D’oh, a deer. A female deer.

Yesterday morning, I woke up just before my alarm. Once my Aunt Mary asked me, “Some mornings when you wake up, are you glad you’re still alive, cause you slept so hard you can’t believe you weren’t dead?”

I used to have no idea what she was talking about. Marvin had restless legs and I feel like I didn’t sleep well for about 16 years. Then I was very busy obsessing over Ned. It’s only been in the last six months or so that I wake up like, yeah, I slept, man. I slept hard. I might have died for awhile there, even.

That’s how I felt when I woke up yesterday, and then I noticed everyone was in the bed with me. Edsel with his snout on my shoulder, Steely Dan sidled up solidly on the other side, Iris splayed across me, and Lily–in an uncharacteristic streak of independence–lounging at the foot of the bed.

“You all ready to get up?” I asked, as I snapped off the alarm the moment it rang.

“Ready to get up” is a big phrase at my house. It means breakfast is imminent.

I got right in the shower, though, so breakfast was, you know, imminent-ish. I’d walked Edsel for such a long time the night before, and it had been approximately 496 degrees out. But we’d been chatting with neighbors and listening to the cicadas and admiring the bats and not even noticing how how disgustingly hot we’d both gotten, and the point is my hair was 11 feet wide and when you’re a wide-hair person, the only thing you can do it get in the shower and start over with that bullshit.

When I got out of the bathroom, I noticed poor Steely Dan standing where the hallway phone desk used to be. His whole cat life, that desk has been there, and he enjoys sitting on it while I shower. I moved it to the guest bedroom, though, as a makeshift nightstand. So instead of standing on the desk, he stood in the corner, like Jack Horner or something.

This may be the only time I’ve ever felt sorry for Steely Dan.

When I got to work, I did some really cool stuff for another team, and at 10:30 I left for my midmorning walk. I try to walk in the park right next to work both in the morning and in the afternoon, so that once I’ve walked Edsel I will have walked more than an hour each day, but usually I get too busy and miss the morning walk.

But yesterday I was able to, and when I got outside it was already ludicrous out. “I came out here to get warm,” my coworker Neil, who is clearly a lizard, said. He was sitting at one of the concrete tables near the door. “I’m gonna go burn calories,” I announced to him, because it’s important I announce everything. I get this from my Aunt Kathy, who needs to tell you everything. “I’m gonna go in and get a Kleenex.”

Because it was so hot, I opted to just walk around the buildings twice rather than go to the park, so that if I felt the vapors or anything I could go right back inside. I’d made my way around once and was headed back to Site of Reptilian Neil, when I saw a black leather lounge chair next to a white van.

I am not making that up. If you haven’t seen Silence of the Lambs, I want nothing to do with you right now. Because this is Silence of the Lambs fan GOLD, right here.

I braced myself for Buffalo Bill to appear in a fake cast, and, let’s face it, I’m careening over to skin-suit size, so I’d be perfect for helping him load that chair into that van. I was obsessed with the van and the chair when

clomp

clomp clomp

I heard a weird noise, and there, in the grass near the van, the “Is-she-a-big-fat-person” van?

Was a fawn!

A baby fawn! When I was little, my father used to reprimand me for saying an animal was a baby something, then using its baby term. A baby calf. A baby kitten. A baby pony.

Guess what I still do. I was also forbidden from kissing the TV when animals came on, and that didn’t stick, either.

My point is, I was 10 feet from a baby fawn, with her baby fawn spotses, and her baby fawn earses, and her baby fawn little face that I wanted to kiss up even though she wasn’t on TV.

“Hrrrrrr!” I heard, and there was mom, Mom of Baby Fawn, with guess what. ANOTHER BABY FAWN.

It was right around then that I put my hands on my face like that gay guy on Saturday Night Live

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and stood frozen because I didn’t want to startle poor Fawn Hall, who I’d already named and brought home and raised with a bottle IN MY MIND. And I didn’t want to make her mom mad, because I similarly loved her and had brought her to sleep in my bed IN MY MIND, which was very full of the activity, the deer activity.

Then I remembered.

“Neil!” I whisper screamed. As soon as I did that, the deer ran off, the way deer do, with their ears flicking. I turned around, and Neil had seen the whole thing.

I know most people, most regular people, would be like, Oh, I saw some deer, but I was shaky and teary-eyed and went inside and would have gotten on the PA if they’d let me.

“Oh, you did not see a fawn,” said my boss. “Are you taking mushrooms again?”

All day long, it was a THING to tell me I didn’t see ANY deer, and I kept saying, “ASK NEIL,” and of course we could never FIND Neil, and finally at the end of the day, my boss said, “Hey, June, I see the deer out the window!” and instead it was a just woman crossing the parking lot. “No, that’s a deer! Like you saw!”

Everyone’s a comedian. And when we finally found Neil, he said, “I think maybe we saw spotted dogs.”

I am officially over my coworkers.

Finally, it was 5:00, and I got home to Alf, who was painting my steps, and he helped me put together my vanity, and I know it seems hard to believe my vanity isn’t 100% in tact. After he left, I had an extremely perfect nectarine, and sat on my deck listening to the cicadas.

Finally, it was time to go to bed, and we all got into our positions: Edsel on my shoulder, SD sidled up, Iris on top of me and Lily smooshing where she could, because let’s face it, that independence thing was a fluke.

Don’t worry. I have a very lovely life.

55 thoughts on “D’oh, a deer. A female deer.

  1. I am thoroughly enamored with this post, lovely June. I just might have a girl crush on you (not to be weird or anything.)

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  2. Me this morning: Cloudy laying on my feet, Old Man cat on my pillow and tubby Pumpkin on my stomach. Yeah, life is good….

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  3. You do have a lovely life, June.
    Thanks for sharing a day with us.
    I would’ve had the same reaction seeing two fawns and their mamma.
    Your boss’s comment did crack me up though.
    I’ve recently moved and now live half a block from a beautiful forest with walking trails and bike paths. There’s also a bog and I love sitting outside in the evening, listening to the frogs singing. Like your cicadas, it’s a lovely sound.
    So far I’ve had a little raccoon romping in the back yard, tumbling and running in circles, just a few feet away from me. I seriously think it wanted me to play with it, as it would stop, look at me and run circles again.
    Also had a little squirrel in the tree beside my lawn chair, giving me cheek one morning for sitting underneath.
    I got shit and a stare down for five minutes.
    Ain’t nature wonderful?

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  4. You did have the perfect day and I know what you mean about the fawn(s). I’m very lucky to live surrounded by woods where the deer and no antelope play. Just the other day, I watched the mama doe followed by her itsy-bitsy spotted baby fawn and it made my day.

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  5. Last summer we had a doe who would bring her 2 fawns to eat mulberries off the ground in our backyard. It was pretty perfect. This year I’ve seen the male again, w/fuzzy baby antlers, eating mulberries. AND I just found out the zoning change for the housing development they wanted to build back there did not go through, so we get more time for more deer!

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  6. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Deer and baby fawns, and cats, and lovely life. But are you going to keep us hanging about the black chair and the van? Why was it there?

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      1. I get like that with hummingbirds. When I catch them actually using the Hummingbird bath that I set up for them I practically have a stroke with how excited I get watching them bathe their little humming selves.

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        1. You can build a hummingbird swing out of sticks and they’ll come perch. I made one for my Mom last year at Christmas and she requested one for each window this year. She put it at the kitchen window and they hang out while she does dishes. I thought it was just a gimmick but it was easy to build so why not? I never dreamed they’d actually perch on it not to mention fight over the one swing!

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  7. A very lovely day. I would have been just excited to see the deer! Yesterday morning my husband SAID he saw a deer in our neighbor’s back yard and when their dog ran out the deer jumped the fence and ran across our yard. Yeah, right. I didn’t see it.

    Next thing we know you are going to be doing a DIY blog. All these projects you are doing. I am really impressed.

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  8. Where you get baby fawns and their mama’s, I get raccoons, possums, skunks, rats, squirrels and the occasional coyote. At one time or another, all of these critters have made an appearance on my front porch.

    But what was with the creeper van?

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  9. A few summers ago, two of my dogs found a fawn who had clearly disobeyed its mother and walked out of the woods and into my yard. When I arrived on the scene, my Golden had the fawn by the neck and was trying to play with it like a dog toy. Due to righteous living on someone’s part ( the fawn, the dog, or me ), Bambi was not hurt, just scared practically to death. The wildlife person I called said to put it at the edge of the woods, then go inside to wait for Mom. Sure enough, it staggered its little fawn self into the woods in just a few minutes. And we lived happily ever after…

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  10. One night we had 18 deer stay overnight in our backyard. Back when it was just us and the cornfield out here. My son was still little and was so delighted.

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  11. How wonderful that you can take a walk at work. If I did that I may never return. I love the nature sounds you enjoyed last night. I was sitting on the couch wondering what the pounding sound was that I heard. My new neighbors headboard is to close to the window frame……

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  12. I really don’t have to worry about June. I can die today and know she will be fine.
    How happy she would be living in the country.
    As long as you have two beds (one for you and the animals and one for you and your main squeeze).
    I am so satisfied reading you today. Happy and content. Thanks for sharing.

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  13. This is such a wonderful post. I have been doing some major fretting today, so I needed to be reminded of the joy that surrounds all of us, if we just choose to recognize it. I am trying to shift my attention from the fretting to the joy. All because of you. Thanks.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

    PS–I am with Beverly–what was the chair all about?

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  14. This is a happy post! A good sleep can cure a lot of things – I too sleep best when the animals gather round. The other Sunday the big dogs and new puppy joined me for a nap as I threw myself across the bed, grabbed up the puppy and the two big ones jumped on. We slept hard for HOURS. It was awesome.

    Baby deers. With their perfect little selves! Hard to top that kind of walk – and the universe’s way of thanking you for going out in disgusting heat.

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  15. Wonderful post. And while you were busy bottle feeding baby fawns etc in YOUR MIND, did you think about Audrey H. and the deer that she had as a pet? There are some great pics if you haven’t seen them.

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  16. I do the same thing where I announce everything I’m doing and I don’t even realize I’m doing it. My friends call me the narrator.

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  17. Possibly my very favorite post. One of those “all is right with the world” feelings.
    Except for creepy Buffalo Bill.

    We have deer in our area and I have taken to buying deer corn for them at my feed and supply store. That has grown over the last few months into a water bowl under my rain barrel and 3 different feeding stations with a mixture of 2 kinds of deer food. It’s like I have a whole herd to care for aside from the dog and cats that live inside.

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    1. LisaPie, we have a good friend that feeds the deer. He shakes corn in a metal coffee can and they ALL come walking out of the woods! If he is late feeding them they will walk around to the front of the house and stand at the steps like they are saying, “HEY, HEY, we are out here, where is the food?” It is amazing.

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  18. At my job, we rescued a hummingbird earlier this week. It had flown into the window and knocked itself senseless, so we all got online, read about how to rescue hummingbirds, followed the instructions of a wildlife rescue site, which included wrapping it up to stay warm, putting it in a box with air holes poked in it so that it could rest its stunned self, and feeding it sugar water with a syringe. In about 1/2 an hour is was bright eyed and released back into the wild, err…. office park. It was a happy, shaky, teary-eyed day. I definitely relate to your emotional response to animals.

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  19. Thanks for the video, I hadn’t realized that cicadas sound like someone with a booger in their nose is snoring!

    Love the fawn sighting! I once had a cow stick her head into the passenger side of the car I was driving – OMG!

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  20. What a great day!! I love days like that! I live in the big city, so I don’t get to see deer, but right now in our neighborhood we have several families of hawks and blue herons, some even in the same tree. (Heron babies could be hawk food, but they’ve somehow negotiated a peace treaty.) While their nests are super high, they don’t seem one bit shy about coming down to mingle with us groundlings. It’s amazing to see them up close. Urban wildlife!

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    1. Once their eggs hatch, hawks are known to dive-bomb your head if you are near their nests. A hawk had built a nest in a tree in my sister’s backyard and would dive-bomb them every time they went out there. They had to wear hats to protect their heads.

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  21. I’m a bit jaded when it comes to the wildlife. Too many deer have munched my shrubbery (and that’s not a euphemism), too many rabbits have mowed down my garden, too many raccoons have scattered my trash to the four corners, too many mice have invaded my kitchen. Enough already. Go find someone else to bother!

    Lovely post about your lovely day lovely June!

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  22. I always announce my activity when I leave a room. “I’m going to poop.” “I’m going to get the laundry.” “I’m going to the garage.” As though everyone I am with desperately want to know my exact whereabouts, activities and bodily functions. I did it at a dinner party when I was seated between a judge and an ambassador from Brazil. “I have to pee,” I said grandly to the entire table as I stood up. What class. What elegance. It was a real Audrey Hepburn moment.

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  23. We walked this morning at a different place and saw multiple bunnies and prairie dogs and different types of birds, and ONE deer. This is in a metro area and it was right next to the fire station. Maybe the firemen were feeding it. It was so cool.
    I love this post. It’s so happy. I’m looking forward to seeing your newly painted steps.

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  24. As I am reading in our sun room, I can hear the crickets out back and see the bats flying back and forth hopefully eating the pesky mosquitoes. Lovely post June. Aren’t the fawns pretty? We have a family of 15 deer that come through our property several days a week. I love it when there are babies.

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