It was so delicious I decided to listen to it.

I went outside with Edsel just now, and it was such a cool breezy morning that I decided to take pictures. I realize that made no sense.

“It was so delicious I decided to listen to it.”

“You should have heard how it smelled.”

No, I HAVEN’T been smoking the pot. What’s WRONG with you?

IMG_9484.JPGThere’s Eds, peeing on his pee tree. That tree must be so sick of him.

IMG_9485.JPGMiss Iris, taking in the sights. HAHAHAHAHA. I like how there is always, always a burnt match in all my candles. Always. I burn myself way too often. Then I say, Ohhh, BURN! You got salve for that burn? Because I only speak to myself in social media comments now. (((((hugs)))) [gif of Michael Jackson eating popcorn]

IMG_9486.JPGI was going to delight you with a June-just-woke-up selfie, but as I was taking it, Lily screamed in a way that I’ve never HEARD her scream before. I knew just what was up.

IMG_9487.JPGThere’s poor Lily, appalled, right after Steely Dan has attacked her.

IMG_9488.JPGAnd there’s the tip of that jerk’s tail as he lets himself out the door. Huffs off. Like WE’RE the assholes because we won’t let him attack Lily. I like how I’m referring to the pets and me as “we,” which I guess technically we are, but I made them seem human, somehow, and guess who’s lived alone with pets for too long?

Also, that sample can of paint I keep up there in case I decide to finally paint the whole room yellow, and I can’t decide. My mother said to paint the walls blue like my living room, and the bricks that kind of seafoam green I like. I am still also debating that color combo. Mom said that blue would tie the two rooms together, and then she drank a White Russian.

That’s only funny if you enjoy The Big Lebowski. And who doesn’t.

Anyway, if you’ve got your finger on the most recent page of my Big Book of June Events, you’ll know I was expecting a new project, and the good news is they didn’t drive it over, they mailed it, so I got EVEN MORE DAYS OF FREEDOM. But it arrived last night, and a GOOD person would have started last night, but I was already in the middle of my evening so I had an excuse.

Ned and I went to look at some apartments at the same old mill where I get my hair done, and you should know everything in the South is an old mill. “Oh, it’s over by that old mill up yonder.” I WORK in an old mill. My hairdresser is in an old mill. Edsel’s pee tree is tired of Edsel’s old mill stream.

I highly recommend you go over there and look at those apartments. Oh my god, it’s lovely. And we saw one of the Alexes there; she’d just moved in! She’s a particularly pretty one of the Alexes, and I saw stupid Ned’s eyes light up at the idea of her living there too. Also, she teaches the yoga classes at the gym, there. Guess who’s gonna be Swami Ned all of a sudden.

Dudes, that apartment was fabulous. Exposed brick, big original fire doors, an upstairs bedroom with a reading nook, gigantic windows that look out onto a courtyard where they have music and movie nights, which would drive me berserk but which extroverted Ned saw as a plus.

He also, yesterday afternoon before I was out of work, went to his old apartment building to look for places there, and they showed him?

His old apartment. The very one he lived in.

“Oh, god, I liked you so much when you lived there,” I remembered.

“I know you did,” said Ned.

“I thought you were the BOMB,” I sighed, recalling.

“I was.”

Pfft. Clearly he wasn’t, or we’d not be in this predicament. Anyway, as we toured the old mill, which also has three restaurants, a bar, a coffee area and that fabulous brick courtyard with grills and so on, I noted the people milling about, walking their dogs and chatting and going to the gym together and so on. This place would be good for Ned. He could meet more people. Maybe even get a new girlfriend.

There’s nothing better for a love avoidant than a girlfriend on site. [knock knock knock!] It’s kind of making me chitter gleefully a little just imagining it. Ned likes his alone…life.

Anyway, after we did that, we had pizza in one of the three restaurants (8 points) and then headed to my house to let Edsel out.u7y6tyhu7

Steely Dan just walked across the keyboard. Yes, he’s back inside. He doesn’t know what the hell he wants.

I’d asked three different sets of couples to join me back at Wine Wednesday at The Other Copy Editor’s bed and breakfast, and that there was quite a sentence. Everyone was kind of a maybe, but I didn’t want to stand them up if they DID show. So it was then, when we went to my house to let Eds out and go to the B&B, that I saw my new work had arrived, but what’s a woman to do?

Does anyone remember that old commercial? “I hate my age spots, but what’s a woman to do?” It was for Esoterica.

Dear Everyone Who Did Track After School and Didn’t Rush Home to Watch General Hospital: There are no three-mile jumps or discus pulls that equal the pure joy I had every afternoon. Love, Joon.

You did your long sprints or your hoo-hah flys or whatever, but I can STILL recite the Blue Star Counterfeit Diamond Ring commercial. You probably have tendonitis. So. Love, Joon again.

It’s flawless; full of fire and brilliance. And it comes in a man’s style, too!

There’s my next personal ad. Written.

Oh my god, what was I talking about?

IMG_9468.JPGThe B&B! Yes.

IMG_9466.jpgHere’s The Other Copy Editor’s husband, who probably wonders why I’m there every week, and do I have some sort of problem, and am I aware rosé is 5 points?

IMG_9462.JPGThere wasn’t a single goddamn picture from last night where Ned isn’t in the middle of a sentence. Shut UP, Chatty. God.

IMG_9457.JPGHey, Pontificator Pilot.

So none of my friends showed up. “Friends.” Really, it was fine. It was all a very “we’ve all talked about this casually, maybe we’ll go” kind of at-work thing. But what DID happen is this young bookish girl was sitting alone in the back yard, and as soon as I saw her, right then I knew.

She was a trifle tomboy looking, but in a cute, Burt’s Bees way. And she had one of those my-body-is-smokin’-under-my-natural-fibers bodies, prbobably from hiking and yoga and being-27-ing.

I knew she was Ned’s type. I knew it.

She talked to us first, and she was smart and funny. Someone turned up his fire hose, cause man, was Ned dousing the sitch with his “charm.” Actually, say what you will about Ned, and you have, but he is charming as shit. Oh, he was being funny, he was being insightful, he was

totally

flirting.

Clearly I was cockblocking Ned’s big move, and I briefly wondered if I’d end up in June’s First Three Way, but eventually Burt’s Bee left to go do whatever hot no-makeup bookish young girls do.

“Like 7% of you wanted the three of us to end up back at your place,” I said.

“Oh, WAY more than 7% of me. Are you kidding?” asked Ned.

IMG_9474.JPGAnyway, it was a lovely evening, for me anyway, because I wasn’t sad about failing to pick up someone half my age.

When I got home, Edsel and I had a very long, very dusky walk at dusk in the dusky time of day, and there were many bats swooping duskily, and all was right in my world. Till of course the migraine set in.

Now that I’m on this diet, I do not drink much wine, and when I DO, like last night’s ONE GLASS of 5 points, I inevitably get a migraine. Whenever I drank last, the same thing happened (although there was also a storm that time, but still).

Clearly I need to become one of those vodka and soda women, which tastes like fizzy rubbing alcohol, and mmmmmm!

Vodka and soda: 4 points.

IMG_9445.JPG
Steelee Dee question you sanitee

I’d better get to work. Tonight I start my new project, and oh, also, a check came for my LAST project and I forgot it was getting here, and that’s the good part about working this much. I’m all, God, THIS thing again? Now I gotta DEPOSIT it. What a PAIN.

So.

Yay.

See you. Smell ya.

I really like to taste you. Every time we meet.

She’s all right.

She’s all right.

That girl’s all right by me.

Hey hey hey!

XO, Jun

50 thoughts on “It was so delicious I decided to listen to it.

  1. This post had everything, thank you! Is it wrong that you’ve conditioned me to immediately search for the cat in the photo anytime you post a picture of a tree? You’re pretty, Jun.

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    1. Oh, he knows. He has often said he’s afraid to even look at young girls for fear they’ll think he’s creepy. But she was very friendly. VERY friendly.

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  2. Why did Ned not sign the lease on that apartment last night? I would already be moving my crap in there today. It’s amazing!!

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        1. He CAN, which by the way, Lu annoy. But if he bought that HOUSE, his mortgage would be $1050. If he rented his old place, his rent would be like $1300. And yes, his house is STILL SORT OF AN OPTION OH MY GOD NED DECIDE.

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          1. But how much money would he have to put into the old house for needed repairs? That could mean a second mortgage. Maybe not. He DOES need to decide.

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            1. I’ve told him every time he calls (or stands before me) and asks, “Should I buy that house?” that I will answer, “How come you never married me?” We’ve had that exchange 72 times so far.

              Liked by 2 people

              1. Buy Buy the house Ned. Versus, say, 1600 down the drain. It was supposed to be a Bye Bye Buy reference but ..oh, you know. It’s just that as a president and all, he should OWN something. Plus, June, PETS. PETS Joon. He could easily cram about 6 cats and a few dogs in there – the house down by the old mill.

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  3. Try vodka with some fancy flavored sparkling water – La Croix and Dasani are good. Add a wedge of lemon or lime. My tip of the day.

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    1. Because I’m swanky like that, I drink vodka and Crystal Light. Well, it’s the store brand knockoff version of Crystal Light because it comes in a flavor that isn’t on CL’s flavor list: Strawberry Banana Orange. Oh, it’s SO GOOD! With or without the vodka.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I too like the Dasani/La Croix mixed with vodka. I like to add a splash of sugar-free sweet and sour (Dave’s, I think) because I love me some S&S. I miss Amaretto Sours.

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  4. While I am not a tomboy, I am bookish, and I now totally drink the Kool-aid on Burt’s Bees lip stick/gloss/tinted balm/whatever. The colors are good, they stay on, and most importantly there is no weird taste or smell.
    How nice for you to have a lovely night out on the town before you get busy with your new project!
    Lovely post, skinny Jun!

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      1. Maybe I should become one. And I tried a sample of the lemon cuticle cream or whatever that’s called, and was surprised to find that my cuticles really could feel better.

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  5. Such a happy way to start this morning as I struggle through trying to eradicate renters crud so I can live in peace somehow. Your house is just a delight and hey. What’s wrong with living with our pets? Just watch out for nosies who may send us to the bin…when they hear our conversations!😂

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  6. I would love to have your backyard. You look fabulous in your wake-up picture. Great hair, great profile photo, lovely Jun. Am going to check out apartments now.

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  7. I like vodka and tonic with a twist of lime for the no migraine after effects. Ned needs to get over his-own-self. Young girl probably told her friends about the geezer who was trying to pick her up. Kahuna always tells young women “oh you remind me of one of my daughters, yada, yada” Yeah that’s definitely a pick-up line. One of the “mixers” we went to a young girl was chatting him up and he was all smiles and bright and then she laid a hand on his arm and leaned in close he about exploded. She whispered “you remind me of my grandfather”. I almost fell out on the floor laughing. Him not so much.

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  8. Yikes. I’d been thinking that a cheap (um, affordable) white-wall townhouse would have no soul, but the Revolution Mill apartment has so much personality mine would just disappear in its shadow.

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  9. I’m not sure which part of this post I love the most. There’s too much. Swami Ned! Fire and Brilliance! “…Under my natural fibers…”

    I also have a smokin’ hot body under my layers of natural fat. I’m jealous that I never thought of “Poontang Willy” as a name. I’m glad Zima has made a comeback despite not indulging in one yet.

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      1. When I was a bartender, one of my regulars was s big, burly masculine, aviation worker. He ordered Zima every time. The sight of him with s Zima in front of him tickled me.

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        1. I always enjoyed my Zima with a shot peach schnapps. I’d take a drink of Zima straight and then pour the shot into the bottle. I also occasionally would slip a Jolly Rancher into the bottle. I was so sophisticated.

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          1. I currently have 2 Zimas in my wine fridge that someone brought over for a party about 3 years ago. I keep trying to pawn them off on people, but no. Maybe I should pay my guests to try them because I’m a nice hostess like that.

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  10. Cats. They come in one door and go straight to another door wanting out, they don’t know what they want! Those apartments are stunning. What’s Ned waiting on? I know, I know, there is a decision involved. How long is his current landlord giving him to get out of the house? I can understand why you like hang out at that B&B, it’s beautiful.

    “…the good part about working this much. I’m all, God, THIS thing again? Now I gotta DEPOSIT it. What a PAIN.” That is a great place to be [huge smiley face].

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  11. I wonder if milling about at the mill apartments is a required thing in the lease?

    Had to laugh at SD flouncing outside after he was cockblocked from jumping on Lily. My grey idiot attacks one of the other cats at least once a day. Well, not really attack; more like does a “c’mon, mofo, you wanna piece of me?!?” at them menacingly and makes a whole lot of stupid yowly noise. And when I yell at her, she flounces away, too, like I’m being so unreasonable.

    I luf that B&B.

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  12. Wonderful post June, as always. Burt’s Pomegranate and the original Beeswax with peppermint balms are the best!!! I put on the original every night before I go to bed. I just love that B&B I would be there all the time, too. June, I am liking your lipstick color choice of late, it looks good on you!

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  13. I can understand Ned’s where-do-I-want-to-live dilemma with all the fabulous choices. It will come down to whether or not he wants the responsibility of home ownership or would rather rent. Of course, that’s only the first decision.

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  14. Vodka with a splash of diet tonic and seltzer. Drank like a fish while I lost 85 pounds.
    Hey June and everyone, sorry for the hijack of your not-blog yesterday. I’d just gotten home and was all, ohmygodohmygodOHMYGOD. I should have given myself a chance to calm down first. Thanks to all who replied; your sympathy really helped out with my pity party. Amish, your comment make me think of some options; thank you.
    As my Gramma used to say when someone was running on and on (yes I’ve got some amazing Gramma stories too!), “And the wind blew and the shit flew…”
    So I’ll shut up now and let you get back to it!

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  15. I agree with the others up there that little chickie was totally humoring the old dude. Ned didn’t stand a chance. And older guys who do think they have a chance with these young women are delusional. How do I know this, gawd, I have grown daughters in their 20s and early 30s and it is shocking, SHOCKING, what they judge/view as old anymore. There is a HUGE disparity in how younger people view people over, say 45. And dudes over 45+ who try to act all smooth to the young ladies are profiled. This younger generation can be harsh, man. It’s a cruel world.

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  16. I am obsessed with all the brick in those apartments. I hate hate hate, absolutely despise, the architecture here. I miss things looking like houses. I hate rounded walls, I hate not having an all in one room bathroom with a door, I just hate it. I love everyone’s houses there. So cute.

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