I am overwhelmed.
I know I said I was getting overwhelmed, but now we’ve crossed over into overwhelmed territory. First, there’s my regularly scheduled job, and let me tell you something: Being a single person with four pets and a full-time job is really enough.
Do you have a regular office job, and then do you have friends who do not have regular office jobs, who clearly have no idea what it’s like to have an office job? Let’s hold hands and commiserate, except I don’t have time.
Text From Friend Without Office Job: Hi! Just seeing what you’re up to!
You: Um, I’m, you know, working. At work. It’s 11:14 a.m., so.
FWOJ: [Yawn] Is it? I just got up. Hey, you wanna meet for lunch? I can’t get ready till 1:30, though, so is that okay? I wanna do yoga first.
Sigh. The FWOJ also wants to meet up at 6 p.m. a lot. Oh, sure, let me wrap up my work, commute home, feed all the pets, walk the dog, commute to a restaurant ALL BY SIX.
Anyway, so I have my regularly scheduled life, which is enough with the whole I-have-to-do-everything singleness of myself and all, and then there’s the part where I took on freelance work.
On New Year’s Day this year, I had a bunch of New Year’s resolutions I wrote out and put in a bowl, and then drew one out as my Chosen Resolution. One was “No relationship for a year” and who’s kinda pissed she didn’t select that one but ended up doing it anyway? Okay, we’re in month eight, and I guess I could fall passionately in love in September or something, but I doubt it.
Anyway, what I DID select was, “Fix finances.” So that’s when I started looking for–I didn’t even have to look, really. My boss’s boss’s boss sort of randomly gave me the name of a woman she knows, who hired me as a freelance writer, and please don’t ask me to hook you up with her, as I already have had requests for that, and I already granted those requests, and I feel like if I trot one more person out she’ll bitch slap me. Also, run-on sentences are desirable. They’re the Joan Collins of sentences.
But not only did I start doing freelance professional writing, then also too (I try to write “then also too” a lot when I do that corporate writing) I got a text from out of the clear blue sky, which is annoying since I pay a lot of money for text features on my phone. It was from Tank, the Miracle Angel Baby, a guy I used to work with. His department needed a freelance copy editor all year long, for a huge project that’s pretty much ongoing (there are sometimes maybe five days between assignments).
So I took that on, and then there were some changes at work which meant sometimes I’m helping out two and three other teams a day, and mother of god.
Then yesterday I got an email from ANOTHER place I used to work, in LA, and they need their calendar proofread. I do this every year, and you’d think a calendar wouldn’t be that big of a deal.
Here’s where, when people say, “I LOVE to read! I could be a proofreader!” I’d like to smile fondly and pat those people’s hands. But I don’t have time.
Because here’s how you proofread a calendar.
- Make sure the months are spelled correctly.
- Make sure at the top of each month you have SMTWTFS correctly.
- Make sure it’s not (or that it is) a Leap Year.
- Make sure when, say, January ends on a Wednesday, that February starts on a Thursday. And so on.
- Go online and check out 2018 to see that this calendar is starting and ending on the right days.
- Check that each month has the right number of days. So, June. That’s one of those 30-day months. Is there a June 31?
- Then go through each month and look at every single day and make sure they’re numbered correctly, that there aren’t two August 17s, for example.
Oh, you love to read? That’s nice.
So that in and of itself takes two hours. It’s slow, methodical work. You can’t just go “OneTwoThreeFour…yeah, this looks numbered right!” You gotta make sure the same font is used, the same font SIZE is used, and so on.
But we’re not done! Oh, no! Because on the BACK of this particular calendar? (It’s a magnetic one.) There’s a perPETual calendar!
Oh, ho ho. Yes. A perpetual calendar. “I love to read!” You have to look at EACH CALENDAR,
and do all the things I just told you, with the starting and ending days, and the MTWTFSS checking, and so on, and THEN you have to check that all the years are right. So, see the index above, where the 1800 calendar corresponds to year 4? You have to make sure that’s true. And that 1960 corresponds with the 13 calendar. And so on.
Do you love to read? Do you? You’re about to read your eyeballs out.
So, anyway, I got all that this week, and it’s, you know, a lot. But the good news is I’ve paid off a ton of my debt this year, and my credit score has shot right up, and I’m looking into refinancing my car because my credit score is 60 points better than it was when I bought my car, and also I’ve finally paid off my expensive lawn guy and that was hanging over me like Damocles’ sword and yay. I feel a lot better about all that, so all this work is worth it.
So I’m really busy just trying to get everything done right now, and the stressful part is my phone and computer. Seriously. Because, for example, I got done with my regular day yesterday, and then I had to get home and feed everyone and walk Edsel and feed myself and by then it was after 7:00, so I sat down with my freelance work and I promised myself, If you just get done at a decent hour, you can eat something terrible, like an ice cream sandwich, because I had enough WW points left over to do so.
And sure enough, I worked as hard as I could and got to the page I wanted to get to at about 9:20. Yay!
The second–THE SECOND!!–I put that work down,
It was the goddamn phone. And I answered it, and listened to the person on the other end, and ALL I WANTED TO DO was have half an hour or so of just streaming something bad on TV and eating my goddamn 7-point ice cream sandwich, and while this person talked to me, I could also hear my phone making the text-y noise, and I knew someone was out there tapping his or her foot, wondering why I wasn’t answering their pressing text about a kitten video “DID YOU SEE IT? DID YOU SEE IT? DID YOU WATCH IT?” and my bedtime was looming closer and closer and
I JUST WANTED TO EAT MY GODDAMN ICE CREAM SANDWICH AND WATCH JANE THE VIRGIN.
Does anyone watch that show? Does anyone notice they say, “I get it” in every episode. “Yeah, I get it, dad.” Every episode. Now that I’ve pointed it out you can be irked with me.
So I think what I need to do, during this working 14 jobs, Barbra Streisand in The Way We Were time, is not, you know, answer every IM or text or email or phone call. Is what I need to do.
Oh my god, it’s 20 to 9:00 and I’m in my robe talking to you, still.