June Prissys her freelance. Also, am I your secret?

I just noticed how much Edsel anticipates my every move in the morning. First he tears down the hall ahead of me to the bathroom, which by the way is the size of a closet, but yet he must stuff his yellow arse in there with me each morning. And to think there used to be TWO dogs with the stuffing and the yellow arses in that miniature Pomeranian bathroom. How we managed that I’ll never know.

After the clown-car everyone’s-crammed-in-the-bathroom experience (Steely Dan never misses an opportunity to jump on my lap whilst I’m toileting), today I noted Edsel then tears farther down the hall into the living room, where he waits for me to open the curtains. Then to the kitchen and dining room, where he enviously watches me feed the cats.

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So mutch enbee

Then finally, FINALLY, we get to the part where I feed him, and let him out, and really you’d think he’d eventually say, Oh Edzul god, every day be the same. That’d he’d have some sort of crisis of ennui. But no.

Speaking of Edsel, he was one of the many–many–ways I managed to put off starting my new freelance project yesterday.

I got home early yesterday, meaning I left work right at 5:00, something I never do. “Good, I can get started right away and be free by 7:30,” I thought.

Oh, but first I must eat, right? I mean, one cannot live on proofreading alone. So I enjoyed my delicious 7 points.

IMG_9489.JPGIMG_9490.JPGThen of course Woof Blitzer had to start up. It’s highly offensive to him that other people walk their dogs past our house. How dayre dey? Then when HE walks past OTHER dogs’ houses, and THOSE dogs bark, Edsel always kind of glances back at them, like, he rully do be a ass whole, completely forgetting he does the SAME THING ALL DAY LONG with the hackles and the O face.

Can you see how his lips are in his growly O? Fogging up that part of the window.

Edsel, SHUT UP.

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…Oh. Sorree.

So then I put on my shoes to go walk him, which by the way is another thing he anticipates. As soon as shoes go on at night, he prances about the house, and whines, and dances, and posts cheerful emojis to his social pages, and so on.

Then we ended up taking the world’s longest walk, as it was cool out, and August in the South/cool out are not things you find yourself saying just all the time. So we enjoyed the 394854438292 cicadas and the pink sky and the bats o’plenty. We waved at other dog owners, and by “waved” I mean one of us lunged and snarled and got out torches while others of us pulled desperately on a leash. We took new roads and old familiar ones. We pooped in yards and bagged it up like it was a treat.

Then, when we got home, it was crucial that I check my social media.

Actually, here’s what annoys me. Is this just me and my high levels of extreme fame, or is it you as well? You, the common people. Do tell me, so I can remember what it’s like to live as one of you.

When you take, say, ONE HOUR off of Facebook, do you inevitably have at least 20 notices already? Dear Facebook: I don’t need separate notices if one person liked what I said, and another person laughy-faced what I said. Why would I need that? Combine those motherfuckers. Jesus.

I generally skip over all notices except for actual comments. It’s just all too much, Facebook. And for the love of GOD will everyone stop Facebook IMing me. Because I need one more place to look.read.respond.

Anyway, after all that, I needed a snack (4 points) and then I thought, Well, I should probably start proofreading that book.

It was nearly 8 o’clock. I WAS GONNA BE DONE BY 7:30. This me who thinks I’ll ever not put off a task is the same me who says, Ima get up for that 6 a.m. yoga class at my gym. I tell myself that all the time. Then I go back to looking for snacks and sleeping in.

Anyway, that is how I ended up working till after 9:30, but I got to, like, page 9, which may not sound like much to you but it really is when you’re proofreading something like that.

I’d better get in the shower and so on, but I wanted to ask you something,

How does my blog affect your life? I don’t mean oh my god it’s worked miracles and I cured your irritable bowel. I just mean, like, if you’re someone who reads all the time, do your friends know? Do you tell your husband, “Oh, you know what happened in Book of June’s comments today…” and then does your husband as a result hate me?

Because I was forever regaling Ned with “readers of my blog” stories back when there was a blog and a Ned. And then I identify you. My funny reader, the reader who’s always sweet to everyone, the reader who I get hives when I see she’s commented because I know it’s gonna be a veiled bitchy comment. The reader who’s read me forever. The reader who I got in that fight with. And then, finally, Fay.

Ned and Fay. Two great tastes that go great together. Two besties. For two people who’ve never met, they sure get on wonderfully.

Man.

Anyway, a few times a year people write me or FUCKING FACEBOOK IM ME about how they read posts to their spouses or whatever, but it occurred to me I never just asked all of you at once if my blog is your secret or something you torment the non-readers in your life over.

Let’s cease reading this post about me and stampede to the comments about me. Shall we?

Yours. Mine. Ours.

Joob

142 thoughts on “June Prissys her freelance. Also, am I your secret?

  1. I used to mention the shenanigans on this blog to Mr. Texas, but he was WHOLLY UNINTERESTED. The nerve.
    Truthfully, I enjoy the relative anonymity and the fun of reading and commenting without everyone in my life knowing about it. I started reading this blog when you lived in Tiny Town, June. Seems like a lifetime ago. Over these years, there have been more than a few times when the hilarity, honesty and craziness of this blog has pulled me through a rough patch, and for that I am very, very grateful!

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    1. Me too TK. I will be forever grateful of the email June sent me after my dad died…because somehow y’all missed me here. It was nice to be missed and cared about. June has created a wonderful community here.

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    2. I’m from MN but I live in MS. There is not a plethora of intelligent, witty women beating down my door extending the olive branch of friendship. Your not blog helps to be able to read “good writing” roughly once a day & I can also interact with other readers here & on FB. It’s really nice because your readers are just like you in a lot of ways but also different enough to bring even more to the table. It’s a little Internet niche of fun, pet-loving, intelligent, humorous adults. A salon of wit and wonderfulness that just makes my life a whole lot better.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Now that I have spent nearly an hour reading all these comments, I am compelled to ask if you are surprised at how many people can’t imagine starting their day without you. You have touched so many lives.

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  3. I used to read you daily, and even began speaking in Joonese. Curiously, no one appeared to agree with my belief that I was/we were stinkin’ hilarious. I work full time now, so I go to work, go home, eat a nutritious bowl of children’s cereal, and pass out. So I only get over here occasionally. Which is counterproductive, because then I have to binge read to catch back up. As far as sharing with others, I’m too selfish. I want to steal all your Junisms, and claim them as my own. It’s a rather ugly character flaw, but there it is.

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  4. I will say to my husband “you know that girl whose blog I read? Well…” and then tell him whatever it was I found interesting. He is indifferent. The jerk. (Wink face emoji).

    When you stopped blogging, I was SAD. And so happy when you returned. And your haters piss me off.

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  5. I read every day. I have told my family about you and your shenanigans. I don’t comment often but I did send you a link once and you responded a year later. It was the highlight of my life. HAHA! Thanks for sharing your life. Your blog-web-thingie is fun to read and the comments are like the cherry on top!

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  6. I tell my daughter some but not all ’cause even that little bit causes the twitchy eye. That’s why you’re a secret from husband.
    Has Edsel always been all “get off m’lawn”?

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  7. Oh, and also, since I don’t read many blogs, yours is the highlight of my day. I work from home and save your daily post as my reward for completing some dreadful task or another.

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  8. I’ve decided that reading your not-blog every day is like when I used to be hooked on the daytime soap opera, “All My Children.” (In your case it would be “All My Furry Children.”) I feel like I know all of the characters and am invested in their story lines and what happens next: Stay tuned for tomorrow’s episode, where Edsel learns to pee by himself and Steely Dan’s mythical escape tunnel is revealed!

    I guess think of you as my “blog friend,” because that’s easiest to explain. I don’t torment my husband with “tales of June” very often, but will sometimes share a tidbit or two. He usually says, “Uh huh,” and carries on with whatever he was doing. Your writing always makes me laugh (and sometimes cry).

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  9. WF = Whole Foods (love the Wells Fargo guess)

    He *was* at the salad bar (!!!).
    Ned in an authentic Ned setting.

    And my sweet, wonderful husband did not think to tell me until eons has passed. No Ned sighting for me. Men.

    He didn’t even *think* to take a photo.

    But this was during a tense June-Ned (Jed? Nude? what do the celebrity mags call you?) phase so I’m sort of glad I didn’t have to decide how to handle seeing Ned. Like, do I throw stuff at him? ask for autograph? or?

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  10. I don’t tell my husband, he would think it was totally dumb. I’ve told friends a few stories, but then I have to stop and go into this looooong explanation about what a blog is. Or was. So I gave up. You are my own little secret garden.

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  11. My HH not only knows about you, but he used to post quit a bit when he thought you needed a man’s voice (other than Hulk or DofC). He thinks you are great, and will probably seek your hand in marriage if I die before he does, and you are available. Or maybe he won’t wait until I die. Hard to tell. My (now 21 year old) son used to hear us talking about you and he would just roll his eyes and wish he had parents who had friends in real life.

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  12. I will occasionally mention something from the blog, but if I’m with someone who I don’t know well enough to explain why I have online friends and yet don’t live in my mother’s basement, I just refer to you as a friend. With my immediate family, I just ref to you as the person who writes the blog I’ve read forever.

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  13. June,
    You are my secret daily read. It’s too hard to explain to my husband. Your wit and humor have helped me through some very difficult times in my life (both my parents dying from cancer). I relished my daily “June” escape. Thanks!

    Btw, the other day I was stuck in traffic. Out of my mouth came, “Lu annoy!” I crack myself up.

    Carry on, O Pleasure of Life!

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  14. I read daily. My husband likes to hear what you and your pets have been up to as well. Sometimes I text him that he must read you NOW! I know he has you saved in his favorites on his work computer and his phone.

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  15. You ARE a pleasure of my life. I would run back into a burning building to save this website. Every person who is important to me in real life (and there are more than two, but less than my current number of Facebook friends) has been regaled with some story or knowledge or cautionary tale or gossip that has emanated from here.

    An author from Vermont was once interviewed on the Today show (Google says it was in 2006) regarding a book she was writing about her year of not spending. I recalled that sometime in 2007 and put keywords into a search engine (probably Ask Jeeves) and found Bye, Bye Buy among other blogs and the actual title of that book. The book was a complete snoozefest (sorry, Judith Levine), but that blog was a keep. . .eh, forget it.

    Five years into reading you, you met my oldest brother Greg and his wife Kim (Steve Humbert’s cousin) and posted a photo of the three of you. Bizarro.

    Love you, love your show.

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  16. So every time (everytime) I read your blog on my phone while I’m in Mr. Sleeping Beauty’s presence I snicker and giggle in some fashion that doesn’t approximate any other snicker or giggle I make. He always says, “Are you reading your friend June’s blog again?” He just KNOWS.

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  17. I talk to my husband about happenings on the blog and also about other people that I now have as fb friends from the blog. All the time. I hardly ever see anyone except my husband and kids irl, so you ARE my social life. (Isn’t that a song, “You are my everything”?)
    Love you and everything about this blebsite, in spite of the fact that I am the least hairandmakeupandshoes person you will ever meet or not meet. It really expands my horizons. Before June, I didn’t know what Ulta was.

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    1. My town is getting an ulta soon. I’ve never been to one. My sister was appalled to find out a few years ago that I didn’t know what Ulta was.

      Like

  18. My family and my best friend in real life know I read your not blog every day. They don’t, however, know the name of your not blog because some things I just want to be my own. I’ve shared funny stories, heart breaking stories, medical advice, makeup advice, and just general life advice that I’ve learned from you and your readers. You’ve brought together a great group of readers that have allowed me to form some pretty fantastic online friendships.

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  19. i’ve occasionally mentioned to a friend something you’ve said on your blog. then i worry they are going to ask me “what blog, maybe i can check it out” and that gives me hives because this is my guilty pleasure and the only place where no one knows me irl. i want to keep it that way. even though i know it deprives you of even more readers.

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  20. I tell my husband funny stuff I read on the not blog. I always say “On that blog I read, the one by the lady with all the pets…”. Ha ha! He never acts super interested or super bored. I listen to all his sports talk radio stories though, so I guess we’re even.

    Thanks for continuing to blog! I love reading about your life and that of your pets. I’m sure it isn’t easy to subject yourself to criticism and judgment, but you have so many more fans than haters.

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  21. I tell my family (mostly my daughter) about you and your happenings! I have read you for a long time and spent an entire summer several years ago reading all the way back to the beginning. You are an amazing writer and when you stopped blogging I was sad (but understood). Your honesty and wit is fascinating to me in a weird way.

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  22. I’m from Michigan too. Reading what you write, and how you write, reminds me so much of my family’s conversations! A topic is started, an interjection about many something(s) else, annnnnd – about an hour later, the conversation is back on the original topic.

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  23. I look forward to reading you everyday. Sometimes I will share something you have written about with my husband or daughter, but mainly I keep it just for me. I savor reading it like it’s a peace of amazing chocolate! It’s an escape. I have read all of your posts from the beginning, cried over pets, rejoiced over your life victories and just have loved being able to enjoy your writing just for myself. I had a rough couple of years and your blog was often the one bright spot of my day. I rarely comment but I love this little piece of my world.😊

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  24. I read you before I read the news. At 7:00am PST, I am looking for the latest issue of Book of June. I’ve rode the Roller Coaster of Fate with you. Up and Down, Down and Up. I have experienced hilarity, joy, sadness, and bewilderment. You are our “JuneBug” and you effect/affect? our lives…yes you do!
    P.S. too tired to Google, I think it should be “affect” hehehe.

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  25. I mention this blog and the facebook site to friends and the ex often, telling them about something funny that you blogged about (which would be all the time), or a particularly hilarious comment. Told the ex tonight (when we went out for dinner, Ned, Jr.) about the discussion of the Dylan situation and how we all had a vote and agreed that the nephew is an entitled doodoohead and the great-niece is a spoiled princess. He agreed wholeheartedly.

    I frequently use the “Whoo care?” in conversation.

    It looks like Edz is singing to people outside, not growling or barking. Oooooooo.

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  26. I will often tell family stories from here and they will ask if I read it on that “pie blog.”

    One memorable instance of your blog having an affect on my life was a couple years ago after you moved in with Ned. I was trying to catch up on your posts from the last few days while lying in bed one night, when my husband pulled a Marvin and made his move. But I made it clear I wasn’t that interested right then and just wanted to finish reading m’pie blog. A few minutes passed and I heard my husband let out an aggravated sigh and say, “you’ve got to be kidding me!” He had taken a look over my shoulder to see what I was reading and it just so happened to be the post about how you and Ned were maybe having too much fun living together because you had a raging UTI. So, you can add to your tag line: cockblocking readers’ husbands, since (at least) 2014.

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  27. My husband, baby sister and best friend know about you. The “girls” don’t get the whole blog thing. My husband is interested because of your love of animals. You are his people.

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  28. You originally started off as a blog on my Google reader (God, how I miss Google reader) and I would casually mention you occasionally as a blogger I follow. Then my daughter started reading you and my sister started reading you and was a commenter for a long time. Once we became Facebook friends, even my husband follows you on Facebook! So you are no longer a secret and everyone knows who I’m talking about when I say “did you see June did _______?” It’s pretty cool!

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  29. I read every one (not everyone) of your posts. If I have to miss a day or two for some reason or another, I always go back and catch up. I must say, we are actually polar opposite personalities, but you are so entertaining and your sense of humor is so wonderful, I cannot help but love your non-blog and all your friends, followers, pets, and men. I do discuss your recent posts with my friends who also read your non-blog, but I don’t talk about it to hubby.

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  30. I guess I would be the late reader. The reader who comments once a year. The reader who somehow deleted part of her name and left it. I read one post to my husband, I think it was about doctors and it was hilarious (of course) and true.

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  31. For sure I always tell my husband what’s going on. I mean, not that you’re proofreading or anything, but when something exciting happens. And I’ll read him comments that make me laugh, usually from Paula. He knows all about Lu and Edsel. And Lottie.

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  32. June, as much as I’d like to, I can’t keep up with your daily posting schedule, but I’m a faithful reader since your blog was introduced to me by another favourite blogger whom I’d asked to tell me what her favourite blog is. I try to catch up on all of your posts if I don’t get too far behind. Your way of looking at and describing things makes me laugh out loud and is there anything better than laughing? I think not. You crack me up.

    I keep the link to your blog in an online list where the most recently updated site rises to the top (see http://goldengrainfarm.blogspot.ca and scroll down to see my handy personal directory). I keep it handy, and it’s there for my own readers if they’re looking for blogs to check out for themselves. I’ll share my good things, see.

    I usually don’t have time to read all the comments, but that’s okay … after reading one of your posts, I always feel I’ve had a good meal and am more than satisfied without dessert.

    -Kate in Saskatchewan

    Like

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