The People Who Must Look at June’s Nose

I just hit snooze for an hour, then when I finally did get up, I put my contacts in the wrong eyes. I don’t mean I woke up Vladimir Putin and put my contacts in his eyes. You know what I mean.

Stay tuned for more tips from June Gardens, Efficiency Expert.

I never did write you this weekend, and I meant to. Now I have to catch you up. What would have been a lot easier is that extra hour to write.

First of all, it is so lovely here–has been for days. It’s cool out, and by “cool,” I mean the weather has on a beret and is reciting French poetry. I like how that’s my definition of cool. Cool to me is some combination of Lenny Kravitz and Fonzie. Hey, June, guess who’s maybe room temp?

It’s 61 degrees out, currently. I’ll bet it hasn’t been 61 in six months. All weekend, it was in the low 80s.

Stay tuned for more riveting weather reports from June Gardens, Efficiency and Weather Expert.

I have many things I want to say to you about paint, and how I want to paint ALL THE ROOMS now, and maybe even my front door again, I KNOW, but I think I will save all that for tomorrow. Because it’s a lot. And because I couldn’t sleep last night for thinking about color, which is super knobish of me, but there it is. The idea of changing the living room, dining room and back room to, say, these colors…




SQUEEEEE! squee squee squeeeeeee.

Also, I want ice cream. Lost half a pound this week, which considering I had onion rings and ice cream such as the ice cream above, I WILL TAKE IT.

Anyway, my weekend.

On Friday, when you last tuned in, I was leaving for work, and frankly was excited to see everyone. I never get that, “Oh, work, ugh” feeling. But also too I had a migraine, and was convinced I could shake it off, and guess what I did not do.

Oh, my god, I was sick. By 10:30 I had to race back home, in another adventure-filled ride of Can She Get Home Before She Barfs? I did, and immediately took the new anti-nausea pills my doctor gave me, and also my regularly scheduled pills, and spent the afternoon floating on a cloud of cloudiness, and it was lovely, and it turns out? My new anti-nausea pills work!

Friday. With my new blanket from Faithful Reader Kris!

The good news is, I didn’t consume much but meds, and mmmmmm! Stupid migraines.

While I was convalescing, my mother called, as she is moving and keeps finding things of mine then calling to tell me she found things of mine. Behold my Christmas drawing of 11 pipers piping.

I have never claimed to be smart.

I mean. Had I not seen ONE image of the pipers, you know, with the right pipes? Not once?

On Friday night, my neighbor Peg’s daughter was back in town to get some more of Peg’s things and to meet with a Realtor and so on. Peg isn’t coming back–her health is too precarious. The daughter called me to come maybe see if there was anything of Peg’s I wanted.

My plan was to say no.

My plan was thwarted.

IMG_9787.JPGFirst of all, she had pictures she gave me of Peg and me over the years, and it was killing me. Also, she told me how Peg, who had been an interior designer, had SO MUCH STUFF, and she’d rather it go to her friends than sold to strangers. They’re STILL going to have to have an estate sale, but she encouraged me to take as much as I wanted.

So I did.

Ned had come over to bring me cat food Friday, as I was nearly out when I was stricken with m’head. When I got the call to go over to Peg’s, I told him I’d be right back. He said when I left, Edsel put his paws on the coffee table and watched me go till he couldn’t see me anymore, straining his neck to still watch, then he hopped down and just ran in circles for awhile.

Poor Edsel.


Peg’s dresser, plant stand and candleholders
Approximately 8 million red goblets
Her fabulous dining room table and four white chairs
As my gramma would say, I can’t have nothin’ nice.

IMG_9799.JPGNed helped me move it all in, and oh, I also got two of her Adirondack chairs and a little table for the back. Anyway, Ned did that and then he had to go. “I’ll come back to help you move your other dining room table out, and put your old chairs in the attic, tomorrow,” he said.


WHO HERE could have waited? So with my migraine and everything, I moved all that stuff my own damn self, which I’m sure was safe, but I wanted to SEE it all put away and cute and everything.

When Ned came back the next day, he yelled at me. “If you’d fallen down those attic stairs, I’d have called here today and just thought you were doing something else and you would have been lying there for days.”

But I wasn’t. But-cha ARE, Blanche. You ARE in that chair.

IMG_9832.JPGSince the furniture bit was already completed, “You want to take a drive out to the country?” Ned asked. You know I’m always up for a drive to the country. And here’s what’s annoying about Ned. (Fay gets out her scroll.)

“Ned, the…whole point was to drive through the country,” I said, as we careened past the countryside at 87,000 MPH. “We aren’t racing to GET anywhere.”


We drove through a small town, and I made him stop so I could take pictures of things I liked, which I am certain annoyed him, as he wanted to TEAR OVER to…really nowhere. Driving aimlessly really isn’t Ned’s bailiwick.



All those years Marvin tried to drag me to look at old cars, and now that he’s long gone I’m all, Ooo! Old cars!

Eventually, as all drives out to the country require, ice cream was in order.

Tough Harley guys. “Give me some fuckin’ peach melba.”

We drove to the creamery, where they make the ice cream on site, and then you can eat it in their yard, looking out at cows and visiting BABY COWS and why do you think people like it there? And by “people” I mean June Gardens, efficiency expert.


They had a whole sign up there about how babies love to chew and calm down. So.

IMG_9843.JPG“Will you just smile, Ned?” I asked. “Just smile once.” Yeah. Glad I asked. I shoulda fed him to a cow.

Oh, and speaking of Ned being annoying, I’d brought 16 ounces of my fizzy strawberry water to the drive, and why. Why do I do that? And I know you know what happens next. I hadda pee s’bad by the time we got there. Oh my god. I was obsessed with peeing. I told Ned this maybe 49584929434 times as we approached, and when we drove up and parked, I was already opening the car door before it was in park.

I dashed inside. “Bathrooms are around back.” Goddammit. I was headed out when Ned said, “Hey, wait.”

Hey, wait. WAIT? Are you KIDDING me? I was like that commercial for overactive bladder. Wait.

“WHAT,” I asked.

“Don’t you want to order first?”


Sunday involved me finishing my freelance project, and billing for it 8 seconds later, and now I just gotta sit back and wait for my cash monies, which as you can see from these photos will go directly to the Fix June’s Nose project, funded in part by The People Who Must Look at June’s Nose, Which Includes People in Guam Because Hello, Nose.

God, I hate my nose.

I’d better go to work, because it’d be nice if I showed up there for a change.



58 thoughts on “The People Who Must Look at June’s Nose

  1. Love the 2nd color scheme. Aqua is my #2 most favorite color, behind moss green. I really like the pink with the aqua too. Definitely a 50s feel. The landlady of my first house had a stunning 50s kitchen with all stainless steel appliances and a pink and aqua color scheme (this was the 80s). I loved that kitchen bad!

    The country trip looked wonderful (the part of it you saw, flying by you). Nothing makes you feel better like a beebee cow. Peg’s furniture is beautiful, and I’m sure she loves that you have it now, even with SD’s butt on it.


  2. I love that first set of colors. We painted our basement family room last spring, and it was the wrong color. Too dark. Every time I go down there, I use up a lot of energy pretending it is light enough, but it isn’t. So I’m finally getting to the point where I think I will have to ask our long-suffering handyman to repaint the walls. Have I mentioned that the first coat he painted was too light and we had him change the color? He’s sort of quirky and he might just quit rather than paint that room again. Seriously, he fires customers when they bother him. Also, money. I have a feeling Larry isn’t gonna want to pay for this again.


  3. The cool weather has come to Minnesota as well, and we were lucky enough to have our windows open all weekend. Love having my windows open. So sorry about your headache…stupid migraine, but the rest of your weekend sounds wonderful. Ice cream and a cow? New cool stuff? AND a new afghan to snuggle under? I mean, who could ask for anything more? As for Peg, I was thinking about my parents and my husband’s parents as they had to move out of their homes because of sickness… just like Tee was thinking about her mom. That part sucks. I hope Peg isn’t too sick? (or whatever) to have some quality of life even if she can’t live on her own anymore.

    Lovely post, lovely June!


  4. That dining room table is amazing!!! I love the roping detail, or whatever it’s called. and the small dresser and mirror is sweet.

    I take pictures of old cars in parking lots all the time, interiors too, just like what you did. So many interiors are like works of art. My favorite old cars are ones that have not had obscene amounts of money spent on them. You know we buy our childhoods and my mom drove a mustard yellow, four door Ford Maverick in the 70s. I loved that car as a kid! Then my brother and sister put it in the ditch on a snowy night and that was the end of that. I always wanted a Maverick. Bought a 1970 red two door Maverick with white vinyl top twenty years ago. Still have it. About ten years ago, bought a white, 1974 one-owner four door Maverick but only had it a few years and sold it to the parents of a 16 year old. This 16 year old boy was a gearhead and it warmed my heart knowing he was going to do right by that car.


  5. Everything about today’s post was wonderful, thank you dear June for this gift every day. Peg and her family are very sweet to let you have the items you like. I like all the new colors you are considering. We have a brick house with Limey green (not too Limey) shutters and front door. Ready for a change. I have been seriously looking at colors of blue for the door and black or dark grey shutters. Not so much aqua but maybe a French blue. Well, our neighbors two doors down sold their house a couple of months ago. All of a sudden I notice the new owners painted their shutters dark grey. Then they had the previously red door painted with a big swatch of aqua. Then said door gets painted that aqua. I thought well darn now they will think I am copying. However, never met, and probably won’t ever, meet these new people. What do you think, should I just go for it and act like, “Oh, I hadn’t noticed you had changed your colors”?


    1. I think you should repaint them in the dark of night and then act like they’ve been those colors for years!


  6. I had my first barf migraine last week on the eve of my tenth anniversary. Goodbye wonderful dinner and martini. Goodbye sleep. Goodbye marital relations. I was feeling better the next morning, but as the day wore on, got worse and worse. By dinner, I spent the entire time either in the bathroom or with my head on the table. Nice. Then, my husband says to me, “I have one more surprise. I got us tickets to Hamilton for tonight.” And right then I knew. The only 2 empty seats in that theater were ours.

    The best ice cream, of course, is in Wisconsin. I think they call it custard there. If I ever have to live in the midwest, I would plant my full-fat ass right in Milwaukee and go to town. That stuff is the shit.


  7. We’re coming up for air here. It’s been a rough few days, and we’re not done. We are grateful to be dry, and our power just came back on. We had water partway up our front and back porch steps, but stayed dry. Water finally drained out of the yards on my street this morning, but it’s raining again. sigh. The devastation here is really difficult to comprehend and process. My birthday was Friday and Harvey crashed my day. and night. and next day, and today. I do have a cake though, and believe me, we are eating it. Oh, and school was supposed to start today. Um, no. School has been cancelled in this entire city for at least another week.

    Enough about me…Peg’s furniture is divine and so perfect for you, June. I adore the dresser and mirror. I love your house the way it is, but the pink and blue palette is so lovely and would really highlight the fun vintage-y details of the furniture. A few years ago I had a friend who really loved the 40s and 50s style. To find really authentic colors, she ordered a sample of some beautiful vintage wallpaper from Etsy and then had the paint colors made to match. Then she framed a piece of the wallpaper as art. Genius! I never would have thought of that.


    1. Well, now I feel bad about complaining about our heat. What they say is true: It could always be worse. I hope you’ve gotten through the worst of it. Happy birthday to you! Hopefully, you can celebrate when you dry out.

      I think Dryer’s ice cream is called Edy’s in some places. Just in case anyone wants to know.


      1. Thank you, Jeanie, and don’t feel bad about griping about heat. I would, too, if it was 107 here. That’s ridiculously hot!


    2. Happy belated birthday. I am happy for you that your house is ok. I look at the photos and you are right, really difficult to comprehend. I hope relief from the rain comes soon.


    3. I am so glad you chimed in, here. I have been worrying about you all day. I heard about the amount of water that was dumped on you and it is uncomprehendable. Prayers and hope for the rain to stop it already being sent to you and everyone in the Houston area. xo


    4. So glad to hear from you, Texas Kari. I’m worried for all June’s FR in Texas and Louisiana as I can’t even imagine how horrendous it is with all the massive flooding. Hope my relatives there are safe, too. Happy belated birthday. My niece got the eclipse for her birthday and you got Harvey. I think she wins by a landslide.

      June, I love Peg’s gorgeous furniture and I’m sure she’s delighted you are giving it a new home. How sad that she won’t be returning to her house, but glad she has a daughter to take care of her.


      1. Thank you Sadie, Megsie and Deb. It’s so nice to have your concern. As of now, I estimate that about 50% of my friends have flooded in various parts of town, including lots of relatives AND my parents.
        I know I’m not the only reader who’s had Harvey knock on their door. I hope our other Pie friends are ok. There’s been some flooding in San Antonio too, and that’s where LisaPie is (I think). Hopefully she’ll check in with us.


    5. I’m so glad that the water didn’t make it up past your steps, TK! Was thinking about you and other Texas pieps, all weekend. Hopefully, it’ll stop raining and dry out, and you won’t feel like you have to swim to the street from your house.


  8. All of you with cooler weather. Pfft! It’s supposed to be 107 here today. Again. And in the 100s or near it all week. And speaking of ice cream, for those of you who require a low-sugar, low-fat diet, Dryers Slow Churned No Sugar Added ice cream is the bomb! I would choose this even if I didn’t have to watch what I eat. I love the vanilla, but they have several other flavors.


  9. I luf your nose.

    And please, please, please – never ask Ned to smile again. That’s Jack Nicholson Shining scary.


  10. So sorry about your migraine but glad the pills worked for you. We’re digging the cooler weather too – spent all day yesterday outside and are now expecting a tropical storm this evening so Mother Nature is spinning her wheel. Sad circumstances but good scores shopping at Peg’s.

    Lovely paint colors and post, pretty thin small nosed Jooob!


  11. We have walls similar to your colors – a bit more Tiffany blue-green and seagreen/seafoam green – in our house. They look great with fat 1930s trim painted a creamy white. Also nice with slate floors. Crisp and clean.

    And the colors really make the cats pop. Bonus.


  12. I loved this post, except for the migraine part. Glad the anti nausea meds worked for you.
    Peg is so sweet, wanting you to have some of her things. Every piece is beautiful. I’d kill for any one of them.
    The paint colours are gorgeous.
    Fuckin peach melba. Ha!


    1. In other news, June of the Garden was found dead today. Most of her personal belongings appear to be intact other than some newly acquired furniture…


  13. I dearly love your drawing of eleven pipers piping. Your mom knows exactly what things are important to keep.


  14. How sweet that Bubonic Peg’s family is letting her friends take stuff and I hope she settles in with her family & does well. I adore that dining room table – the contrast between the wood and white is fantastic, it matches your other furniture in there and the table base/leg is fantastic!

    That picture of you in the car… your skin is flawless, like a teenager’s! Did you also make a deal with the Devil this weekend that you’re not talking about?!


  15. Z. That’s a grimace, Ned, not a smile.
    4. Love the Peg furniture! Think how happy she will be when her daughter tells her what you chose.
    $. Eleven pipers smoking their pipes. Tee hee.


  16. oh and before I leave Comment World….the part about you never minding going to work is so cool. That’s the way it SHOULD be. I don’t suppose they need an office manager? My husband and I are looking to maybe move to NC in the future. The fact that YOU live there is just an added bonus 🙂


  17. “fed him to a cow.”

    The furniture is gorgeous. Furniture like that carries the vibe of its past owners – so of course Peg wanted you to have her with you and not some stranger. I don’t mean the furniture will talk, I’m not that weird, but as a medium-type person I know that items can carry a lot of energy, in this case good energy for you and your house.

    Poor Eds with the abandonment. I just want to hug him up.


  18. I loved both the color palettes and the baby cow! I took my anti nausea drug yesterday, because migraine, and I feel just as barfy today as when I took the darn medicine, only now I’m so freakin’ dizzy I can’t stand up.


  19. Where is this creamery? I can’t find any good ice cream around here. I’m in Davidson County but would be willing to take a long scenic drive to get some homemade ice cream. Everyone around here sells Hershey’s Ice Cream and acts like we’re supposed to love it. .


  20. It’s really too bad baby cows grow into, well, you know, cows. They’re so much cuter as youngsters. The South’s way of mowing the side of the road kills me. You should paint the base of the table white, to go with the chairs. Not advice, just something I’ve recently become entranced with and I have nothing to do it on.


  21. The Harley guys photo caption gave me the shaking laugh. And I love all the paint colors. It inspired me to want to paint, but then I remembered how much work it is and decided the colors I have are just fine. My piles of junk pretty much block most of the walls anyway. (Not a hoarder. I just have kids and kids have a lot of STUFF).


  22. What kind of ice cream? Living vicariously…I love the baby cow too. Fucking peach melba…Dying!

    Gorgeous furniture, how wonderful to have lovely, sentimental pieces!

    I have hated my fat nose forever too.


  23. I lost it at, “Give me some fuckin’ peach melba.” That color palette is FULL of my favorite colors.


  24. June, you are absolutely beautiful. I, too, hate my nose and have found contouring with a highlighter stick down the center of my nose and bronzer on the sides of it have made it photograph better.


  25. I love the second set of colors, especially the pink-ish. All the items from Peg’s are lovely. That beautiful table should be placed in front of the living room window with a leg lamp and a shade with fringe. It really is sad that Peg is not able to come back to her home. That just reminds me of having to move my mom out of her home, which was horrible for her and extremely stressful for me. Peg is so fortunate that her daughter is able and willing to take care of her.

    Ned! Do you want to order FIRST? NO! I HAVE TO PEE! Oh, and that fizzy flavored water y’all drink? I bought some and now I’m hooked! I love it, my favorite is the lime and I add more fresh lime juice to it and add some salt. Delish. By the way, my husband has started saying delish.

    That baby cow must be teething.

    You hair is beautiful and WHY in the world do you want to change your nose? Now I sound like your mother.


  26. Some beautiful stuff there. I just moved into my sister’s house this weekend (life, health, job & home crisis, I’m practically Dickensian), and all I gifted my ex-housemate, was an ironing board & some rhubarb ice cream. I’m still angry over leaving the ice cream…


  27. What a windfall you had! Thanks, Peg. Loved the Edsel (and the other Edsel) and the smiling baby cow. But I thought you said you went to the CEMETERY for ice cream, and I thought, whatevs.


    1. I would like ice cream at a cemetery. I think the names of the flavors could be fun. Corpsenilla. Maple Shriveled Walnuts. Mocha Coffinator. Interment Swirl. Feel the Silk Pistachio.

      Liked by 1 person

  28. I love the blues/creams/browns!
    I’m sad about Norovirus Peg but she had beautiful things. I’m happy you get to have them.
    That picture of Ned made me literally laugh out loud.


  29. That is a BEAUTIFUL baby cow!!!
    Also, love Peg’s stuff, especially the table. And it’s perfect in your house.
    Color palettes now have me itching to paint.


  30. These are my favorite color palettes and the teal/aqua/blue family is what I use for accent in my largely-beige house. Very coastal, which makes perfect sense for someone who grew up in NYC. (Eyeroll self.) But, you know, graffiti and sanitation strikes aren’t as homey.


    1. That last sentence make me choke on m’chai.


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