June’s Room of Her Own

Do you ever wish everyone would just stop talking to you? I don’t mean blog comments–I can honestly say that there hasn’t been one time I’ve gotten a blog comment and gone, UGH. A COMMENT. Goddammit. Not once. I’m always glad to get those.

But here are the following ways people can talk to me:

  • My phone
  • Text on my phone
  • At my fucking open-floor-plan desk
  • Work email
  • This damn instant message feature they make us have at work, because we need more distractions
  • Personal email
  • Freelance-related email
  • Blog email, which includes messages from you AND blog comments
  • Regular Facebook
  • (Face)Book of June
  • And, my personal fucking favorite, IM on Facebook

Sometimes all of these are going off at once, with notices. Am overwhelmed. Does anyone else feel overwhelmed? Is it just me? If I go, say, an hour without checking these things during the day, I’ll easily have 60 notices to return to.

When did we become these people? Damn internet invention. Fuck you, Al Gore. YOU’RE an inconvenient truth.

Anyway, speaking of overwhelmed, as you know, since I never shut up about it, since I’m one of your 60 notices an hour, I never have enough money. A faithful reader, Darla, whom I’ve known and worked with on stuff outside of not-blogging, said to me, “Give me all your money stuff. I’m great with budgets.”

When she returned, with all my vitals, she said, “Yeah, no, it’s not you. You just don’t have enough cash to go around.” I knew that. I mean, I’ve even given up most of my grooming. Hate self currently. Can frown, for example. Have sagging in face when normally some delightful chemical is floating around in there to make me look fresh.

You should see my hooves. What pedicure? I’m like Shirley Maclaine at the end of Debra Winger’s life.

So, I know we’ve discussed this before, and the first person to say Dave Ramsey in the comments has to look at pictures of my feet. But what a lot of people suggest is that I, I don’t know, exploit you in some way. Make you pay to read, for example. And, you know, I’m lucky you even read this bullshit in the first place! Now I want you to pay for it?

I considered having a subscription-only where I tell you the really personal stuff, stuff where you’d likely stand on a chair with your hair on end. But instead, Faithful Reader Darla suggested I become an Amazon associate.

Once I looked into it, it seemed painless for both of us. Every day, I put in an image that, if you click on it, takes you to Amazon. If you buy anything, anything at all, on Amazon that day, after clicking over there from my not-blog, I get something like nine hundred thousand dollars.

I can also put it on the side of my not-blog, and I might do that, but so far I can’t figure out how. And yes, I can do it so people in Canada and England can shop, but I tried to do that yesterday and it ended in tragedy.

So, please be patient with me. You know these things aren’t my strong suit. Like, I probably won’t know the answer to your question yet. I have to learn all the ins and outs.

But look! Here’s a picture of Blu! Heer be Blu! If you click on this picture, it takes you to Amazon. Oh, hey, you wanted to buy something on Amazon today anyway? Well, go ‘head. Get it, girl. Once you do, I get a cut of it.

And if you’re already hooked up with a charity through Amazon, so the cut goes to them, for heaven’s sake don’t yell at me like I’m ripping food out of the mouths of homeless children. Just don’t click through me. I’ll be fine. I’m not forcing you to do this. It just seemed like an easy way to get cash without haranguing you to buy my MaryKay or making you register to read my crappy blog.

Speaking of Blu, Edsel did the thing he sometimes does, where he begins eating the food as I’m pouring it out, like he’s been on the desert with no water or whatever. That dog eats every day at 7 a.m. and 5:30 p.m. Yet some days he acts starved. I think he’s an emotional eater. He’s an emotional everything else.

And besides, he got several Milk Bones yesterday. We played our game:

Ooo, also, my mattress came yesterday. My mother is moving to a smaller place, and as a result is sending me furniture we’ve had forever, including my gramma’s bed. My grandmother had five children, and by the time I was born they were pretty much out of the house, except for my Uncle Jim who was only nine and a half years older and therefore tormented me.

The point is, she had a lotta bedrooms and a lotta beds. And where did I always sleep? With gramma, of course. Till I was about 13 and it dawned on me, I could sleep in one of these other beds.

But for the first 13 years, she’d tell me fairy tales that she’d fall asleep in the middle of (“And lo and behold, the princess…ZZZZZZZZZ”), and she’d recite poems she liked, and I’d tell her about school and we’d giggle at things. Now I get that bed in my very own house.

I just needed a mattress. So with all my extra dollars I got one on sale and lo and behold, it got here yesterday. I decided to move into that bedroom. It’s the bedroom Marvin and I slept in when we first moved here; it has the walk-in closet some sainted person added before we got here. I moved out of it the day Marvin left.

I’m hoping that moving bedrooms brings me some kind of sex luck. Like feng shui. Fuck shui.

Here is the view from my new bed–I’m still deciding where everything should go and I’m happy to report I scratched the floor last night, moving things. Also, dear mom. You’re gonna have to help me rearrange all the rooms when you get here. Fun!

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Of course I’m keeping the blinds. They’re still good! Broom stays, too.

IMG_8610.JPG

Oh, say, can you see (heee) my full-length mirror? It’s a jewelry holder inside. I happen to have a link on Amazon so you can get one!

Last night when I got home, I lay prone on the couch. I lay prone on the couch from 6 p.m. till 9 p.m. I didn’t work out, I didn’t walk Edsel, I just splayed out. “What is wrong with me?” I thought. “I have no energy.”

Then I got a migraine. Why can’t I ever figure myself out? I know I get exhausted before a migraine. It’s like back when I used to have me the monthlies. Every month there’d be one day where I wept and carried on and wondered why life was so useless, and I’d wake up the next day and

japan-flag

Japanese flag.

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Here’s the final view from my bed. Further bed re-do reports as developments warrant.

All right, I gotta go. I have to–

MOTHER OF GOD. Edsel just let himself inside and he smells HORRIFIC. I shudder to think of what just went down out there. Oh my GOD. I’m no psychic, but I predict a bath in that motherfucker’s future.

Maternally,

June

76 thoughts on “June’s Room of Her Own

  1. The Japanese flag slayed me. I will try to remember to come here first when I am going to shop on Amazon, and you are just in time for Prime Day. I hope you get lots of cash as Pedicures are important for sanity.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. FUCK SHUI!!! OMG, am so so dead now. Will be useless at work all day, giggling. (I’ll be like co-worker, except she doesn’t giggle, she’s just useless.)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It will be fun to rearrange everything. Do you have a phillips screw driver? If not borrow one or let me know and I will bring mine. P.S. Those blinds have got to go.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m with Mother — NEW BLINDS. Or, you know, if SD is just going to tear something down, maybe get that Contac Paper that’s frosted, and put on the bottom windows so you have privacy and light? Oooh! Put it on your Amazon wish list and we can buy it for you AND you make money when we do! WINNING!

      Like

    2. I TOLD you I needed those curtains you have. And yes, I have a kick-ass screwdriver, actually. This ass jerk at Saturday free yoga over at the brewery? I mentioned I didn’t have a screwdriver, and she said, “Oh, you’re not independent, then.” That asshole. So I left yoga and screamed right over to Lowe’s and got one of those good ones with all the different tops.

      Ass jerk. Namaste.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I briefly considered that treasure hunt game for my dog, but she is not at all food motivated and would look at me like, “you find it. I no care.” In the entire time we’ve had this dog, she has never begged for any food when we’re eating. Then a few weeks ago, the kids got fast food and they were eating it and the dog was in the next room, but could see them. She whined. One whine. One of the kids said, “Oh! Right! Sorry!” and tossed her a French fry. ONE French fry. She caught it, ate it and went back to sleep. So, two things here: there is someone who can actually eat ONE French fry and be done, and, apparently, my rotten kids have been tossing her one French fry unbeknownst to me for God knows how long. Sigh.

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  5. Aww – all the grey cats! [Yes I spell grey with an “e” but am American. Read too much Brit Lit perhaps?]
    Question for you – I see that you have the magical jewelry organizer and am thinking of getting one. It is as convenient as it appears to be?
    Also, I’m glad that you got your Grandmom’s bed. Can you take a photo of the headboard?
    Lovely post, June

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    1. That magical jewelry organizer is nice, but not enough room if you have a million necklaces. Hey, I know! I’ll link to one on Amazon tomorrow!

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  6. Totally just bought a Blu for my Leo. I know you don’t have to buy the thing on the link, but it looked like a good purchase and Edsel certainly loves it. Also bought an effing bathing suit to wear in public. Oh my Lord. I’m dying over the video. When Edsel goes into hiding! I could not agree with you more over ALL OF THE MESSAGES in the world coming at you all day. I hate the anxiety that email causes me and if i have a message on FB I cuss a lot. Leave me alone!

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  7. I love the idea of the Amazon link and will use it for every future Amazon purchase. I know I am so unique in saying this, so let me just exclaim just how fucking humorous I find you. I actually snorted coffee out m’nose (ha) on poor stinky Edsel ( have I ever mentioned how much I love your Edsel? I sit and watch him endlessly when I’m supposed to be talking with rich bitches from Neiman Marcus, on his play days, via their webcam. ) I want to take a minute to thank you for deciding to start writing again. That mini hiatus triggered by the asshole troll, made me very sad. So glad am I to have your witty observations to enjoy again. I love every single post. Thank you, June. Lovely day to you!

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  8. Speaking of Amazon, recently my husband purchased a 40lb bag of dog food and a 10 lb box of milk bones. (Yes, our mail carrier was thrilled when it arrived in one very heavy box.). Then last week, the owner of the dog boarding and daycare place where we take our dog posted a “danger alert” on her Facebook page about the dangers of giving dogs milkbone treats!! Supposedly the BHA in milkbones is a carcinogen. So, now I have 10 lbs of milkbones I feel guilty about each time I give one to our dog. Sigh. However, Mr. Gumby has no qualms about giving out the treats. He yells, ” Hey, Dingdong! Want a cancer bone?” Double sigh.

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      1. Thank you for checking on this! Normally I check snopes but didn’t this time. Who knew June’s blog was such a public service for all? (Throwing a milk bone to my happy dog!)

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    1. We are discontinuing our use of Milkbones after this box is finished because the Vet just informed me that one large Milkbone is the equivalent of one cup of food. No wonder Howard’s weight loss stalled. Carrots and green beans for everybody!

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  9. Thank you for the link to Blu. I have been intending to look in Amazon but didn’t think a search for “Blu” would be productive. He seems to be a durable dog toy and Ellie can destroy most in precious little time. Not advice, but I think sheer light curtains, Priscilla’s?, would be adorable in your newish bedroom. Fuck shui!

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    1. Missifeline, it’s a full-length jewelry holder on the inside. I got it at this secondhand store here, and it was brand new. Sometimes they have brand-new shit. Okay, I’m going on Amazon now to get a link link link! In case anyone cares, so far I’ve made $15. RICH!

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    2. Okay, go back to my post! I’ve added a link to one like it. Well, the one I found didn’t have the pictures. But you can peruse others like it.

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  10. Congratulations on the Amazon integration. I’ll try to remember to switch over before ordering. Do the assorted animals protest or freak out when furniture moves? I throw our beast in the shower although it’s probably a waste of water and I get just as wet as she does but it’s faster and it beats filling a container multiple times for rinsing since we don’t have a hand held attachment.

    Lovely post, pretty June.

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    1. Edsel was VERY upset that furniture moved. He went to the other bed and had vapors. It annoyed. Lu annoy. Steely Dan spent the whole time getting in the way of me putting on the mattress cover and sheets.

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  11. Fuck shui…heeeeeee!
    My facebook notifications/messages gave me so much anxiety that I ended up deleting my account a few months ago and it was one of the best decisions I ever done made. Instagram is next on the chopping block.
    Will be back later to buy my Oil of Olay through your Amazon link. Cha-ching!

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    1. My grandmother used to be thrifty and purchase something called Oil of Allure. Because we all know what a pretty penny that Oil of Olay is.

      What the fuck IS Olay?

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      1. I just wikipedia’d it – I couldn’t remember what the reasoning behind the name being different in different countries was. Here goes:

        “Olay originated in South Africa as Oil of Olay. Graham Wulff (1916–2008), an ex-Unilever chemist from Durban,[2] started it in 1952. He chose the name “Oil of Olay” as a spin on the word “lanolin”, a key ingredient. (…)
        As the company began to market the product internationally, it was decided to modify the name of the product in each country so it would sound pleasing and realistic to consumers. This led to the introduction of Oil of Ulay (UK and Ireland), Oil of Ulan (Australia) and Oil of Olaz (France, Italy, the Netherlands and Germany).”

        Cool.

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  12. well i was just going to hit you up on one of those millions of ways to talk to you. i will hold myself back; however, would you please follow up with me on a conversation we had?

    edz was all chompy because he burned extra anxiety calories last night. i love amazon. i will try and remember to go through here every time.

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  13. When you mentioned the Amazon link yesterday my first thought was “dammit it probably won’t work for Canadian purchases.” I so want to help, so I’ll patiently wait until you’ve sorted it, as I have a shit load of stuff I’m planning to order. Woo hoo!
    I love that you have your gramma’s bed. So many happy memories for you. A new start in a new/old room.
    Fuck Shui. Make it so.

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  14. You should see my hooves! That just cracked me up.

    All the media stuff does overwhelm me. My phone is constantly dinging and I don’t even work. The e-mails, where do they GET my email address?

    I hope you make thousands on the Amazon link. Hopefully, you can figure out the technical stuff and get the permanent link on the website. This technically challenged person understands. That’s exciting about getting your grandmother’s bed and your coming to help rearrange your house. I have a theory, there’s nothing two women can’t move, unless it’s a piano.

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    1. Y’all do realize that you can disable the sound on the FB comments and such in your settings, that way your phone is not constantly going off with dings concerning less than important messages.

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      1. Mine is turned off, cause open floor plan, but like right now I’m really working at work, with a deadline, and I came over to Firefox to Google something and boom. Eleven more comments. And I just looked. Fifteen new messages on Facbeook. I’ve been working for about half an hour.

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  15. Who’s a good boy, Edsel? Why, you are! June, you are so lucky to have your grandmother’s bed. Years ago I had a vintage bed from my grandmother’s house, complete with curved headboard and footboard. It was very cool, but it wasn’t the one she slept in. When I moved to a new house after my second marriage, I donated it to charity. I am a TWIT!

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  16. Edsel was so dainty getting that treat off the stand. My son’s dog would have knocked everything over to get to it in 0.2 seconds.

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  17. I was going to comment on the social media alerts and totally forgot, I am not on social media which can be a pain sometimes as I so want to join pie on the face but I know if I join the facebook I will become OBSESSED and never get another thing done. Plus, I think I would cringe at some of the stuff the step-kids post.

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  18. I actually like the dual purpose mirror, jewelry holder. it might even be worth dragging around to all the jewelry shows I’m currently not doing. And the kitchen clock with the time. i’m big on multipurpose items.

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  19. That video made me snort. Poor Edsel will NOT stay in the closet. You can’t make him.

    And I get like that right before an Addison’s crisis – I can’t figure out why I am so dumb – like, do I not know I am dumb when I am dumb? Because that appears to be the case. It’s like I have illness dementia. Whatever it is, it doesn’t help me curb the problem.

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  20. My two cents on Amazon’s charity program, Amazon Smile…

    I have participated since its inception and am very diligent about only ordering through Smile. With my 375 orders over all of that time, that has generated $92.13 for charity. Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, but barely!

    I think the affiliate program pays from 1%-10%, but based on the items I regularly purchase it would be 4%-10%. If I’m weighing the difference between impact of my dollars, Book of June wins every time!

    Amazon Prime day is coming up, it starts 9pm PDT on Sunday (07/09) so I hope we all remember to click thru from the website-blog of ol’ Book-O-June and she generates a gazillions dollars!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I haven’t even finished reading yet but man this is a hot button for me. I had to turn off all notifications on my apps because I was losing it. Until we moved here we had a landline and I despised using my cell phone. I hate cell phones and what they represent for our culture now. I never gave out my cell number. People asked and asked and said they needed to contact me. I said…I have a phone on my desk at work and if I’m not there there’s a phone at home. If I’m not at either of those places I don’t want to be disturbed. And then they were all like…but what if I want to text you? NO. I don’t want to get texts. Ugh. Now we don’t have a landline so everyone on god’s green earth has my damn number and it’s always ringing and I’m always getting texts. UGGGHHHH!!!

    Ok off to finish reading now

    Like

  22. I got this f’ing amazing new sound machine yesterday. This is our third one and there’s just no comparison. The sound quality is amazing and you can customize it and you really need to get one. It’s a bit pricey but so worth it. Here’s the link so you can see what it is but buy it through June’s link so she gets credit

    https://www.amazon.com/dp/B016Z9BB2A/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_apip_wCOKlXWBJWGw2

    Like

  23. Here is a question for your research…If someone, like Kim above, puts in a link, does it still work for you? Or, do I have to click on the link that you put in your post? Also, I am so happy that the Amazon thing is working already! YAY! Does it work if YOU click through too?

    Anyway. I loved the video. Edsel is so polite! I am going to go read the snopes thing next because Franklin only likes the milk bones. The bone marrow ones that look like hot dogs. HE LOVES THEM.

    Your Japanese flag. Oh, my! FUNNY.

    I hate all the notifications too. I don’t really do facebook much, but email? Ugh.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

    Like

    1. I’m pretty sure you have to go through links I provide, since I get them from a specific place that includes a little code letting Amazon know who I am.

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  24. June, how in the heck do I find you on Amazon? I would love to share the benefits of my Amazon shopping. It’s the least I can do is for all the warm pleasure I get when I read your posts.

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    1. If you click on the picture of blu it should take you to her page. I don’t think there will be a big banner letting you know she’s getting credit. But through some sort of magic I think she does. (You don’t have to buy a blu toy if you don’t want to.)

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    2. Honey, you just click the images on my blog that I include in the post. That’s how Amazon knows it’s coming from my blog. So, today, if you go back to my blog, see where I say, “Here’s a picture of Blu” and “Here’s my jewlery mirror” and there are pictures that look like pictures I didn’t take? Those are links to Amazon.

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    3. You don’t “find” me on Amazon. If you click any of the photos in any of my posts that are links to Amazon (inthis post, the mirror and the dog toy), the company knows you clicked over from my blog and I get credit. I feel like Ima be repeating this a lot in the coming days.

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      1. If I access Amazon through June’s magic portal, then log into my account, will June get credit for my purchases? I think that’s how y’all are doing it, but wanted to be sure.

        Thanks,
        Sadie

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  25. I just placed an order. Don’t be jealous when you see someone is buying fun stuff such as a big bottle of professional grade pesticide so I can spray around my house and try to avoid having to pay a company for pest control service. And a shower curtain. Re-usable K-cups for coffee? I’m getting some of those too. Ooh, exciting times this weekend in Atlanta!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Well, I closed on the sale of my old house on a Thursday morning so my house got packed up on that Wednesday. The appraiser of the new house screwed several things up so I didn’t close on it until the following Monday. So my stuff sat on moving trucks and I was homeless for four and a half days. Fun! But I moved in about 2.5 weeks ago and I’m still unpacking. I think I’ll get settled at some point though. My new neighborhood is going to be fabulous. We have a family of foxes who live there and wander around, an abandoned house where a family was murdered 38 years ago, the neighborhood mascot is the unicorn, and a male posts real estate listings under the name of Gladys Kravitz on the Facebook page. I have gay guys living on each side of me and I think the neighborhood is well over 50% gay. I LOVE IT SO FAR!

        Liked by 1 person

  26. Well. Now I feel the need to IM you to apologize for IMing you.
    I believe our animals all sound like Brian from Family Guy.

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  27. Honey, I’ll give you those curtains as soon as my house sells. The way they billow out when the wind blows is a selling point. It’s so pretty. I’ll get them to you as soon as I can.

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  28. Finn would have broken the doors to escape, knocked over the stand that the treat was on and then swallowed the treat whole. Then he would eat all the cats.
    Edsel is dignified.

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  29. Fuck shui – Dying! That should be a category all its own on Amazon. What is it with dogs rolling in stinky stuff? One of ours always wants to roll in the duck poo when we take them to the park. So gross. That’s so lovely that you’re getting your grandmother’s bed. What nice memories to have around you.

    Ok, so… not to nag (I know I was one of those gazillion emails you got yesterday – sorry), but make sure and put that Amazon affiliate disclosure somewhere on your not-blog. When you start making sales, Amazon may check your website for it and if it’s not there, it could cause you problems. Happy to help if you need it. Or just tell me to shut up. Whatevs.

    And hey, you’re not exploiting anybody. You bring humor into our grey litole’ lives. You put your life out there for our entertainment and dammit, you deserve compensation for that! Just wait until holiday time – oh, you’ll be rolling in the dough, you will!

    Like

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