I have a story that's hilarious, or at least it would be when I told it, with my fine storytelling skills, and hey, modesty. But as I always do before I tell someone else's story, I asked first if it would be okay to tell, and it turns out it's not okay to tell, which… Continue reading The one where June never shuts up. Yeah, that one. This one time.
As you know, because you wrote it on your calendars and alerted your families and took the day off, I went to see Young Frankenstein with The Poet last night. She had me drive, because she was worried about parking, but I scoff in the face of parking, which makes no sense because parking has… Continue reading PUUUIN ON THE RIAAAAZ
I don't want to know about your stupid A-game. What game, anyway? Maybe this is my problem; I don't know what the game is and why I should be playing it. My love for everything rages on. I'm writing you now with a dead gigantic cockroach near the entryway to this room, and I've no… Continue reading June’s love for everything continues unabashed
What do you consider to be your trashiest trait? I had one of those nights last night where I was on the phone, one call after the other. My whole walk with Edsel, I was on the phone. He didn't care. When I got home, I was on the phone. When I was in bed… Continue reading In what way are you trashy?
Right now, mostly I'm just waiting for my avocados to ripen. At the grocery store Sunday, where I went to buy all the stuff for my food prep, there were two choices: the black avocados that were mushy--not at all unlike the current state of my hips--or the green ones, that were hardened like my attitude… Continue reading Jardins de tarte à la lune
I'm glad we're all gathered together once again. In our uncomfortable wooden pews. Our Pepe LePews. On Friday, I had plans to get together with Jo and Kit, actual women friends, which you know how I am about that. They'd wanted to see me on my actual birthday, last Sunday, but they couldn't see me… Continue reading Strawberry JuneCake
This weekend I have tons of activities planned. Great. Is there anything more annoying than a weekend of things to do? I just got done entertaining someone. I wanted a weekend to myself. With nary a plan. But no. Last night I got home a little late, as I worked a little late, and walked… Continue reading June the Excellent Pet Parent
In the famous words of Jackie Kennedy, I had my colonoscopy. See. She didn't say those words. Cause as I pointed out on Facebook the other day, I doubt that when Jackie Kennedy showed up at HER editing job that she announced her upcoming colonoscopy. As possibly I did. To everyone. I'd have put it… Continue reading Aw, crap.
"I have to blog," I just told my mother. Not that I have a blog. When I'm visiting her, I always emphasize how, if I'm writing, I don't like to be interrupted. Ruins m'flow. "I know you have you write, you've told me and told me," she said from her perch in the living room.… Continue reading At 52, June finally plays with a full deck
Yesterday morning, I woke up just before my alarm. Once my Aunt Mary asked me, "Some mornings when you wake up, are you glad you're still alive, cause you slept so hard you can't believe you weren't dead?" I used to have no idea what she was talking about. Marvin had restless legs and I… Continue reading D’oh, a deer. A female deer.
"Hey, it's Alf, your ridiculous handyman," said Alf, my ridiculous handyman, who clearly reads my not-blog. Alf was recommended to me by a coworker, a coworker I had to go down to another floor to see yesterday, to ask him to call Alf for me cause I was unable to retrieve Alf's number, which lead… Continue reading I saw a screw
First of all, before we all up and forget, it's Steely Dan's birthday. He is one, according to the estimated birth date the vet gave him back when I first brought him in. I would take a picture of old Steely Dan, but he's outside tripping the elderly or whatever the hell. He's mostly a… Continue reading I’m in my prime. You are too.
Ir currently abhor my appearance. I've been on Weight Watchers THE WHOLE WEEK, and okay, shut up. But I've lost no pounds, none! This is the second diet I've tried where I lost zero pounds the first week and said, Fuck it. But I'll keep fucking trying, as I think I paid 11 dollars for… Continue reading June D. Wattle
Yesterday was a harrowing workday, which resulted in my shoulders up right on my ears pretty much for 8 hours. When I was done with my GODDAMN DAY, I dearly wanted a drink. I never drink during the week now, part of my weight loss plan that's resulted in precisely no weight loss. "I want… Continue reading Mr. Greensboro
Do you ever wish everyone would just stop talking to you? I don't mean blog comments--I can honestly say that there hasn't been one time I've gotten a blog comment and gone, UGH. A COMMENT. Goddammit. Not once. I'm always glad to get those. But here are the following ways people can talk to me:… Continue reading June’s Room of Her Own
"Let me take you to dinner," Ned said, Ned of the I Really Shouldn't Hang Around Him Neds. "I'll take you anywhere you want to go." "Village Tavern!" I said. I've never had bad food there. Ever. It is delicious. "Well, it's Wednesday night there." For some reason, my stupid city has made Wednesday incredibly… Continue reading June the Amakazon
"Do you want to come downtown?" Marty Martin asked. He and Kayeeeeee were headed down for the 4th of July events all afternoon, along with 495593020404203 other people in town. Events that included "Find a Place to Park" and "Hey, it's 90! Can YOU Live?" "Going downtown sounds awful," I said, because I am a… Continue reading Boom
This is a dumb day. Don't you agree, it's dumb? Like, we have to go to work today, and I suppose I could have taken the day off, as I have like 344449493 more days off I could take, but I forgot. You know how I am. Life just comes at me. Oh, wow, it's… Continue reading I seethed anyway
Yesterday, I cheated on my hairdresser and held a dying kitten. So now I have PTSD and almost-black hair. I'd had to cancel on my regularly scheduled hairdresser, because my appointment with her had been during my Two Weeks With 80 Dollars sabbatical. "Yes, I'm on sabbatical. From life. Till I hunker through these two… Continue reading Black