Money · Television

June wakes up to $15,000 in her account. I’M RICH!

Despite paying off almost all my credit card debt (I think this next check from my last huge freelance job will do it!), cash can sometimes be a tad low right before payday. For example. i.e. To wit: Yesterday I had $5 in checking. Nice, June. And I DIDN'T TOUCH SAVINGS, I just went home… Continue reading June wakes up to $15,000 in her account. I’M RICH!

I hate everything · June's stupid life

When social media gets a little too social

Last night, my aunt sent me a private message on Facebook. Y'all know how I love IMs. But my Aunt Kathy is one of my very favorite people, so I opened it. It was a cartoon, a political cartoon, favoring, you know, my side. When she sent it, I was trying to herd the cats… Continue reading When social media gets a little too social

...friend/Ned · Aging ungracefully · I am high-maintenance

Brass-n-beige

It's official: Ned owns our house. Fmr. His house. Crnt. It took months of dickering with his gaylord, who is a lawyer and was therefore a dick every step of the way. He used to like that guy. Ned called yesterday as he was pulling up to his official house®. "Hey, I OWN this place… Continue reading Brass-n-beige

...friend/Ned · At Two With Nature · Neighbors of June

The People Who Must Look at June’s Nose

I just hit snooze for an hour, then when I finally did get up, I put my contacts in the wrong eyes. I don't mean I woke up Vladimir Putin and put my contacts in his eyes. You know what I mean. Stay tuned for more tips from June Gardens, Efficiency Expert. I never did… Continue reading The People Who Must Look at June’s Nose

June's stupid life · Neighbors of June · Proofreading/Copy editing

June goes back to work

I gave up having cable TV about a year ago, because basically I was paying $110 a month to watch Bravo. And while I DO miss the old movie channel (a LOT), I kind of like having Amazon Prime and also, way down the rung, Netflix. They appeal to my addictive personality. I can enjoy… Continue reading June goes back to work

Aging ungracefully · Busy busy busy busy. Thank heavens for Angie's List. · June can't keep a doctor

June’s stay-at-home vacation. Annoying morning readers, since Monday.

It's the last day of my expansive vacation, in which I saw many exotic things, such as Chapel Hill. It's true; I finally returned those coolers to Chapel Hill. If you're just tuning in, and why do I keep saying that? No one is just now tuning in. Anyway, let's say you just tuned in,… Continue reading June’s stay-at-home vacation. Annoying morning readers, since Monday.

Books · My pets

Mygoulash Hexaglass

Yesterday, after I wrote you about what happened with Edsel, I gave myself a big headache, and most of my big-list plans went undone. I DID get all my laundry washed and dried, even the hand-washables, which was no small feat. There's Fang and Blu, making a cameo. I've also, these days off, read two… Continue reading Mygoulash Hexaglass

...friend/Ned · At Two With Nature · My pets

Total eclipse of the dog

Yesterday was kind of a fun day, till it wasn't. I did all sorts of things on my vacation-at-home list that I've been meaning to get to and never do. For example, I called the dry cleaner: Did I have stuff there? Yes, ma'am, you've had clothes here for a year. I changed my phone… Continue reading Total eclipse of the dog

...friend/Ned · At Two With Nature · Hair · I am high-maintenance · I hate everything · Other people's pets

Turn around, bright eyes

Look at the sun, up there. Soooooo smug. Oh, Ima shine on you all day. Like I always do. HAH! We, the audience, know better. Anyway hi. I'm not at work, and I was luxuriating in bed, thinking how lovely it was to, you know, luxuriate in the bed, when I remembered you guys saying,… Continue reading Turn around, bright eyes

June's stupid life · My pets · Other people's pets · Weblogs

Tech Talk with June

You don't have to put in an email address to leave me a comment. I wanted to say that first thing, before I got to all the scintillating news of my day. I set it up that way from the beginning. Just because the line reads "email" doesn't mean you have to obey it. And… Continue reading Tech Talk with June

Aging ungracefully · Family · Marvin

I love things in my own way

Good gravy, I had that migraine all day yesterday. From the moment I woke up till I finally gave up and fell asleep at 9 p.m. That second sentence was a clarification, in case you were unclear what I meant by "all day." Me and my big words. This means that yesterday was not what… Continue reading I love things in my own way

Film · Friends · My pets · Neighbors of June

Skedge

This morning, I spilled coffee grounds all over yonder, WHICH DELIGHTED ME, and I was late getting Edsel's food. I messed up his skedge. This discombobulated him, as did me saying thing like "skedge," so he wandered around the cats' dishes, a little lost, while he waited. "HSSSSST [spit]!" I heard. Not just a hiss.… Continue reading Skedge

Family · June's stupid life

Swiss Miss

This makes Faithful Reader Paula quite tense, as opposed to her normally laid-back personality, but I have to hurry today, as I have an 8:20 appointment to get my stitches out from my grueling mole removal. June. Enticing readers with her medical procedures, since 2006. The results came back fine, by the way, as I… Continue reading Swiss Miss

Aging ungracefully · Family · Food and Drink · I am a pleasure of life · I am berserk · I am high-maintenance · June can't keep a man · June's stupid life · Money · My pets

You’re never too old for a fur ball.

I'm trying to think of what happened this weekend, but it's such a haze, what with the heroin and all. Or, alternatively, 18 bottles of fizzy strawberry water. Let's see. On Friday, I took myself for a pedicure, and I know. I'm living pretty high on the hog these days. I was supposed to have… Continue reading You’re never too old for a fur ball.

I am a pleasure of life · My pets

June Prissys her freelance. Also, am I your secret?

I just noticed how much Edsel anticipates my every move in the morning. First he tears down the hall ahead of me to the bathroom, which by the way is the size of a closet, but yet he must stuff his yellow arse in there with me each morning. And to think there used to… Continue reading June Prissys her freelance. Also, am I your secret?

...friend/Ned · At Two With Nature · Food and Drink · June can't keep a man · Tracy Quartermaine

It was so delicious I decided to listen to it.

I went outside with Edsel just now, and it was such a cool breezy morning that I decided to take pictures. I realize that made no sense. "It was so delicious I decided to listen to it." "You should have heard how it smelled." No, I HAVEN'T been smoking the pot. What's WRONG with you?… Continue reading It was so delicious I decided to listen to it.

I hate everything · June can't keep a man

Back When I Was Fat. *A nostalgic look at day before yesterday.

Today my BMI fell back into the normal range. BOOM. Okay, it was because I adjusted the scale. BUT STILL.  The scale I owned before, you'd stand on it and it'd read 115 pounds (HAHAHAHAHA) and then you'd step off it, give it a second then get back on, and it'd read 127 pounds (HAHAHAHAHAHA).… Continue reading Back When I Was Fat. *A nostalgic look at day before yesterday.

I am a pleasure of life · Not Grace Kelly

Grace Kelly Bluebook

Late last week, I finished a freelance project, and now tonight I'm going to get another big one, which is what she said. So, last night, after a long day in seventh grade, apparently, I celebrated my last night of freedom by going to the movies. I really know how to throw down. I saw… Continue reading Grace Kelly Bluebook

I hate everything · My pets

June gets a puppy. Wow, we’ve never said THAT.

My problem is, I shouldn't go to PetSmart on weekends. Yeah, that's my problem. That's it. You've nailed it, June. But my regularly scheduled pets were running low on food. Well. SOME of them were, and that's why I haven't restarted my Chewy subscription yet, because I always feel like, Well, Edsel's got a TON… Continue reading June gets a puppy. Wow, we’ve never said THAT.

June's vast love of eagles

Mark your calendars! (heeee)

My boss, fmr., and I just had a conversation that inspired me. She was my muse, as it were. We're having our first Book of June contest! Between now and the very last day of 2017, send me THE WORST (FREE) 2018 CALENDAR YOU CAN FIND. The winner gets 11 hundred million thousand dollars, or… Continue reading Mark your calendars! (heeee)