I have a story that’s hilarious, or at least it would be when I told it, with my fine storytelling skills, and hey, modesty. Continue reading “The one where June never shuts up. Yeah, that one. This one time.”
I don’t want to know about your stupid A-game. What game, anyway? Maybe this is my problem; I don’t know what the game is and why I should be playing it. Continue reading “June’s love for everything continues unabashed”
What do you consider to be your trashiest trait? Continue reading “In what way are you trashy?”
Right now, mostly I’m just waiting for my avocados to ripen. Continue reading “Jardins de tarte à la lune”
I’m glad we’re all gathered together once again. In our uncomfortable wooden pews. Our Pepe LePews.
On Friday, I had plans to get together with Jo and Kit, actual women friends, which you know how I am about that. Continue reading “Strawberry JuneCake”
This weekend I have tons of activities planned.
In the famous words of Jackie Kennedy, I had my colonoscopy. Continue reading “Aw, crap.”
“I have to blog,” I just told my mother. Not that I have a blog.
When I’m visiting her, I always emphasize how, if I’m writing, I don’t like to be interrupted. Ruins m’flow.
“I know you have you write, you’ve told me and told me,” she said from her perch in the living room. I have. I’ve tried to write all the other days she’s been here and as soon as I sit down, she’ll be all, “Where are your spoons?”
So, I said, “Okay, here I go. Really writing now.” I sat down. Stretched my claws. Poised over the keyboard.
“Did you feed Edsel?” Continue reading “At 52, June finally plays with a full deck”
Yesterday morning, I woke up just before my alarm. Once my Aunt Mary asked me, “Some mornings when you wake up, are you glad you’re still alive, cause you slept so hard you can’t believe you weren’t dead?” Continue reading “D’oh, a deer. A female deer.”
“Hey, it’s Alf, your ridiculous handyman,” said Alf, my ridiculous handyman, who clearly reads my not-blog. Continue reading “I saw a screw”
First of all, before we all up and forget, it’s Steely Dan’s birthday. He is one, according to the estimated birth date the vet gave him back when I first brought him in. I would take a picture of old Steely Dan, but he’s outside tripping the elderly or whatever the hell. Continue reading “I’m in my prime. You are too.”
Ir currently abhor my appearance. Continue reading “June D. Wattle”
Yesterday was a harrowing workday, which resulted in my shoulders up right on my ears pretty much for 8 hours. When I was done with my GODDAMN DAY, I dearly wanted a drink. I never drink during the week now, part of my weight loss plan that’s resulted in precisely no weight loss. Continue reading “Mr. Greensboro”
Do you ever wish everyone would just stop talking to you? I don’t mean blog comments–I can honestly say that there hasn’t been one time I’ve gotten a blog comment and gone, UGH. A COMMENT. Goddammit. Not once. I’m always glad to get those. Continue reading “June’s Room of Her Own”
“Let me take you to dinner,” Ned said, Ned of the I Really Shouldn’t Hang Around Him Neds. “I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.” Continue reading “June the Amakazon”
“Do you want to come downtown?” Marty Martin asked. He and Kayeeeeee were headed down for the 4th of July events all afternoon, along with 495593020404203 other people in town. Events that included “Find a Place to Park” and “Hey, it’s 90! Can YOU Live?” Continue reading “Boom”
This is a dumb day. Don’t you agree, it’s dumb? Like, we have to go to work today, and I suppose I could have taken the day off, as I have like 344449493 more days off I could take, but I forgot.
You know how I am. Continue reading “I seethed anyway”
Yesterday, I cheated on my hairdresser and held a dying kitten. So now I have PTSD and almost-black hair. Continue reading “Black”