I went outside with Edsel just now, and it was such a cool breezy morning that I decided to take pictures. I realize that made no sense.
“It was so delicious I decided to listen to it.”
“You should have heard how it smelled.”
No, I HAVEN’T been smoking the pot. What’s WRONG with you?
There’s Eds, peeing on his pee tree. That tree must be so sick of him.
Miss Iris, taking in the sights. HAHAHAHAHA. I like how there is always, always a burnt match in all my candles. Always. I burn myself way too often. Then I say, Ohhh, BURN! You got salve for that burn? Because I only speak to myself in social media comments now. (((((hugs)))) [gif of Michael Jackson eating popcorn]
I was going to delight you with a June-just-woke-up selfie, but as I was taking it, Lily screamed in a way that I’ve never HEARD her scream before. I knew just what was up.
There’s poor Lily, appalled, right after Steely Dan has attacked her.
And there’s the tip of that jerk’s tail as he lets himself out the door. Huffs off. Like WE’RE the assholes because we won’t let him attack Lily. I like how I’m referring to the pets and me as “we,” which I guess technically we are, but I made them seem human, somehow, and guess who’s lived alone with pets for too long?
Also, that sample can of paint I keep up there in case I decide to finally paint the whole room yellow, and I can’t decide. My mother said to paint the walls blue like my living room, and the bricks that kind of seafoam green I like. I am still also debating that color combo. Mom said that blue would tie the two rooms together, and then she drank a White Russian.
That’s only funny if you enjoy The Big Lebowski. And who doesn’t.
Anyway, if you’ve got your finger on the most recent page of my Big Book of June Events, you’ll know I was expecting a new project, and the good news is they didn’t drive it over, they mailed it, so I got EVEN MORE DAYS OF FREEDOM. But it arrived last night, and a GOOD person would have started last night, but I was already in the middle of my evening so I had an excuse.
Ned and I went to look at some apartments at the same old mill where I get my hair done, and you should know everything in the South is an old mill. “Oh, it’s over by that old mill up yonder.” I WORK in an old mill. My hairdresser is in an old mill. Edsel’s pee tree is tired of Edsel’s old mill stream.
I highly recommend you go over there and look at those apartments. Oh my god, it’s lovely. And we saw one of the Alexes there; she’d just moved in! She’s a particularly pretty one of the Alexes, and I saw stupid Ned’s eyes light up at the idea of her living there too. Also, she teaches the yoga classes at the gym, there. Guess who’s gonna be Swami Ned all of a sudden.
Dudes, that apartment was fabulous. Exposed brick, big original fire doors, an upstairs bedroom with a reading nook, gigantic windows that look out onto a courtyard where they have music and movie nights, which would drive me berserk but which extroverted Ned saw as a plus.
He also, yesterday afternoon before I was out of work, went to his old apartment building to look for places there, and they showed him?
His old apartment. The very one he lived in.
“Oh, god, I liked you so much when you lived there,” I remembered.
“I know you did,” said Ned.
“I thought you were the BOMB,” I sighed, recalling.
Pfft. Clearly he wasn’t, or we’d not be in this predicament. Anyway, as we toured the old mill, which also has three restaurants, a bar, a coffee area and that fabulous brick courtyard with grills and so on, I noted the people milling about, walking their dogs and chatting and going to the gym together and so on. This place would be good for Ned. He could meet more people. Maybe even get a new girlfriend.
There’s nothing better for a love avoidant than a girlfriend on site. [knock knock knock!] It’s kind of making me chitter gleefully a little just imagining it. Ned likes his alone…life.
Anyway, after we did that, we had pizza in one of the three restaurants (8 points) and then headed to my house to let Edsel out.u7y6tyhu7
Steely Dan just walked across the keyboard. Yes, he’s back inside. He doesn’t know what the hell he wants.
I’d asked three different sets of couples to join me back at Wine Wednesday at The Other Copy Editor’s bed and breakfast, and that there was quite a sentence. Everyone was kind of a maybe, but I didn’t want to stand them up if they DID show. So it was then, when we went to my house to let Eds out and go to the B&B, that I saw my new work had arrived, but what’s a woman to do?
Does anyone remember that old commercial? “I hate my age spots, but what’s a woman to do?” It was for Esoterica.
Dear Everyone Who Did Track After School and Didn’t Rush Home to Watch General Hospital: There are no three-mile jumps or discus pulls that equal the pure joy I had every afternoon. Love, Joon.
You did your long sprints or your hoo-hah flys or whatever, but I can STILL recite the Blue Star Counterfeit Diamond Ring commercial. You probably have tendonitis. So. Love, Joon again.
It’s flawless; full of fire and brilliance. And it comes in a man’s style, too!
There’s my next personal ad. Written.
Oh my god, what was I talking about?
The B&B! Yes.
Here’s The Other Copy Editor’s husband, who probably wonders why I’m there every week, and do I have some sort of problem, and am I aware rosé is 5 points?
There wasn’t a single goddamn picture from last night where Ned isn’t in the middle of a sentence. Shut UP, Chatty. God.
Hey, Pontificator Pilot.
So none of my friends showed up. “Friends.” Really, it was fine. It was all a very “we’ve all talked about this casually, maybe we’ll go” kind of at-work thing. But what DID happen is this young bookish girl was sitting alone in the back yard, and as soon as I saw her, right then I knew.
She was a trifle tomboy looking, but in a cute, Burt’s Bees way. And she had one of those my-body-is-smokin’-under-my-natural-fibers bodies, prbobably from hiking and yoga and being-27-ing.
I knew she was Ned’s type. I knew it.
She talked to us first, and she was smart and funny. Someone turned up his fire hose, cause man, was Ned dousing the sitch with his “charm.” Actually, say what you will about Ned, and you have, but he is charming as shit. Oh, he was being funny, he was being insightful, he was
Clearly I was cockblocking Ned’s big move, and I briefly wondered if I’d end up in June’s First Three Way, but eventually Burt’s Bee left to go do whatever hot no-makeup bookish young girls do.
“Like 7% of you wanted the three of us to end up back at your place,” I said.
“Oh, WAY more than 7% of me. Are you kidding?” asked Ned.
Anyway, it was a lovely evening, for me anyway, because I wasn’t sad about failing to pick up someone half my age.
When I got home, Edsel and I had a very long, very dusky walk at dusk in the dusky time of day, and there were many bats swooping duskily, and all was right in my world. Till of course the migraine set in.
Now that I’m on this diet, I do not drink much wine, and when I DO, like last night’s ONE GLASS of 5 points, I inevitably get a migraine. Whenever I drank last, the same thing happened (although there was also a storm that time, but still).
Clearly I need to become one of those vodka and soda women, which tastes like fizzy rubbing alcohol, and mmmmmm!
Vodka and soda: 4 points.
I’d better get to work. Tonight I start my new project, and oh, also, a check came for my LAST project and I forgot it was getting here, and that’s the good part about working this much. I’m all, God, THIS thing again? Now I gotta DEPOSIT it. What a PAIN.
See you. Smell ya.
I really like to taste you. Every time we meet.
She’s all right.
She’s all right.
That girl’s all right by me.
Hey hey hey!