Turn around, bright eyes

Look at the sun, up there. Soooooo smug. Oh, Ima shine on you all day. Like I always do. HAH! We, the audience, know better.

Anyway hi. I’m not at work, and I was luxuriating in bed, thinking how lovely it was to, you know, luxuriate in the bed, when I remembered you guys saying, “The first thing I do when I wake up is read Book of June!” “My day isn’t complete without Book of June!” “I keep an asp in my hand, and if Book of June isn’t up, I let it strike me.”

So I threw back the covers and sighed beleagueredly.

I’m supposed to be on a romantic vacation with my friend Kit and some of her other women friends, but a series of unfortunate events meant I was unable to go. This lead to a solid day, and by solid day I mean three days, of me just feeling terrible that I never get to do anything fun or go anywhere relaxing. Even Ned, the source of most of my consternation, was all, “You need a break. You need a break from your 10 jobs, your 14 pets, and even me.”

EVEN him.

But then I decided, This is nonsense. I can have a great time here. I don’t have to go somewhere, although I was so looking forward to creaking a screen door open and smelling the lake, coffee in my hand and no plans at all. Dammit.

Anyway, I made a big list of things I wanna do, both fun and practical, this week, and so far I have done several of them. For one, I did a new budget, keeping in mind I am

ALMOST DONE

paying credit cards. Oh my god, so close to being done.

So I went back to my bank statements, since I never use cash, and wrote down everything I spent money on these past few months. Now that I’m on my diet (7 pounds down. Can you even SEE me?) I spent about $100 less on fast food in July than I did in June.

But you know what I spend my money on? This house. The lawn guy, repairs. I might as well name this place House of Alf, for all the money Alf gets from this place. And what I like about Alf is very little, but he DOES talk me out of things, and I appreciate that. “Don’t fix that $500 thing yet. You can get away with that for awhile. What you need to fix is this $70 thing, in the next three months.”

And I didn’t mean it about not liking Alf, my ridiculous handyman. I kind of scored in the handyman dept.

So, I decided to go out and do things each day of my days off, and on Saturday I went to this restaurant and also earlier in the day got m’hair done. It’s back to being blonde because I went to my regularly scheduled hairdresser. She knew I had to cheat cause we had schedule angst, and what she told me was that other hairdresser, not knowing how porous m’hair is, had NO IDEA how fast and hard my hair would suck up color, and when I left there, that strange hairdresser was all, Mother of God, I did not mean to do that to that woman’s hair.

IMG_9664.JPG
Day-two hair. I look like a determined Indian woman here. With blonde hair and blue eyes. HALF BREED! That’s all I ever heard.

So that was a $59495402 day. And that is when I decided my “go do something fun” rule would have to be limited to free things.

IMG_9665.JPGIMG_9667.JPGWhich explains how I ended up in a bar Sunday. God’s day. God loves a bar. But I got up with a friend from out of town–we met in Winston-Salem.

IMG_9668.jpg
Titty doggie at the bar! Did I pet it. Are you seriously asking me that? That dog sued me for sexual harassment. Did I pet it. Yeesch.

Anyway, I have a big list of things Ima do, and I feel less sad about having to stay home for my vacation.

Oh, but speaking of my weight loss, this ridiculous eating/drinking weekend notwithstanding, I’m in the, you know, (no, we DON’T know, June, but good writing) next…decade of pounds.

Like, let’s say I started this diet weighing 127 pounds, in which case I’d like you to come over here and punch my head slap off. So I’ve lost enough weight that I’m now in the next set of 10s. I’d be in the teens if I’d actually started this diet weighing 127. Hey, 119. Yeah, we can’t dance together.

IMG_9631.JPG
hay. dat a steeelee dan song.

Oh, but SPEAKING of my new/old blonde hair, hurr, on Saturday when I got home from having it done, a mere three hours later, I went in the back yard and took a picture of said hair, and put it on Facebook.

IMG_9658.JPGWhen my mother was here in July, she brought her tree face, and also her game face, as I made her compete in several Olympic events. Anyway, back in July, way back then, I nailed said tree face to m’tree, and plus also I’ve been looking at it on my mother’s tree for the last 40 years or whatever, so I thought nothing of it.

Here was every Facebook comment re my three plus hours and $32939292 of new hair: “There’s a FACE in your tree!” “June! Why is there a FACE in your tree!” “Oh my god! Did you know there’s a FACE in your–”

af85c8e16908979b4560b6f94a0c1c27--peanuts-comics-snoopy-peanuts

I think we should insist that it is a matter of etiquette that we READ PRIOR COMMENTS before we comment on Facebook. What say you? Can we make that a thing? Can we?

e893b70dedd440afa2c6240a741fba81--lucy-van-pelt-no-one-understands

Lucy Van Pelt is the historical figure I identify with the most.

So speaking of historical, here’s the big day of the eclipse. And I’m sorry, but if you’re not excited about this once-in-a-lifetime (okay, maybe twice) event, you are a screw BALL.

311830a820adb21eacea0969f275b421.png
Cartoon characters are very big with me today.

Get you some Eclipse gum, get you some Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart going, and GET EXCITED! WOOO! WHO’S WITH ME?!

Anyway, I’m very excited and I plan to stare right into it with my naked eye. They say that’s a fantastic idea and I tend to agree. Afterward, I’m going to give Edsel some eclipse celebratory chocolate-covered grapes and let my cats play with dry cleaner bags.

Livin’ like a powder keg and givin’ off sparks.

Forever’s gonna start tonight,

June. And her moon.

35 thoughts on “Turn around, bright eyes

  1. Guilty of said tree face angst. I didn’t comment on “the Facebook,” as they say, because my concern was I was the only person who saw it. I didn’t want to know that, if it were the case.
    Good for you making an enjoyable vacation of staying home – and I’ll be glad when this eclipse mess is over.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey June! Nice post. Have you seen those things about 10 years ago, the literal videos? The Total Eclipse of the Heart one was the best!

    Like

  3. I’m sorry you didn’t get to go to the lake. We tried very hard to find eclipse glasses, but they are sold out everywhere. I remember making a pinhole viewer in elementary school for the last eclipse in the 70s and being colossally disappointed in that dinky contraption, so I guess Ima live stream it.
    Thank you for not using the not-really-a-word staycation.

    Like

  4. Next time I get depressed, I’m gonna come here and watch your rendition of “Total Eclipse”, so I can laugh and bring myself right out of the doldrums! Sorry you missed your vacay with Kit, but glad you made the best of it by doing fun stuff. Hope the remainder of your time off is fun!

    Like

  5. When I was 5 or 6, my parents dressed me as Lucy for Halloween. Because I guess they thought I was bossy and bratty, and to be honest, I haven’t changed much. I still remember feeling like I couldn’t breathe in that mask.

    I saw the tree face on Facebook and was like, “NOPE, WTF, I’ll let someone else ask about that.” And they did!

    Have you seen the Total Eclipse of the Heart literal version? If not, give it a watch while you’re luxuriating. It’s worth it. Just as it will be burning my retinas this afternoon. (Actually, it’s cloudy AF here, so I’ll probably be watching online. Boo.)

    Love the hair. You’re so pretty, June!

    Like

  6. whew! I’m glad you finally posted. I was just about ready to grab m’asp. I’m glad we got our blond June back. Your hair looks gorgeous. Thanks for your latest music video; you make Bonnie look like an amateur.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Our firm ordered us all eclipse glasses with the firm name on them for each employee. And they’re having a big cake and refreshments and we’re all going to our floor which has a huge balcony. Our firm is excited. We’re no screw balls over here. But it’s a law firm so we also got an email telling us that the firm is not responsible if we end up blind and it’s safest if we stay inside and don’t look at it. Pffft.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. My bosses are on vacation in SC, so they are in the prime path of the eclipse. I’m told there is even an Eclipse Party on their beach. You southerners know how to have an eclipse! I am only in the 71% or 73% path and our “optimal” viewing time is 1:23 to 4:00. (I know, right? Creepy.)

    Like

      1. My boss’s mother visited SC in June. She (boss’s mom) was born and raised in India. I asked her how was SC and she said it was HAWHT. Veddy veddy hawht. Isn’t India HOT?? How the hell hot could SC be if someone from India thinks it’s hot? Anyway, I can’t imagine August is any cooler. And then throw in the insanity of the eclipse.

        Like

        1. The last eclipse we were on vacation at Hilton Head, SC. It was awesome. The ocean stood still, the temperature dropped and people were running around like crazy. We sat on our patio and saved our eyes by using a pinhole in a piece of paper with the reflection on our patio.

          Like

  9. My NASA-approved glasses and I are waiting for the Big Event as we are in the 97% viewing area. Now if I can just move the developing clouds out of the way!

    Lovely post, lovely June. We also have a tree face that I’ve enjoyed seeing every day for years.

    Like

  10. 80-something percent here, glasses at a premium, so I snagged one pair and cut it in half and Hubby is at home has one eye, while I, at work, have the other. Which I’m sharing with all the work neighbors. Also, too, if you’re on a staycation (ducking liver), do NOT do chores. That includes your bloweb. Unless it’s not a chore. In which case, I’ll be living vicariously with your ‘cationing self. Party on, Garth!

    Like

  11. I got goosebumps watching the eclipse. And I was just watching it on TV because it is foggy here. My step-son is in Oregon (where it was truly a total eclipse) and he said it was the most extraordinary experience he has ever had.

    Are you wearing a robe? I love it.

    Like

  12. yep, i’m one of those odd ducks. what did you call me? screw BALL. give me no shitz. i viewed the one that happened in the 70s. a coworker brought in his welding helmet so i did go out a look at it once. also? we have many tvs in our office. every one. congrats on the booo-jaayyy.

    Like

  13. Annoyed by the eclipse, it scares me. No glasses, I will watch it with my cloudy cataract ridden lenses on my TV. I am annoyed because I don’t want to drive in it. I need to drive to fax a jury duty letter to my shrink. This is the third time in six months that they called my husband or me.
    This one isn’t even local, it is for District court in damn Trenton, the state capitol. Oh HELL no! I drove there once for my boss, former, and it was a nightmare. I got lost, cried, had a panic attack. I do not drive to places like that ALONE. My shrink knows this, I got lost and arrived late and a wreck for my first appointment. I voted and renewed my driver’s license, I guess that is why I am being tortured. My shrink is only there in that office on Tuesdays and Fridays. I have ten days to respond. All I can think of is the bench warrants the judge was issuing for the people who failed to show when I went to traffic court in 1980. (I was a witness, I got broadsided). Anyway, I am a crazy spazz today, sorry. Hope you enjoy your time off.
    PS They won”t be sure I don’t have retina damage until my cataract is removed. The diabetes makes me more paranoid about the eclipse.

    Like

  14. Watching the eclipse through my NASA-approved glasses was cool. Even better was watching the shadows through the trees change to ultra-thin crescents. We were blessed with mostly sunny skies and a few passing clouds. Very rare to actually see a celestial event as normally we are overcast when something rare is going to happen.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. It just didn’t get all that dark here. It sort of just looked like it looks when we get a storm. We had some cloud cover off and on, so I took a few photos. I made a pinhole viewer and saw the teeny tiny eclipse on my deck. I’m sure it was more exciting for those in the path. At least I hope it was.

    Like

  16. Eclipse? Bah humbug. I live smack dab in the middle of the totality zone but we couldn’t see it due to the damn clouds. Everything got dark but I couldn’t use my eclipse glasses. Plus
    , it rained.
    Now??? It’s sunshiny but the eclipse is over.
    I am grumpy.

    Like

    1. One of the TV stations showed the weather across the eclipse path and I felt so badly for your part of the country that was completely cloud-covered. How totally disappointing.

      Like

  17. We had poofy white clouds. Our partial eclipse, partially covered by clouds, crushed my dreams. sigh. I’m kidding. I’m not all that upset about it. We’re only about an hour from the gulf so we’ve got clouds more often than not.
    The coverage on tv was great though and fun to watch. We laughed at the people with inflatable aliens.

    Like

  18. Bobbi in Ohio who took her 81 year old mother and mother’s walker outside to see 90 % eclipse says….Bonnie Tyler needs to be worried. Joon emotes like no other. Eclipse or not.

    Like

    1. crap. I thought this wouldn’t put my name on and that I needed to say who I am. Who I am is technologically challenged.

      Like

  19. I am out here on the left coast wondering what all the hub-bub was about. It was dim for about 1/1909890980984 of a second then poof gone. I remember when that song was all over the radio and you could pull up to any stop light and hear everyone singing it just as badly as Bonnie Tyler in their car.
    I hope you enjoy your staycation. I hate that word that isn’t even a real word, staycation. What the HELL does that mean anyway?

    Like

  20. I watched the eclipse. They gave us all glasses at school. Honestly it was somewhat interesting but mostly cloudy. The thing that I don’t get is people who get SOOOO excited about this sort of thing. I mean, those planets and moons and what not are going about their business every.single.day and no one gives even a single whip about it. I mean you gotta figure every once in a while someone’s gonna get in the way of someone else, right? It’s like I know if I go to the Walmart often enough, I’m bound to run into someone I’d really rather not see. Not surprising. I am, however, super impressed that we have people smart enough to figure out when these things are going to happen many many years in advance. To me, that’s amazing.

    Lovely post June! Yer huuuurrrrs look magnificent! And that veeeedeeeo! I had to check and make sure – for a second I thought I had stumbled onto Bonnie Tyler’s blo-site!

    Like

  21. So sorry your lake trip was cancelled but glad you’re doing some internal restoration.

    We painstakingly arranged to watch from our back yard, complete with better half working early from the house so we had the time as we’re in SC under the straight line and Mother Nature threw out a thunderstorm 15 minutes before the totality that wasn’t meant to be.

    Lovely post, pretty June

    Like

  22. Couldn’t see a damn thing on that stupid eclipse. It didn’t even dim a little. I feel so ripped off.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s