This makes Faithful Reader Paula quite tense, as opposed to her normally laid-back personality, but I have to hurry today, as I have an 8:20 appointment to get my stitches out from my grueling mole removal. June. Enticing readers with her medical procedures, since 2006.
The results came back fine, by the way, as I knew they would, and now I hope I don’t have some sort of pirate scar on m’chin as a result.
When I was a kid, it was snowing out, and hey, snowing in Michigan! What?! You never hear of that.
Anyway, it was probably, you know, April, and we’d had a huge storm. I was just a little kid and my father–oh, god, this is why I’m attracted to it–suggested it’d be fun to WALK to the grocery store for hot chocolate. In sub-zero weather.
“That way, we’ll feel like we really deserve it when we have our hot chocolate,” he said.
Being four, I fell for this idea, so off we went, in the dark of night, after a snow storm, and you’ll be stunned to hear I slipped on the ice and fell face-first.
“You’re okay,” said my father, as I CRIED HYSTERICALLY AS ONE WOULD WHEN YOU HIT YOUR FACE ON ICE. “Buck up.”
I vaguely remember this event, but what I don’t recall is the part where my father said we finally (finally!!) got to the grocery store, where there were actual lights other than the Northern Lights that probably lit the sky, so far north were we, and it was then that my father noticed my blood beard. I’d really been cut badly on that ice.
I don’t just cry hysterically for no reason, man. I had a fucking reason.
My point is, I STILL BEAR A SCAR from that terrible day. And I don’t need another one on my chin.
Please note: This experience did not put me off hot chocolate. I barfed hot chocolate once, as well, on the way to Sea World when I was 12. And yet, I’ve soldiered on. Stayed true to hot chocolate.
I believe in miracles. Where you from. You sexy thing. Guess who sang that? Yep.
Where you from. Michigan. That’s where I’m from. Note m’ice scar.
Would you like to know what I hate? “Are you spending Christmas in Minnesota?” All the time with people thinking it’s Minnesota and not Michigan. This is probably how Ryan Reynolds/Ryan Gossling/Jake Ryan all feel.
Oh, hell. I gotta go. I’m glad we had this important talk, and oh! One more thing.
I HAVE LOST ANOTHER POUND!
Which has still not put me off hot chocolate.
Slip of a June