friends have a butcher shop, local grass fed meats) at Aldi’s except for a frozen batter fish that they have that is delicious. Basically the only product that I’ve bought at Aldi’s that was not up to par was one of their dishwasher detergents. Their Organic Milk is great, we are picky about the taste of milk and their organic is fantastic! Aldi’s is an international giant and they own Trader Joe’s. A few months ago they announced that within the next year all of their products will be organic.
    Love the picture of sweet Edz with the magnolia!

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    1. Heather, I was also going to comment that the only two things I did not like from Aldi’s were dishwasher detergent and laundry detergent. They just don’t clean very well. Felt like the laundry looked really dingy with the Aldi’s detergent. Other than that though, I’ve been happy with everything else that I’ve ever bought there.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I almost wonder if the detergent is made to work with the German water system? They have super-soft water there that doesn’t have fluoride in it (my niece’s sons had multiple cavities when they came home after living in Germany for several years because of the lack of fluoride. They needed serious dental work when they got home). I don’t know what other chemicals are/are not in US water that are/aren’t in the German water system. I wonder if that makes a difference?

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    1. Lisa they do plan to build Aldi’s in Austin soon. I just read about it. And we have TJ’s although I don’t feel like it’s at all competition for HEB.

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  33. I remember my virgin voyage to Aldi. I had my quarter but no bags either. I always grabbed empty boxes from the shelves to put my stuff in. They tore ours down and built a huge one. I think Aldi and Trader Joe’s have the same owners, or did.

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  34. My husband loves Aldi’s (he’s the cook/grocery shopper) but he always complains that no one ever offers him a cart. Clearly, he’s going to the wrong Aldi’s.

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  35. Your grammatically correct songs reminded me of a favorite cartoon (or comic?)– a man tells his dog, “Lay down!” and the dog is on its back. Then the man says, “Speak!” and the dog sits up and says, “It’s ‘Lie.'”

    Liked by 1 person

  36. We don’t have a Trader Joe’s anywhere around where I live. Always wanted to check them out. I think there are only a few in PA, and they’re all about two hours away from me.

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  37. For whomever asked, Trader Joes is way cooler than Aldis. My friends and I have begged them to come north to us, but they won’t. We have to go to suburbs of Detroit to find them. The quality of everything and the choice of products is much greater at Trader Joes. I went to my first Trader Joes in L.A. when June lived there. It was just down the street from where she lived. We have Kroger, Walmart (I have never darkened their door) and Meijers here. We are in a vast wasteland.

    Like

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