Brass-n-beige

It’s official: Ned owns our house. Fmr. His house. Crnt. It took months of dickering with his gaylord, who is a lawyer and was therefore a dick every step of the way. He used to like that guy.

Ned called yesterday as he was pulling up to his official house®. “Hey, I OWN this place now,” he said, excited. Then he walked in. “God, this place is a mess. They could’ve cleaned it up.”

So, that’s kind of exciting.

“Look at us,” I said. “You own a home now, I have good credit now. It’s like we’re 37!”

Speaking of my good credit score, yesterday I refinanced m’car. Got 2% less interest. I have no idea why that’s a good thing. It didn’t really reduce my car payment by all that much, but I guess I’ll pay it off sooner? I don’t know.

But now can we talk about paint? Because that’s all I want to talk about. I’ve been listening to this weight-loss hypnosis video on YouTube (oh my god, PLEASE don’t ask which one. This is the whole point of this story Ima tell, here), and I stumbled on it awhile back and never can find it when I want to see it again. So what I have to do is every day I have to look in my history and click on it.

Last night I looked at my history and all day yesterday and all day Sunday my history was just paint and not my usual porn. Paint colors, paint palettes, which paint should I buy, old paint, I see a red door and I want to paint it black, and finding that weight-loss tape (tape.) was not easy.

How humiliatin’ that I still think of anything recorded as a “tape.”

But let me get to m’point with some daguerreotypes of my house, fmr and crnt.

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As you know, because you’ve been reading me for 10 years, and don’t you think that’s a little weird? Don’t you think it’s weird to read about someone you don’t know, EVERY DAY for a decade? Men always ask this, don’t they?

You know what men tell me? “I don’t know why it’s interesting to read about someone’s day-to-day life.” Men can suck it. NOTHING IS MORE INTERESTING.

Here’s another thing about men. I’m on 79 dating sites, and if I read one more goddamn profile that reads, I like to run, hike, bike, sail, swim, run with bulls, climb mountains, eat fire on my unicycle and pull trains with my teeth and I’m looking for a woman who likes the same.

MARRY A DYKE THEN.

Doesn’t any man out there just want to stroll through 10 antique stores, have lunch, maybe head to the bookstore?

I should marry a gay man. That is my problem.

No, I have NOT filled that Ritalin prescription. Why? ….OH! Because paint, yeah.

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So as you know, because you’ve been reading me for 10 years, and don’t you find that odd, the person who owned my home previously was a big fan o’beige. Beige and brass. Which might just be my least-favorite smells. Brass-n-beige. I hate that band.

Look how little my living room used to be, well, me, other than the Lu-on-the-couch part. And I like that one blue pillow. I wonder if Marvin took that pillow. Goddammit.

6a00e54f9367fb883401b7c8dc25af970b.jpgEventually, I painted the walls this color blue, and all was good in the land, and I was happy. I painted these walls in 2010.

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I mean. Hey, brass chandelier. How YOU doin’? And heyyyyy, beige STRIPES, even! Fruit Stripe gum, if the gum BEGAN with no flavor.

My apologies to beige-loving-Faithful-Reader Paula, by the way, who would die in my cacophony-of-color house.

IMG_9905.JPGSo now I’ve painted the dining room brown, and I remember complaining to Peg about the beige stripes, and she said, “I painted those” and yeah. Comfy feeling. But she helped me paint this room brown in 2011.

Now I’ve begun wanting to paint the BACK room a color other than (wait for it) FUCKING BEIGE, because other than Miss Piggy, no one is less beige than me. But in trying to decide onna color for back there, which obsesses me, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m no longer happy with the blue and the brown at the front of the house.

I mean, I LIKE it, but I think I want more muted colors now. I have become obsessed–obsessed!!–with what colors would look good from the living room all the way back to the back room. OBfuckingSESSED.

You know how I get on things. Paint is the new Ned.

I decided to maybe start with one color and go from there. So here’s a color I really like right now…

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It’s Sherwin Williams Quietude.

6913d30b37673e83a4349a24a875597f--room-colors-paint-colors.jpgHere it is in someone’s dining room. Oh, it looks just like my house!

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Actually, I like all these colors. So, would it be okay to paint the living room and dining room two of these? Would you come to my house and be all MOTHER OF GOD STOP BEING MUTED?

I don’t know. I wish Peg were here.

So that’s on my mind now. And I realize my dining room needs a rug.

Anyway, when Ned called to say he officially owns his home now, I said, “Ooooo! Do you wanna look at paint this weekend, then?” HIs living room is a MESS. When we moved in, someone had “touched it up”with A WHOLE NOTHER COLOR. It’s terrible.

If I were him, I’d also be painting his bedroom, which is an unsightly green/brown, but he doesn’t mind it and it’s not in bad shape.

And, see, neither is mine. My paint is not in bad shape. Is it, I don’t know, self-indulgent to repaint six and seven years after painting? Am I Eldin on Murphy Brown?

I gotta go shower and go to work and try not to think about paint. I’ll be like Homer Simpson telling himself, Think unsexy thoughts. THINK UNSEXY THOUGHTS.

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All right, I’m off. Think unpainty thoughts.

Luff, Colorful June

P.S. Subtle reminder that you can shop Amazon by clicking here…

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

63 thoughts on “Brass-n-beige”

  1. Benjamin Moore Homestead Green. I think you’ll like it. It sort of shifts, depending on what light is hitting it, so it never gets boring, but it is very similar to those shades up there. I have it in my den since 2012 and I still love it (says the gal who painted her basement 4 months ago and already needs to change the color).

    You are VERY welcome for the advice.

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  2. Congrats to Ned on his new old home. I can’t imagine helping him choose paint colours. Kinda like watching it dry and when would he ever decide. Ha!
    Love the muted blue. I think it would look great with Peg’s furniture.
    I just finished painting my second bedroom and living room in a paley pale sage green. Really lightened the rooms compared to the builders beige slapped on by the owner’s boyfriend, who’s a professional painter.
    He actually complimented me on my painting skillz. Considering the crap job he did previously, it wasn’t that difficult to top him. And I got less paint on the ceiling than he did. And I know how to fix it.

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  3. I like all of your choices but Atmospheric is my favorite in the group. It reminds me of a beach house without being turquoise.
    Do you get reports of who orders what? I only have a small shopping list for Amazon this week but I’ll be the cereal and new phone headset if it matters. Green goddess, not only will you probably only make 6 cents, I’m so boring it’s pathetic!

    Lovely post, pretty June.

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    1. There is a report, but I have to go to the site, which I never do, click “Reports,” download it, open it in the cloud, and hey. None of these things happen. Ever.

      >

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  4. meh. I paint every 7 or so years. It’s my itch, I suppose, since it’s cheaper than buying all new furniture? I like to move stuff around, redecorate….so I say do it. You do owe yourself some small pleasures in life, in your adorable home in your adorable town with your adorable pets.

    True story – when i met my now-husband and he moved in,someone asked him if it was weird to live in the house I’d bought with my ex-husband. He replied, “Nope, bc she’s painted every surface in every room at least twice before I got here, so there’s nothing of his life here, left.” And he was not wrong.

    (also, I love to paint and am really good at it. Just sayin’.)

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      1. not really, but I could be., I mean, I have vacation leave at the ready. And you’re less than a day’s drive from your nation’s capital. And I like pets (I,m too, have a fat grey cat, but mine’s 15 years old, and a 13 y.o. Goldendoodle). So really I am ideal.

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  5. I LOVE THOSE COLORS.

    FYI, before we moved (Paula MOVED?), I had COLORS. What is that family of colors called….JEWEL TONES! YES. YES, I did. The kitchen was dark blue. The dining room, God forgive me, was cranberry and hunter green, but when the 80s called for the third time, we finally changed that. The downstairs bathroom was a deep deep teal and deep deep purple. Perfect for Mardi Gras. Our bedroom/bathroom was a dark sapphire blue with all sorts of colored accents. The living room was, hmm, interesting….off white, but with accent colors. The kids’ rooms and bathroom were explosions of color. IT WAS EXHAUSTING. And what bothered me was I couldn’t move any of the tchotchkes from room to room. So when we moved, I decided on neutral walls (coffee with a lot of cream, white trim) and I can relocate anything at whim. Because everyone needs to have potholders that can reside happily on the back of the toilet tank, for example. (My kids did not have to follow the neutral rule. My daughter’s room is yellow and my son’s room is ….. undefinable. Burnt orange? Rust? Bleh.)

    All that said, I am going to find an example of colors complementing each other throughout the house, from a decor blog, which I will not cite here because that’s just tacky. But I’ll find it and post it. I think that’s what you’re looking for?

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  6. Omg! I know those paints! My poor husband painted so many tester boards of those 1930s green/green-blue/green-grey SW shades. We still have cans and cans. But so worth it. Made good friends with the Sherwin Williams guy and stumbled upon a warm neutral that acts like a beige but isn’t beige. Thank goodness for those never ending SW sales.

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  7. I have used Palladium Blue in two houses. I love it. It would lean a little green in the FL house and it leans more blue here in GA. Maybe it’s sad. Both times I used it in my dining room. The back of my China cabinet is also this color. We painted the living room Agreeable Gray. It has a very high ceiling and was not easy to paint so I wanted something neutral and calming. It was a darkish gold and the tall fireplace wall was a dark rust color. It gave me hives. But AG can lean to different tones too. Blue to gray. I guess what I’m saying is you could use the same color in two room and they can look different depending on the light. And if you want a rug for the dining room will it be a pattern? That could be your starting point to tie all the colors together.

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  8. My foyer is painted in a similar color to Quietude and I never tire of it, which is good because it’s been that way for 2o years and I have no plans to change it.

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    1. I have been nagging my husband to paint our porch ceiling Haint Blue for years but he says he needs to either put a smooth coat up first (the ceiling is popcorn stucco) or put a tongue-in-groove ceiling first which means it will NEVER be painted. I should just do it myself except painting ceilings is a pain in the ass. And neck. And shoulders.

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  9. Definitely Palladian Blue! Professional interior designers love it. Classic and Haint Blue-compliant. Maybe do your ceiling in a diluted shade.

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    1. I know about this color, but the reason I do is everyone on God’s earth likes it and has it. So I was trying to be a little different. Hey, how does everyone feel about glitter paint??

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      1. Glitter paint. You just like it because it’s gaudy. Actually, glitter paint brought back memories of a childhood neighbor’s new house that had sparkly walls. Wonder if they put glitter in their paint.

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      2. Remember when popcorn ceilings had glitter in them? I thought it was SO pretty and didn’t understand why my parents didn’t put glitter in our ceiling. Obviously, they were Philistines and lacked taste.

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        1. Apparently popcorn ceilings with glitter in them almost always have asbestos. No idea if that’s true. But we’ve removed the popcorn from the ceilings in the last two houses we’ve owned, and seeing how messy that process is (BUT TOTALLY WORTH IT), I’m way leery of glitter ceilings. Pretty sure they’re trying to kill me. I mean, the morning before the eclipse last week I kept being afraid that I was going blind despite 1) the eclipse not actually having started yet and 2) me not looking at the sun ever. So it’s possible that I’m not your most rational soul.

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    2. I was convinced that Palladian Blue was the perfect color for my living room. Got a sample and it was way too green. I ended up with Restoration Hardware’s “Pumice.” Depending on the light, it can look beige, blue, green or gray. Very neutral, very soothing.

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  10. I have such a hard time with paint colors. I moon over paint chips for weeks, months. I guess I am a female Ned.

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  11. Changing paint is never bad. Color is never bad. Our house is very, very colorful. My 20 year old calls it “one color away from a seizure” but she’s dramatic. It helps when you accent with other colors, so everything is in there.
    I would paint your house in a heartbeat, just to be in the presence of Edsel. What days do you need me?

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    1. We should have an everyone-show-up-at-June’s paint party day. Kind of like when The Nester had a yard sale and people drove in from Washington DC and brought her her favorite coffee and so on. Of course, there’s the part where The Nester is likable. So.

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  12. wanted to say, ‘YES, DEAR GOD’. Get a dog, get a bro! I do not want to hike, bike, throw flames out of my ass with you. no. no no noNO.

    also? i dearly adore paint. because, just paint!

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  13. The Palladian blue is a really nice color. Blues and greens are calming colors. I keep thinking about the pinkish/coral color for the back room, or yellow with blue accessories. The white chairs in the dining room look really great with your white china cabinet and I love that round table it looks really good with your corner cabinet. I would love to have a corner cabinet.

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  14. When we moved into our current house, a friend of mine who is a designer told me to skip one color on the paint swatch strip. We painted the house in variations of green. There were five colors on the swatch, I picked #1, #3 & #5. It works with different colors, too. We did that technique with different colors for the transition from hallway to bedrooms.

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  15. I’ve seen Rainwashed in person. It was in my friend’s dining room and is quite beautiful. It’s pretty enough that I asked about the color and remember the name.

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    1. In person. Like a celebrity sighting. I just Googled Rainwashed, and saw a bunch of color strip sample-y Junior Sample things. Still haven’t got the Ritalin. Anyway, there was one strip I liked better, and when I clicked on it? Quietude. See? We were meant to be. Because I have such quietude.

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  16. I think painting is pretty far down there on the self-indulgent scale. If you’re hiring young men to come do the painting, requiring them to not wear shirts, and watching the scene while you randomly squirt them with your spray bottle, just to get that sheen you like so much – well, that’s self-indulgent.
    And weird. God, June.

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  17. I really like BM Smoky Green (in my house, it reads way more blue). That’s in our bedrooms, the rest of the bungalow is a griege (one might say beige…) called stone hearth. I love your haint blue choices. I love these colour choices: http://www.housedecoratorscollection.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/gray-paint-colors-from-benjamin-moore-horizon-paper-white-revere-pewter-stone-harbor-stonington-thundercloud-wickham-wolf-gray-booth-bay.-a-life-well-lived.jpg

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    1. Ooooh, I like Thundercloud. My office is ready for a fresh coat of paint and since it’s MY office, *I* get to choose the color and I’m leaning toward a silvery gray.

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  18. Go to Lowe’s (or the internet) and look at the Sherwin Williams Color Palettes collection. They are colors that are not the same but look great together. You can use them on all the rooms in your house and it will look cohesive throughout. I would love to do it but if I mention repainting what he just painted he would probably kill me.

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  19. Benjamin Moore Tealight. I love that color. Painted the whole downstairs of my condo that color but I recently turned it into a rental and repainted in something a lot more renter-friendly (BORING), a sort of grayish. Sigh. I sure will miss that paint color.

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  20. I think green & blue look lovely together (but maybe that’s because it’s what I have and I’m a little biased?!). I love the glitter idea for the dining room. Paint one of the walls, above the chair rail, the same color as all the rest of them but have a hint of glitter added to a small can. Maybe the wall that goes into the back room because it seems like light from your living room window would play off it. I’m biased and a little gaudy so maybe it’s not the best thought though!

    I am way too lazy to paint again. I had it done 12+ years ago and the thought of doing it again – blech. I am really sloth-like though so I admire those of you that paint often!

    I have a total of 16 variations of color. I did what you suggested Mel, I skipped colors in the family but I also changed colors to 50%, 150%, etc… My sister kept telling me to make sure I made a chart of which walls had which color/s and I told her I didn’t need to because by that point I was dreaming of all of the color names. Guess who wishes she took her sister’s advice now? Can’t remember a blasted one of them!

    For all of you painting/style gurus out there, you can be totally honest – should I repaint? Is it gaudy, dated, etc? I’m thinking about selling, would you buy a house with this paint or would you prefer a more palatable palette?!
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      1. It’s not that they wouldn’t notice, it’s that their eyes would be bleeding from the sight of my nude self!

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      1. Thanks Dancer! Any suggestions for color? It’s a small open plan condo – you can see pretty much 70% of the rest of the house from any vantage point!

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        1. If you are painting to sell it, I would suggest a light neutral to make it appear larger and to appeal to the most buyers. They could then decorate with accents or choose to paint with their colors scheme.

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  21. Painting all three rooms is an excellent idea. I like these colors, although I think the Pool Blue is a bit too bright. It needs have a bit of gray added to quiet it down, so it’ll blend with the other colors. Does your handyman paint?

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  22. We are in Stage One of repainting the bathroom. It is currently a color similar to the rest of the house, but SOMEONE chose the color without me and it’s a little too caramelly. I want it less caramelly and more cream. Maybe one or two shades from the trim. Stage One is where I get talked out of every possible color until I give up and choose the one that my husband already selected. There’s a lot of this: “It’s got green undertones.” “It’s too gray.” “I’ll do it but you won’t like it.” “No, that’s yellow.” “That won’t go with what’s in there already.” And then me: “FINE. DECORATOR WHITE,” or whatever, and I stomp off.

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  23. I have color in every room. The only white walls in my house are in my pantry. And that’s only because I am too lazy to clean everything out, remove the shelves and then paint and put it all back again. I know I am in the minority here, and yet when I have people over they gravitate to the rooms where i have the most color, the ones that I think are really representational of me and my spirit. These are the rooms where I gave 2 shits about what anyone thought and just did them for me. So, my suggestion is to choose which colors bring you some joy and everyone else will want to be there with you.

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  24. BTW I have blue pool in my master bathroom and office. Love and adore. My accents in bathroom are grey and white. And in office, yellow and white.

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  25. I think the paint color in the sample dining room is gorgeous. I’m sure it has a lot to do with the lighting as well.

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  26. I had wallpaper in the 80’s and 90’s throughout; borders, the works. Once the wallpaper came down, everything was painted off white. Not a true beige, but still. I love it. I can use any accent color. I gravitate towards the blues above, sea foam greens and so on. A painter friend told me if I had several rooms and wanted to truly have color to pick one color for one room, dilute it by half for the second, dilute by half again. Not sure if that would work for you, but it would keep all the colors in the same family if you do some sort of dilutions. I am sure whatever you choose will be great. You are always pretty, June. I am just glad you are picking the paint and not Ned.

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  27. Oh my god – y’all don’t even know with the paint and my husband… Summer project was to clean out and paint the basement and turn it into a teen-suitable TV room. After a lot of detail that I will spare you, daughter and I narrowed it down to three shades of tan. Swatched ’em all. Labeled each swatch. Agreed that CC was terrible and we hated it. I liked A best; she liked J best. Agreed to J, which stands for Jasper. Told husband; he went out and bought the paint. Started painting.

    I go check on progress and think, “Huh. That looks … different. Maybe because it’s still wet?” Looked at swatches. Looked at paint. Looked at swatches. Looked at paint. Asked, “Honey, what color did you get??” Answer: CC. I started laughing and, when asked why I sounded like a hyena, informed him that was TOTALLY THE WRONG COLOR BY ANY STANDARD. He threw down paint brush and goes outside to collect himself. Daughter and I are on floor in hysterics, because two years ago, after painting the dining room Crocodile Tears green, I asked him to paint the stairwell. “What color?” “The same green as the dining room, Crocodile Tears.” He proceeds to paint the entire enormous stairwell … the wrong shade of green (Springtime Mermaid or the like – whatever was left over from painting my son’s room). Why? Because I said green and that was green. Yeah, but I also TOLD YOU THE NAME OF THE GREEN. Which he didn’t even think to look at.

    Eventually husband comes back in, looks at basement walls in disgust, grumps around, blah, blah, blah. I asked him why he bought CC. He has no idea. He acknowledges that I said Jasper and said that we both hated CC but went ahead and bought it anyway.

    From now on, he is restricted to ceilings and trim ONLY. And clearly I will have to look at the paint to make sure it’s the correct white. To quote Paula, FTLOG…

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  28. I had earth tones in my last house and loved it. But when we moved here, I wanted something different. I went with a pale gray. I figured my soul was ready for a change. What I neglected to take into consideration is that The Husband HATES change. So although, he loves the new color he is resistant to changing the general decor – all of which does NOT go with the pale gray.

    And no, re-painting is NOT self-indulgent. It’s kind of like buying a new lipstick when you want to change something but can’t afford new clothes, hair, etc.

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  29. OMG, my house is so cream, cream, cream and more cream. I tire of it. Bought it that way and although I’ve painted some rooms, it’s still mostly cream. I’m thinking of painting my bedroom a sage/moss green color for starters. I like that cream walls means I can change the furniture and drapes on a whim, but it seems kind of lifeless after looking at it for 10 years now.

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