June wakes up to $15,000 in her account. I’M RICH!

Despite paying off almost all my credit card debt (I think this next check from my last huge freelance job will do it!), cash can sometimes be a tad low right before payday. For example. i.e. To wit: Yesterday I had $5 in checking. Continue reading “June wakes up to $15,000 in her account. I’M RICH!”

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When social media gets a little too social

Last night, my aunt sent me a private message on Facebook. Y’all know how I love IMs. But my Aunt Kathy is one of my very favorite people, so I opened it. It was a cartoon, a political cartoon, favoring, you know, my side. Continue reading “When social media gets a little too social”

The People Who Must Look at June’s Nose

I just hit snooze for an hour, then when I finally did get up, I put my contacts in the wrong eyes. I don’t mean I woke up Vladimir Putin and put my contacts in his eyes. You know what I mean. Continue reading “The People Who Must Look at June’s Nose”

June goes back to work

I gave up having cable TV about a year ago, because basically I was paying $110 a month to watch Bravo. And while I DO miss the old movie channel (a LOT), I kind of like having Amazon Prime and also, way down the rung, Netflix. Continue reading “June goes back to work”

June’s stay-at-home vacation. Annoying morning readers, since Monday.

It’s the last day of my expansive vacation, in which I saw many exotic things, such as Chapel Hill. Continue reading “June’s stay-at-home vacation. Annoying morning readers, since Monday.”

Turn around, bright eyes

Look at the sun, up there. Soooooo smug. Oh, Ima shine on you all day. Like I always do. HAH! We, the audience, know better.

Anyway hi. I’m not at work, and I was luxuriating in bed, thinking how lovely it was to, you know, luxuriate in the bed, when I remembered you guys saying, “The first thing I do when I wake up is read Book of June!” “My day isn’t complete without Book of June!” “I keep an asp in my hand, and if Book of June isn’t up, I let it strike me.” Continue reading “Turn around, bright eyes”

I love things in my own way

Good gravy, I had that migraine all day yesterday. From the moment I woke up till I finally gave up and fell asleep at 9 p.m.

That second sentence was a clarification, in case you were unclear what I meant by “all day.” Me and my big words. Continue reading “I love things in my own way”

Skedge

This morning, I spilled coffee grounds all over yonder, WHICH DELIGHTED ME, and I was late getting Edsel’s food. I messed up his skedge. This discombobulated him, as did me saying thing like “skedge,” so he wandered around the cats’ dishes, a little lost, while he waited. Continue reading “Skedge”

You’re never too old for a fur ball.

I’m trying to think of what happened this weekend, but it’s such a haze, what with the heroin and all. Or, alternatively, 18 bottles of fizzy strawberry water.

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I’m OBSESSED.

Continue reading “You’re never too old for a fur ball.”

June Prissys her freelance. Also, am I your secret?

I just noticed how much Edsel anticipates my every move in the morning. First he tears down the hall ahead of me to the bathroom, which by the way is the size of a closet, but yet he must stuff his yellow arse in there with me each morning. And to think there used to be TWO dogs with the stuffing and the yellow arses in that miniature Pomeranian bathroom. How we managed that I’ll never know. Continue reading “June Prissys her freelance. Also, am I your secret?”

It was so delicious I decided to listen to it.

I went outside with Edsel just now, and it was such a cool breezy morning that I decided to take pictures. I realize that made no sense. Continue reading “It was so delicious I decided to listen to it.”

Mark your calendars! (heeee)

My boss, fmr., and I just had a conversation that inspired me. She was my muse, as it were.

We’re having our first Book of June contest! Between now and the very last day of 2017, send me

THE WORST (FREE) 2018 CALENDAR YOU CAN FIND.

The winner gets 11 hundred million thousand dollars, or a mention on Book of June, whichever’s more valuable.

The good news is, I’ll keep the winner, and then anyone who knows me in real life? I’m sending you the dregs! So, however many other free terrible calendars there are left over, depending on how related you are to me (i.e., mom, there’s no way you’re escaping. Mom’s cousin? You might not get one), you will also receive a FREE TERRIBLE CALENDAR!

I’m not sure if we’ll vote together on the winner or if I will make an executive decision. We’ll just have to wait and see how many bad ones we get.

So, comb the offices of your insurance company, your mechanic, your priest. See if they’re giving away terrible calendars, and I will work on getting a P.O. box, which I should have had years ago anyway. Email me ONLY IF YOU HAVE ONE TO SEND FTLOG and I will give you the address.

I look forward to you finding the worst life has to offer!FullSizeRender.jpg