My boss, fmr., and I just had a conversation that inspired me. She was my muse, as it were.

We’re having our first Book of June contest! Between now and the very last day of 2017, send me


The winner gets 11 hundred million thousand dollars, or a mention on Book of June, whichever’s more valuable.

The good news is, I’ll keep the winner, and then anyone who knows me in real life? I’m sending you the dregs! So, however many other free terrible calendars there are left over, depending on how related you are to me (i.e., mom, there’s no way you’re escaping. Mom’s cousin? You might not get one), you will also receive a FREE TERRIBLE CALENDAR!

I’m not sure if we’ll vote together on the winner or if I will make an executive decision. We’ll just have to wait and see how many bad ones we get.

So, comb the offices of your insurance company, your mechanic, your priest. See if they’re giving away terrible calendars, and I will work on getting a P.O. box, which I should have had years ago anyway. Email me ONLY IF YOU HAVE ONE TO SEND FTLOG and I will give you the address.

I look forward to you finding the worst life has to offer!FullSizeRender.jpg

13 thoughts on “Mark your calendars! (heeee)

  1. GreenInOC says:

    I haven’t even seen a paper calendar in a decade but I still want to play so here’s my entry:


    1. Florence says:

      Bam! Just like that, beaten. Hope I don’t think of this right before bed.


    2. cheech1000 says:

      What. The. Serious. Hell?


    3. Bobbi Dearringer says:

      Sadly, I think the contest is over. You win. Holy Cannoli. What the heck ?


  2. Florence says:

    The Fishing and Hunting calendar will be hard to beat. Big Two Farts in River.


  3. Kelly says:

    ooooh this is genius! I can’t wait to see what the choices are!


  4. KarenAnn says:

    oh! Do psychics give calendars to their clients, patrons?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mary Ellen from Napa says:

      No, they already know when everything’s going to happen…..


  5. Lisa. Not THAT Lisa says:

    You had me at “executive decision”.


  6. LisaPie says:

    On it!

    September is usually the month when all the new calendars make their debut so this is perfect.


  7. Fay says:

    OMG. This is brilliant.


  8. YOU get a calendar, and YOU get a calendar, and YOU get a c


  9. dancer says:

    can’t wait to see the plunder


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