You’re never too old for a fur ball.

I’m trying to think of what happened this weekend, but it’s such a haze, what with the heroin and all. Or, alternatively, 18 bottles of fizzy strawberry water.

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I’m OBSESSED.

IMG_9515.JPGLet’s see. On Friday, I took myself for a pedicure, and I know. I’m living pretty high on the hog these days. I was supposed to have a date this weekend, and I ended up not having it. The pedicure was a precursor to said date, and do you think it’s acceptable to send a bill?

I also had big plans to do my freelance work this weekend, seeing as I am in the midst of a huge project. Naturally, I found eleventy things to do instead of freelance on Saturday, one of which was to deposit yet another check from a different job I’d finished. Look at Miss Saddlebags, over here.

Money. Moneybags. That’s what I meant to say.

On Saturday I admired my pedicure from Friday, went to the used bookstore because I need books to read during my romantic vacation with Kit–did I tell you we have a romantic trip planned? We do. Kit, some other women friends of hers, and I are going to a lake house for a few days next week, which means you probably won’t hear from me unless I (a) figure out how to blog from m’phone and (2) remember.

Also, I know you’re all, Oh, that June. Just doesn’t know how she gets by without her ladies. Me and all my women pals. The girls. It used to annoy me when Carrie Bradshaw referred to her women friends as “the girls.” It was the only unsophisticated thing she ever did. Were they bowling in 1950? The girls.

IMG_9482.JPGI also deep-conditioned my hair, which was also in preparation for said date, and do you think I can bill for my time in which that took to dry? Because it was seriously around six hours.

Behold also my band-aid for my mole removal, and you may wonder why I’d go on a date when I was so disfigured, but I’d been eager to go anyway. I figured that one girl with no arm from the shark bite goes on dates. Never mind her otherwise smokin’ body. I wonder how much less you weigh if you don’t have one of your arms?

Anyway, what with all that hard prep and then the being stood up part, I spent the evening with that strawberry fizzy water and Jane the Virgin, which is going to be my name soon if I don’t actually go on dates.

Oh! Oh! Also, on Saturday, I went to the liquor store, a thing I never do, and got some hard-hitting liquor.

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Hard liquor for women who want to get drunk fast.

Even the liquor store guy was all, “Wow. It’s…fluffed.” Oh, shut up.

Wine is 5 WW points a glass, see, and vodka is 4, and also it would seem I always get a migraine from wine. I think I told you that last time, and perhaps this is a good moment to remind you that the grandmother I’m turning into would remind you that she grew up in a gas station pretty much every time you spoke with her.

She grew up in a small town, see, and her father owned the town gas station. All the men would wander over and play checkers and, according to Grammy, would gossip “worse than women.” To me, it sounds ideal. My father and Aunt Mary would spend their summers in that town, and my father got to get up ungodly early and head with my great-grandfather down to the gas station, where he ate candy and napped in the tires and learned swear words from the checker-playing men. He’d also wander the downtown, where everyone knew him. He was particularly enamored of the old cranky guy who ran the town newspaper.

Meanwhile, back at home, my poor Aunt Mary had to hang around my great-grandmother, who had some sort of housecleaning condition where she’d scrub the sidewalks and so on, and I know you’re thinking, “That’s where June gets it.” Aunt Mary would have to wear a pinafore, not eat snacks (“No piecing between meals, Mary”) and basically have a suck-ass time compared to dad’s utopia down the street.

I have no idea how I got off on this tangent.

The point is, freelance work eluded me all day, and when I got up Sunday, I said, Well, you’re gonna be spending most of Sunday freelancing now, Missy, and it’s no one’s fault but your own. My inner voice is an irritating dad in 1960. My female inner voice is out with the girls.

IMG_9529.JPGThis blurry photo is appropos of nothing, other than I wanted to show it to you and was afraid I’d forget. When it rains, the succulents on my steps have one purple plant that gathers the drops to form this little temporary diamond. It’s just so pretty.

I wonder if my succulents are annoyed that it’s raining again today. o for fotosinthesis’ sake. it rane again?

Plant talk. By June.

So I made coffee Sunday and mentally prepared for my grueling day, …and?

I’d left my freelance at work. HAH! I like how I act like I couldn’t possibly have driven there and gotten it. So now I’ve made all of you nervous because I’m so far behind on it.

Oh, wow, I just realized we get paid tonight at work. Y’all. This freelance is like to kill me, despite the fact that I didn’t do it at all this weekend. Still. In general, it’s taxing. But man! I’ve paid everyone I owed money to: The lawn guy, the doctor, three of four credit cards, etc. My credit is going up, up, up, and once it gets really excellent, Ima refinance my car.

So soon I will have to pay for my house, car, internet, phone, utilities. That’s it. I mean, sure, that’s, you know, about $1,200 every month, but it’s a hell of a lot better than all of my money, which it’s been for years now.

I have the bank automatically take savings out twice a month now, and the only way I can access my savings is to go into the bank. No card, no joined accounts online. I also have aggressively increased my contribution to my 401(k), my four oh wonk.

Look at June!

But so that I won’t collapse in resentment, I also decided that as of now, I can spend 10% of each freelance check on something fun. So on Sunday, when I realized that, darn, my freelance work isn’t here to work on, I went in search of a purse.

I adore my winter purse, and the day I finally found a winter bag I liked, I wasn’t even LOOKING for a bag. It was when I lived with Ned and had spending money, and I was just out shopping for fun when I came upon it at the Banana Republic, there.

I haven’t been happy with my summer purse, well, ever.

Here are my requirements:

  • Outside pocket to put my phone.
  • Separate compartments inside so it’s not just a jumble.
  • Not huge.
  • Not full of crap on the outside. I don’t understand why people want doo-dads and gee-gaws and zip-a-dee-doos all over the outside of their bags. Who are you, Diana Ross?
  • Also, it needed to be pink, pale blue or silver. You know how I am.

So I went to this basic-girl store I never go to, mostly just because I’d never been there and I figured you never know. I’d been to Belt, as my mother calls Belk, and all they had were Coach bags and other similar $700 purses. Yeah, no.

IMG_9545.JPGTurns out, I had a great time at the basic-girl store. June. More basic than she cares to admit. Oh, I was in there forever, and ended up getting…

IMG_9550.JPGTAAA-DAAAA! It was the Steely Dan scrotum attached to it that really got me. And yes, it DOES have an outside pocket. Also, I had a coupon so I got it for $29. Wheeling, dealing June.

“I realize I’m too old for a fur ball on my purse,” I said, as I handed it and m’cash to the woman at the register.

“You’re NEVER too old for a furball,” the woman said, and I noted her giant false eyelashes, and it was right then that I fell deeply in love with her.

I think you’re probably too old for a furball when you’re 30, but fuck it. I’m bucking the system. With my marshmallow alcohol. No one better screw with me.

I’d better go to work, try to look sophisticated with my pink bag and so on.IMG_9531.JPGsee yuu laytur. heeee.

Luff,

Juuun

60 thoughts on “You’re never too old for a fur ball.

  1. I’m thinking the FM vodka would be delicious in a big ass mug of hot chocolate on a cold winter day.
    Also, that MF doesn’t know what he missed, with the toes and harr. It and the colour are gorgeous.
    SD scrotum. Every girl needs one. Love the purse, especially the colour.
    My rent is $1200 and a bargain where I live.
    You done did good, June.
    Iris only have eyes for you.
    Geez…some days you just can’t shut me up.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I always drink sugar free hot chocolate. Get the sugary stuff for the kids, but the diet stuff for me. So if you use that, it shouldn’t be any more points. That sounds awesome with that vodka in it.

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  2. I tend to keep purses as long as possible, which means trips to the shoemaker and/or dry cleaners for mending and repairs and new zippers. I am very picky about my purse requirements. Often, the trends in purses don’t include my requirements, so I keep ’em around forever.

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  3. I’m intrigued by the vodka! What else could you put that in besides hot chocolate? I’m here for the drink recipes.
    June, the progress you’ve made on your finances is so impressive. Truly!
    I love this weekend wrap-up post!

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    1. Had Marshmallow vodka and coke at a friend’s house. I was skeptical, but it was fantastic! Tastes just like Vanilla Coke, if you like that, with a kick.

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  4. If your basic girl store is the one I’m thinking of, the one here is only staffed by fetuses. When you approach the counter to pay, they look like you’re making them smell oldness, and it’s gross. And if I make a friendly/funny/interesting comment (shut up, I’m very interesting), they look so very pained that I’m almost sorry.
    So I avoid that store if possible. But I might go in there for that purse. Lovely. Ooo! You should tie a scarf on the handle!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve officially gotten old enough (52 next week) to get that treatment. I either smell old or I’m just plain too dumb to shop for myself. Damn kids these days!

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  5. The six-hour-post-deep-conditioning-drying-time was worth it, June. Your hair looks fantastic! I bit the bullet and bought an old lady hooded dryer. It takes me 10 minutes instead of 3 hours to dry now.

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      1. I used one in college and it cut my drying time dramatically. Bonus: it obviously doesn’t blow your hair around like a blow dryer. That always causes my frizzy hair to frizz more. These days I just go to bed wet and mangle it in the morning.

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      2. I used to have one too and it was amazing! I would leave the hood flipped up and then just gather up my hair and lay it in there so that the curls would dry while they were “supported” instead of hanging down. That, paired with a silk pillowcase would make my curls last for days!

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  6. Congrats on finding a new summer purse! I think that’s a great reward system, spending 10% on yourself. Apparently those furry embellishments are “in” right now — my daughter’s new backpack from Kohl’s has one hanging from it (as well as two shifty looking eyes) — she’s not particularly in love with it, but liked all the other designs. (https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-2917715/candies-patches-backpack.jsp?prdPV=13)

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  7. I love that vodka, it’s really good as a shot with a layer of rum chatta. Vodka is also good with powder flavor packs or the drops. I like the pink lemonade and the tea. So many possibilities.

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  8. Love that bag! Dying to know what store! I love ALL basic girl stores. So I guess that makes me basic. Not ashamed. Do you have a Charming Charlie’s?

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    1. That’s what I was thinking! June will come down for work, go to grab her purse, and the furball will be all slobbery with half the hair missing.

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  9. Point driven life, don’t you love being thin? And your hard looks great.

    Nice purse, you can always cut that fur ball right off. You are bustin it with the finances, way to go, Jun. That is a great idea of rewarding yourself with the ten percent of your freelance work.

    I just showed my husband the photo of Iris and updated him that she was the kitty attacked by the dogs. He knows all about your animals, present and fmr.

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  10. Ooo, was it Charming Charlies’? I just went in there and ‘take my money!’ Cheap accessories organized by color, but for grownups, not 12 year-olds!

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  11. The weekend guy def did not know what he was missing! Loser! You probably had a better time shopping and doing just as you please anyway. Men are overrated sometimes!

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  12. I have a pink purse but it is my spring bag. I’m getting ready to pull out my fall bag since school starts next week and despite temps being around 90, that’s the official start of fall to me. Bring on the pumpkin spiced EVERYTHING!

    The shark bite no arm girl is married and has at least one baby. It is random knowledge like this clogging up my brain keeping me from reaching any potential. I probably would have cured cancer by now if I had math or science facts in my brain. But hey, do you need to know who was the first person on the cover of the People magazine? Mia Farrow. It was Mia Farrow.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Back when I was in college with Wilma Flintstone, before she met that dashing Fred and she was still Wilma Flaghoople, we would add vodka to milkshakes. That was before vodka had all these flavors, but I imagine the flavors would only improve the experience.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Back when I was in college in Arizona, we would add mushroom soup to shrooms. And no, I never tried it, I just made up the concoction for those who did. I kind of regret not trying it. I mean, isn’t college the time to experiment with Schedule 1 drugs? Another lost moment.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I took ‘shrooms one time. At a Grateful Dead concert (duh). It was awesome. Except they tasted like cow shit, probably because that’s where they grow.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Girrrrrl, it wasn’t quick. I have been freelancing literally all year. It was my New Year’s resolution to get my finances in order. The first few months, every extra dime I made seem to go to some sort of house repair emergency. But then finally I caught up with all of those and now I’m making serious headway.

      >

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  14. As a connoisseur of vodka, sweetened vodka sounds absolutely vile. Cake, marshmallow, sweet tea flavored vodkas are just a big ol’ NO for me. Plus there’s the thought of a wicked hangover from that sugary sweetness.

    I never switch out my purses each season or per outfit. When I find a purse that meets my requirements and I like it, that’s the only purse I will use until it dies and then my search starts all over again. The worst is when I find one I like and then discover a few weeks down the road that it just isn’t working for me. I bought a beautiful red Coach bag that seemed perfect in the store and I got tons of compliments on it but after a couple of weeks of use, I realized it didn’t meet my requirements after all and started to annoy me so it got banished. I probably should try and sell it. I ended up buying an extremely expensive purse that fits all of my requirements and when broke down by “cost per use,” it’ll pay for itself in only 7 years. Just kidding. 3 years. 3.3 to be exact.

    But hands down, my favorite purse ever was a red Tommy Hilfiger satchel purchased at a Steinmart for under $40. I loved that purse so much and was absolutely devastated when the handle tore from the body and couldn’t be repaired. And I’ve never seen another like it since.

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  15. Wait. You’re telling us you don’t like the gaudy purses with the extra zippers and the dang dangling bling do das?

    P.S.
    Lovely post June.

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  16. Please don’t hate me, but on my teeny town but sell page, I bought a small black Coach bag with cross body strap for $50! It is very slightly used but looks great. I NEVER buy expensive purses because then I wouldn’t have and money left to put inside. So I’m doing a happy jig

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  17. Love a $29 purse! It irks me to pay so much for purses. I just would never spend hundreds on a purse, because I’m positive that the first day I carried it, I would drop it in a mudpuddle, or catch it on something and rip the whole side, or run over it with my car. I’m better with the $29 purses. I usually only buy black, cream or grey (or some combination of the 2 or 3). Boring, but I can carry them with anything then.

    Also, your hair is beeyotiful after the deep conditioning. All the pretty curls. The potential date man missed it, but we all got to admire it, along with your lovely pedicure.

    I love Iris’s little face.

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  18. Having that mole removed is part of the reason you’re so thin now, I’m convinced, you must have lost .482329397655 lbs. I don’t even know how you pull yourself out of bed every morning recovering from that mole removal AND dealing with your dust mite allergy.

    You’re such a trooper, Joob!

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  19. What a great gift, to have the whole weekend to PLAY. I am so impressed with your financial wizardry. I wish I was as good, or that I would get my act together to figure it out.

    Iris is so beautiful.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

    Like

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